-
Welcome to the WDWMAGIC.COM Forums!
Please take a look around, and feel free to sign up and join the community.
Trip Canned
- Thread starter demento57
- Start date
mrtoad
Well-Known Member
It probably has nothing to do with trust or liking him so I think it is wrong for you to say that. You are also totally off base saying he will never get out from under this.
It could just be and most likely is a case of what they think is proper. Up until our wedding my wife had rules to follow while in her parents home. At the time I hated it but after we were married it all changed.
Just because they think it is not proper for them to travel together does not mean he is not trusted. I don't think it is fair to put that in his head.
It could just be and most likely is a case of what they think is proper. Up until our wedding my wife had rules to follow while in her parents home. At the time I hated it but after we were married it all changed.
Just because they think it is not proper for them to travel together does not mean he is not trusted. I don't think it is fair to put that in his head.
Upvote
0
We have decided until we're both done with school. This includes not living together until then.
Note: her mom did say "a trip? isn't that something you should do after your BA?" I should get that in writing. But by then she'll be like 23, living on her own for a couple years and shouldn't matte.... ah who am I kidding?
Note: her mom did say "a trip? isn't that something you should do after your BA?" I should get that in writing. But by then she'll be like 23, living on her own for a couple years and shouldn't matte.... ah who am I kidding?
Upvote
0
amykissangel
Member
First of all, Yellowshoes, I LOVE your signature - I want to steal it and add it as the signature that goes out with every email and IM that I send 
Second, I am 23 years old. I graduated last May ('05) and have since found a job, but am still living with the 'rents. My mother has and always will treat me as though I am 12. It's just the way she is. I was never allowed to:
Bike to school until I was in 5th grade (elementary school is one mile down the road in the heart of suburbia)
Drive to Appleton (30 miles from Green Bay) without permission until I was in my 2nd year of college
Leave the house without ASKING if I could go somewhere until I was...wait, how old am I? Just kidding...but it was at about 21 years old where I stopped asking and started INFORMING them.
Watch soap operas until I was 20 or so.
Read "smutty" romance novels until I was 18 or so. (Both the soaps and the romance novels started at age 14...don't smother your kids with stupid rules, because they'll either A) rebell or B) turn out like I did...a bit lazy, with no idea how to do things for themselves because mom always did them better.)
These are just random things I was never able to do. I was also NEVER allowed to go on Spring Break all throughout college. I am the biggest nerd alive - my idea of a fun night with my friends is Disney Trivia and watching Pride and Prejudice while painting my nails and drinking a glass of milk. (Seriously.)
BUT...when I was a sophomore in college, I thought up the idea to go to Disney with my cousin, best friend, and another friend. My mom looked at me and said, "That sounds like fun."
After I scraped my stunned body off the kitchen floor, she was already on the phone trying to get reservations. (She was the kind of mom that would stay up til midnight rewriting a paper I'd already written in middle school. She was just "correcting" it. That stopped in highschool after we had a huge screaming match in which I shouted that she needed to stop opening my mail (It was MINE!) and start trusting that she did a good job raising a pretty smart kid. (I always got A's and B's, never went to parties, didn't drink, never smoked a cigarette in my life, etc.) She was a bit better after that.
My point in telling you all of this is that your girlfriend sounds as though she's afraid of what her parents will do to her if she goes, i.e. her punishment. I know some people might be laughing, but as old as you are, even though they can't ground you, the parents can give you silent treatment and take away the car they gave you (even if you pay for insurance and gas and repairs), etc.
Tell your girlfriend what I only realized last year: Yes, it's my parent's house. I respect them completely. But if they didn't want me living there anymore, they would say so. (I'm assuming the same with your gf.) If she tried to move out and they pulled her back in, sounds just like my mom.
There is NOTHING that they can do to her besides take away their financial support and their love. It sounds as though they will do neither. It obviously worries them that their daughter will be going cross country with her boyfriend. If they were thinking logically, they would know that if you haven't done it already, the first time certainly won't be at Disney World. That's an awfully long way to go, and an awfully lot to pay just for ______.
Tell her to stand up for you...and for herself. She deserves it. She sounds very sweet and sounds like the type that doesn't want her parents to EVER be angry with her. That's me, alright.
And this one will stun her parents (as it did mine): I realize you don't want me to do this. What are your plans when I do it with or without your permission? (Said in a very mature, non-snotty way.)
Sorry this was so long, just wanted you to know that I completely understand your gf's predicament, and wish you good luck in all of this! Keep us updated!
