just back, etiquette questions

[Dukeblue1227]

I just don't think it's a fair question. This is exactly the type of "entitled" attitude that I can't stand in people. I'm sorry, OP seems truly like a nice person, but as a society, in America everyone thinks they're entitled to something.

If the person HAD offered their seat up, I assure you this thread wouldn't even exist. And probably 95 times out of 100 you're going to get someone who will offer up their seat; so to call out a one time instance when you didn't and label it rude is simply ignorant.

If the person sat in their seat making faces and laughing at you for having to stand; fair enough... rude. But simply not offering their seat; we know absolutely zero about this person, this individual, so I don't think we can point them out and call them rude just because mostly everyone else would offer up a seat, especially given other measures could have been taken.

For instance, maybe when the bus came, instead of having a sense of entitlement and assuming you'll be given a seat, you can take notice to the crowdiness of the bus. Then, you can sit back in line, let people behind you go ahead of you and wait for the next bus. You'll be first in line! Pick of the farm! (Is that a saying? Too early...)

I, personally, generally don't sit on buses when others are standing unless they fall in my age-range. I have no problem standing so I will. But, I have asthma, I have back problems (at 25 :brick, I have muscles in both my shins that need surgery for me to be able to handle extended activity (such as walking 16 hours in a day), so if one time in my life, I happen to be caught on a day I can't breathe, my back hurts, and my shins legitimately cannot hold my weight, and I happen to have gotten a seat on a bus... I don't think I should be judged and put up for debate by a father with little kids because I didn't offer his children my seat.

The common courtesy is to offer a seat, of course.

The proper "etiquette" is to each their own.

(edit: And I of course acknowledge this is all just my personal opinion. Throwing my hat in the ring (fire?:snore )

 

[UberPlannerMom]

First of all I want to say that not all courtesy is dead. My 4 year old holds the door for everyone. As a matter of fact, as soon as he sees that there will be other people coming through a door he calls out, "Let me have the honors!" When I asked him why he is so careful about this he informed me that it is so everyone can know he loves them. He gets very offended by the people of the world who refuse to allow him his honor because he feels they are refusing to accept his admiration. If you doubt that he used these exact words,well you should meet him! Haha!

As for riding on the buses (or any other crowded transportation) I have never found the morning to be an issue. People are peppy in the morning and more than willing to stand. It means they 1. are the first people off the crowded bus 2. don't have other people's butts in their faces. Additionally, the kids are not worried about sitting then either. It is those evening hours when things get tricky! We never get on a bus that looks crowded, not because we are planning our seats, but because my hubby gets overwhelmed by walking into crowded situations and just stops dead in his tracks. So, we are always some of the first people on the bus. Guess what? We don't all go and take seats. We have usually already had th discussion as to who will sit holding our son and who will stand and secure our items. Now, usually I am the one sitting. My son insists on it since I have the "built in pillows" but that is neither here nor there. We expect that there will be other people getting on the transport who need that seat more than we do. We know how tired we are and just imagine how much more exhausted someone else might be. If the bus loads and there is another seat remaining, we certainly take it. But from the get go, we plan on someone else needing to hold their child, rest their knees or rub their temples. The world is made to be magical, and we always hope we can help someone see some magic even at the end of the day!:shrug:


PS If my spelling is autrocious right now, sorry. My keyboard is being slightly unresposive!

 

[Phonedave]

I just don't think it's a fair question. This is exactly the type of "entitled" attitude that I can't stand in people. I'm sorry, OP seems truly like a nice person, but as a society, in America everyone thinks they're entitled to something.

If the person HAD offered their seat up, I assure you this thread wouldn't even exist. And probably 95 times out of 100 you're going to get someone who will offer up their seat; so to call out a one time instance when you didn't and label it rude is simply ignorant.

If the person sat in their seat making faces and laughing at you for having to stand; fair enough... rude. But simply not offering their seat; we know absolutely zero about this person, this individual, so I don't think we can point them out and call them rude just because mostly everyone else would offer up a seat, especially given other measures could have been taken.

For instance, maybe when the bus came, instead of having a sense of entitlement and assuming you'll be given a seat, you can take notice to the crowdiness of the bus. Then, you can sit back in line, let people behind you go ahead of you and wait for the next bus. You'll be first in line! Pick of the farm! (Is that a saying? Too early...)

