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Trip Canned
- Thread starter demento57
- Start date
Not that unrealistic.
It's like someone else said... we were too tired to do anything at WDW except just enjoy the parks. That's an expensive trip to waste.
If my parents wanted to worry, our trip to WDW was the one time they definitely didn't have to.
I don't know if that puts any parents' minds at ease, or makes things worse :lol: but it's the truth. I also have to say that my friends who got the wildest at college were the ones who had been the most sheltered at home. Somebody please come back and remind me of that a few years down the road! *points to avatar*
I do see a lot of conflict between college-aged kids and their parents. The kids are used to being away from home, coming and going at all hours, doing whatever they please without answering to anybody, and then the summer comes and it's back to the old high school rules. Of course the parents have every right to lay down the law at home, but it seems to strain relations quite a bit when neither side wants to give a little.
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DisneyDragon
New Member
I really wish that I could say that doing all of the right things will convince your GFs parents to cut the umbilical cord, but it ain't gonna happen. I am a very optimistic person, but never lose sight of realism.
The fundamental fact is that these parents do not trust their daughter to make the right decision. Sure, there are contributing factors to all of this, many of which are probably buried. By religion, I am guessing some form of Christianity, which you either follow or respect, since everyone here believes that in the last 3 years, you two have be abstinent. I have no reason to question otherwise. I applaud your ability to that commitment.
I really don't think that it's a question of you, Demento. It sounds like less of a question of mis-trusting the male as opposed to mis-trusting their daughter. My guess is that your GF's parents made some bad decisions in their youth, and rather than chalking it up as experience, allowed an outside source (strict parents, religion) to declare it 'bad'.
Try all you want, my friend, but 6 months of good behaviour is not nearly enough to erase 50+ years each of 'set ways' by your GF's parents.
The fundamental fact is that these parents do not trust their daughter to make the right decision. Sure, there are contributing factors to all of this, many of which are probably buried. By religion, I am guessing some form of Christianity, which you either follow or respect, since everyone here believes that in the last 3 years, you two have be abstinent. I have no reason to question otherwise. I applaud your ability to that commitment.
I really don't think that it's a question of you, Demento. It sounds like less of a question of mis-trusting the male as opposed to mis-trusting their daughter. My guess is that your GF's parents made some bad decisions in their youth, and rather than chalking it up as experience, allowed an outside source (strict parents, religion) to declare it 'bad'.
Try all you want, my friend, but 6 months of good behaviour is not nearly enough to erase 50+ years each of 'set ways' by your GF's parents.
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Lucky
Well-Known Member
When I was that age, there would have been no question of needing their approval, whether or not I still lived in their house. But there would also have been no question of who would pay for it. I went wherever I wanted, but I paid my own way, including working to buy my own car, pay for my own gas, college tuition, etc.
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CommandoDisney
Member
this is definitely an interesting situation that i can kinda relate to. if this were me in the situation, as long as there were other people going and boys and girls were in seperate rooms, they would be totally fine with it. they wouldnt check on it, or make me prove it, they would simply ask. no matter what they knew that if i was paying for it myself there was nothing they could do about it but trust me to make the right decision. its kinda like waht some of the parents have said allready, they know that their kids can do whatever they want whenever they arent looking, but they need to make it clear to the kids what they do and dont approve of, whether they can do anything about it or not. my family is going down in Dec and my gf is coming with us and everyone is really excited about it. in the past though, when we first started dating my gf's parents were really reluctant about letting her go ANYWHERE, and we ended up having to cancel plans a couple of times. but now we are 21 and they know there isnt much that they can do anymore but they hope we respect their wishes and we do. my only advice is to just wait it out and hope they change their mind. you know these people better than anyone else on these boards so ud know how to act with them. in my experience, just doing everything they say is the only way to win them over about stuff like this. good luck, dude.
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PigletIsMyCat
Well-Known Member
After marvelling at six pages of civilized posts, I felt the urge to chime in.
I moved out of my house when I was 17. I moved back into my father's house when I was 20, and back into my mother's house when I was 23. That did not make me a kid again. So, just the plain fact that 'you're living under my roof' doesn't have much merit (at least to me). It boils down to if she acts like an adult. Does she keep a civil tongue in her head with her parents, or does she scream at them? It's apparant from your posts that you both respect her parent's wishes. Has she respected theirs? Is she able to pay for her own transportation, her own food, and chip in for household expenses? It is true these days that 'kids' are living at home with their parents to an older age. This is due to many things, mostly cost of living. I moved back home not only because I could barely afford to live in New York, but my PARENTS could barely afford it!
Having said all that. I think you she should sit down with her parents and discuss the fact that she is quickly moving out of 'young adulthood' and into adulthood. I also think that you both should sit down and discuss the trip with her parents. If they still do not approve, she has a tough decision to make. It's not just about going to WDW or not, it's about becoming an adult. Whether or not it angers her parents, until she makes decisions by herself, for herself, without their input and with or without their 'permission', she will not be an adult.
I moved out of my house when I was 17. I moved back into my father's house when I was 20, and back into my mother's house when I was 23. That did not make me a kid again. So, just the plain fact that 'you're living under my roof' doesn't have much merit (at least to me). It boils down to if she acts like an adult. Does she keep a civil tongue in her head with her parents, or does she scream at them? It's apparant from your posts that you both respect her parent's wishes. Has she respected theirs? Is she able to pay for her own transportation, her own food, and chip in for household expenses? It is true these days that 'kids' are living at home with their parents to an older age. This is due to many things, mostly cost of living. I moved back home not only because I could barely afford to live in New York, but my PARENTS could barely afford it!
