I think the core of the issue is that people mean well, and they can't help but
inserting themselves into the picture (as in, "I'd love a big party with lots of people, lots of food, and a band."). They assume everyone thinks like they do.
Reminds me a little of years ago when hubby and I got married. We wanted a small wedding with 28 people (closest friends and family only). We also wanted a nice honeymoon trip, and by keeping the wedding small, it saved us a boatload of money. (We paid for everything ourselves.) Most people were fine with a small afternoon reception; but of course, there's always a few that are almost offended

, because you're not giving THEM a huge party . . . um . . . not MY problem. I ignored them, and I suggest you do as well, in your situation. You can't please everyone.