I, personally, generally don't sit on buses when others are standing unless they fall in my age-range. I have no problem standing so I will. But, I have asthma, I have back problems (at 25 :brick, I have muscles in both my shins that need surgery for me to be able to handle extended activity (such as walking 16 hours in a day), so if one time in my life, I happen to be caught on a day I can't breathe, my back hurts, and my shins legitimately cannot hold my weight, and I happen to have gotten a seat on a bus... I don't think I should be judged and put up for debate by a father with little kids because I didn't offer his children my seat.

The common courtesy is to offer a seat, of course.

The proper "etiquette" is to each their own.

(edit: And I of course acknowledge this is all just my personal opinion. Throwing my hat in the ring (fire?:snore )

I think you pretty much nailed it.

It is indeed the polite (and I would say proper) thing to do to offer your seat to those who need it more than you do.

It is the polite thing to offer your seat to those who may not need it more than you, but because it makes you feel nice. (ie offering seats to women)

It is not the required thing to do, and when people get upset because they feel a person SHOULD have offered them a seat, that is as bad an attitude as the person not offering the seat in the first place.


Me, I rarely sit on the bus. I have just given up on it. Even if I am dog tired and let a standing room only bus go by so I can sit, I know that if there are women or eldery or kids on board, chances are I will stand for them.

I also hold doors for people (of all genders and ages).

-dave

 

[TubaGeek]

You say to-may-toe, I say to-mah-toe.... Polite and un-self-absorbed are not bad things. It's all in the perspective and choosing what to appreciate in simple gestures.

So I'm not polite if I choose to not give up my seat to someone based solely on the fact that they're a woman? Never mind that I'd happily do it for anyone that had a REAL reason.

 

[Illumination]

just wanted some opinions on a couple of incidents from our trip last week.
1.) wife asked a couple sitting on a planter wall (in Liberty Square just down from the Hall of Presidents) if they were saving the spots in front of them for anyone for the upcoming parade, the man (with an attitude!) explained that they would put up post and rope to mark parade route and no one would be allowed to sit there. she of course knew he was wrong, she said "so then you're not saving it for anyone then" he then said no, they were hoping for a "front row seat". my wife sat down with our kids. they then began signing to each other (seemingly to talk about us) and giving our family those kind of looks even though my wife sat with our 3 children on the ground in front of them with enough space that later another row of people sat behind us and in front of them. to me, it us unbelivable that someone would think they could claim all of the space in front of their spot like that.
2.) bus etiquette, crowded bus going back to bus on hot afternoon. as we go toward back of bus, bus spiel over speakers is saying "please make room for elderly, small children, etc" we have 3 kids, DD 6, twin DS 4. seats are already taken. no one offers a seat. our kids are trying to hold on to rail and legs. my wife looks at me and says "i am soooooo aggravated" a woman realized our situation and offers her seat and so does a guy. but amazingly a college age looking guy (sitting between what appears to be his parents) completely ignores the kids as does his father. i know sometimes when you get on the bus you're so tired you don't notice others but when you see a woman offer her seat you would think a young man would move to help also. not only did he not offer the lady her seat, he also never offered for one of our kids (two of which were sharing the ladies seat). we went numerous times before we had kids, so if i ever did that to someone i apologize (although i dont think i did, my wife would kick me in the behind for that) but it just amazes me how some men will just ignore women standing like that (much less children). i ended up facing the back of the bus and the father of the college boy never made eye contact the entire ride. he looked everywhere else on the bus, out the windows, etc but never looked at me or my wife who still had to stand.
i live in a small rural area town so i am not used to crowded situations. am i being unreasonable here or am i right and the people just refused to live up to courteous standards?
luckily these were the only things i could find wrong with our trip. had a great trip otherwise!!!!!
mikewdw

1) The older couple didn't know that people could sit along the sidewalks for the parade? I would have taken a moment to correct this. They were clearly hoping for front row seats, and a quick moment of conversation could have either helped them to move to a better spot or would have allowed them to accept your sitting in front of them. They no doubt viewed you as a very rude family who, even after being informed of their wish for good views, went ahead and took over the space anyway. The fact that a second row of people then stood behind you and in front of them just reinforced this for the older couple.

2) The bus situation is always highly debated (wow, 10 pages already?). I think in this instance the father and older son had a right to remain sitting. After all, they waited in line for the bus same as everyone else, and those were their seats. If your wife didn't obviously look like she needed a seat, there was no reason for them to offer her one. As for your kids, I'm glad they were able to get seats, but crowded conditions are par-for-the-course on buses. I think it was probably a little rude for your wife to make the comment she did. She's not any more entitled to a seat than anyone else, and hey, everyone is exhausted after a day at Disney. Luckily you had two people willing to give you seats for the children.

