mkepcotmgmak
Well-Known Member
:lol: :sohappy: :lol: :sohappy:
GREAT ONE JOSH! - funniest thing i have heard ALL day! :lookaroun
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- Thread starter MouseMadness
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:lol: :sohappy: :lol: :sohappy:
GREAT ONE JOSH! - funniest thing i have heard ALL day! :lookaroun
tigsmom
Well-Known Member
A cannibal wasn't feeling too well, so he went to see the witch doctor.
"Doc", he says, "I've had a bad tummy ache the last couple of days."
"Hmm", says the Doc, "perhaps it's someone you ate. What have you eaten lately?"
"Well", says the cannibal, "I had a monk just last week. He was a tall man, in a long brown robe. We boiled him and ate him."
"Ahh", said the Doctor. "That's your problem. You boiled this guy, but he was a friar!"
"Doc", he says, "I've had a bad tummy ache the last couple of days."
"Hmm", says the Doc, "perhaps it's someone you ate. What have you eaten lately?"
"Well", says the cannibal, "I had a monk just last week. He was a tall man, in a long brown robe. We boiled him and ate him."
"Ahh", said the Doctor. "That's your problem. You boiled this guy, but he was a friar!"
Originally posted by guwag
What did the dyslexic pimp buy?
A Warehouse
Then there was the dyslexic Rabbi who walked around saying "Yo!":lookaroun
(I stole that from Brian)
SpongeScott
Well-Known Member
Two boys are playing hockey on the pond on Boston Common when one is attacked by a vicious rottweiler. Thinking quickly,
the other boy took his hockey stick and managed to wedge it down the dog's collar and twist, luckily breaking the dog's neck
and stopping it's attack.
A reporter who was strolling by sees the incident, and rushes over to interview the boy.
"Young Bruins Fan Saves friend from Vicious Animal..."
he starts writing in his notebook.
"But, I'm not a Bruins fan," the little hero replied.
"Sorry, Since we're in Boston, I just assumed you were," said
the reporter and starts again.
"Red Sox Fan Rescues Friend from Horrific Attack..."
he continued writing in his notebook.
"I'm not a Red Sox fan either!" The boy said.
"I assumed everyone is Boston was either for the Bruins or the Red Sox. So, what team do you root for?", the reporter asked.
"I'm a Yankees fan!", the child beamed.
The reporter starts a new sheet in his notebook and writes:
"Little Ba$tard from New York Kills Beloved Family Pet."
the other boy took his hockey stick and managed to wedge it down the dog's collar and twist, luckily breaking the dog's neck
and stopping it's attack.
A reporter who was strolling by sees the incident, and rushes over to interview the boy.
"Young Bruins Fan Saves friend from Vicious Animal..."
he starts writing in his notebook.
"But, I'm not a Bruins fan," the little hero replied.
"Sorry, Since we're in Boston, I just assumed you were," said
the reporter and starts again.
"Red Sox Fan Rescues Friend from Horrific Attack..."
he continued writing in his notebook.
"I'm not a Red Sox fan either!" The boy said.
"I assumed everyone is Boston was either for the Bruins or the Red Sox. So, what team do you root for?", the reporter asked.
"I'm a Yankees fan!", the child beamed.
The reporter starts a new sheet in his notebook and writes:
"Little Ba$tard from New York Kills Beloved Family Pet."
SpongeScott
Well-Known Member
You gotta admit, it is pretty funny!
I will! :lol:
tigsmom
Well-Known Member
An idiot decides to start up a chicken farm, so he buys a hundred chickens to get up and running.
A month later he returns to the dealer to get another hundred chickens because the first lot had died.
Another month passes and he's back at the dealers for another hundred chickens, "I think I know where I'm going wrong" he tells the dealer,
"I think I'm planting them too deep."
A man walks into a bar with a newt on his shoulder. The barman looks at the creature and asks the man what he calls it.
"Tiny" replies the man.
"Why's that?" asks the bartender.
"Because he's my newt!"
A month later he returns to the dealer to get another hundred chickens because the first lot had died.
Another month passes and he's back at the dealers for another hundred chickens, "I think I know where I'm going wrong" he tells the dealer,
"I think I'm planting them too deep."
A man walks into a bar with a newt on his shoulder. The barman looks at the creature and asks the man what he calls it.
