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The Chit Chat Chit Chat Thread
- Thread starter The Mom
- Start date
@Tony the Tigger
So sorry to hear your bad news. Condolences on your loss sir.
So sorry to hear your bad news. Condolences on your loss sir.
MySmallWorldof4
Well-Known Member
I am so sorry Tony. I know how important your grandma was to you. Sending many hugs and prayers.
MySmallWorldof4
Well-Known Member
Well if @figmentfan423 invites you for dinner, that would definitely be a reason to go.
You would have to be brave to have dinner @figmentfan423 's house. It's more of a competitive eating training camp by the sounds of it
MinnieM123
Premium Member
Just as a side note here: many of us do not have "normal" family dynamics either.
Wishing you peace and comfort.
Songbird76
Well-Known Member
@Rista1313 , you mentioned lemon cake and E decided she needed to try it. So she looked up a recipe (a very fiddly one!) and we baked on Monday. We probably won't ever use the recipe again because it has several components that all need to be made by hand and it took forever. LOTS of fresh lemons. You have to make the lemon cake, lemon curd to go between layers, and lemon bavarian cream to go between layers, and then lemon buttercream frosting.
Our lemon curd was difficult because you have to get it up to between 170- 180 degrees and it has egg yolks in it, so really, you want to get it to about 175, but every time we got it up to around 170, the temp started decreasing again. We got it to about 172 and gave up. And we had to strain it because there were a couple clumps of scrambled egg. So with the bavarian cream, we started with a lower heat setting and heated it more slowly, but it only had to get to 160. So that was easier, but then we whipped the cream too soon and the custard was still cooling. By the time it was cool, the whipped cream had wilted and I had to go to the store to buy more. Then when we folded it in, the whole thing was just soupy and took forever to set, so we ended up not even using it in the cake, and used frosting instead. It was just way too much work.
E decorated her slice with strawberries, blueberries, and bavarian cream, but she dug in before I got a picture.
Our lemon curd was difficult because you have to get it up to between 170- 180 degrees and it has egg yolks in it, so really, you want to get it to about 175, but every time we got it up to around 170, the temp started decreasing again. We got it to about 172 and gave up. And we had to strain it because there were a couple clumps of scrambled egg. So with the bavarian cream, we started with a lower heat setting and heated it more slowly, but it only had to get to 160. So that was easier, but then we whipped the cream too soon and the custard was still cooling. By the time it was cool, the whipped cream had wilted and I had to go to the store to buy more. Then when we folded it in, the whole thing was just soupy and took forever to set, so we ended up not even using it in the cake, and used frosting instead. It was just way too much work.
E decorated her slice with strawberries, blueberries, and bavarian cream, but she dug in before I got a picture.
Songbird76
Well-Known Member
You can honor her and remember her without them. I'm sure she knows what's going on and understands why you won't be there are the service. And from the sounds of it, given the choice, she'd be with you rather than with them. Have your own celebration of her and be done with those who don't support you. And I disagree that she can't make you feel better when your mom acts nuts. You have her words, the memories. When you're mom is being a jerk, your grandmother's words will be there to help you again. You'll just have to say them to yourself and imagine her voice. You know how she felt about you. Let that be your guideline rather than giving in to the negativity of your other family. Let them have the physical body to lay to rest....you will have her spirit with you, which is much better. I'm so sorry that it happened this way, and that your family are being doinks about it. Your grandmother wouldn't have wanted it that way, I'm sure. But you said she always took your side and supported you...that will never change, and they can't take that from you. Let them have their weak imitation. You'll have the real thing.
Tony the Tigger
Well-Known Member
So I just woke up, first thought was how much work I have to get done by a certain time this morning. Then I remembered everything.
It's a good thing I'll be busy this morning.
Adding to the list of things I maybe shouldn't have done: About 2AM, unable to sleep, thinking about what I would say if any of them sent me a patronizing message this morning...I blocked mom, bro, & sis on facebook. I blocked bro's number on my phone. Fell asleep while deciding whether to block the other two. My sister has not been involved in this yet.
Over the last several years, my brother and my sister separately stopped talking to me for a few years at a time. It's a go-to skill learned in our house, perfected when your father leaves (they have a different father than I.) Once you learn to block out your father (and you're rewarded for it by your mother) then you can block out anyone. I learned to undo the influences of that house much sooner than my younger siblings started to. I put a lot of work, thought, and intention into not being a product of that house at a relatively young age. When they started blocking out other people along the way, I advised them that was not the way to handle things. It should be reserved for absolutely toxic people, like their father (not mine.) (When they were 12 and 14, a court ordered them to go to counseling with their estranged father. By the end of that extensive counseling, the kids were told by the professional they'd be better off forgetting they have a father, because he has a distorted sense of reality, and a productive relationship is unlikely to occur.)