Normally I open the door for everyone, and I will also offer my seat to the elderly, pregnant women, and very small children (under 5). Also to anyone holding a sleeping kid. I think everyone tries to be as polite as possible while at Disney, which is why it's such a fanatastic place to take kids, but feeling that someone /has/ to give up a seat is pretty rude, IMO.

 

[devoy1701]

1) The older couple didn't know that people could sit along the sidewalks for the parade? I would have taken a moment to correct this. They were clearly hoping for front row seats, and a quick moment of conversation could have either helped them to move to a better spot or would have allowed them to accept your sitting in front of them. They no doubt viewed you as a very rude family who, even after being informed of their wish for good views, went ahead and took over the space anyway. The fact that a second row of people then stood behind you and in front of them just reinforced this for the older couple.

guess there are really 2 sides to every issue!


This thread has been pretty amusing. It's interesting to see that some people would classify me and people like me as rude because I wouldn't give my bus seat to just anyone. :shrug:

Some of the feeling I'm getting from the responses is:
younger people = rude, self entitled, lack of respect regardless of any other outstanding circumstances

 

[Illumination]

Some of the feeling I'm getting from the responses is: younger people = rude, self entitled, lack of respect regardless of any other outstanding circumstances

I'm getting that from this thread too, but there are a lot of exceptions. I'm 22 and consider myself to be fairly polite and civilized. I've encountered rude children at WDW, rude college aged people, rude parents (always annoying), rude elderly people, rude disabled people, and, rarely, rude CM.

People aren't perfect.

 

[PhilharMagician]

I typically give up my seat to any lady, elderly, handicapped or parent holding a child. It seems like anytime I am on a bus that has anyone standing I seem to end up being one of them. It is also a rarity that someone will actually thank me for getting up and sacrificing my seat for them. I typically do not have a problem with that, but there are times where I really need to sit and nobody gives up a seat for me.

When on a crowded bus my wife would put my daughter on her lap to free up the extra seat. Many families do this, but if eveyone would there would be alot more open seats.

My daughter was about 6 when she was require to stand to let others that were less capable to stand have a seat. Most children are more than capable of standing and should be required to do so when needed.

As far as these Hummer sized strollers:fork:. I have seen people put them on seats and lay them flat out on the floor taking up a lot of standing space. I have seen one time when someone sitting about 6 rows back had a xtra large stroller straddled across the isle and nobody could through to get to the back of the bus and the couple were screaming at people asking to get by(we left about 20 people at the bus stop that could not get on because of this lovely kind gesture to humanity). Umbrella strollers will serve the same purpose and not take up 2 acres of space. We always rented a stroller at the parks as not to inconvienence others on the public transportation, and it also seemed like an inconcienince to us to carry a stoller on and off the bus.


A pet peeve of mine is that when a bus is full and people are still waiting to get on the bus. The bus drivers has asked people to move to the back of the bus multiple times and nobody moves. I can't even begin to count how many times this has happened. What is wrong with people? I guess they have to stand next to someone that is in a seat and cannot move?? Come on people move to the back of the bus and let the others on! :brick:


Back to the OP's original post. Don't feel like it is someones responsibility to get up so that you can sit. One can always wait for the nest bus, monorail or launch to get to where ever that are going in a sitting position.



Nobody enjoys a overly crowded bus. monorail or launch on a late night after a long marathon day in the parks, but we will all get back to our resorts much quicker if we think about other people and not just ourselves.

 

[Evil Genius]

I'd add that as long as our younger girls are still small enough, we'll always place them in our laps if we end up with seats in order to free up more space.

We just feel if we can do this comfortably there's no need to take up more space than needed.

 

[sublimesting]

Speaking as a former child I always found it great fun to be able to stand on a moving vehicle....it felt so ornery.
Furthermore, if I get a seat on a bus good for me if not then oh well. It's the luck of the draw. I find it odd that people are willing to walk 4+ miles and stand in line all day but find it so important to have a bus seat. I have seen people wait for the next bus cause they don't want to stand on a bus but meanwhile will stand in line waiting on the next bus. If someone medically needs a seat they can have mine, otherwise I'll sit.

 

[LoriMistress]

Chivalry is a "polite" form of sexism.

