The Chit Chat Chit Chat Thread

[betty rose]

Once again... a serious moment. This situation is ripping my family apart and I don't know what to do about it. I have mentioned my X a number of times and her declining health, but, it has come to a head and is looking like it is going to make mortal enemies out of two sisters, both of whom I love dearly.

I believe I mentioned that my X's condition has been declining rapidly and it is due to a condition, from an unknown origin, that has rendered her unable to swallow or speak in an understandable manner. When asked if she wanted a feeding tube, she said no. However, it has also been determined that her current mental state maybe at a point of not being totally aware of what it means, one way or the other. The Doctors feel that they might get her into a hospital and do some intravenous action to get her strength up enough to allow the process of inserting a feeding tube. After that they feel that there is a least a chance of retraining her to swallow and thus prolong her life for some time (undetermined length). My daughters are at an impasse due to the fact that one feels that 1) her mother has already said no and 2) the quality of life enters into it. Even at best all it will provide her with is a couple of years of sitting in a chair starring at the wall. The other, of course, feels that whatever hope there is hinges on her having the feeding tube and doesn't want to come to the conclusion that her mother just wants to die and that whatever is possible to possibly help should be pursued.

Couple that with the idea that I shouldn't even be involved because the woman divorced me 15 years ago because she no longer wanted to be married and wanted to control her own life. Well, she got control of it, but, her life long mental illnesses didn't allow her to make that work and now she is in this situation and my girls are being forced to make decisions that no child should ever have to make. I am torn personally. I can't say that any "love" exists between her and I, but we were married for 29 years, raised two children from birth to adulthood and had all the experiences that most couples have had in their marriages. The last thing I want to see is for her to be suffering, but, I really have no say in the matter anymore. I'm not sure I want it, but, I don't want them to be in that position either. I feel some responsibility due to the fact that I was somewhat involved in the process that made her their mother. At least I was at the time. For one of the first times in my life, I feel helpless. Unable to protect my girls from the pain and the really sad bit of dysfunction that they are currently in or heading for. Any suggestions? No, that's ok, I know it's not your problem but I needed to vent a little. I hate this. They are the only family that I have and I hate confrontation with a passion, but, I feel ready to explode and scream out that this isn't about the two of you, it's about your Mother. Carp or get off the pot.

I'm sorry you are going through this situation, Do you think counseling would help? Those who counsel don't give opinions, just guides the person to exam their feelings about what they are going through. Would they let you help make the decision. You have a history, and loved your wife, your feelings should count too, just my opinion. Because you are divorced, doesn't mean you stop carrying for someone. I'm can't pretend to put myself in your place, I just hope you can get this worked out, and you all have some piece. Prayers for you and dear daughter's.

 

[MinnieM123]

Once again... a serious moment. This situation is ripping my family apart and I don't know what to do about it. I have mentioned my X a number of times and her declining health, but, it has come to a head and is looking like it is going to make mortal enemies out of two sisters, both of whom I love dearly.

I believe I mentioned that my X's condition has been declining rapidly and it is due to a condition, from an unknown origin, that has rendered her unable to swallow or speak in an understandable manner. When asked if she wanted a feeding tube, she said no. However, it has also been determined that her current mental state maybe at a point of not being totally aware of what it means, one way or the other. The Doctors feel that they might get her into a hospital and do some intravenous action to get her strength up enough to allow the process of inserting a feeding tube. After that they feel that there is a least a chance of retraining her to swallow and thus prolong her life for some time (undetermined length). My daughters are at an impasse due to the fact that one feels that 1) her mother has already said no and 2) the quality of life enters into it. Even at best all it will provide her with is a couple of years of sitting in a chair starring at the wall. The other, of course, feels that whatever hope there is hinges on her having the feeding tube and doesn't want to come to the conclusion that her mother just wants to die and that whatever is possible to possibly help should be pursued.

