I apologize in advance....

tigsmom

tigsmom

Well-Known Member
There were three strings walking down the street and they decided to go into a bar for a drink. The first string goes in and asks for a drink. The bartender yells, "hey! we don't serve strings around here, get out!" The second string hears the story and says, "let me give it a try." Walks in, the bartender immediately yells, "hey you, string! I just told your buddy, we don't serve your kind in here, get out!" The third string hears this, gets a scissors, cuts himself in half, ties himself back together, and then roughs up one end. He then walks into the bar, the bartender says, "Hey! You're not one of those strings that's been hanging around here are you?" The string replies, "I'm a frayed knot!"
 
darthdarrel

darthdarrel

New Member
Originally posted by tigsmom
There were three strings walking down the street and they decided to go into a bar for a drink. The first string goes in and asks for a drink. The bartender yells, "hey! we don't serve strings around here, get out!" The second string hears the story and says, "let me give it a try." Walks in, the bartender immediately yells, "hey you, string! I just told your buddy, we don't serve your kind in here, get out!" The third string hears this, gets a scissors, cuts himself in half, ties himself back together, and then roughs up one end. He then walks into the bar, the bartender says, "Hey! You're not one of those strings that's been hanging around here are you?" The string replies, "I'm a frayed knot!"
Click to expand...
Oh Geeze! :rolleyes: :rolleyes: ......:lol:
 
SirNim

SirNim

Well-Known Member
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Steamboat_Kevin

Steamboat_Kevin

Well-Known Member
Okay, here's one :)
A pirate walks into a bar, he has only 1 eye, a hook for a hand, and a peg leg. He walks up to the bartender, and asks him for a drink, the bartender gives him one. After the pirate finishes the drink, he asks the bartender for another one. The bartender thinks the pirate has been here long enough that he can ask him about all his missing body parts. The bartender says to the pirate, "I've noticed you only have one leg, what happened?"
the pirate says "Arrrr.... fell overboard, I got back on ship, but before I could, shark bit off me leg!". The bartender says, "Oh, that's terrible, and I noticed you have a hook for a hand, what happened there?" the pirate looks at him and says "Arrrrrr! Got into a swordfight with another pirate, I killed the scallywag, but before I did, he took off my hand so I had to get a hook, ARRRRR!" The bartender says to the pirate, "Oh, that's absolutely awful! And what happened to your eye?" the pirate looks at the bartender and says "Arrrr! That's the worst one, pidgeon crapped in me eye. First day with the hook."
:lol:
 
SirNim

SirNim

Well-Known Member
ROFL! :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:



MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH! :drevil: :lol:


I take it you got the joke... :lookaroun :zipit:



:slurp:

:eek:
 
guwag

guwag

Active Member
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tigsmom

tigsmom

Well-Known Member
Originally posted by guwag
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Click to expand...


:rolleyes:
 
tigsmom

tigsmom

Well-Known Member
A certain man was infatuated with a young woman, but was
so timid he never had the courage to speak to her. In fact,
he told his therapist that every time he got near her he
felt like nothing more than a tiny pebble.

"Well," his therapist responded, "if you want to get the
girl you'll just have to be a little boulder!"


Two blondes were driving through Louisiana. As they were approaching the
town of Natchitoches, they started arguing about the pronunciation of the
name. They argued back and forth until they stopped for lunch. As they
stood at the counter, one blonde asked the manager, "Before we order,
could you please settle an argument for us? Would you please pronounce
where we are,...very slowly?"

The manager leaned over the counter and said,
"Burrrrrrrr-gerrrrrrr-Kiiiiing."
 
jrashadb

jrashadb

Member
Originally posted by tigsmom
I know, it's poking fun! But Enjoy!
An airplane was about to crash; there were 5 passengers on board but only 4 parachutes. The 1st passenger said, "I am Kobe Bryant, the best NBA basketball player, the Lakers need me, I can't afford to die." So he took the 1st pack and left the plane.

The 2nd passenger, Hillary Clinton, said, "I am the wife of the former US President, a NY State Senator and a potential future president." So she took the 2nd pack and jumped out of the plane.

The 3rd passenger, George W. Bush, said, "I'm the president of the United States of America. I have great responsibility being the leader of a superpower nation. And I am the cleverest president in American history, so America's people won't let me die." So he grabbed the pack next to him and jumped out of the plane.

The 4th passenger, the Pope, said to the 5th passenger, a 10 year old schoolgirl, "I am old and frail and don't have many years left, and as a Catholic I will sacrifice my life and let you
have the last parachute."

The girl said, "It's okay, there is a parachute left for you. America's cleverest president just took my schoolbag."
Click to expand...

Seriously...

That's the funniest joke I've heard in years. I'm going to tell all my friends that one. Hillarious! :lol: :lol: :lol:
 
M

MouseMadness

Well-Known Member
Original Poster
:lookaroun I'm back :lookaroun

While attending a marriage seminar on communication,
Bob and his wife listened to the instructor declare:
"It is essential that husbands and wives know the
things that are important to each other."
He addressed the men:
"For instance, gentlemen, can you name your wife's favorite flower?"
Bob leaned over, touched his wife's arm gently and whispered, "Pillsbury All-Purpose, isn't it?"

The rest of the story is not pleasant.
 
WDWFREAK53

WDWFREAK53

Well-Known Member
Originally posted by MouseMadness
:lookaroun I'm back :lookaroun

While attending a marriage seminar on communication,
Bob and his wife listened to the instructor declare:
"It is essential that husbands and wives know the
things that are important to each other."
He addressed the men:
"For instance, gentlemen, can you name your wife's favorite flower?"
Bob leaned over, touched his wife's arm gently and whispered, "Pillsbury All-Purpose, isn't it?"

The rest of the story is not pleasant.
Click to expand...

Hmmm Hmmm...Nuthin's as lovin' as my crescent rolls :)
 
Legacy

Legacy

Well-Known Member
A man's dog, Mace, had the undesirable habit of eating grass. The dog ate so much of it, infact, that the man's yard was the embarassment of the neiborhood. So, the man decided that he would leave the dog inside so his grass would grow back.

So he did, and the grass grew quickly and feverently. It was growing so much he decided to that he would mow it himself (instead of poor Mace eating it for him). When he went to start up the mower, it was busted (surprise) so he went to repairing it. While fixing it though he dropped his wrench in the grass, losing it.

Now the man couldn't find his wrench and didn't have a lawnmower, so he was forced to let Mace do his thing and consume his lawn. He released the dog and before long the grass was gone and he had found his wrench.

In excitement the man cried,


'A grazing Mace, how sweet the hound that saved a wrench for me.'
 

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