"Tiny" replies the man.
"Why's that?" asks the bartender.
"Because he's my newt!"
mkepcotmgmak
Well-Known Member
there were two farmers who lived miles apart... farmer joe had 3 female pigs, and farmer brown had three male pigs. The two decided that they would breed the pigs, and make a little extra dough - so farmer joe loaded up his three females into the station wagon and took off.
The pigs did their deed, and farmer joe took the satisfied ladies back to the farm. Farmer Brown told farmer joe that if the pigs were rolling around in the mud the next day, they were pregnant. Next day comes - no rolling in the mud... so off farmer joe goes, with the little female swines in the station wagon, ready for another day of 'fun'.
the next morning, farmer joe hollered in the kitchen to his wife and said, "Melba - them pigs wallerin' in the mud out there?"
Melba looked out the window and hollered back - "No Joe, they are in the station wagon, and one of them is honking the horn.."
The pigs did their deed, and farmer joe took the satisfied ladies back to the farm. Farmer Brown told farmer joe that if the pigs were rolling around in the mud the next day, they were pregnant. Next day comes - no rolling in the mud... so off farmer joe goes, with the little female swines in the station wagon, ready for another day of 'fun'.
the next morning, farmer joe hollered in the kitchen to his wife and said, "Melba - them pigs wallerin' in the mud out there?"
Melba looked out the window and hollered back - "No Joe, they are in the station wagon, and one of them is honking the horn.."
Steamboat_Kevin
Well-Known Member
ROFLMAOPIMP! :lol:
Bumper stickers we'd love to see... (Yes, Grandma Betty is back!)
Jesus loves you...but everyone else thinks you are an ______.
The proctologist called
they found your head.
Everyone has a photographic memory
some just don't have any film.
Your ridiculous little
opinion has been noted.
I used to have a handle
on life...but it broke off.
WANTED: Meaningful
overnight relationship.
Guys...just because you have one,
doesn't mean you have to be one.
Some people just don't know how to drive...
I call these people "Everybody But Me,"
Heart Attacks...God's revenge for eating His animal friends.
Don't like my driving?
Then quit watching me.
If you can read this...I can
slam on my brakes and sue you.
Some people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot them.
Try not to let your mind wander...It is too small and fragile to be out by itself.
Jesus loves you...but everyone else thinks you are an ______.
The proctologist called
they found your head.
Everyone has a photographic memory
some just don't have any film.
Your ridiculous little
opinion has been noted.
I used to have a handle
on life...but it broke off.
WANTED: Meaningful
overnight relationship.
Guys...just because you have one,
doesn't mean you have to be one.
Some people just don't know how to drive...
I call these people "Everybody But Me,"
Heart Attacks...God's revenge for eating His animal friends.
Don't like my driving?
Then quit watching me.
If you can read this...I can
slam on my brakes and sue you.
Some people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot them.
Try not to let your mind wander...It is too small and fragile to be out by itself.
WDWFREAK53
Well-Known Member
*looks down*
Hey, I must be a huge one! :lookaroun
Hey, I must be a huge one! :lookaroun
tigsmom
Well-Known Member
A woman walks into a drug store and asks the druggist for some arsenic.
The druggist asks "Ma'am, what do you want with arsenic?"
"To kill my husband."
"I'm sorry Ma'am, I can't sell you any for that reason."
The woman then hands him a photo of a man and a woman in a compromising position. The man is her husband and the woman is the druggist's wife. He looks at the photo and says, "My apologies, I didn't realize you had a prescription."
The druggist asks "Ma'am, what do you want with arsenic?"
"To kill my husband."
"I'm sorry Ma'am, I can't sell you any for that reason."
The woman then hands him a photo of a man and a woman in a compromising position. The man is her husband and the woman is the druggist's wife. He looks at the photo and says, "My apologies, I didn't realize you had a prescription."
:lol:
tigsmom
Well-Known Member
Indian Love call
Two Indians and a Hillbilly were walking in
the woods, all of a sudden one of the Indians
ran up a hill to the mouth of a small cave.
"Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo!" he called into the
cave and then he listened very closely until
he heard an answering, "Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo!"
He tore off his clothes and ran into the cave.
The Hillbilly was puzzled and asked the other
Indian what that was all about. "Was he crazy or what?"
