Trip Canned

[demento57]

Why? Because my girlfriend's parents are freaking nuts!

 

[lawyergirl77]

Wise words Mom. :wave:

V. wise words, Mom.

But, then again, I'm really not in a position to judge either way - I don't have kids yet... and I've been with my boyfriend for 9 years (living together for almost 3 of those years), but we're still not married!

My grandparents don't let us sleep together in the same room, but my mom does (whenever we go over to her place - not where I grew up, FWIW). As a result, we don't stay with my grandparents when we go to Quebec City. From what I hear, my behaviour prompts an entire rosary, but c'est la vie. I have learned to live with the long-suffering sighs.

Personally, I can kind of sympathize with you, demento - I think your gf's parents are being excessively lame. But whining about how crappy their attitude is won't get you anywhere... In fact, it's precisely that kind of "kid"-like response that could simply reinforce their decision. Accept their decision, try every so often to gently change their minds, and if it doesn't work, then ask yourself whether it's worth taking the risk. I'm not sure it would be because this may not be a simple transgression that is erased by a few Rosaries... :wave:

 

[unkadug]

Perhaps if you get the brothers on your side.

Once the mother has broken down her protection level it will become easier on all the children.

 

[kasey1988]

How could they stop her from getting a job, working more, or moving out? My parents couldn't stop me at that age.

Unless she needed their help to do it.....

As others have said, an adult just does it...but unlike others have said, they do it politely. BTW, my mother didn't speak to me for months after I moved out (my father made the "as long as you're living under my roof speech" so I left) but finally came around.

They also did the "we're not going to come to your wedding" speech when my husband and I moved in together (at ages 29 and 24) but again, got over it.

So, if you really want to go on your trip, just do it, and accept the consequences...like an adult. :animwink:

I completly agree with you! If both you and your girlfriend feel that you are both responsable to go on vacation without any parents for the first time then go, but be willing to accept the concequinces. I dont see what there problem would be though as long as she will be paying for the trip herself and not asking for anything from her parents. I say go and have a good time but dont give them any reason to be upset like getting into trouble or having a baby in 9 months after returning, if you avoid those im sure they will get over it especially after seeing pictures of how much fun you had.. maybe sit down and show them pictures and your itenary of what you have planned? Just a question though have they ever been to disney?

 

[demento57]

I've been to WDW twice. Once when I was like 6, then again in 98. But I haven't done anything for myself since, and ALOT has happened and I REALLY need a vacation. My girl and I both have DL Annual Passports and go down there when we can. But a day trip (yes even that can be a pain with her parents) just isn't enough. I need a complete reset. :brick:

I dont think they realise how much this means to me. That they might think it's just 2 kids in way over their head. I'll work on showing them everything we have planned.

 

[figment1985]

demento,

I seriously feel your pain... it's like pouring out of my computer screen..

I have been in your place or your gf's really, my parents are VERY religious.. but as soon as I turned 21.. they let go a lot. Not completely.. but a lot.. and I went to Disney World with just my bf after I turned 21. We've been together almost 4 years.

But yeah I'm really sorry... because I've been there.

 

[Disney4Life]

This has been the most civil thread I have seen on here in a long time. Five pages strong, and no flames or name calling!

WOW!!!

:sohappy:

 

[miles1]

Hi Dimento--

Here is my 45 year old "take" on this situation. Unfortunately, it won't be very uplifting. Here is my experience with such situations:

On my first trip to WDW, when I was fourteen, I went with a large, chaperoned group that included my then "girlfriend". We were both good kids, and nothing happened. We stayed in separate rooms and had a good time. My "girlfriend's" mom later called the head chaperone for the trip and tried to get me barred from future trips because I didn't get her to Mass on Sunday morning, and caused a lot of trouble for both my "girlfriend" and the entire group. (It was the first time she had missed Mass since infancy.) She was their only child. After a few more years of this kind of stuff, she left the house, got married very young and remained estranged from them for many years.

I also came from strict parents (mom moreso than dad). When my sister was in her early 20's, she went to Vermont for a long weekend with her boyfriend, staying with my other sister and her fiance. After much heated arguing, my parents relented. However, their car broke down on the way home, and they arrived home about 8 hours after their "deadline". A horrendous argument ensued during which my mom essentially called my sister a word meaning "professional escort". Their relationship was forever changed, and they remained for the most part estranged until mom's death two years ago.

When I turned about eighteen, Mom persisted in giving me curfews and stay-at-home nights. This despite the fact that I worked full time, owned my own car, and was saving for college in the fall. The evening finally came when the inevitable "be home by eleven" demand came, to which I said "no" and left, returning sometime the next day. She never tried again.

When I was 22, my then girlfriend and I went to WDW. Her recently widowed mother was leery of the situation, but trusted (probably shouldn't have :lol: ) us and gave us her blessing. Today we are married with two kids, and mom lives with us. We respect each other, and get along very well.

The moral of the story: Some parents simply don't know when its time to let go. You and your girlfriend are 21 years old. There comes a point when you have to draw a line in the sand. If your girlfriend's parents continue to dominate her in this way, the resentment will build to the point that she will no longer want to have anything to do with them.

