Now we need a backstory worthy of Merriweather Pleasure's fictional foray into the shipping industry and his brush with perilously destructive storms.
Once, a great long time ago, the original inhabitants of Planet Earth developed a secret technology so powerful they knew they had to exercise great care lest it fall into the hands of their arch enemies from the Planet Zircon. The technology was a time-traveling machine, which the Earthiens knew the Zircons would no doubt attempt to use to go back in time to the formation of Earth and prevent the Earthiens from ever evolving.
The Earthiens, to safeguard their technological treasure, used it once, and only once, to travel to the future, all the way to the Year 2000 ANNO DOMINI. (The Future, Conan? That's right, let's take a look into the future, all the way to the Year 2000! In the Year 2000, in the Year 2000!)
In the Year 2000, the Earthiens secretly spied upon thousands of new Earth creatures who called themselves "humans" from a vantage point high atop some sort of geodesic orb that the "humans" had constructed in a palmy, balmy paradise called "Epcot." Using their special but far less important telepathy technology, the Earthiens beamed clues to the location of their intended hiding place for their time machine to the thousands of "humans" who were walking underneath the gigantic, mysterious geodesic orb, such that if all the humans ever assembled in one location again, they would have the telepathic power to put all the individual small clues together to discern the location of a great treasure from the Past, which they could then safeguard using their newer technology. To ensure the humans would all assemble again, the Earthiens inscribed images of the humans' faces and names on gigantic stone pillars, then arranged them on a secluded, safe island in the middle of Lake Buena Vista. The Earthiens then returned to their own time long ago and hid the time machine, hoping that this island would become a tourist destination, in which people who visited might recognize themselves or their friends and relatives on the stone slabs. Then, a company who purchased the real estate on the island and transformed it into a tourist destination might create a "Celebration Day" in which all the people whose faces were on the stones would be invited to a gigantic street party. At this party, all the people would assemble, thus allowing the ancient telepathic power of the Earthiens to be unleashed and the hiding place of their Time Machine to be revealed.
Welcome to Legacy Isle, operated by the Walt Disney Company! Where every day's a party amidst the images of thousands of happy smiling faces. But what secrets will be revealed when they return to see themselves on the gigantic, mysterious stone pillars that dot the island? Visit today, and be sure to buy some cool Legacy Isle swag!
:lol:
