The Chit Chat Chit Chat Thread

Figgy1

Figgy1

Well-Known Member
21stamps said:
Thanks. I thought he was better, but then he had a crying moment in his baseball game which was not like him at all.

He was pitching, 3 consecutive strike outs the first inning.
2nd inning- struck the first 2 batters out.
3rd kid gets a hit onto first base.
4th batter had 2 strikes and 2 balls, T pitches- kid hits, 1st base runner gets home, hitter finally gets tagged out on third base.

He came off the field, sat down and put his hand in his hand crying.

I asked him why after the game.. he said “someone got a run on me!! I can’t even pitch good!”

I know that’s a carry over from his soccer disappointment, he’s never been like that before. He’s been frustrated by walks, but by 1 hit in two innings? That’s not normal. This is 9U...We’re all happy when any kid throws it over the plate.lol They don’t need to pitch a no-hitter. He knows that.


How he handles this soccer thing is up to him. He may get called up, he may not. He can either give up, or keep playing if he loves it as much as he says he does, regardless of if he ends up on the team or not. We’ll see.
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I'm so sorry for everything he's been through. Everybody needs some mental health time. Is there any break in his schedule where he can just be a kid for a while? IMHO a few days of no pressure will be good for him again just my opinion. Best of luck to both of you
 
MinnieM123

MinnieM123

Premium Member
figmentfan423 said:
I'm so sorry for everything he's been through. Everybody needs some mental health time. Is there any break in his schedule where he can just be a kid for a while? IMHO a few days of no pressure will be good for him again just my opinion. Best of luck to both of you
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@21stamps , I think Figgy has a good idea above. (She also has sons, and may have some good insight here for T.) Also, I've found in life that if I get overwhelmed by anything, it helps to get away from it for a while to clear my head, and then be able to move on.
 
MySmallWorldof4

MySmallWorldof4

Well-Known Member
donaldtoo said:
Oh, I get that, for sure, as he was a kiddo.
But, I was already in my mid-late 40's at the time, and those 2 products just didn't interest me, whatsoever (I probably should have qualified that in my earlier post ;))...not that there's anything wrong with that... :cyclops:


:hilarious::cautious::hilarious::cautious::cyclops:;)
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Oh I understand completely. I didn't, and don't get it either. I think maybe some can call it artwork? Or is that a stretch?:hilarious:
 
MySmallWorldof4

MySmallWorldof4

Well-Known Member
MinnieM123 said:
@21stamps , I think Figgy has a good idea above. (She also has sons, and may have some good insight here for T.) Also, I've found in life that if I get overwhelmed by anything, it helps to get away from it for a while to clear my head, and then be able to move on.
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Overwhelmed was me early last week. I am having issues with diet with what is good for what or bad for what. I was literally reading way too much and confusing myself to the point of feeling helpless. I got some good advice from someone. She said that when you don't know which way to go the best thing to do is just stand still. That actually was the best advice I had gotten and I try to remember that now. It helped me in the last week. Maybe having this happen to T was sort of like someone saying it is time to just relax and just enjoy the little things around. No pressure from sports, just go out and have fun at the zoo, and any other place you enjoy together.
 
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21stamps

21stamps

Well-Known Member
figmentfan423 said:
I'm so sorry for everything he's been through. Everybody needs some mental health time. Is there any break in his schedule where he can just be a kid for a while? IMHO a few days of no pressure will be good for him again just my opinion. Best of luck to both of you
Click to expand...
MinnieM123 said:
@21stamps , I think Figgy has a good idea above. (She also has sons, and may have some good insight here for T.) Also, I've found in life that if I get overwhelmed by anything, it helps to get away from it for a while to clear my head, and then be able to move on.
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Thank you. I know it sounds like our life has been centered around sports the past several months (and it’s definitely the major percentage of our free time)., but he has never once complained about practices or games.. he truly does enjoy them. He’s doing something he loves with his friends.

But just so it doesn’t sound like that’s all he does, in the past week he’s been to a swim party at a classmate’s house, mini golf, the zoo with his aunt and cousins, playing with kids in the neighborhood, and a few summer ice cream shop stops. I promise that he doesn’t eat, drink, and breathe sports though!