"No," said the Indian. "It is our custom during
mating season when Indian men see cave, they
holler "Wooooo Wooooo! Wooooo!" into the
opening. If they get an answer back, it means
there is a girl in there waiting to mate."
Just then they saw another cave. The second Indian
ran up to the opening of the cave, stopped
and hollered, "Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo!"
Immediately, there was an answering "Wooooo!
Wooooo! Wooooo!" from deep inside the cave.
He tore off his clothes and ran into the cave.
The Hillbilly wandered around in the woods
alone for a while, and then he came upon a
great big cave. As he looked in amazement
at the size of the huge opening, he was
thinking, "Hoo, man! Look at the size of
this cave! It is bigger than those the
Indians found. There must be some really
big, fine women in this cave!"
He stood in front of the opening and
hollered with all his might Wooooo!
Wooooo! Wooooo!" He grinned and closed his
eyes in anticipation, and then he heard the
answering call, "WOOOOOOOOO! WOOOOOOOOO!
WOOOOOOOOO!"
With a gleam in his eyes and a smile on his
face, he raced into the cave, tearing off
his clothes as he ran.
The following day, the headline of
Newspaper read...
"NAKED HILLBILLY RUN OVER BY FREIGHT TRAIN"
Two Indians and a Hillbilly were walking in
the woods, all of a sudden one of the Indians
ran up a hill to the mouth of a small cave.
"Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo!" he called into the
cave and then he listened very closely until
he heard an answering, "Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo!"
He tore off his clothes and ran into the cave.
The Hillbilly was puzzled and asked the other
Indian what that was all about. "Was he crazy or what?"
"No," said the Indian. "It is our custom during
mating season when Indian men see cave, they
holler "Wooooo Wooooo! Wooooo!" into the
opening. If they get an answer back, it means
there is a girl in there waiting to mate."
Just then they saw another cave. The second Indian
ran up to the opening of the cave, stopped
and hollered, "Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo!"
Immediately, there was an answering "Wooooo!
Wooooo! Wooooo!" from deep inside the cave.
He tore off his clothes and ran into the cave.
The Hillbilly wandered around in the woods
alone for a while, and then he came upon a
great big cave. As he looked in amazement
at the size of the huge opening, he was
thinking, "Hoo, man! Look at the size of
this cave! It is bigger than those the
Indians found. There must be some really
big, fine women in this cave!"
He stood in front of the opening and
hollered with all his might Wooooo!
Wooooo! Wooooo!" He grinned and closed his
eyes in anticipation, and then he heard the
answering call, "WOOOOOOOOO! WOOOOOOOOO!
WOOOOOOOOO!"
With a gleam in his eyes and a smile on his
face, he raced into the cave, tearing off
his clothes as he ran.
The following day, the headline of
Newspaper read...
"NAKED HILLBILLY RUN OVER BY FREIGHT TRAIN"
tigsmom
Well-Known Member
Two brooms were hanging in the closet and after a while they got to know each other so well, they decided to get married.
One broom was, of course, the bride broom. The other the groom broom.
The bride broom looked very beautiful in her white dress. The groom broom was handsome and suave in his tuxedo.
The wedding was lovely. After the wedding, at the wedding dinner, the bride-broom leaned over and said to the groom-broom
"I think I am going to have a little whisk broom!!!"
"IMPOSSIBLE !!" said the groom broom.
*
*
*
*
*
Are you ready for this!!?
*
*
*
*
Brace yourself; this is going to hurt...
*
*
*
*
*
Really bad...
*
*
*
*
*
*
"WE HAVEN'T EVEN SWEPT TOGETHER!!!
One broom was, of course, the bride broom. The other the groom broom.
The bride broom looked very beautiful in her white dress. The groom broom was handsome and suave in his tuxedo.
The wedding was lovely. After the wedding, at the wedding dinner, the bride-broom leaned over and said to the groom-broom
"I think I am going to have a little whisk broom!!!"
"IMPOSSIBLE !!" said the groom broom.
*
*
*
*
*
Are you ready for this!!?
*
*
*
*
Brace yourself; this is going to hurt...
*
*
*
*
*
Really bad...
*
*
*
*
*
*
"WE HAVEN'T EVEN SWEPT TOGETHER!!!
WDWFREAK53
Well-Known Member
Wow...we should just put this one under the rug :lookaroun