Couple that with the idea that I shouldn't even be involved because the woman divorced me 15 years ago because she no longer wanted to be married and wanted to control her own life. Well, she got control of it, but, her life long mental illnesses didn't allow her to make that work and now she is in this situation and my girls are being forced to make decisions that no child should ever have to make. I am torn personally. I can't say that any "love" exists between her and I, but we were married for 29 years, raised two children from birth to adulthood and had all the experiences that most couples have had in their marriages. The last thing I want to see is for her to be suffering, but, I really have no say in the matter anymore. I'm not sure I want it, but, I don't want them to be in that position either. I feel some responsibility due to the fact that I was somewhat involved in the process that made her their mother. At least I was at the time. For one of the first times in my life, I feel helpless. Unable to protect my girls from the pain and the really sad bit of dysfunction that they are currently in or heading for. Any suggestions? No, that's ok, I know it's not your problem but I needed to vent a little. I hate this. They are the only family that I have and I hate confrontation with a passion, but, I feel ready to explode and scream out that this isn't about the two of you, it's about your Mother. Carp or get off the pot.

Others (prior to my thoughts here) also have some helpful, and sensitive comments. (I'm glad I'm off from work today, so I could log in here earlier than usual to add a quicker response.)

I think (IMO) that Gabe sort of nailed it overall. I certainly wish the best for all involved in this crisis. So sorry to hear that your family is sad, and desperately trying to come up with an appropriate and compassionate solution. (In my own family's instance, we all have DNR papers filed, just in case of similar types of scenarios.) Prayers to all of you.

 

[Figgy1]

I would think that you, of all people, do not need a planning DVD!! Heck, I would have figured that you probably were a consultant to Disney when they made it!!!

Thank you for making me smile. I may or may not learn anything but it's usually a fun watch. Sure as heck beats anything on the news!!!!!!!!

 

[Figgy1]

G'night all my dh is going to be home at a human hour and we can all have dinner together. 2 days in a row! YEA!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[betty rose]

Once again... a serious moment. This situation is ripping my family apart and I don't know what to do about it. I have mentioned my X a number of times and her declining health, but, it has come to a head and is looking like it is going to make mortal enemies out of two sisters, both of whom I love dearly.

I believe I mentioned that my X's condition has been declining rapidly and it is due to a condition, from an unknown origin, that has rendered her unable to swallow or speak in an understandable manner. When asked if she wanted a feeding tube, she said no. However, it has also been determined that her current mental state maybe at a point of not being totally aware of what it means, one way or the other. The Doctors feel that they might get her into a hospital and do some intravenous action to get her strength up enough to allow the process of inserting a feeding tube. After that they feel that there is a least a chance of retraining her to swallow and thus prolong her life for some time (undetermined length). My daughters are at an impasse due to the fact that one feels that 1) her mother has already said no and 2) the quality of life enters into it. Even at best all it will provide her with is a couple of years of sitting in a chair starring at the wall. The other, of course, feels that whatever hope there is hinges on her having the feeding tube and doesn't want to come to the conclusion that her mother just wants to die and that whatever is possible to possibly help should be pursued.

Once again... a serious moment. This situation is ripping my family apart and I don't know what to do about it. I have mentioned my X a number of times and her declining health, but, it has come to a head and is looking like it is going to make mortal enemies out of two sisters, both of whom I love dearly.

I believe I mentioned that my X's condition has been declining rapidly and it is due to a condition, from an unknown origin, that has rendered her unable to swallow or speak in an understandable manner. When asked if she wanted a feeding tube, she said no. However, it has also been determined that her current mental state maybe at a point of not being totally aware of what it means, one way or the other. The Doctors feel that they might get her into a hospital and do some intravenous action to get her strength up enough to allow the process of inserting a feeding tube. After that they feel that there is a least a chance of retraining her to swallow and thus prolong her life for some time (undetermined length). My daughters are at an impasse due to the fact that one feels that 1) her mother has already said no and 2) the quality of life enters into it. Even at best all it will provide her with is a couple of years of sitting in a chair starring at the wall. The other, of course, feels that whatever hope there is hinges on her having the feeding tube and doesn't want to come to the conclusion that her mother just wants to die and that whatever is possible to possibly help should be pursued.

