The Chit Chat Chit Chat Thread

[21stamps]

Serious hugs, mama.

You are not a failure. While he was trying out for soccer, you were working. While that does feel like a failure a lot (trust me, I get it) it's not one. You're providing for him and someday he will recognize that equation. Time = money, and we have to balance the time we spend making money with the time we spend using it. You will never be able to make every game, or every tryout. Especially since they reschedule them so often and he's in so many sports. So what I'm saying right now, is that it doesn't actually matter if he feels like that or he's just lashing out. You are not a failure. Being at work while he's trying out sure does suck, but you were spending that time earning the money necessary for the zoo and the soccer and the baseball and the private school and the vacations,.... and the food and shelter.

And just a word about self esteem.... nobody gains self esteem and confidence by being good and succeeding at everything. That's just a false sense of security. You gain self esteem and confidence by being kicked down, training hard, and getting right back in the action. So whether or not he gets on the team from the waiting list, this is likely better for his overall self esteem than if he straight made the team. So you don't get to feel like a failure there either

This^^^^ I swear I replied to this post, but don't see it. He is just lashing out as you said and very angry. It is up to him to use the anger productively if he wants and to just improve. You are doing what you are supposed to be doing. If you don't work you can't pay for all his fun things. I think you balance pretty well. Don't get down on yourself. Remember he is just 8, and as this may be his first real disappointment, does not know how to deal with it. You are the easiest person to basically blame because you are his mom.

Thank you so much, both of you. Your words helped me snap out of my ‘self-pity and regret’ moment.

I think I am going to put his goal, cones, and rebounder in the garage, and see if he requests it to be taken back out. I might also take his soccer bag out of his closet and put it downstairs. I don’t know.. do you think I should leave it as it is?

I’m praying for him that this will be a sink or swim moment, and he will choose to swim.

 

[Cesar R M]

Thank you so much, both of you. Your words helped me snap out of my ‘self-pity and regret’ moment.

I think I am going to put his goal, cones, and rebounder in the garage, and see if he requests it to be taken back out. I might also take his soccer bag out of his closet and put it downstairs. I don’t know.. do you think I should leave it as it is?

I’m praying for him that this will be a sink or swim moment, and he will choose to swim.

I honestly would tell your son that he shouldn't worry too much. Coaches now are under heavy pressure to "give others a chance" regardless of skills. He might have been put "on the wait list" just to give the chance to others who haven't been selected before and were "decent". Also his fumbles will be normal as he grows up. Because he will be growing up.. he will have to get used to his new body.. specially is he gets a big growth spur.

 

[StarWarsGirl]

Announcement: new car is happening. This month.

 

[donaldtoo]

Oh I understand completely. I didn't, and don't get it either. I think maybe some can call it artwork? Or is that a stretch?

Nope, not a stretch, at all. That's pretty much how it was couched to us CM's when we were "hipped" to our upcoming new product line/offering.
The Mickey Mouse shape would be a 3D "canvas" upon which anything could be imagined.
And, as you know, there were/are some pretty wild ones out there...!!!

 

[MySmallWorldof4]

I honestly would tell your son that he shouldn't worry too much. Coaches now are under heavy pressure to "give others a chance" regardless of skills. He might have been put "on the wait list" just to give the chance to others who haven't been selected before and were "decent". Also his fumbles will be normal as he grows up. Because he will be growing up.. he will have to get used to his new body.. specially is he gets a big growth spur.

Yes! @21stamps a growth spurt as @Cesar R M says can totally screw up kids abilities with sports. I know from kids in gymnastics that when their bodies change and they go through growth spurts that certain skills that they had will not come back until they get used to their new body. I know T grew a lot this year. Maybe that has something to do with it as well. Telling him this, which is totally logical, may make him feel better.

 

[MySmallWorldof4]

Nope, not a stretch, at all. That's pretty much how it was couched to us CM's when we were "hipped" to our upcoming new product line/offering.
The Mickey Mouse shape would be a 3D "canvas" upon which anything could be imagined.
And, as you know, there were/are some pretty wild ones out there...!!!

Hey, I may have a potential million dollars in artwork then between the loads of Vinylmations.