My suggestion for your situation would be as follows: First, your girlfriend should go about her business during the day however she normally does. If you go out in the evening and the curfew is 11:00, be home by 10:00. She should simply say good night to her parents and go immediately to her room. If she can do it, tell her to start giving her parents some money toward rent and groceries. In other words, be the model kid, but show no emotion toward them whatsoever, good or bad. This will last about a week or so until they get the hint. Then she can VERY CALMLY explain to them that she considers herself an adult and how she feels about the canceled trip. And then you should go anyway.

Let the flames errupt.

 

[Scooter]

Elope...run off to Las Vegas and get married.
Then you can go on vactions together anywhere you darn well please and mommy and daddy can't say anything.

 

[ConstanceIrene]

As a parent of a 21 year-old girl who's entering her senior year of college, I have to admit that I would side with her parents. I know that you could not do anything there that you couldn't do in the back seat of a car, but to approve of such a trip implies that it's OK with them if you do. Fortunately my DD respects my values enough that it has never been an issue with her, and it says a lot about your GF that she does too. There will be plenty of timews for trips to WDW when you're married and on your own, but until then, I say have some respect. JMHO

Wow. I finally had to chance to catch up with this thread after coming home and, as a previous post mentioned, it's the most civil thread I've seen in a long time.

Although I'm with Nemo14 on this one (most likely because I have two daughters), Demento57 sounds like a good kid. I'm beginning to think that the distance between CA and WDW might be a big part of their decision to say no. Count your blessings. There are many of us who'd like to visit DL as often as you do. Good luck.

 

[maelstrom]

The evening finally came when the inevitable "be home by eleven" demand came, to which I said "no" and left, returning sometime the next day.

That's how I "trained" my parents.

I've been to Atlantic City alone with my boyfriend (this was last October so I was 19 going on 20 in January). I never asked my parents. When my Gordon Lightfoot tickets (I'm another 20 going on 50) arrived in the mail, I showed my mom and told her I was going to Atlantic City.

Now I'm 20 going on 21 in five months and I practically live at my boyfriend's house. We've been to Pennsylvania to visit his brother for a long weekend since the Atlantic City trip. My parents know that we want to go to WDW together someday and while they certainly aren't paying for it, they're not going to prevent it either.

 

[miles1]

As a parent of a 21 year-old girl who's entering her senior year of college, I have to admit that I would side with her parents. I know that you could not do anything there that you couldn't do in the back seat of a car, but to approve of such a trip implies that it's OK with them if you do. Fortunately my DD respects my values enough that it has never been an issue with her, and it says a lot about your GF that she does too. There will be plenty of timews for trips to WDW when you're married and on your own, but until then, I say have some respect. JMHO

Nemo,

Please understand that I am not trying to flame you in any way with this. As you can see from my previous post, this situation is something I've lived through and feel very strongly about.

I'm sure your daughter is a great kid. She's a senior in college, and I'm assuming (perhaps incorrectly) that she's living away at school for most of the year. IMHO, its a little inconsistent to trust that she's adult enough to be living on her own nine months out of the year, but not trust that she's adult enough to go to WDW on her own with a friend or significant other.

How can you be really sure that she's in agreement with your values? It's my hope that you've had discussions with her and she's agreed. As I said earlier, I was on the other end of my parent's value system. It was often easier to just agree and hide the resentment.

As Dimento said, both he and his GF are good kids, do not smoke or drink, and don't plan to do "anything" that might tarnish this image. Agreeing to the trip does not imply that it's OK with them if they do "anything", it just implies that they trust their daughter and Dimento. And if they're worried about what friends, neighbors, or fellow church members say, they should find new ones.

Finally, at 45, I realized that there is NOT a lot of time for trips to WDW or anywhere else once you are married and on your own. There are the pressures of work, mortgages, aging parents, car payments and feeding and raising your own kids. They should go now and enjoy themselves before all of these become worries.

 

[cmatt]

I still cant believe your basing the fact that if they live at home they are not an adult! This is certainly not the case... You CANT keep wrapping your children up in cotton wool at the end of the day, its overkill and pushes them away - not to mention treating them this way and keeping they're status in your family as a mere child belittles them and probably makes them feel like they cant be trusted. They will ALWAYS be your children, but if you let off them a bit they will come back to you, but if you keep pressure on them to conform and if they dont they will be punished, one day they will just snap! *as this thread proves - on both sides of the fence*

But then again over here in the uk (sorry to keep relating back to this) i only know of one person who lives with his parents!

I have to side with rent paying though, and financial contributions - as if you have more then a 15 hour job a week you should in theory give money for food and general upkeep. It may only be as little as $200 but still, it is the thought that counts. This is however out the scope of the op. But this doesnt mean your not an adult for not paying. To me though it just means your going to have a hard time when your living on your own and you need to budget for things every month...