Anyway, over very minor things, they each blocked me out, various Aunts, cousins, etc. It was just something they did. We were in a rotation.
I feel like it's my turn. And I feel hypocritical about that, having told them it was not appropriate. But in reality, I don't need their consistent drama and nonsense, who isn't talking with whom, mother sucking up to two of us when she's at odds with one of us. Keep that in New Jersey. More likely I will keep them blocked on facebook - they don't need to be that involved in my day to day, and I will take a phone call (except today) but I will keep my distance.
I have held back or toned down my worst thoughts. I wanted to say out loud what my mother has already known for years: Grandma is number one; you're number two. I didn't say it. I wanted to put on the card (with the flowers I sent to the funeral parlor) "Grandma, I love you more than [I love] everyone in this room put together." That's just hurtful for the sake of being hurtful. I'm good at that. It comes from being abused and only able to fight back with words. I ended up sending: "Grandma, you are the best person I have ever known. Always in my corner. Nothing but love. XOXO..."
If you're looking for it, the dig at my mother is still in there, just more subtle. (I think?) Too late now.
There are true things I can say to all three of them that would be much worse. Just gratuitously hurtful. I've made the decision to not do that.
But I can't rule out a good New Jersey f-bomb in response to any outreach this morning. So I thought it best to block the outreach. And yes, it's possible that outreach might have included a live Facetime of the service. I'd still reply with the same f-bomb. I'm damned mad.
And I really have to take a little CBD and get to work now. If I can get my order in by 9-ish, I should be able to pick it up by 10:30-ish on my way to work, and then I don't have to go back and forth to get it in the afternoon. Service is at 10, store opens at 11, second person comes in at 1. I can't cry this morning, my eyelids swell up (since about 15 years ago, I don't know why.)
Thanks for listening. Sorry if some of this was uncomfortable or TMI. I could not post this on FB but had to get it out.
It's a good thing I'll be busy this morning.
Adding to the list of things I maybe shouldn't have done: About 2AM, unable to sleep, thinking about what I would say if any of them sent me a patronizing message this morning...I blocked mom, bro, & sis on facebook. I blocked bro's number on my phone. Fell asleep while deciding whether to block the other two. My sister has not been involved in this yet.
Over the last several years, my brother and my sister separately stopped talking to me for a few years at a time. It's a go-to skill learned in our house, perfected when your father leaves (they have a different father than I.) Once you learn to block out your father (and you're rewarded for it by your mother) then you can block out anyone. I learned to undo the influences of that house much sooner than my younger siblings started to. I put a lot of work, thought, and intention into not being a product of that house at a relatively young age. When they started blocking out other people along the way, I advised them that was not the way to handle things. It should be reserved for absolutely toxic people, like their father (not mine.) (When they were 12 and 14, a court ordered them to go to counseling with their estranged father. By the end of that extensive counseling, the kids were told by the professional they'd be better off forgetting they have a father, because he has a distorted sense of reality, and a productive relationship is unlikely to occur.)
Anyway, over very minor things, they each blocked me out, various Aunts, cousins, etc. It was just something they did. We were in a rotation.
I feel like it's my turn. And I feel hypocritical about that, having told them it was not appropriate. But in reality, I don't need their consistent drama and nonsense, who isn't talking with whom, mother sucking up to two of us when she's at odds with one of us. Keep that in New Jersey. More likely I will keep them blocked on facebook - they don't need to be that involved in my day to day, and I will take a phone call (except today) but I will keep my distance.
I have held back or toned down my worst thoughts. I wanted to say out loud what my mother has already known for years: Grandma is number one; you're number two. I didn't say it. I wanted to put on the card (with the flowers I sent to the funeral parlor) "Grandma, I love you more than [I love] everyone in this room put together." That's just hurtful for the sake of being hurtful. I'm good at that. It comes from being abused and only able to fight back with words. I ended up sending: "Grandma, you are the best person I have ever known. Always in my corner. Nothing but love. XOXO..."
If you're looking for it, the dig at my mother is still in there, just more subtle. (I think?) Too late now.
There are true things I can say to all three of them that would be much worse. Just gratuitously hurtful. I've made the decision to not do that.
But I can't rule out a good New Jersey f-bomb in response to any outreach this morning. So I thought it best to block the outreach. And yes, it's possible that outreach might have included a live Facetime of the service. I'd still reply with the same f-bomb. I'm damned mad.
And I really have to take a little CBD and get to work now. If I can get my order in by 9-ish, I should be able to pick it up by 10:30-ish on my way to work, and then I don't have to go back and forth to get it in the afternoon. Service is at 10, store opens at 11, second person comes in at 1. I can't cry this morning, my eyelids swell up (since about 15 years ago, I don't know why.)
