WDWFREAK53
Well-Known Member
Obviously he's not sorry because he repeated another one!!!
(and from the same post :lol: )
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I apologize in advance....
- Thread starter MouseMadness
- Start date
Obviously he's not sorry because he repeated another one!!!
(and from the same post :lol: )
tigsmom
Well-Known Member
A doctor made it his regular habit to stop off at a bar for a hazelnut daiquiri on his way home. The bartender knew of his habit, and would always have the drink waiting at precisely 5:03 p.m. One afternoon, as the end of the work day approached, the bartender was dismayed to find that he was out of hazelnut extract. Thinking quickly, he threw together a daiquiri made with hickory nuts and set it on the bar. The doctor came in at his regular time, took one sip of the drink and exclaimed, "This isn't a hazelnut daiquiri!" "No, I'm sorry," replied the bartender, "it's a hickory daiquiri, doc."
:brick: 
aaaaa!!! Sorry guys! This is not good!Last go or I give in....
"A clown moved into an apartment block reserved for circus performers. He liked everything about the apartment. The kitchen was modern, the bedroom was comfortable and the lounge was spacious. And there were plenty of facilities: cooker, hoover, refrigerator, washing machine. The only thing that was missing was an ironing board, something which he could press his circus uniform after washing it.
"Why is there no ironing board" he asked the agent "The lion tamer and the juggler have both got one.
"You use the window ledge, like other clowns," explained the agent. "It's in your contract. Every clown has a sill for ironing."
WDWFREAK53
Well-Known Member
Originally posted by Al
Last go or I give in....
"A clown moved into an apartment block reserved for circus performers. He liked everything about the apartment. The kitchen was modern, the bedroom was comfortable and the lounge was spacious. And there were plenty of facilities: cooker, hoover, refrigerator, washing machine. The only thing that was missing was an ironing board, something which he could press his circus uniform after washing it.
"Why is there no ironing board" he asked the agent "The lion tamer and the juggler have both got one.
"You use the window ledge, like other clowns," explained the agent. "It's in your contract. Every clown has a sill for ironing."
I KNEW YOU COULD DO IT!!! :sohappy: :sohappy:
Now...I must go quickly read a GOOD joke to redeem myself of the horridness of that one :lol: (but that's good...it fits the theme of this thread :lol: ) Good work my friend!
tigsmom
Well-Known Member
Evidence has been found that William Tell and family were avid bowlers. However, all the league records were destroyed in a fire and we'll never know for whom the Tells Bowled.
Back in the 1800s, the Tate Watch Co. of Mass. wanted to produce other products. They chose to produce compasses for the pioneers traveling west. Their watches had been excellent, but the compasses were so unreliable that people often ended up in Mexico or Canada. Thus the expression, "He who has a Tates is lost."
A thief broke into the local police station and stole all the bathroom fixtures. A spokesman was quoted as saying, "We have absolutely nothing to go on."
Back in the 1800s, the Tate Watch Co. of Mass. wanted to produce other products. They chose to produce compasses for the pioneers traveling west. Their watches had been excellent, but the compasses were so unreliable that people often ended up in Mexico or Canada. Thus the expression, "He who has a Tates is lost."
A thief broke into the local police station and stole all the bathroom fixtures. A spokesman was quoted as saying, "We have absolutely nothing to go on."
Al, you are forgiven. Stay and tell more jokes! Freak, you must leave, unless you can stop telling jokes. :lookaroun
WDWFREAK53
Well-Known Member
So...this egg rolls into an egg that's already frying...the heat from the frying egg causes the egg to break.
The newly broken egg says "This yolk cracks me up"
That joke was eggstra bad. :lookaroun
WDWFREAK53
Well-Known Member
now don't go putting all our eggs into the same basket...
Oh, I wouldn't dream of it. Ya know what I like about you, Brian? You're so a-poach-able.
WDWFREAK53
Well-Known Member
Sheesh...now you've got my brain is scrambled...
(Little does she know...I can be a little...deviled :fork: )
Methinks you're more hardboiled than anything.
WDWFREAK53
Well-Known Member
Originally posted by MouseMadness
:zipit: :zipit:
Hey...go over easy on me
It's been a rough week!Originally posted by WDWFREAK53
:zipit: :zipit:
Hey...go over easy on me
Yeah, I hear ya.
But isn't it nice to be able to get on here where you can just come out of your shell and have fun?
tigsmom
Well-Known Member
This guy goes into a restaurant for a Christmas breakfast while in his home town for the holidays. After looking over the menu he says, "I'll just have the eggs benedict." His order comes a while later and it's served on a huge fancy chrome plate. He asks the waiter, "What's with the fancy plate?" The waiter replies, "There's no plate like chrome for the hollandaise!"