Second, I am 23 years old. I graduated last May ('05) and have since found a job, but am still living with the 'rents. My mother has and always will treat me as though I am 12. It's just the way she is. I was never allowed to:
Bike to school until I was in 5th grade (elementary school is one mile down the road in the heart of suburbia)
Drive to Appleton (30 miles from Green Bay) without permission until I was in my 2nd year of college
Leave the house without ASKING if I could go somewhere until I was...wait, how old am I? Just kidding...but it was at about 21 years old where I stopped asking and started INFORMING them.
Watch soap operas until I was 20 or so.
Read "smutty" romance novels until I was 18 or so. (Both the soaps and the romance novels started at age 14...don't smother your kids with stupid rules, because they'll either A) rebell or B) turn out like I did...a bit lazy, with no idea how to do things for themselves because mom always did them better.)
These are just random things I was never able to do. I was also NEVER allowed to go on Spring Break all throughout college. I am the biggest nerd alive - my idea of a fun night with my friends is Disney Trivia and watching Pride and Prejudice while painting my nails and drinking a glass of milk. (Seriously.)
BUT...when I was a sophomore in college, I thought up the idea to go to Disney with my cousin, best friend, and another friend. My mom looked at me and said, "That sounds like fun."
After I scraped my stunned body off the kitchen floor, she was already on the phone trying to get reservations. (She was the kind of mom that would stay up til midnight rewriting a paper I'd already written in middle school. She was just "correcting" it. That stopped in highschool after we had a huge screaming match in which I shouted that she needed to stop opening my mail (It was MINE!) and start trusting that she did a good job raising a pretty smart kid. (I always got A's and B's, never went to parties, didn't drink, never smoked a cigarette in my life, etc.) She was a bit better after that.
My point in telling you all of this is that your girlfriend sounds as though she's afraid of what her parents will do to her if she goes, i.e. her punishment. I know some people might be laughing, but as old as you are, even though they can't ground you, the parents can give you silent treatment and take away the car they gave you (even if you pay for insurance and gas and repairs), etc.
Tell your girlfriend what I only realized last year: Yes, it's my parent's house. I respect them completely. But if they didn't want me living there anymore, they would say so. (I'm assuming the same with your gf.) If she tried to move out and they pulled her back in, sounds just like my mom.
There is NOTHING that they can do to her besides take away their financial support and their love. It sounds as though they will do neither. It obviously worries them that their daughter will be going cross country with her boyfriend. If they were thinking logically, they would know that if you haven't done it already, the first time certainly won't be at Disney World. That's an awfully long way to go, and an awfully lot to pay just for ______.
Tell her to stand up for you...and for herself. She deserves it. She sounds very sweet and sounds like the type that doesn't want her parents to EVER be angry with her. That's me, alright.
And this one will stun her parents (as it did mine): I realize you don't want me to do this. What are your plans when I do it with or without your permission? (Said in a very mature, non-snotty way.)
Sorry this was so long, just wanted you to know that I completely understand your gf's predicament, and wish you good luck in all of this! Keep us updated!
Upvote
0
cj2me
New Member
I have to agree with MrToad and Hankhill.
If her parents are supporting her by letting her live rent free, and pay for food, electric bill and phone bill, then unfortunatly the good ole phrase my house my rules may apply. I've heard my share of that one two many times.
How is your relationship with her mom? If you really love this girl and want to be with her then there are some sacrifices and inconveniences you may have to live with. You dont only marry the spouse but their family also. You also dont want to be the reason that they argue or god forbid become estranged, she may regret you later on.
Since you knew how her mom was, maybe you should of approached her mom with all the details before you actually told your GF and booked the trip.
On a side note. I am the oldest of 4 by the time my youngest brother was 21 all my parents' rules were out the window. They say the first born is the experiment and paves the way for the others. I went through everything your GF is going through. Luckily I had such a understanding and patient BF (no husband). In fact WDW was our 1st trip together as BF & GF. My husband and my parents now have such a great relationship and we have a 3 yr old daughter. Hopefully we can give her a little more independence than I had. "THOSE WHO DO NOT LEARN FROM HISTORY ARE DOOMED TO REPEAT IT".
Good Luck.
If her parents are supporting her by letting her live rent free, and pay for food, electric bill and phone bill, then unfortunatly the good ole phrase my house my rules may apply. I've heard my share of that one two many times.
How is your relationship with her mom? If you really love this girl and want to be with her then there are some sacrifices and inconveniences you may have to live with. You dont only marry the spouse but their family also. You also dont want to be the reason that they argue or god forbid become estranged, she may regret you later on.