 

[21stamps]

I honestly would tell your son that he shouldn't worry too much. Coaches now are under heavy pressure to "give others a chance" regardless of skills. He might have been put "on the wait list" just to give the chance to others who haven't been selected before and were "decent". Also his fumbles will be normal as he grows up. Because he will be growing up.. he will have to get used to his new body.. specially is he gets a big growth spur.

Thanks. I’ve been googling a lot of examples to give him.. but what struck me was article after article of the problems with exclusive clubs in this country, and how quick they are to cut a kid, regardless of skill, if they have a bad try out, yet already play for the club. That they think the next kid might help them win more or give the coach more credentials. Basically just pointing out all of the philosophical errors in US Soccer. One article used Gareth Bale’s Story as an example.

I’m not making excuses for my son, and I’m definitely not comparing him to Gareth Bale, but I understand and agree with the articles. Everything from “only best players of families who can afford club soccer” to “not actually concerned with their mission statements of player development”. I didn’t tell him about any of this, with the exception of Bale’s struggles just 2 years before he became the most expensive player.

I can’t totally blame them, but it was an interesting read to see how much has been written about these subjects.

 

[Cesar R M]

Announcement: new car is happening. This month.

So, which car ? you finally decided? or your dad managed to sway you to a model?

 

[donaldtoo]

One game.

Woof!!!!!
For that kinda' money, it should cover 5 games and a new pair of bowling shoes for each one...!!!!!!!

I remember back in the day (I know ), when a buddy of mine was goin' to The University of Texas, we used to bowl at the 12-lane alley in the basement of the Texas Union on campus...including shoe rental, $0.25 per game...no joke...!!!!!

 

[21stamps]

Yes! @21stamps a growth spurt as @Cesar R M says can totally screw up kids abilities with sports. I know from kids in gymnastics that when their bodies change and they go through growth spurts that certain skills that they had will not come back until they get used to their new body. I know T grew a lot this year. Maybe that has something to do with it as well. Telling him this, which is totally logical, may make him feel better.

Thanks! He’s been at a swim club all day with a friend, so hopefully tonight will be fine.

 

[donaldtoo]

Hey, I may have a potential million dollars in artwork then between the loads of Vinylmations.

Maybe...
Did, say.....Picasso, van Gogh, Pollock, etc. paint on any of those "canvases"...?!

 

[donaldtoo]

OK gang, lunchtime about over, so back at it for me...!
Have a happy-darn Magical day, all...!!!
Laterrrrrrrrrrr...!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[MySmallWorldof4]

Maybe...
Did, say.....Picasso, van Gogh, Pollock, etc. paint on any of those "canvases"...?!

Errr....no. Think I can pass off one of my kids splatter paintings as a Pollock?

 

[StarWarsGirl]

So, which car ? you finally decided? or your dad managed to sway you to a model?

Either the Accord or the Malibu.

Our friendly Buick general manager knows the general managers of the Honda and Chevy dealers and is going to arrange for an overnight test drive on both vehicles so I can make a decision.

I finally decided driving my car is no longer safe for me. I had to come home from work because of my asthma today. Not only was it hot, but the last of the cigarette lighters went up, which meant I couldn't use my portable nebulizer in there. So I ended up driving home in a not-good state. I didn't really think about it, but being without my portable nebulizer isn't a good idea. Not to mention the tires tend to deflate, and now my probable air compressor doesn't work either.

My parents go on vacation later this month, so I am probably going to make a decision before they go away so they can help me negotiate.

 

[21stamps]

Either the Accord or the Malibu.

Our friendly Buick general manager knows the general managers of the Honda and Chevy dealers and is going to arrange for an overnight test drive on both vehicles so I can make a decision.

I finally decided driving my car is no longer safe for me. I had to come home from work because of my asthma today. Not only was it hot, but the last of the cigarette lighters went up, which meant I couldn't use my portable nebulizer in there. So I ended up driving home in a not-good state. I didn't really think about it, but being without my portable nebulizer isn't a good idea. Not to mention the tires tend to deflate, and now my probable air compressor doesn't work either.