Couple that with the idea that I shouldn't even be involved because the woman divorced me 15 years ago because she no longer wanted to be married and wanted to control her own life. Well, she got control of it, but, her life long mental illnesses didn't allow her to make that work and now she is in this situation and my girls are being forced to make decisions that no child should ever have to make. I am torn personally. I can't say that any "love" exists between her and I, but we were married for 29 years, raised two children from birth to adulthood and had all the experiences that most couples have had in their marriages. The last thing I want to see is for her to be suffering, but, I really have no say in the matter anymore. I'm not sure I want it, but, I don't want them to be in that position either. I feel some responsibility due to the fact that I was somewhat involved in the process that made her their mother. At least I was at the time. For one of the first times in my life, I feel helpless. Unable to protect my girls from the pain and the really sad bit of dysfunction that they are currently in or heading for. Any suggestions? No, that's ok, I know it's not your problem but I needed to vent a little. I hate this. They are the only family that I have and I hate confrontation with a passion, but, I feel ready to explode and scream out that this isn't about the two of you, it's about your Mother. Carp or get off the pot.

After I had time to think about this, I would like to suggest hospice, they are very caring, and help the whole family at no charge. Near the end of my dad's life, my sister was given morphine to give to dad to ease him into the next life. She was given instructions on how to look for the signs. It was the best thing for everyone, especially my Mom. Dad basically went to sleep.

 

[betty rose]

G'night all my dh is going to be home at a human hour and we can all have dinner together. 2 days in a row! YEA!!!!!!!!!!!!

That's wonderful, I love eating breakfast every morning with hubby.

 

[Goofyernmost]

@Goofyernmost I don't have a solution for you and there are no easy answers for any of you. Just let your dds know you love and support them in their decisions. Let them both know they each have a valid point but ask them what would their mother truly want and ask them to search their hearts. My prayers are with you

I do. This is how my FIL life came to an end, a man I loved very much. He had had a DNR. He said no to feeding tube. Well after some stupidity and medical ooops. A DNR plus a feeding tube was put in. He had a much slower death with a great deal of pain in the end.
If swallowing is only partial then the food and salavia starts going into the lungs and there is bouts of bacterial pneumonia. Eventually feeding tube still in and giving him just enough energy to not die but suffering from lung issues the collateral damage. I had wished his DNR and No tube had been respected despite the loving need to try and fix him that wasn't going to really fix him. Ultimately my husband had to make the call to unhook him and requested enough drugs to keep him out of pain, the medical people complied and he was dead in 2 hours and finally at peace after months of months of needless suffering and the family members watching him in such pain because of the decisions they made that overrode his wishes.

My suggestion would be to have the 2 daughters sit with doctors and social worker. Get a complete grasp of what each avenue of choice will bring for their Mom on down the road. Nothing....pain meds, death with dignity? Feeding Tube, what quality of life and when her health goes downhill what will she go through? The Docs can give the clinical, the social worker at hospital can bring the discussion to a mediated discussion over what is best for Mom vs is what is emotional better for Mom's family.

I feel for your daughters. As you've likely read we are struggling with many physical issues with my Dad at the moment. Also coupled with likely some type of cognitive issues making it far worse. My Mom and I are on one page and unexpectedly my Sis is traveling down a different road. My Sis and I have not had a debate about it yet but I know if it is left to our decisions and the Lord doesn't take the choices out of our hands we could be in the same situation though my Mom has the ultimate call when it comes down to it.

Please feel free to vent and rant when needed. We all need a safe place and this seems to be many of ours. Pixie Dust to you and your daughters. I'll keep you guys in my list of growing prayers.

After I had time to think about this, I would like to suggest hospice, they are very caring, and help the whole family at no charge. Near the end of my dad's life, my sister was given morphine to give to dad to ease him into the next life. She was given instructions on how to look for the signs. It was the best thing for everyone, especially my Mom. Dad basically went to sleep.

Thank you all for your thoughts and suggestions. I have been involved, but, I have been walking on egg shells trying not to take sides with either one of them. Just listening and offering suggestions on how they could expand their true knowledge of what is happening and work together for the benefit of their mom.

I also have been thinking about it considerably and feel that we have reached the point where I have to make my feelings known to them in a way that doesn't say to one that she is wrong and the other that she is right. They both have a right to their own feelings on these matters. The problem is that there is a third person that is the recipient of what ever decision they make, which at this point is to do something that will be extreme in a perhaps vain attempt to make her life better or to do nothing and let it reach its own conclusion.

In this case I tend to agree with what Gabe said. It seems like it is an unnecessary procedure that will not ever have a happy ending and all because we (collectively) don't what to see someone we care about pass on. But, as we all know, that day will come to us at some point anyway and how we get there is as important as when we get there. She has already been diagnosed with less then six months left by her doctor otherwise Hospice would not be involved, which they are. They think that it is possible for her to be trained to swallow again by physical therapy and even some tiny electric charges attached to her neck stimulating muscles to act like they should for swallowing. But, part of the problem is that she doesn't have control of her tongue muscle either that prevents her from speaking in a communicable way.

Add onto that the fact that her past mental health issues have made it easy for people to think that even if she communicates that she does or doesn't want something that she may not be able to mentally be able to understand what is being said. She has lost her short term memory but can and does know the girls instantly. I'm not buying that she is not aware of what is going on. The go and visit her and ask if she wants to play Uno. She nods yes and then proceeds to play properly. To me that means she is certainly capable of thinking in the present and knows and can follow directions. She has a Masters Degree in Nursing and although it is possible that she doesn't consciously remember a lot about it, inside she does understand. When asked if she wanted a feeding tube, she replied with no. When asked if she wanted to have therapy for speech she said yes. I am not buying the not mentally able to make a decision crap. I know her fairly well, I know that she herself made the decision to not have her own mother have anymore extreme prevention when her mother was dying of cancer. She made the decision to make sure that her mother was medicated for pain in spite of the fact that she knew that it might really speed up the process of her death. (It did, she passed away that night)

I guess the time has come to try and rescue my children from the burden of the decision and take it on myself. I will do that because I feel that she will be better served by giving a path for them to follow instead of just asking what path the want to follow. There is a definite fork in this particular road. I am going to give some thought to how I want to say it and then, hopefully give them a way out of decision making while still being part of it in a way that they can live with later.

 

[StarWarsGirl]

Once again... a serious moment. This situation is ripping my family apart and I don't know what to do about it. I have mentioned my X a number of times and her declining health, but, it has come to a head and is looking like it is going to make mortal enemies out of two sisters, both of whom I love dearly.

I believe I mentioned that my X's condition has been declining rapidly and it is due to a condition, from an unknown origin, that has rendered her unable to swallow or speak in an understandable manner. When asked if she wanted a feeding tube, she said no. However, it has also been determined that her current mental state maybe at a point of not being totally aware of what it means, one way or the other. The Doctors feel that they might get her into a hospital and do some intravenous action to get her strength up enough to allow the process of inserting a feeding tube. After that they feel that there is a least a chance of retraining her to swallow and thus prolong her life for some time (undetermined length). My daughters are at an impasse due to the fact that one feels that 1) her mother has already said no and 2) the quality of life enters into it. Even at best all it will provide her with is a couple of years of sitting in a chair starring at the wall. The other, of course, feels that whatever hope there is hinges on her having the feeding tube and doesn't want to come to the conclusion that her mother just wants to die and that whatever is possible to possibly help should be pursued.