The more i read about it the more i think her parents are scared of letting go of they're daughter. I think its harder for fathers to do this, as mrs cmatt will tell you! But there comes a time (and this is it) where the parents calling the shots will destroy the relationship. Your both individuals now, your legally able to:

Drink, Drive (not at the same time!), Wed, Buy a house, rent a car,pay taxes,get a job, go to college,live away from home, (one thing in particular im leaving out!) :lookaroun

i agree with miles1 basically - just wanted to put my 2 pence worth in

 

[demento57]

Actually you have to be 25 to rent a car here (by yourself)... yeah I can gamble or give my life for my country, but heaven forbid I rent a Hyundai.

 

[cmatt]

Actually you have to be 25 to rent a car here (by yourself)... yeah I can gamble or give my life for my country, but heaven forbid I rent a Hyundai.

Or go to disneyworld!

 

[demento57]

Ouch, it hurts cause it's true...

 

[Madison]

Actually you have to be 25 to rent a car here (by yourself)... yeah I can gamble or give my life for my country, but heaven forbid I rent a Hyundai.

You can rent a car at 18, but you're subject to additional fees since you're more likely to drive that Hyundai into a tree.

 

[RogueHabit]

As a parent of a 21 year-old girl who's entering her senior year of college, I have to admit that I would side with her parents. I know that you could not do anything there that you couldn't do in the back seat of a car, but to approve of such a trip implies that it's OK with them if you do. Fortunately my DD respects my values enough that it has never been an issue with her, and it says a lot about your GF that she does too. There will be plenty of timews for trips to WDW when you're married and on your own, but until then, I say have some respect. JMHO

Not to pour water on your point, but surely approval of the trip would only give approval to visit the parks, enjoy the rides and have a great time.

I've yet to see the Billboard proclaiming ' your Girlfriend at WDW!!!'

I agree that it's great that demento57's girlfriend is respecting their wishes, but I can't help that feel that she needs to have a serious talk with her parents and explain that the only thrills she'll be seeking come from riding Rockin' Roller Coaster or Space Mountain....

Though it does occur to me that if she's about to hit 21 around the time of the trip that they are worried about possible alcohol related transgressions and how that might then lower he responcibility threshold...? Just a thought.

 

[kachow]

While I personally don't agree with her parents' decision, I'm guessing alot of it has to do with their personal beliefs of morality or what-have-you, so I have to respect that. And while your GF is legally an adult, in reality you're not a complete adult until you no longer depend on your parents. My parents weren't that strict, but honestly, that was one of the feelings when I got my first "real" job after college and moved out for good. At that point, the parents have to treat you as equals. But as long as you need them for money, food, or shelter, you have to play by their rules.

 

[BRER STITCH]

I'd suggest giving her parents this website address and having them read through all of the posts in this thread.

Maybe then they could pick up the dialogue with us directly!
:lol:

Seriuously....if they knew you were tunring to us for advice, they might see that you are really serious about caring so much for their daughter!

Good Luck!

:wave:

 

[Nemo14]

Nemo,

Please understand that I am not trying to flame you in any way with this. As you can see from my previous post, this situation is something I've lived through and feel very strongly about.

I'm sure your daughter is a great kid. She's a senior in college, and I'm assuming (perhaps incorrectly) that she's living away at school for most of the year. IMHO, its a little inconsistent to trust that she's adult enough to be living on her own nine months out of the year, but not trust that she's adult enough to go to WDW on her own with a friend or significant other.

How can you be really sure that she's in agreement with your values? It's my hope that you've had discussions with her and she's agreed. As I said earlier, I was on the other end of my parent's value system. It was often easier to just agree and hide the resentment.

As Dimento said, both he and his GF are good kids, do not smoke or drink, and don't plan to do "anything" that might tarnish this image. Agreeing to the trip does not imply that it's OK with them if they do "anything", it just implies that they trust their daughter and Dimento. And if they're worried about what friends, neighbors, or fellow church members say, they should find new ones.

Finally, at 45, I realized that there is NOT a lot of time for trips to WDW or anywhere else once you are married and on your own. There are the pressures of work, mortgages, aging parents, car payments and feeding and raising your own kids. They should go now and enjoy themselves before all of these become worries.

QUOTE=miles1;1786179]Nemo,



How can you be really sure that she's in agreement with your values? It's my hope that you've had discussions with her and she's agreed.

I never said that she's in total agreement with my values - simply that she respects me and her father, and therefore our values.

As Dimento said, both he and his GF are good kids, do not smoke or drink, and don't plan to do "anything" that might tarnish this image.

Her Dad and I were both 21 once, did not smoke or drink, and we know well what probabaly would have happened and to pretend that it wouldn't is pretty unrealistic.

And if they're worried about what friends, neighbors, or fellow church members say, they should find new ones.

This has nothing to do with what anyone else would say, it's simply a matter of respect for us.


Finally, at 45, I realized that there is NOT a lot of time for trips to WDW or anywhere else once you are married and on your own. There are the pressures of work, mortgages, aging parents, car payments and feeding and raising your own kids.

I agree with you there that growing up comes with a lot of extra responsibilities - that's life! It doesn't mean that you need to compromise your values when you're young, because life will really stink later on!
[/QUOTE]


BTW - I too am very impressed with the civility that's been shown on this thread. We obviously won't all agree on the subject, but disagreement doesn't have to lead to flame wars! Kudos to all! :sohappy: