To ban or not to ban....

Kelsybelle

Kelsybelle

Active Member
Do any of you have certain family members that you have banned from joining you on your trips to WDW?
We are starting to plan our trip and I'm faced with just this. To ban or not to ban...and it's a pretty heavy, touchy subject because the people I'm banning are my IL's. But let me jump in and say they are great people, super good to us, I'm close to them and love them, I just don't think they travel well. The trip we took with them in 2009 was as close to a disaster as a Disney trip could get (makes my heart hurt). We had flooding rains (not their fault), the stomach bug for our trip home (also not their fault) and such a FIGHT in the middle of the MK on our last night there (their fault) that a Cast member at a kiosk near the Dumbo ride who saw the whole thing, hugged me when I went behind it to cry. Their goal was to get on the Dumbo ride with my DD. The line was 45 min long, so my DH went to get something to drink, I sat down to relax and wait. I decided to call my sister (also a complete Disney nut) so she could hear the music all around me and update her on our trip. During the phone call my DD wanted me, my IL's had a break down, not knowing what to do. They were next on the ride, and they left the line. (Instead of one staying in the line with my DD and one coming to get me). My MIL came running over to me, put her finger in my face and was SCREAMING at me because I was on the phone. "Why were you on the phone, you spoke with your family yesterday"! My sister on the other end "What??" Me...."I called my sister". DD "I want to ride Dumbo"! Happy Husband walking up to us with an ear to ear Disney hazed grin which turned into a look of panic as my MIL continued to SCREAM at me saying the most insanely horrible things. I had to get up and walk away from her and that's when I shielded myself behind the kiosk. The rest of that night got worse, I got sick, my DD got sick, my DH got sick....we had to fly home the next morning. Niether of my Il's were speaking to me...or would even look at me for that matter. We were stuck in the airport for almost 10 hrs because of storms and delays from weather from Boston (home) all the way to Orlando...it was pure hell. Once we were home, and my DH was back to work by MIL called me scream at me some more, and then wouldn't talk to me for a little over a month...and even then it was really forced. Time has healed this ill fated trip, but it has never been discussed and not even a picture is taken out to reminisce with them. So here I'am starting to plan our trip. I think it should be just the 3 of us...
This post will self destruct in fear that said IL's should happen to see it...:eek:
 
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slappy magoo

slappy magoo

Well-Known Member
All of my trips since being in this current relationship has been with essentially the family I'm creating - my GF and I, which became my wife and I, which became my wife and daughter and I, which became my wife and daughterS and I. Only one trip, which was to Key West for a wedding, was with my in-laws, and even then, we didn't arrive or depart on the same planes, we had and used a rental car independent of them, and we had loads of time without them. Another trip was to WDW which coincided with a trip my sister was taking with her family and our mother - we did meet up with them a few times, but they stayed offsite and we didn't spend every single day together at all.

So the notion of feeling compelled to invite ANYONE on a trip you don't want to spend time with is foreign to me.If I were to travel with a larger group, especially to WDW where I feel comfortable with my knowledge of the area, I wouldn't demand people spend every minute of their day with my family and I. We'll have some meals together, if our plans for parks coincide, awesome, but not necessary. Go do what you want to do, we'll be over here.

Having said all that, I'll kindly add that the Florida sun, and the exhaustive nature of a WDW trip, have been known to make sinners out of saints and a-holes out of in-laws. How much slack you may want to cut them for their behavior on that trip, I suppose, depends mainly on if that behavior is common (or not) every other day out of the year.

The OP didn't ask for advice, but were I in her situation, first of all I wouldn't have let so much go unsaid for so long, I would have asked " was up that day?" ASAP. Now, I'd make my plans, not keep them a secret but not call them up to say "we're going to WDW and youuuuu're not inviiiiii-teeeeeed" either. If they have half a brain between them, they'll know why they're not invited, why a shared vacation was never discussed. If they were stupid enough to ask why, I'd answer point blank "The Great Dumbo Disaster of 2009 left a bad taste in my mouth, I wouldn't want to chance that sort of thing happening with you again." At that point you can either have the conversation about that trip you never had, or they'll just back off. And if they take offense, it seems to me they're always one real or perceived slight away from cutting ties, so what's the loss?
 
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MKCP 1985

MKCP 1985

Well-Known Member
Oh yeah, when on a family trip with a large number of people the only way to survive is to agree in advance that we will get to the parks on our own schedules and try to meet at pre-determined times for such things as restaurant reservations. Most of us have seen the big tour groups and don't want to get caught up in them, and that's not really any different when the big group is our family! ha ha The ones who fuss the most about splitting up probably have the best time once it all goes down.

OP, nothing you can do about the meltdown with the in laws, but that can happen when dealing with heat and little ones, not knowing exactly what to do or how to hold the place in line. I'd have to ban myself when I think back to one particular day in the Animal Kingdom about 10 years ago.
 
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boopuff

boopuff

Member
My parents took our family (10 people) a few years back. My folks are total turtles... slow... my bro and his wife have very young kids (5,8) and my kids are teens. So big conflict ... I just told everyone I'd make ADR for one meal a day - we'd meet and eat and alternate days with the turtle parents. It worked great until my SIL decided to skip everything leaving my Bro and one child... but that's another story...
Good luck - I'd say just don't even invite them!
 
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LivFreeorDisney

LivFreeorDisney

Well-Known Member
My inlaws made my trip last year suck so I told my wife no more.

This year my parents are coming and I'm sure it'll suck for my wife.

We promised each other that this would be the last big family trip for a long time.
 
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HouCuseChickie

HouCuseChickie

Well-Known Member
We have only gone with other family member once (well, at least since we started taking our girls). I agree that an all out ban is not needed, but a lack of invitation seems wise.

The one time we did travel w/family... we decided to split up several times a day. It doesn't solve everything, but the break time from the big group really helped. We'd meet up for certain meals or plan a specific portion of our touring day togther...i.e. maybe 2 or 3 things - and then move on to our smaller group preferences. DHS Day Example- we all did our own thing until parade time and then we all hung out. We did 2 rides after that as one big group...then my parents joined us for dinner while DB and SIL did more DHS rides, and then DB and SIL joined us for Fantasmic and Osborne Lights while my parents went over to MK for EMH.

Now hopefully they won't ask why they're not invited when they find out you're going. I mean, it's your vacay and it shouldn't matter regardless. I'd be inclined to say something like "we wanted a more intimate family trip this time, but may do a larger family trip at some point down the road." And hopefully that would suffice. Good luck! :)
 
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wendysue

wendysue

Well-Known Member
Beholder said:
It's your vacation, and I honestly believe you are under no obligation to ask anyone to go. Only you know the detailed nature of the actual family dynamics involved here, but based on how you described her actions, sounds like other issues (not yours, hers maybe) are at play here. It may be best to avoid another meltdown by just having a nice, 3 person family vacation.
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Absolutely... go enjoy your vacation. You are not obligated to invite anyone else and no explanation is necessary.
 
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mousefan1972

mousefan1972

Well-Known Member
I would never go to Disney with anyone related to me or DH. Our Disney trips are our special family time, away from the busy schedule of every day life. I think I'd rather stick a hot poker in my eye than try to deal with family while there. :eek:
 
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71dsp

71dsp

Well-Known Member
It depends. We went with another family (2 adults & 3 kids) so 8 of us total, and we all had a blast. We only had one awkward moment and that's because of our differences in child discipline. Other than that the kids had a blast and so did we. It's probably because we are all laid back and just roll with the punches.
 
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Nemo14

Nemo14

Well-Known Member
mousefan1972 said:
I would never go to Disney with anyone related to me or DH. Our Disney trips are our special family time, away from the busy schedule of every day life. I think I'd rather stick a hot poker in my eye than try to deal with family while there. :eek:
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I thought of you immediately when I saw this thread!
xmas.gif
 
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rkelly42

rkelly42

Well-Known Member
Simple, leave them at home. Make great memories for your family to remember and by that I mean for yourself, DH and DD. You do not want your DD growing up having bad memories of family fights at WDW. Enjoy your trip and do not feel guilty for one second for leaving them behind.
 
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wilkeliza

wilkeliza

Well-Known Member
I'm not married yet but trust me I already can't stand traveling with my boy friend's family. Some of them are great and I would love to go on a trip with 2 of his 4 sisters but with his mother or 2 of his other sisters no way never again. They are the type of people that every single minute must be spent with them and if you sleep past 10 a.m. they call you lazy and stupid all day. I'm on vacation I can get up when ever I please. I can understand your issue though. I don't like to exclude people either but I have learned that if my happiness is at stake because someone is included them I have to think about me. If you want your DD to have memories with the grandparents tell them they can take her on their own when she is at the right age for that and until then it will be just for you guys. If they can't respect your decision then shrug it off and enjoy Disney with out them either way make sure that the trip is about you and your family (husband and daughter) and no one else.
 
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Doombuggy13

Doombuggy13

Active Member
Ugh, I took my mother-in-law in 2009.drove me to lose my cool one day in EPCOT....enough said. Now every year my wife tells her we have rebooked she gets disappointed that she was no longer included. My take is, don't bring people who irritate you. I also have gone with my ex years ago. She could bring down the best vacation with her complaining. Since then I have only gone with my loved ones, my kids and my wife, magical times always.
 
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mamamouse

mamamouse

Well-Known Member
I haven't banned anyone but there are certain people who I've learned to set certain boundaries with for instance I know i can travel with person A as long as person B isnt there,or that i can be in Disney at the same time as a certain person but just not in the same room .
 
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