Couple that with the idea that I shouldn't even be involved because the woman divorced me 15 years ago because she no longer wanted to be married and wanted to control her own life. Well, she got control of it, but, her life long mental illnesses didn't allow her to make that work and now she is in this situation and my girls are being forced to make decisions that no child should ever have to make. I am torn personally. I can't say that any "love" exists between her and I, but we were married for 29 years, raised two children from birth to adulthood and had all the experiences that most couples have had in their marriages. The last thing I want to see is for her to be suffering, but, I really have no say in the matter anymore. I'm not sure I want it, but, I don't want them to be in that position either. I feel some responsibility due to the fact that I was somewhat involved in the process that made her their mother. At least I was at the time. For one of the first times in my life, I feel helpless. Unable to protect my girls from the pain and the really sad bit of dysfunction that they are currently in or heading for. Any suggestions? No, that's ok, I know it's not your problem but I needed to vent a little. I hate this. They are the only family that I have and I hate confrontation with a passion, but, I feel ready to explode and scream out that this isn't about the two of you, it's about your Mother. Carp or get off the pot.

I am so sorry to hear this. I can't imagine what your girls are going through, other than that they're likely hurting, scared, and overwhelmed. I think Figgy put it beautifully; just be there for them and remind then that you love them. Best wishes.

 

[betty rose]

Thank you all for your thoughts and suggestions. I have been involved, but, I have been walking on egg shells trying not to take sides with either one of them. Just listening and offering suggestions on how they could expand their true knowledge of what is happening and work together for the benefit of their mom.

I also have been thinking about it considerably and feel that we have reached the point where I have to make my feelings known to them in a way that doesn't say to one that she is wrong and the other that she is right. They both have a right to their own feelings on these matters. The problem is that there is a third person that is the recipient of what ever decision they make, which at this point is to do something that will be extreme in a perhaps vain attempt to make her life better or to do nothing and let it reach its own conclusion.

In this case I tend to agree with what Gabe said. It seems like it is an unnecessary procedure that will not ever have a happy ending and all because we (collectively) don't what to see someone we care about pass on. But, as we all know, that day will come to us at some point anyway and how we get there is as important as when we get there. She has already been diagnosed with less then six months left by her doctor otherwise Hospice would not be involved, which they are. They think that it is possible for her to be trained to swallow again by physical therapy and even some tiny electric charges attached to her neck stimulating muscles to act like they should for swallowing. But, part of the problem is that she doesn't have control of her tongue muscle either that prevents her from speaking in a communicable way.

Add onto that the fact that her past mental health issues have made it easy for people to think that even if she communicates that she does or doesn't want something that she may not be able to mentally be able to understand what is being said. She has lost her short term memory but can and does know the girls instantly. I'm not buying that she is not aware of what is going on. The go and visit her and ask if she wants to play Uno. She nods yes and then proceeds to play properly. To me that means she is certainly capable of thinking in the present and knows and can follow directions. She has a Masters Degree in Nursing and although it is possible that she doesn't consciously remember a lot about it, inside she does understand. When asked if she wanted a feeding tube, she replied with no. When asked if she wanted to have therapy for speech she said yes. I am not buying the not mentally able to make a decision crap. I know her fairly well, I know that she herself made the decision to not have her own mother have anymore extreme prevention when her mother was dying of cancer. She made the decision to make sure that her mother was medicated for pain in spite of the fact that she knew that it might really speed up the process of her death. (It did, she passed away that night)

I guess the time has come to try and rescue my children from the burden of the decision and take it on myself. I will do that because I feel that she will be better served by giving a path for them to follow instead of just asking what path the want to follow. There is a definite fork in this particular road. I am going to give some thought to how I want to say it and then, hopefully give them a way out of decision making while still being part of it in a way that they can live with later.

You have a very tough road ahead you will be in my prayer's, end of life decisions are never easy. We took care of that with our daughter years ago, she understands that we want no extended care. I'm sorry that people make their kids and family go through this, but sis and I were faced with this too. Hospice has their hands tied, if she is in the hospital, we took dad out, and they were more than helpful. Every state has different regulations as to what is possible, your state may not allow a family member take steps when necessary. I am so sorry. You don't need this right now, I will praying you will find the right words to say to your daughter's.

 

[StarWarsGirl]

Good. They pay more attention to the dog, because dogs love to be a part of the "family", and will come by to get your attention, if you act as though they are not there.