After Quasimodo's death, the bishop of the Cathedral of Notre Dame sent word through the streets of Paris that a new bell ringer was needed. The bishop decided that he would conduct the interviews personally and went up into the belfry to begin the screening process. After observing several applicants demonstrate their skills, he had decided to call it a day. Just then, an armless man approached him and announced that he was there to apply for the bell ringer's job. The bishop was incredulous. "You have no arms!" "No matter," said the man. "Observe!" And he began strikng the bells with his face, producing a beautiful melody on the carrilon. The bishop listened in astonishment, convinced he had finally found a replacement for Quasimodo. But suddenly, rushing forward to strike a bell, the armless man tripped and plunged headlong out of the belfry window to his death in the street below. The stunned bishop rushed to his side. When he reached the street, a crowd had gathered around the fallen figure, drawn by the beautiful music they had heard only moments before. As they silently parted to let the bishop through, one of them asked, "Bishop, who was this man?" "I don't know his name," the bishop sadly replied, "but his face rings a bell."
After Quasimodo's death, the bishop of the Cathedral of Notre Dame sent word through the streets of Paris that a new bell ringer was needed. The bishop decided that he would conduct the interviews personally and went up into the belfry to begin the screening process. After observing several applicants demonstrate their skills, he had decided to call it a day. Just then, an armless man approached him and announced that he was there to apply for the bell ringer's job. The bishop was incredulous. "You have no arms!" "No matter," said the man. "Observe!" And he began strikng the bells with his face, producing a beautiful melody on the carrilon. The bishop listened in astonishment, convinced he had finally found a replacement for Quasimodo. But suddenly, rushing forward to strike a bell, the armless man tripped and plunged headlong out of the belfry window to his death in the street below. The stunned bishop rushed to his side. When he reached the street, a crowd had gathered around the fallen figure, drawn by the beautiful music they had heard only moments before. As they silently parted to let the bishop through, one of them asked, "Bishop, who was this man?" "I don't know his name," the bishop sadly replied, "but his face rings a bell."
tigsmom
Well-Known Member
WAIT! WAIT! There's more . . . .
The following day, despite the sadness that weighed heavily on his heart due to the unfortunate death of the armless campanologist, the bishop continued his interviews for the bell ringer of Nortre Dame. The first man to approach him said, "Your Excellency, I am the brother of the poor armless wretch that fell to his death from this very belfry yesterday. I pray that you honor his life by allowing me to replace him in this duty." The bishop agreed to give the man an audition, and as the armless man's brother stooped to pick up a mallet to strike the first bell, he groaned, clutched his chest, twirled around, and died on the spot. Two monks, hearing the bishop's cries of grief at this second tragedy, rushed up the stairs to his side. 'What has happened? Who is this man?" the first monk asked breathlessly. "I don't know his name," sighed the distraught bishop, " but . . .
"he's a dead ringer for his brother!"
The following day, despite the sadness that weighed heavily on his heart due to the unfortunate death of the armless campanologist, the bishop continued his interviews for the bell ringer of Nortre Dame. The first man to approach him said, "Your Excellency, I am the brother of the poor armless wretch that fell to his death from this very belfry yesterday. I pray that you honor his life by allowing me to replace him in this duty." The bishop agreed to give the man an audition, and as the armless man's brother stooped to pick up a mallet to strike the first bell, he groaned, clutched his chest, twirled around, and died on the spot. Two monks, hearing the bishop's cries of grief at this second tragedy, rushed up the stairs to his side. 'What has happened? Who is this man?" the first monk asked breathlessly. "I don't know his name," sighed the distraught bishop, " but . . .
"he's a dead ringer for his brother!"
tigsmom
Well-Known Member
One More:
All the patients were standing in the courtyard of the mental hospital, singing "Ave Maria" and singing it beautifully. Oddly, each patient was holding an apple in one hand and tapping it rhythmically with a pencil. A visitor listened in awe to the performance and then approached the conductor of the choir. "I am a retired choir director," he said. "This is one of the best choirs I have ever heard." "Yes, I'm very proud of them," said the conductor. "You should take them on tour," said the visitor, "what are they called?" "Surely that's obvious," replied the conductor. . . "They're the Moron Tapanapple Choir."
All the patients were standing in the courtyard of the mental hospital, singing "Ave Maria" and singing it beautifully. Oddly, each patient was holding an apple in one hand and tapping it rhythmically with a pencil. A visitor listened in awe to the performance and then approached the conductor of the choir. "I am a retired choir director," he said. "This is one of the best choirs I have ever heard." "Yes, I'm very proud of them," said the conductor. "You should take them on tour," said the visitor, "what are they called?" "Surely that's obvious," replied the conductor. . . "They're the Moron Tapanapple Choir."