All that said, I could barely sleep last night. This is tough, and it’s going to take some time for him, I just hope I can help him thru it correctly.
I’ve questioned everything, from if I should have allowed it, if I should have realized that maybe he wasn’t mentally ready when he asked last year.. If this is going to have a bigger impact on his self esteem. If maybe he just can’t handle the pressure.

How do you explain to an 8 year old that Yes, your 4 classmates are still playing for the club, but just shrug it off? Or, your coach still thinks you’re a good soccer player even though he didn’t pick you. Or, you’re 1st on the wait list, not completely rejected, so that says something. I don’t know if I’ve said the right words to him.
I feel worse because 2 of his friends weren’t even thinking about select soccer, I mentioned it last year.. and then their parents decided to have them try out as well. They’re still on their respective teams.

It’s so crazy because last year he outplayed them consistently, but they’ve thrived in this high-pressure environment, they’ve improved so much.. T is just inconsistent. He still outshines almost everyone in technical training and practice, but it’s a coin flip as to weather or not he’s going to shine in a game. Sometimes he looks overwhelmed, other times he’s making moves and leading both teams in assists and goals. I need him to realize that his inconsistency is what’s hurting him. His Giving In To Pressure is harming him, his CONFIDENCE is his main problem... but it doesn’t take away from his skills.

Sorry, I’m rambling, but this has been a rough patch. He woke up crying in the middle of the night and came in my room. This morning he was up at 6am, I walked out to see what he was doing- he said “I’m putting all of my soccer stuff in the garage, and I threw away my uniforms and soccer ball.”
I took them out of the trash can, tears in my eyes, and sat him down and talked to him. About soccer, and about his uncalled for tears in baseball yesterday.

His response “You barely go to my baseball games. You didn’t even come to my soccer tryouts, if you would have been there I would have done better! You don’t even have time to practice with me like my friend’s dads do.”

Is that how he feels, or was he just lashing out? I don’t know, but I feel like I’ve failed on every level right now.

He has another baseball game Wednesday, and I’ll be there. We’re going to go the the Zoo or Kings Island that morning before the game.

Sorry again for the length of this post.
 
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DryerLintFan

DryerLintFan

Premium Member
21stamps said:
My. Heart. Is. Breaking.

My son is sobbing uncontrollably in his room. Won’t let me talk to him.
Says he’s never playing soccer again.
Wants to switch schools because he doesn’t want to see his friends.
Worst of all, he said the words “I hate myself. I’m so stupid! Why did I mess up? Why didn’t they take me? It’s because I’m STUPID.” And ran in his room.


I tried to talk to him but think it’s just better to sit in the hallway and give him a moment to cry it out. This is gut wrenching.

The email says that he was wait-listed and may still get on a team, it also said that they recognize his skills, but based on his tryout performance they just couldn’t assign him to a team directly... he is first in line, so I thought that would give him some hope, and I know that he knows he didn’t perform well at tryouts!! 4 kids are waitlisted, the rest just don’t make it.

The coach sent an email as well, said if he doesn’t end up making a team to please try out again in the Fall, and not to let T get too upset, tell him that he can work through these nerves and he will be such a great asset to a team once he does.

That email made T cry even harder.

I hate this. I truly hate this.
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Poor kid :(
 
DryerLintFan

DryerLintFan

Premium Member
21stamps said:
Thank you. I know it sounds like our life has been centered around sports the past several months (and it’s definitely the major percentage of our free time)., but he has never once complained about practices or games.. he truly does enjoy them. He’s doing something he loves with his friends.

But just so it doesn’t sound like that’s all he does, in the past week he’s been to a swim party at a classmate’s house, mini golf, the zoo with his aunt and cousins, playing with kids in the neighborhood, and a few summer ice cream shop stops. I promise that he doesn’t eat, drink, and breathe sports though!

All that said, I could barely sleep last night. This is tough, and it’s going to take some time for him, I just hope I can help him thru it correctly.
I’ve questioned everything, from if I should have allowed it, if I should have realized that maybe he wasn’t mentally ready when he asked last year.. If this is going to have a bigger impact on his self esteem. If maybe he just can’t handle the pressure.

