OK ladies, what would you do?

Ladies - do you accept a seat on a crowded bus?

  • Yes - I thank the gentleman and accept the seat

    Votes: 58 48.3%

  • No- I appreciate it but politely decline the offer

    Votes: 57 47.5%

  • No- I decline the offer and am offended by it

    Votes: 5 4.2%
  • Total voters
    120
Mrs. Nesbit

Mrs. Nesbit

New Member
In the past when I have been offered a seat, I had a young child with me, so I very gratefully accepted. Even if I declined, I would never be offended by politeness.
 
Dukeblue1227

Dukeblue1227

Well-Known Member
Wilt Dasney said:
I'm never offended by civil disagreement. No worries. :wave:



You're right, I don't know what you individually think. But this whole thread (unless I've misread it) has been about the practice of offering seats to women in a way that generally differs from how men are treated. That's why it was started, to ask women what they think.

You mentioned that you would offer your seat to a man in a military uniform, which is laudable. But you're still making distinctions about the circumstances under which you would offer a man a seat, while (I think) saying you would always offer a woman a seat simply based on her gender. That, in and of itself, is all I mean when I refer to "the thinking behind the act."

I am definitely not saying you're a sexist for thinking that women deserve a special form of treatment. I have no doubts that your motivations are completely out of respect. All I'm saying is that when you start treating women differently based on nothing but the fact that they're women, then some women might be put off by it because they recognize that ideas like that have supported some very unpleasant practices as well as nice ones. It doesn't have to be a personal judgment on YOU, just a recognition of where a society can take that kind of thought if it's applied in every area of life.



A couple of things:

1.) I've intentionally avoided the phrase "get offended," because I think it implies a nasty emotional confrontation. I'm not going to defend someone who makes a scene over a simple act of politeness. But if we're just talking about someone's mental reaction, then I don't think there's anything wrong with being wary — or even taking offense.

2.) I think the biggest bone here seems to be your worry that a woman you offer your seat to might judge YOU personally as having sexist motivations. I think any woman who's bright enough to realize the justifications for true historical sexism is also bright enough to realize that a guy who offers her a seat is probably just trying to be nice. Taking offense (mentally) doesn't have to be a judgment on the man himself, just on the negative potential for treating women as "special" in a larger context.

Basically, I feel like this is an issue where some shades of gray should be acknowledged. The only thing that I think should be black and white is we should be polite to each other and try to appreciate people's differences in thinking.
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You actually aggravated me (not legitimately, in terms of debate-wise aggravated me) for having not ever ACTUALLY said "take offense." :lol: And I see why. So well played.

And I do agree, you're right... I do have a special treatment in mind regarding the military man which relates the same way to woman.

I guess you hit the nail on the end simply with, I'm strictly associating someone "taking offense" when being mad about it. I guess in my head I picture a woman reacting in a rude-fashion, and yes judging me as sexist when I'm trying to be nice.

And we can absolutely 100% agree on the last paragraph of your post.

Good talk. :wave:
 
E

Erika

Moderator
Dukeblue1227 said:
Personally, I was raised to respect woman and to see them as a powerful, loving, caring figure in my life. Now, my father is my best friend in this world. But my mother, she is the symbol of love in my life. No one could care after their child quite like a mother can. No one can love a child quite like a mother can. And maybe this has instictively instilled a respect in my heart for women everywhere.
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Have you said this to your mom? I'm betting it would make her year.
 
WDW_Emily

WDW_Emily

Well-Known Member
I normally would say yes and then give the seat away to my younger sister if she's tired or give it to another child. No matter what I appreciate that offer.
 
Tinkrbell

Tinkrbell

Active Member
I usually decline.
There were a few times when I was there in January that I accepted. I was down to work as seasonal for a few days, but was staying at one of the resorts without a car, so I was using the busses. I have a back problem that flares up after I've been lifting clothes & other things at work. I also managed to give myself a good sized blister on the bottom of my foot, so I was very greatful to have been offered a seat.
 
tigsmom

tigsmom

Well-Known Member
Wilt Dasney said:
Glad to know your girls would give up their seat for a geezer like me. :lol:

I agree with what you're saying about taking offense (by which I mean getting angry) at a person who's trying to be polite.

If we remove any gender criteria and just offer a seat to anyone who looks like they could use it (like you said your family does), then I think you eliminate any issues with this.

But if you do make it purely a male/female issue, then I do see why some women would be a bit put off not at the act itself, but more at the thinking it emerges from. A man in 2010 who offers his seat is probably just being nice...but a man who did the same thing in 1940 would probably use the same reasoning behind it (women are different and special and have to be treated as such) to justify discouraging his wife from going to college, having a career, or generally doing anything other than breed. The courtesies and the barriers were all tied in together and motivated by the same ideas. You couldn't pick one or the other.

I don't think there's anything wrong with a woman who recognizes the historical baggage there and is wary about any act that is purely tied to gender, regardless of how nice it is — as long as she's polite about it, anyway. :D
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Why do you have to over think this? Can you not accept if for what is is...a thoughtful gesture made to another human being? I do not take an offer of a seat (from anyone) as a slap in the face to my gender, it's just a simple gesture. :brick:
 
Madhatter06

Madhatter06

Member
A different kind of chivalry I experienced was a man who was also standing, switching spots with me so I could hold onto a bar instead of an overhead handle beyond my reach (at 5 foot I'm vertically challenged :sohappy: and would have had to stand tip-toe to reach it). That was very chivalrous of him, because I was more than capable of standing but for my safety needed something other than my best friend to hold onto. (She appreciated it too! :animwink: )

It also warms my heart to see people move their small children out of a seat so that children who have standing parents don't have to cling on for dear life. It also allows them to make new friends.
 
R

RedBaron

Active Member
I voted and said that I would say no but appreciate the offer, however if I were the last person standing and a man offered me his seat, I would gladly accept and be very grateful. :kiss: I also would gladly give up my seat for an older woman or man who needed it more than I did.
 
Wilt Dasney

Wilt Dasney

Well-Known Member
tigsmom said:
Why do you have to over think this?
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It's in my nature. :p

I honestly don't have a strong personal opinion on this topic (believe it or not). :lol:

The only reason I posted in here was to try and show how a woman wouldn't have to be an embittered old crone to be uncomfortable with this, since all the comments seemed to be implying that that would have to be the case. Sorry if I...erm...offended. :lookaroun
 
Pumbas Nakasak

Pumbas Nakasak

Heading for the great escape.
ThinkingWomanposter.jpg
 
DisneyGigi

DisneyGigi

Well-Known Member
I think that it is a wonderful thing for a man to offer his seat for a lady. I would say no, but would appreciate greatly that he asked. I raised my son to be this way and have seen him many times give up his seat on a crowded bench on the ferry or monorail to not just a woman but an older man. It always makes me very proud to know that my teenage boy can have wonderful manners. :)
 

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