Thanks for listening. Sorry if some of this was uncomfortable or TMI. I could not post this on FB but had to get it out.
MySmallWorldof4
Well-Known Member
It looks delicious. Sorry the lemon curd didn't come out ok. I use a recipe that doesn't use eggs and is really easy to make. The recipe calls for soy milk, but I always used almond milk or any other plant based milk. Pretty sure that any regular milk will work. https://fatfreevegan.com/blog/2010/03/05/lemon-pie-filling/
Goofyernmost
Well-Known Member
Without saying to much, I knew that we weren't unique, but, I never had any separation of closeness with my daughters until 2016. Events then and much more recently have placed a wedge between them and me and it really hurts. I can't even explain how much. I have had a pretty fortunate life comparatively. I've been at the top and I have been kicked to the bottom. I always had that connection that made me optimistic about the future and that when I got knocked down I would get back up. Now all of a sudden my center feels like it disappeared completely with no way to get it back. For the first time in my life I feel completely alone. Life has beaten me and taken my strength and purpose away.
Figgy1
Premium Member
We have 3 generations of Playstation. All bought several years apart.
MySmallWorldof4
Well-Known Member
That is just so sad. From what we know of you, you are a great father and have always been there for your kids. The current situation the country is dealing with has truly put a wedge between many family members that I hope can be healed. Are you no longer playing golf with your sil and grandson?
Figgy1
Premium Member
I use dry beans and remove the skins. It's a PITA but worth it. James is getting pretty good at removing the skins
Figgy1
Premium Member
No, just no. They're my children who don't eat me out of house and home
StarWarsGirl
Well-Known Member
- In the Parks
- No
If the PS5 played PS3 games, I'd consider it. Not sure that it does, though.
MySmallWorldof4
Well-Known Member
So I forgot to mention this the other day. Just when you thought the cheer drama was over......(play Jaws soundtrack in your head).
I get a text on Sunday from the coach who was the head of youngests old cheer program. She sent me a video. I clicked on it. The video was a Snapchat video. It had the name of one of the fired coaches on the top left, so I figured she took the video. Anyway the video showed a bunch of the moms I couldn't stand and another coach that was fired. There was a huge bonfire. You know what they were doing? They took the gyms uniforms (the gym where dd used to cheer and the program they destroyed) and threw them into the fire. They were cackling away. I was just stunned. Literally stunned. I sent the video to a couple of others and they were as flabbergasted as I was. Those people are just plain evil. The fact that this coach even posted that on Snapchat and participated in this is just mind-boggling. And there were kids there! What kind of teaching moment was this for those kids??? That there parents are the lowest of lows and morons? No, they see this now as something acceptable.
Some parent who saw the video put a fb post about it admonishing the behavior. Her child was going to go join that program, but has now pulled her kid. Good for her.
I get a text on Sunday from the coach who was the head of youngests old cheer program. She sent me a video. I clicked on it. The video was a Snapchat video. It had the name of one of the fired coaches on the top left, so I figured she took the video. Anyway the video showed a bunch of the moms I couldn't stand and another coach that was fired. There was a huge bonfire. You know what they were doing? They took the gyms uniforms (the gym where dd used to cheer and the program they destroyed) and threw them into the fire. They were cackling away. I was just stunned. Literally stunned. I sent the video to a couple of others and they were as flabbergasted as I was. Those people are just plain evil. The fact that this coach even posted that on Snapchat and participated in this is just mind-boggling. And there were kids there! What kind of teaching moment was this for those kids??? That there parents are the lowest of lows and morons? No, they see this now as something acceptable.
Some parent who saw the video put a fb post about it admonishing the behavior. Her child was going to go join that program, but has now pulled her kid. Good for her.
StarWarsGirl
Well-Known Member
- In the Parks
- No
Common forest rats.
MySmallWorldof4
Well-Known Member
You need to try this recipe. It is so good! Amazing what some walnuts and cashews can make. I add pickle juice to the recipe. Really amazing.I use dry beans and remove the skins. It's a PITA but worth it. James is getting pretty good at removing the skins
The Rawtarian: Raw vegan tuna and mayo combo
This raw mock tuna pate recipe is perfect for whipping up a quick lunch. Use it to top a salad, stuff inside an apple or make into lettuce or collard wraps. Walnut and cashew base. A food processor is required.
www.therawtarian.com
Figgy1
Premium Member
@Tony the Tigger I'm so sorry for you loss. sending lots of {{HUGS}} your way. While I was at the farm market this morning I thought of you while getting escarole, peppers, tomatoes and such. if i was closer I'd make you a nice salad, some wedding soup, a large pot of gravy and have several bottles of red wine waiting for you. be well my friend xoxo