Well, cats will do the same thing. Our hangs around us and is usually interested in what we're doing. When we were eating in the basement, she walked around commenting on the situation. But you're right; dogs are different. They're a bit too demanding for my taste. I like cats because they are usually content to just be with you while you watch TV or do computer work. They can be demanding, but overall, they're less work and less needy than dogs.

 

[Mr Ferret 75]

@Goofyernmost I will let the more responsible members here give you advice but wish you the best in such a difficult time.

 

[brb1006]

Hey guys if your wondering why I haven't been active on the forums lately. Well that's because I had a stomach virus that been going on for two weeks. I'm currently typing this message on my android tablet while I'm in the hospital right now. I had a few blood tests taken today and more will be taken tommorow morning. I just came back fro my colonosocpy and I'm a little dazed from the medicine they gave me. So I might be back to being more active on this site when I recover. Don't worry @fox_198 I will be back home sometime this week.

 

[ShoalFox]

Hey guys if your wondering why I haven't been active on the forums lately. Well that's because I had a stomach virus that been going on for two weeks. I'm currently typing this message on my android tablet while I'm in the hospital right now. I had a few blood tests taken today and more will be taken tommorow morning. I just came back fro my colonosocpy and I'm a little dazed from the medicine they gave me. So I might be back to being more active on this site when I recover. Don't worry @fox_198 I will be back home sometime this week.

Get well soon!

 

[MOXOMUMD]

 

[betty rose]

Hey guys if your wondering why I haven't been active on the forums lately. Well that's because I had a stomach virus that been going on for two weeks. I'm currently typing this message on my android tablet while I'm in the hospital right now. I had a few blood tests taken today and more will be taken tommorow morning. I just came back fro my colonosocpy and I'm a little dazed from the medicine they gave me. So I might be back to being more active on this site when I recover. Don't worry @fox_198 I will be back home sometime this week.

So many things going around. I was under the weather for 5 weeks. And now I'm having a stomach virus too.

 

[donaldtoo]

Once again... a serious moment. This situation is ripping my family apart and I don't know what to do about it. I have mentioned my X a number of times and her declining health, but, it has come to a head and is looking like it is going to make mortal enemies out of two sisters, both of whom I love dearly.

I believe I mentioned that my X's condition has been declining rapidly and it is due to a condition, from an unknown origin, that has rendered her unable to swallow or speak in an understandable manner. When asked if she wanted a feeding tube, she said no. However, it has also been determined that her current mental state maybe at a point of not being totally aware of what it means, one way or the other. The Doctors feel that they might get her into a hospital and do some intravenous action to get her strength up enough to allow the process of inserting a feeding tube. After that they feel that there is a least a chance of retraining her to swallow and thus prolong her life for some time (undetermined length). My daughters are at an impasse due to the fact that one feels that 1) her mother has already said no and 2) the quality of life enters into it. Even at best all it will provide her with is a couple of years of sitting in a chair starring at the wall. The other, of course, feels that whatever hope there is hinges on her having the feeding tube and doesn't want to come to the conclusion that her mother just wants to die and that whatever is possible to possibly help should be pursued.

Couple that with the idea that I shouldn't even be involved because the woman divorced me 15 years ago because she no longer wanted to be married and wanted to control her own life. Well, she got control of it, but, her life long mental illnesses didn't allow her to make that work and now she is in this situation and my girls are being forced to make decisions that no child should ever have to make. I am torn personally. I can't say that any "love" exists between her and I, but we were married for 29 years, raised two children from birth to adulthood and had all the experiences that most couples have had in their marriages. The last thing I want to see is for her to be suffering, but, I really have no say in the matter anymore. I'm not sure I want it, but, I don't want them to be in that position either. I feel some responsibility due to the fact that I was somewhat involved in the process that made her their mother. At least I was at the time. For one of the first times in my life, I feel helpless. Unable to protect my girls from the pain and the really sad bit of dysfunction that they are currently in or heading for. Any suggestions? No, that's ok, I know it's not your problem but I needed to vent a little. I hate this. They are the only family that I have and I hate confrontation with a passion, but, I feel ready to explode and scream out that this isn't about the two of you, it's about your Mother. Carp or get off the pot.