How do you explain to an 8 year old that Yes, your 4 classmates are still playing for the club, but just shrug it off? Or, your coach still thinks you’re a good soccer player even though he didn’t pick you. Or, you’re 1st on the wait list, not completely rejected, so that says something. I don’t know if I’ve said the right words to him.
I feel worse because 2 of his friends weren’t even thinking about select soccer, I mentioned it last year.. and then their parents decided to have them try out as well. They’re still on their respective teams.

It’s so crazy because last year he outplayed them consistently, but they’ve thrived in this high-pressure environment, they’ve improved so much.. T is just inconsistent. He still outshines almost everyone in technical training and practice, but it’s a coin flip as to weather or not he’s going to shine in a game. Sometimes he looks overwhelmed, other times he’s making moves and leading both teams in assists and goals. I need him to realize that his inconsistency is what’s hurting him. His Giving In To Pressure is harming him, his CONFIDENCE is his main problem... but it doesn’t take away from his skills.

Sorry, I’m rambling, but this has been a rough patch. He woke up crying in the middle of the night and came in my room. This morning he was up at 6am, I walked out to see what he was doing- he said “I’m putting all of my soccer stuff in the garage, and I threw away my uniforms and soccer ball.”
I took them out of the trash can, tears in my eyes, and sat him down and talked to him. About soccer, and about his uncalled for tears in baseball yesterday.

His response “You barely go to my baseball games. You didn’t even come to my soccer tryouts, if you would have been there I would have done better! You don’t even have time to practice with me like my friend’s dads do.”

Is that how he feels, or was he just lashing out? I don’t know, but I feel like I’ve failed on every level right now.

He has another baseball game Wednesday, and I’ll be there. We’re going to go the the Zoo or Kings Island that morning before the game.

Sorry again for the length of this post.
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Serious hugs, mama.

You are not a failure. While he was trying out for soccer, you were working. While that does feel like a failure a lot (trust me, I get it) it's not one. You're providing for him and someday he will recognize that equation. Time = money, and we have to balance the time we spend making money with the time we spend using it. You will never be able to make every game, or every tryout. Especially since they reschedule them so often and he's in so many sports. So what I'm saying right now, is that it doesn't actually matter if he feels like that or he's just lashing out. You are not a failure. Being at work while he's trying out sure does suck, but you were spending that time earning the money necessary for the zoo and the soccer and the baseball and the private school and the vacations,.... and the food and shelter.

And just a word about self esteem.... nobody gains self esteem and confidence by being good and succeeding at everything. That's just a false sense of security. You gain self esteem and confidence by being kicked down, training hard, and getting right back in the action. So whether or not he gets on the team from the waiting list, this is likely better for his overall self esteem than if he straight made the team. So you don't get to feel like a failure there either :inlove::inlove::inlove::inlove::inlove:
 
MySmallWorldof4

MySmallWorldof4

Well-Known Member
dryerlintfan said:
Serious hugs, mama.

You are not a failure. While he was trying out for soccer, you were working. While that does feel like a failure a lot (trust me, I get it) it's not one. You're providing for him and someday he will recognize that equation. Time = money, and we have to balance the time we spend making money with the time we spend using it. You will never be able to make every game, or every tryout. Especially since they reschedule them so often and he's in so many sports. So what I'm saying right now, is that it doesn't actually matter if he feels like that or he's just lashing out. You are not a failure. Being at work while he's trying out sure does suck, but you were spending that time earning the money necessary for the zoo and the soccer and the baseball and the private school and the vacations,.... and the food and shelter.

And just a word about self esteem.... nobody gains self esteem and confidence by being good and succeeding at everything. That's just a false sense of security. You gain self esteem and confidence by being kicked down, training hard, and getting right back in the action. So whether or not he gets on the team from the waiting list, this is likely better for his overall self esteem than if he straight made the team. So you don't get to feel like a failure there either :inlove::inlove::inlove::inlove::inlove:
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This^^^^ I swear I replied to this post, but don't see it. He is just lashing out as you said and very angry. It is up to him to use the anger productively if he wants and to just improve. You are doing what you are supposed to be doing. If you don't work you can't pay for all his fun things. I think you balance pretty well. Don't get down on yourself. Remember he is just 8, and as this may be his first real disappointment, does not know how to deal with it. You are the easiest person to basically blame because you are his mom.
 

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