Since you knew how her mom was, maybe you should of approached her mom with all the details before you actually told your GF and booked the trip.
On a side note. I am the oldest of 4 by the time my youngest brother was 21 all my parents' rules were out the window. They say the first born is the experiment and paves the way for the others. I went through everything your GF is going through. Luckily I had such a understanding and patient BF (no husband). In fact WDW was our 1st trip together as BF & GF. My husband and my parents now have such a great relationship and we have a 3 yr old daughter. Hopefully we can give her a little more independence than I had. "THOSE WHO DO NOT LEARN FROM HISTORY ARE DOOMED TO REPEAT IT".
Good Luck.
Upvote
0
sbkline
Well-Known Member
Not necessarily. I can't say, obviously, since I know nothing of this girl's parents, their religious beliefs (if any), etc. But I remember going through this with my wife, before we got married. We started going out in 2001, so she would have turned 22 that year. We got married in April of '03, when she was 24. And her parents had total control the whole time. She had to be in from our dates at 9:30. She had to ask permission for almost everything...going to my parents', going down with us for Christmas at my family, going to church with me, etc. Her parents wouldn't allow her to go to my grandparents' funeral with me because both funerals were on a Sunday and heaven forbid that she miss a church service. They would either not let her come down on a Sunday to my family, or they would give her a run around about it before finally approving, or they would tell her she had to be home by church time on Sunday evening. They had to give approval for her to be engaged. Yet, they are of the mindset that once the daughter is married, she's now under the care of the husband and they (the parents) should step back at that point. Which they have. No interference at all since we've been married. They are still parents, of course, and will always care and give a certain amount of advice as all parents do. But they make no attempt to interfere. Once we were married, the control was over and we are totally independent.
So this may be what is in store for this couple if they end up getting married...especially if her parents' strictness is due to religious convictions. Once daddy gives her away and the two of you say "I do", then they will probably step back and let the two of you run your own lives as husband and wife.
Upvote
0
alya922
Member
I think you all are scaring this poor guy to death! Just because they don't want her to take a trip with her boyfriend at 21 doesn't mean they are going to rule how she raises her kids, where she's going to live, etc. Let's not overexaggerate and jump to conclusions shall we?
Demento, I honestly know exactly where you're coming from. My parents wouldn't want me to go on a trip with my boyfriend either...and I am 25. And I wouldn't go either because I respect my parents and their wishes and I know what their concerns are. Would I want to go? Sure but in the end it is a choice I make. I could say 'screw you' but I don't because I love them and am extremely close to them and don't want to hurt them. And just because I listen to them on this, does not mean I only make decisions according to what they think. I am a 'good kid' too but I am extremely hard-headed and we disagree a lot.
Now before people start telling me to 'cut the cord' (which is a phrase I despise because it is extremely insulting and hurtful), let me point out that a lot of people contributing to this conversation may not have grow up this way, so it's difficult to understand the thoughts going through a person's (your girlfriend's) mind.
I don't know their reason but don't put your girlfriend in between a rock and a hard place because that is never a fun place to be. Honestly, I wouldn't push her to go or to disobey them. I really don't think that will help. That could push her away from you and strain your relationship, especially if she feels you don't respect her family. That is a bigger problem than a trip to Disney is worth.
Demento, I honestly know exactly where you're coming from. My parents wouldn't want me to go on a trip with my boyfriend either...and I am 25. And I wouldn't go either because I respect my parents and their wishes and I know what their concerns are. Would I want to go? Sure but in the end it is a choice I make. I could say 'screw you' but I don't because I love them and am extremely close to them and don't want to hurt them. And just because I listen to them on this, does not mean I only make decisions according to what they think. I am a 'good kid' too but I am extremely hard-headed and we disagree a lot.
Now before people start telling me to 'cut the cord' (which is a phrase I despise because it is extremely insulting and hurtful), let me point out that a lot of people contributing to this conversation may not have grow up this way, so it's difficult to understand the thoughts going through a person's (your girlfriend's) mind.
I don't know their reason but don't put your girlfriend in between a rock and a hard place because that is never a fun place to be. Honestly, I wouldn't push her to go or to disobey them. I really don't think that will help. That could push her away from you and strain your relationship, especially if she feels you don't respect her family. That is a bigger problem than a trip to Disney is worth.
Upvote
0
daverube
Active Member
Demento, if I may ask, is this both you and your girlfriends first serious relationship?? Serious should be defined as longterm, uber-committed, mucho time spent type of relationship.....if so....it could explain a lot...