I will offer no suggestions or advice, as I have never been through anything like this before. And, others have given you plenty of thoughtful input to consider. The only thing I can offer is my heartfelt sympathy and prayers.
I truly hope that your daughters can come together and do what they really feel is right for their mother, and do what is in her best interest, with minimal suffering for her.
Prayers and peace to you all.

 

[ajrwdwgirl]

Walt's feelings towards daylight savings time

Walt is smart.

 

[donaldtoo]

Also, during my walk...fallout shelter.

View attachment 133628

You can tell when they built this school...

 

[ajrwdwgirl]

Once again... a serious moment. This situation is ripping my family apart and I don't know what to do about it. I have mentioned my X a number of times and her declining health, but, it has come to a head and is looking like it is going to make mortal enemies out of two sisters, both of whom I love dearly.

I believe I mentioned that my X's condition has been declining rapidly and it is due to a condition, from an unknown origin, that has rendered her unable to swallow or speak in an understandable manner. When asked if she wanted a feeding tube, she said no. However, it has also been determined that her current mental state maybe at a point of not being totally aware of what it means, one way or the other. The Doctors feel that they might get her into a hospital and do some intravenous action to get her strength up enough to allow the process of inserting a feeding tube. After that they feel that there is a least a chance of retraining her to swallow and thus prolong her life for some time (undetermined length). My daughters are at an impasse due to the fact that one feels that 1) her mother has already said no and 2) the quality of life enters into it. Even at best all it will provide her with is a couple of years of sitting in a chair starring at the wall. The other, of course, feels that whatever hope there is hinges on her having the feeding tube and doesn't want to come to the conclusion that her mother just wants to die and that whatever is possible to possibly help should be pursued.

Couple that with the idea that I shouldn't even be involved because the woman divorced me 15 years ago because she no longer wanted to be married and wanted to control her own life. Well, she got control of it, but, her life long mental illnesses didn't allow her to make that work and now she is in this situation and my girls are being forced to make decisions that no child should ever have to make. I am torn personally. I can't say that any "love" exists between her and I, but we were married for 29 years, raised two children from birth to adulthood and had all the experiences that most couples have had in their marriages. The last thing I want to see is for her to be suffering, but, I really have no say in the matter anymore. I'm not sure I want it, but, I don't want them to be in that position either. I feel some responsibility due to the fact that I was somewhat involved in the process that made her their mother. At least I was at the time. For one of the first times in my life, I feel helpless. Unable to protect my girls from the pain and the really sad bit of dysfunction that they are currently in or heading for. Any suggestions? No, that's ok, I know it's not your problem but I needed to vent a little. I hate this. They are the only family that I have and I hate confrontation with a passion, but, I feel ready to explode and scream out that this isn't about the two of you, it's about your Mother. Carp or get off the pot.

I can't really offer any advice but my sympathies to your situation. It is a tough spot for you to be in, as you said you don't want your X to suffer but since you are divorced you really don't have a say. What is really tough is the spot your daughters are in, a difference of opinions could strain their relationship. Did their mom ever mention any medical wishes to you while you were married? It might give your daughters insight to what their mom might want. Otherwise, I would suggest leaving out your personal beliefs on what they should do with their mom, except to encourage them to talk to each other about what their mom would want and talk to the doctors as well. Otherwise just be a sounding board for them. Again tough situation, good luck. Keep us updated, and no problem venting on here. We all need to sometimes.

 

[ajrwdwgirl]

Hey guys if your wondering why I haven't been active on the forums lately. Well that's because I had a stomach virus that been going on for two weeks. I'm currently typing this message on my android tablet while I'm in the hospital right now. I had a few blood tests taken today and more will be taken tommorow morning. I just came back fro my colonosocpy and I'm a little dazed from the medicine they gave me. So I might be back to being more active on this site when I recover. Don't worry @fox_198 I will be back home sometime this week.

Wishing you a speedy recovery! Hospitals aren't any fun..