I just find it ironic, that women want to be treated as equal as men, but hate it when they do. The same women that normally complains to their girlfriends about how they can never find a guy that can treat them like a woman.

Not saying this to provoke a fight, but just stating an opinion.

 

[loveofamouse]

1) The older couple didn't know that people could sit along the sidewalks for the parade? I would have taken a moment to correct this. They were clearly hoping for front row seats, and a quick moment of conversation could have either helped them to move to a better spot or would have allowed them to accept your sitting in front of them. They no doubt viewed you as a very rude family who, even after being informed of their wish for good views, went ahead and took over the space anyway. The fact that a second row of people then stood behind you and in front of them just reinforced this for the older couple.

2) The bus situation is always highly debated (wow, 10 pages already?). I think in this instance the father and older son had a right to remain sitting. After all, they waited in line for the bus same as everyone else, and those were their seats. If your wife didn't obviously look like she needed a seat, there was no reason for them to offer her one. As for your kids, I'm glad they were able to get seats, but crowded conditions are par-for-the-course on buses. I think it was probably a little rude for your wife to make the comment she did. She's not any more entitled to a seat than anyone else, and hey, everyone is exhausted after a day at Disney. Luckily you had two people willing to give you seats for the children.

Normally I open the door for everyone, and I will also offer my seat to the elderly, pregnant women, and very small children (under 5). Also to anyone holding a sleeping kid. I think everyone tries to be as polite as possible while at Disney, which is why it's such a fanatastic place to take kids, but feeling that someone /has/ to give up a seat is pretty rude, IMO.

Im going to agree with this poster. I went back and reread your OP. Yes, you definitely had a moment that you could've informed some possible first timers that they were misinformed and wouldn't be happy with the outcome. Instead, your wife chose to say Whatever, Dude and sit infront of them. Then, your wife is ASSUMING they were signing about you. You have no idea what they were discussing. For all you know, they didn't give a rat's rear end about you sitting on the ground.


As for your bus situation, I see you said your children were seated....So....what's the problem? Is it terrible that two of them shared seats? Should they have all gotten a seat for their tiny little butts? Im sure they didn't mind sharing. It's not like they shared a seat belt or something. It was a spot on a bench that they obviously fit in together. So you think you should be able to walk on a bus LAST and get seats for 3 kids AND your WIFE? I think your wife was rude. I think it was rude of her to think she should be entitled to a seat. So nevermind the fact that 2 people DID give your kids seats, you guys expected more. I think if I had heard your wife making remarks and you staring at my husband, I would have said something to you for being an @$$.

 

[devoy1701]

Im going to agree with this poster. I went back and reread your OP. Yes, you definitely had a moment that you could've informed some possible first timers that they were misinformed and wouldn't be happy with the outcome. Instead, your wife chose to say Whatever, Dude and sit infront of them. Then, your wife is ASSUMING they were signing about you. You have no idea what they were discussing. For all you know, they didn't give a rat's rear end about you sitting on the ground.


As for your bus situation, I see you said your children were seated....So....what's the problem? Is it terrible that two of them shared seats? Should they have all gotten a seat for their tiny little butts? Im sure they didn't mind sharing. It's not like they shared a seat belt or something. It was a spot on a bench that they obviously fit in together. So you think you should be able to walk on a bus LAST and get seats for 3 kids AND your WIFE? I think your wife was rude. I think it was rude of her to think she should be entitled to a seat. So nevermind the fact that 2 people DID give your kids seats, you guys expected more. I think if I had heard your wife making remarks and you staring at my husband, I would have said something to you for being an @$$.

wowzers!

 

[Dukeblue1227]

Im going to agree with this poster. I went back and reread your OP. Yes, you definitely had a moment that you could've informed some possible first timers that they were misinformed and wouldn't be happy with the outcome. Instead, your wife chose to say Whatever, Dude and sit infront of them. Then, your wife is ASSUMING they were signing about you. You have no idea what they were discussing. For all you know, they didn't give a rat's rear end about you sitting on the ground.


As for your bus situation, I see you said your children were seated....So....what's the problem? Is it terrible that two of them shared seats? Should they have all gotten a seat for their tiny little butts? Im sure they didn't mind sharing. It's not like they shared a seat belt or something. It was a spot on a bench that they obviously fit in together. So you think you should be able to walk on a bus LAST and get seats for 3 kids AND your WIFE? I think your wife was rude. I think it was rude of her to think she should be entitled to a seat. So nevermind the fact that 2 people DID give your kids seats, you guys expected more. I think if I had heard your wife making remarks and you staring at my husband, I would have said something to you for being an @$$.

:sohappy:

 

[loveofamouse]

wowzers!

LOL

Sorry but, after rereading the situation, this poster spawned this long posted discussion that's getting heated in a few spots because his wife felt she should have gotten a seat, too. Then goes to say that they got on LAST. Seriously!? You could have been 1st on the next bus. Then someone would have been posting about you taking up 5 seats instead of holding two of your kids or allowing them to share.


I think this discussion quickly became a discussion on chilvary and manners while missing the fact that OP said his kids were seated but 2 had to share and his wife making remarks because she didn't get a seat. In the first situation, he says his wife assumes they were talking about her and that the couple said they were roping off the area so, knowing they were obviously misinformed, she said so you aren't using the space and sat in it.

 

[loveofamouse]

oh, and also, after completing ASL 1, one thing we learned is that signers HATE being stared at. It's the equivalent to walking up t a convo and just standing and listening. They were having a convo that didn't involve your wife. Frankly, I would have given dirty looks also to a woman that keeps staring at me talking. For your wife to observe this, she obviously had to keep turning around to stare at them. She's lucky she didn't get a universal sign directed at her lol

 

[lebeau]

I've given up my seat plenty of times. I would be ashamed if I sat while someone who needed a seat stood. Generally speaking, the elderly, handicapped, pregnant women and young children should be offered a seat. If they decline, at least you offered.

On our last trip, we had two young children and a double stroller. We encountered a lot of full busses. And I'll say this, people were incredible! We were always offered a seat. I usually stood with the stroller. But even then, people offered to help me hold it or to put it under their seat so it would be out of the way.

I was wowed by the courtesy of most Disney guests (except for those who would stampede children to get a FP to Soarin'). I wondered if Disney attracted these kinds of people or if it just brought out the best in people.

:sohappy:

Those of you saying you would never give up your seat... :fork:

 

[sweetpee_1993]

So I'm not polite if I choose to not give up my seat to someone based solely on the fact that they're a woman? Never mind that I'd happily do it for anyone that had a REAL reason.

I'm not saying you *should* give up your seat to a woman just because it's a woman, I'm saying I wouldn't be offended by it if you chose to offer as others have stated. Again, it's perspective and what you take from a simple kind gesture. I take the kindness that is offered, not a perceived insult.

Here's a good question for everyone to think about: What does it hurt to do something nice every once in a while for no reason other than just to do it? I'm not talking about a bus seat. I'm not talking about allowing kids to stand in front of you at a parade. I'm not even talking about WDW per se. Seriously. How many times do you do something for a complete stranger just because in that moment you can? If you are leaving a store with a coupon you didn't use, how many of us would turn to a stranger walking in the door and hand it to them? When a lady in line in front of you is digging in the bottom of their purse for a couple more pennies to make exact change, how many of us would whip out the necessary coins? The best one I ever witnessed was in the grocery store a gentleman who was obviously down on his luck a couple people in front of me at the register found out his order total then quietly asked the cashier to put some items back because he didn't have enough. Just as I was reaching for my wallet the lady in front of me reached over and handed the cash to the cashier. Let someone pull out of a parking lot when you can let them out. It's that randomness that means everything. It has nothing to do with age, gender, or health. It's just doing a small kindness whenever you can. That's the good stuff. :wave:

 

[sweetpee_1993]

I just find it ironic, that women want to be treated as equal as men, but hate it when they do. The same women that normally complains to their girlfriends about how they can never find a guy that can treat them like a woman.

Not saying this to provoke a fight, but just stating an opinion.

Oh I totally agree! And it ain't just women in this country who stomp their feet demanding equality and in the same sentence demand extra consideration because they feel entitled. That drives me nuts. :hammer:

 

[C&D]

I know that the basis of the bus discussion is chivalry but my most important objective (when dealing with the buses) is for the bus to be able to have enough space to get on the bus (whether sitting or standing). Worse feeling for me is that I've already waited "X" amount of time, there's a huge line, and I just might not get on the bus that has finally arrived.

And as far as relinguishing seats, there are so many possible scenarios, I evalute each and then adapt to what seems to be the most prudent. People of need should always be offered compensation (or else the bus driver wouldn't have requested consideration) in the first place.