If you don't want to answer, no harm no foul......lots of good imput out there already...
dave
If you don't want to answer, no harm no foul......lots of good imput out there already...
dave
Upvote
0
campdisney
New Member
You're right. We are jumping to conclusions based on our own experiences, as are you. Truth is, this is something he needs to figure out and address all by himself. No advise, sage or not, from a message board will solve his problem. He alone knows the individuals involced and the specific details of the situation. And although many of us would like to help, we really can only empathize.
Demento57: I'm sorry that your trip is cancelled. I wish you better luck planning the next one and sincerely hope you can work things out IRL.
Upvote
0
slappy magoo
Well-Known Member
As someone who only has Demento57's side of the story, let me sadly add...
Demento57?
You might not know the whole story.
You might think you do, but you probably don't.
I don't mean that disrespectfully. I'm just saying that your GF's mom might be objecting for reasons that have absolutely nothing to do with you. They might have more to do with an unspoken lack of trust with her daughter than with her boyfriend. It might have to do with the fact that, if you're not messing around now, and not even planning on messing around at WDW, once you're back, your relationship will have gone up a notch, which theoretically means you're one notch closer to messing around, so she'll put the kibosh on anything that progresses the relationship as a result. She might just be worried about what other relatives or neighbors will say (THE HORROR!), or something traumatic may have happened to her on a vacartion once, with someone SHE thought she could trust. It could be a million reasons, and unless she's willing to be completely honest with both of you (AND herself) you won't be able to get to the crux of her refusal. But because it probably isn't about you, at least you don't have to feel personally insulted.
Demento57?
You might not know the whole story.
You might think you do, but you probably don't.
I don't mean that disrespectfully. I'm just saying that your GF's mom might be objecting for reasons that have absolutely nothing to do with you. They might have more to do with an unspoken lack of trust with her daughter than with her boyfriend. It might have to do with the fact that, if you're not messing around now, and not even planning on messing around at WDW, once you're back, your relationship will have gone up a notch, which theoretically means you're one notch closer to messing around, so she'll put the kibosh on anything that progresses the relationship as a result. She might just be worried about what other relatives or neighbors will say (THE HORROR!), or something traumatic may have happened to her on a vacartion once, with someone SHE thought she could trust. It could be a million reasons, and unless she's willing to be completely honest with both of you (AND herself) you won't be able to get to the crux of her refusal. But because it probably isn't about you, at least you don't have to feel personally insulted.
Upvote
0
DisneyBride94
New Member
That stinks...you might consider running the other way if marriage ever enters either of your minds... it would be bad enough to have a mother-in-law that tries to run her adult daughter's life, but it would be even worse to have a wife who lets her mother get away with it!
My friend Jen has not spoken to her parents in about 14 years. When she was 22 her boyfriend invited her down to Florida to go to Disney and her freaky parents disowned her because she decided to go. She married him (and honeymooned at Disney) and her parents were not invited to the wedding... (She does talk to her younger sister, at least, who was just a kid when the family rift occcurred).
At least the family she married into loves her... I think she was smart, cutting her losses with her family--they are ODD with a capital O. It's her parents lost because she is a wonderful person, and a great friend.
(She too was never a wild crazy party person...she's always been a grounded, responsible woman with a strong work ethic and moral compass.)
I'm sorry your trip got derailed... Your girlfriend needs to stand up to her mother... Unless her mom is supporting her, she needs to live her own life... and if her mom IS supporting her...again, she needs to get her own life!
My friend Jen has not spoken to her parents in about 14 years. When she was 22 her boyfriend invited her down to Florida to go to Disney and her freaky parents disowned her because she decided to go. She married him (and honeymooned at Disney) and her parents were not invited to the wedding... (She does talk to her younger sister, at least, who was just a kid when the family rift occcurred).
At least the family she married into loves her... I think she was smart, cutting her losses with her family--they are ODD with a capital O. It's her parents lost because she is a wonderful person, and a great friend.
(She too was never a wild crazy party person...she's always been a grounded, responsible woman with a strong work ethic and moral compass.)
I'm sorry your trip got derailed... Your girlfriend needs to stand up to her mother... Unless her mom is supporting her, she needs to live her own life... and if her mom IS supporting her...again, she needs to get her own life!
Upvote
0
DigitalDisney
New Member
Parents will be parents, for better or for worse.
The bottom line is that, even though she's almost 21, she is still living at home. She has to obey her parents, or potentially get kicked out or suffer the consequences.
If she was living on her own, it she could probably get away with it. Heck, she could go on the trip without even telling her parents.
