I think the core of the issue is that people mean well, and they can't help but 
inserting themselves into the picture (as in, "I'd love a big party with lots of people, lots of food, and a band.").  They assume everyone thinks like they do.
Reminds me a little of years ago when hubby and I got married.  We wanted a small wedding with 28 people (closest friends and family only).  We also wanted a nice honeymoon trip, and by keeping the wedding small, it saved us a boatload of money.  (We paid for everything ourselves.)  Most people were fine with a small afternoon reception; but of course, there's always a few that are almost offended  

 , because you're not giving THEM a huge party . . . um . . . not MY problem.  I ignored them, and I suggest you do as well, in your situation.  You can't please everyone.