My parents go on vacation later this month, so I am probably going to make a decision before they go away so they can help me negotiate.

I’m currently driving an ‘18 Malibu Premier (turbo engine).. with every available additional package..(Premier Driver Confidence Package, Premier Driver Confidence Package 2 and, Premier Sun & Wheel Package) these include panoramic moonroof, additional safety features, etc etc. It parks itself, but I don’t use that feature.lol

I LOVE IT!! (And I would have never ever considered driving a Malibu prior to this one!)


If I may offer some unsolicited advice though- You got this girl, you don’t need your parents to negotiate.

 

[StarWarsGirl]

I’m currently driving an ‘18 Malibu Premier (turbo engine).. with every available additional package..(Premier Driver Confidence Package, Premier Driver Confidence Package 2 and, Premier Sun & Wheel Package) these include panoramic moonroof, additional safety features, etc etc. It parks itself, but I don’t use that feature.lol

I LOVE IT!! (And I would have never ever considered driving a Malibu prior to this one!)


If I may offer some unsolicited advice though- You got this girl, you don’t need your parents to negotiate.

I really liked the Malibu as well. But I also liked the Accord. Both good choices. Hence why our Buick guy suggested the overnight test drive.

I'm sure I could do it on my own, but my dad's a lawyer and master negotiator. So...

 

[21stamps]

I really liked the Malibu as well. But I also liked the Accord. Both good choices. Hence why our Buick guy suggested the overnight test drive.

I'm sure I could do it on my own, but my dad's a lawyer and master negotiator. So...

They are definitely both great cars.. I personally preferred the features and power in the Malibu, but you can’t go wrong with either one! You do sacrifice fuel economy for power in the turbo Chevy, and it takes premium fuel as well, so something to consider.

Do whatever makes you feel more comfortable when negotiating, but I’m sure your dad has taught you well. It might be fun to do it alone. There’s tons of online resources to find out exactly what specials are offered.

I actually used to love going into car dealerships as a young blonde who the sales guys automatically assumed would be clueless.. then they started talking to me.lol. I always felt so good walking out with my new car and satisfied with the “deal”. Now there’s so much online that you can basically have it entirely worked out beforehand, which makes the negotiating easier and much faster.

Either way- Good Luck

 

[StarWarsGirl]

People are so helpful.

Me: Do you know why the vendor is taxing us on this invoice when this is a service?
Coworker: Nope.

 

[MinnieM123]

Woof!!!!!
For that kinda' money, it should cover 5 games and a new pair of bowling shoes for each one...!!!!!!!

I remember back in the day (I know ), when a buddy of mine was goin' to The University of Texas, we used to bowl at the 12-lane alley in the basement of the Texas Union on campus...including shoe rental, $0.25 per game...no joke...!!!!!

Insane, isn't it?! Back in the day for me, it cost more than 25 cents a string, but prices are always higher up here in the North. But it wasn't anything outrageous, and probably something like 75 cents a string, at the lowest point that I can recall. And yes, it always included the shoes as well.

Heck, my parents were in bowling leagues years ago in our town, and they probably spent $25.00 for an entire season (probably a package deal for league players). They played with 6 other couples, and had two lanes reserved for them every week. (They did have their own bowling shoes, because they went so often.)

 

[MinnieM123]

I’ve questioned everything, from if I should have allowed it, if I should have realized that maybe he wasn’t mentally ready when he asked last year.. If this is going to have a bigger impact on his self esteem. If maybe he just can’t handle the pressure.

None of us comes with an owner's manual. All we can do is try and figure it out as we go along. From an objective point of view here, I don't see anyone to blame. He wanted to try out and he did. Good for him, and good for you letting him try.. Unfortunately, not everyone makes a team.

His response “You barely go to my baseball games. You didn’t even come to my soccer tryouts, if you would have been there I would have done better! You don’t even have time to practice with me like my friend’s dads do.”

He's a little kid redirecting his disappointment and anger toward you. (Family members are easy targets. I did that a few times as a kid, too--I'd try to shift the blame for something that didn't work out right for me, to one of my siblings.) That didn't last long, though--they wouldn't put up with that from their little sister!