Having said all that. I think you she should sit down with her parents and discuss the fact that she is quickly moving out of 'young adulthood' and into adulthood. I also think that you both should sit down and discuss the trip with her parents. If they still do not approve, she has a tough decision to make. It's not just about going to WDW or not, it's about becoming an adult. Whether or not it angers her parents, until she makes decisions by herself, for herself, without their input and with or without their 'permission', she will not be an adult.
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DisneyDragon
New Member
So Demento, elaborate more on the hoops you have to jump through to hit DL. You mentioned something about that...
On a side note, can your GF make decisions easily and live with the ramifications?
On a side note, can your GF make decisions easily and live with the ramifications?
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PigletIsMyCat
Well-Known Member
I agree with the above post. She shouldn't be making decisions based on her parent's approval. I mean, if it meant going to WDW or being thrown out on the street, then maybe parental approval is a good idea.
If you proposed to her, would she only say yes if her parents thought it would be a good idea??
If you proposed to her, would she only say yes if her parents thought it would be a good idea??
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mrtoad
Well-Known Member
Been through it with my wife's parents before we were married. Just a couple things to tell you.
If she lives with her parents, it is there house their rules. Like it or not, it is the way it is.
That aside, living with them or not if you plan on spending your life with her (not sure if you are, I did not read all the posts) you are going to have to deal with her parents for the rest of their lives, not worth making waves for one trip. If you are planning on spending your lives together, you have plenty of times for trips in the future.
Either way life together or not if you care about her now, just go with the flow don't put a wedge in between her and her parents as that is not a way for her to have to go through life.
Every parent is still a parent after their kids are adults. If they feel a certain way about how people should behave that will not change. You might not like that they do not want her to do certain things, I didn't but I know now that not pushing the issue was the right thing to do.
You will have time for trips in the future.
If she lives with her parents, it is there house their rules. Like it or not, it is the way it is.
That aside, living with them or not if you plan on spending your life with her (not sure if you are, I did not read all the posts) you are going to have to deal with her parents for the rest of their lives, not worth making waves for one trip. If you are planning on spending your lives together, you have plenty of times for trips in the future.
Either way life together or not if you care about her now, just go with the flow don't put a wedge in between her and her parents as that is not a way for her to have to go through life.
Every parent is still a parent after their kids are adults. If they feel a certain way about how people should behave that will not change. You might not like that they do not want her to do certain things, I didn't but I know now that not pushing the issue was the right thing to do.
You will have time for trips in the future.
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hankhill
Active Member
Wow
In all of this I am not sure that you actually get it.
Her parents don't trust you. It has nothing to do with her. She is the innocent girl they are trying to protect from the guy who wants to take her away from them. This is gonna suck but you will NEVER get out from under this. The main reason is that she is bought into it. They speak and she listens and the minute you try to step in the middle she will side with them and you will be left on the outside. A disney trip is the least of your worries. If you are serious, and who would waste this many responses if they were not, then you guys have a hard road ahead with folks who are this strict and untrusting. They will determine and chime in on every choice you and she make unless you can change that fact. they will have opinions/mandates on how and where you get married, when you get married, where you live and so on and so forth. I wish you all the luck in the world and I know this seems harsh but since you put it out there...
In all of this I am not sure that you actually get it.
Her parents don't trust you. It has nothing to do with her. She is the innocent girl they are trying to protect from the guy who wants to take her away from them. This is gonna suck but you will NEVER get out from under this. The main reason is that she is bought into it. They speak and she listens and the minute you try to step in the middle she will side with them and you will be left on the outside. A disney trip is the least of your worries. If you are serious, and who would waste this many responses if they were not, then you guys have a hard road ahead with folks who are this strict and untrusting. They will determine and chime in on every choice you and she make unless you can change that fact. they will have opinions/mandates on how and where you get married, when you get married, where you live and so on and so forth. I wish you all the luck in the world and I know this seems harsh but since you put it out there...
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Yellow Shoes
Well-Known Member
"Strict and untrusting" seems a little harsh.
The girl is 20 now (she will turn 21 before the trip)
As I said in my previous post--20 is not as old as 20 year olds think it is.
When I was 20, sometime during the Carter administration, college students taking vacations like this was un-heard of.
I know it's a different world (believe me!), but it takes some getting used to. It is an attitude shift for parents. You will not understand this until you are a parent of 20 year old.
I can assure you that there is one sure way to get the OK for the trip:
tell them that you intend to propose at WDW.
The girl is 20 now (she will turn 21 before the trip)
As I said in my previous post--20 is not as old as 20 year olds think it is.
When I was 20, sometime during the Carter administration, college students taking vacations like this was un-heard of.
I know it's a different world (believe me!), but it takes some getting used to. It is an attitude shift for parents. You will not understand this until you are a parent of 20 year old.
I can assure you that there is one sure way to get the OK for the trip:
tell them that you intend to propose at WDW.
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PigletIsMyCat
Well-Known Member
Yeah, he'll either get the OK or her dad's fist in his face.
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campdisney
New Member
I totally agree. And it doesn't stop there. Once you marry, then it will be how you'll raise the kids -- and that doesn't stop until your children have graduated from college or your in-laws die. I am not joking. It's a horrible place to be in throughout your adult life.
However, I do disagree that this is about you. Its not. Its about parents controlling a daughter's relationship -- and that would most likely happen with anyone your girlfriend brings home. Try not to take it too personally, but at the same time, set some boundries with your girlfriend regarding parental imput and have her set some base limits with her parents. If she cannot do that, then its time to reassess the relationship. Harsh but believe me, this is unfortunately the voice of experience.
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