Would it be possible to skip the first week of school and go then instead? Or do any of your school vacations coincide?
The bottom line: Yes, this sucks, but you have no choice but to deal with it. Make the best of it, and find an alternative solution. Just don't burn any bridges in the process...
The bottom line is that, even though she's almost 21, she is still living at home. She has to obey her parents, or potentially get kicked out or suffer the consequences.
If she was living on her own, it she could probably get away with it. Heck, she could go on the trip without even telling her parents.
Would it be possible to skip the first week of school and go then instead? Or do any of your school vacations coincide?
The bottom line: Yes, this sucks, but you have no choice but to deal with it. Make the best of it, and find an alternative solution. Just don't burn any bridges in the process...
Upvote
0
alya922
Member
That seems to be an extreme case. A very unfortunate and sad case, but extreme. As I said earlier, my parents wouldn't want me to go but they are neither odd nor running my life. I have my own life, where I make all my own decisions.
I don't understand why everyone's making it out like these parents are crazy and have no right to decisions in their daughter's life. No matter how old you are your parents are your parents and unless they are horrible, cruel people, they should be loved and respected even if you don't always agree with them or do what they'd like you to do.
Besides she's 20 and not even graduated from college yet; not 35 with a career and her parents are still going 'no, don't do that.' Turning 21 does not make you an all-knowing adult. Why is it looked down upon for someone to live at home and listen to their family even after 21?
Upvote
0
AEfx
Well-Known Member
I guess the difference is some people see parents as people who teach you as children how to be good people and then trust they did a good job and then let you experience the world, and some people see parents as law-makers and icons that must be obeyed in order to prove your love to them because they automatically know best because they birthed you.
AEfx
AEfx
Upvote
0
AEfx
Well-Known Member
So after stating that your friend has not spoken to her parents in 14 years you think that he should convince his GF to follow in those footsteps? Super advice!
Uh, did you miss the part of the post where the woman is quite happy and has a family now herself?
Not all families are good. Parents that don't let you grow up are damaging. If the parents don't speak to her for 14 years because she's happily married and went to Disney World, then they aren't great parents to begin with. Good riddance.
AEfx
Upvote
0
mrtoad
Well-Known Member
I understand she is happily married and that is great. I am just saying that maybe the whole not speaking to each other could have been avoided. Also we have no clue as to it being totally the parents who parted the relationship. It could be the daughter too. It is mostly likely both and both sides are regretting it.
I agree I have no clue what happened I am just saying that to have a parent and child not speak for the rest of their lives is not a good thing if they had a good relationship before. Maybe they were awful and beat her or something worse and in that case absolutely she is better off with out them. But if it was only because they were "odd" as posted, then it is a real shame for both sides.
I know people who don't talk to siblings anymore and it really is sad. You grow up with someone and for some (sometimes) silly reason you no longer speak and neither party will give in and make up.
I agree I have no clue what happened I am just saying that to have a parent and child not speak for the rest of their lives is not a good thing if they had a good relationship before. Maybe they were awful and beat her or something worse and in that case absolutely she is better off with out them. But if it was only because they were "odd" as posted, then it is a real shame for both sides.
I know people who don't talk to siblings anymore and it really is sad. You grow up with someone and for some (sometimes) silly reason you no longer speak and neither party will give in and make up.
Upvote
0
TeddyGrams
New Member
I wish, that I could got to WDW... unfortantly we dont have the money
Upvote
0
DisneyBride94
New Member
So after stating that your friend has not spoken to her parents in 14 years you think that he should convince his GF to follow in those footsteps? Super advice!
I did NOT suggest that his girfriend follow in my friend's footsteps... I suggested he might want to think long and hard about whether he might want to marry into a family where the parents are so controlling...
Oh, and in her case...it was her parents decision not to talk to them... And I recently found out that when her younger sister was born, they sent her to live with her grandparents for a year... That's odd. I recently went to the funeral of her grandfather (he was 92) and all the few family pictures that even featured her, showed everyone doting over the new daughter...with my friend left off in the background on her own... I get the feeling that she was "replaced," and never treated the same after her sister arrived. (She's close now with her sister, who is 12 years her junior... but her younger sister moved from New England to California to be as far away from her parents as possible!) I guess Odd is not a strong enough word to describe her parents... but I can say she's far better off away from them... Sad, maybe... but she's moved on. Her inlaws are better parents to her than she could've hoped for... their son is an only child, and they treat her like the daughter they never had. She and her husband are Godparents to my son. FWIW, her grandfather attended her wedding! Go Grandpa!
Upvote
0