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To ban or not to ban....

Kelsybelle

Active Member
Do any of you have certain family members that you have banned from joining you on your trips to WDW?
We are starting to plan our trip and I'm faced with just this. To ban or not to ban...and it's a pretty heavy, touchy subject because the people I'm banning are my IL's. But let me jump in and say they are great people, super good to us, I'm close to them and love them, I just don't think they travel well. The trip we took with them in 2009 was as close to a disaster as a Disney trip could get (makes my heart hurt). We had flooding rains (not their fault), the stomach bug for our trip home (also not their fault) and such a FIGHT in the middle of the MK on our last night there (their fault) that a Cast member at a kiosk near the Dumbo ride who saw the whole thing, hugged me when I went behind it to cry. Their goal was to get on the Dumbo ride with my DD. The line was 45 min long, so my DH went to get something to drink, I sat down to relax and wait. I decided to call my sister (also a complete Disney nut) so she could hear the music all around me and update her on our trip. During the phone call my DD wanted me, my IL's had a break down, not knowing what to do. They were next on the ride, and they left the line. (Instead of one staying in the line with my DD and one coming to get me). My MIL came running over to me, put her finger in my face and was SCREAMING at me because I was on the phone. "Why were you on the phone, you spoke with your family yesterday"! My sister on the other end "What??" Me...."I called my sister". DD "I want to ride Dumbo"! Happy Husband walking up to us with an ear to ear Disney hazed grin which turned into a look of panic as my MIL continued to SCREAM at me saying the most insanely horrible things. I had to get up and walk away from her and that's when I shielded myself behind the kiosk. The rest of that night got worse, I got sick, my DD got sick, my DH got sick....we had to fly home the next morning. Niether of my Il's were speaking to me...or would even look at me for that matter. We were stuck in the airport for almost 10 hrs because of storms and delays from weather from Boston (home) all the way to Orlando...it was pure hell. Once we were home, and my DH was back to work by MIL called me scream at me some more, and then wouldn't talk to me for a little over a month...and even then it was really forced. Time has healed this ill fated trip, but it has never been discussed and not even a picture is taken out to reminisce with them. So here I'am starting to plan our trip. I think it should be just the 3 of us...
This post will self destruct in fear that said IL's should happen to see it...:eek:
 

sgtmgd

Well-Known Member
Do any of you have certain family members that you have banned from joining you on your trips to WDW?
We are starting to plan our trip and I'm faced with just this. To ban or not to ban...and it's a pretty heavy, touchy subject because the people I'm banning are my IL's. But let me jump in and say they are great people, super good to us, I'm close to them and love them, I just don't think they travel well. The trip we took with them in 2009 was as close to a disaster as a Disney trip could get (makes my heart hurt). We had flooding rains (not their fault), the stomach bug for our trip home (also not their fault) and such a FIGHT in the middle of the MK on our last night there (their fault) that a Cast member at a kiosk near the Dumbo ride who saw the whole thing, hugged me when I went behind it to cry. Their goal was to get on the Dumbo ride with my DD. The line was 45 min long, so my DH went to get something to drink, I sat down to relax and wait. I decided to call my sister (also a complete Disney nut) so she could hear the music all around me and update her on our trip. During the phone call my DD wanted me, my IL's had a break down, not knowing what to do. They were next on the ride, and they left the line. (Instead of one staying in the line with my DD and one coming to get me). My MIL came running over to me, put her finger in my face and was SCREAMING at me because I was on the phone. "Why were you on the phone, you spoke with your family yesterday"! My sister on the other end "What??" Me...."I called my sister". DD "I want to ride Dumbo"! Happy Husband walking up to us with an ear to ear Disney hazed grin which turned into a look of panic as my MIL continued to SCREAM at me saying the most insanely horrible things. I had to get up and walk away from her and that's when I shielded myself behind the kiosk. The rest of that night got worse, I got sick, my DD got sick, my DH got sick....we had to fly home the next morning. Niether of my Il's were speaking to me...or would even look at me for that matter. We were stuck in the airport for almost 10 hrs because of storms and delays from weather from Boston (home) all the way to Orlando...it was pure hell. Once we were home, and my DH was back to work by MIL called me scream at me some more, and then wouldn't talk to me for a little over a month...and even then it was really forced. Time has healed this ill fated trip, but it has never been discussed and not even a picture is taken out to reminisce with them. So here I'am starting to plan our trip. I think it should be just the 3 of us...
This post will self destruct in fear that said IL's should happen to see it...:eek:
Wow..I needed water half way through that..

Touchy subject...guess the question is how does your DH feel ...is he ok excluding them...that's question # 1

2. Was this a one off incident...or are they the type that this thing is likely to happen again..

I wouldn't hesitate to plan a trip without relatives if I knew in my heart it was going to blow up onto a fight..after all the Magic Kingdom...should be..well Magic
 
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Mukta

Well-Known Member
That sounds horrible! I can't blame you for not wanting to go with them again. What does your husband think about just the 3 of you going?

You sounds like a very forgiving person. It would be hard for me to look at her with love after the things she said.
 
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pixiesteno

Well-Known Member
Oh boy, yes I would keep it to immediate family only! We took my MIL on a trip in 2005, not again. She did not make the mistake of getting in my face and screaming at me; my DH would have gone off the wall if she had done that. As it was she tried to tell my FIL, who did not go, how awful I had been to her and DH set the record straight on that one. But she did little manipulative things that made us late to ADRs, little snide comments under her breath, she incessantly complained about other people and their children being wasteful on food, etc. It culminated with her refusing to listen about putting her manicure kit (with small scissors) into her checked luggage and not her carry-on, which we had already address before the flight down when we had to take it out of her carry-on. There we were security at MCO with very little time to make it to the gate due to the airline putting us on a direct flight to ROC (Yeah!). We were all in separate lines, I got through first and was looking for the rest of the party. There she was sitting in a chair in the middle of the room with a TSA guard while another TSA agent was tearing her bag up. Yep, you guessed it the manicure kit. DH told them to throw it out. When DH and I got a chance to talk after we arrived home I found out not only did she do the bit with the manicure kit but when DH told her to make sure she took off her watch and such and put it in the tray, she looked him in the eye and pushed her watch up her arm and pulled her top over it and proceeded to go into the magnatron thingy. I took all the fun out of her "drama" reinactment when I explained to people why she got wanded and searched. Needless to say, never again although she will on occasion drop a hint. No way.
 
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BamaDisneyFan

Active Member
Wow!!! That was awful. I'm sorry to hear your last visit was not memorable. I agree - what does DH think? Then depending on what he thinks, I would maybe mention to them your plans. This way if they find out through other sources and they had something else planned, you wouldn't be yelled at again. I hope all works out well for you. Good Luck and Happy planning!!! :D
 
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Vader2112

Well-Known Member
Sorry to hear about you trip...Yes IMO I would not extend an invite. Disney as fun as it is can also be stressful for some. The wait times, the heat, the sense of constantly rushing here and there and the crowds can get to some people over a few days. I would just book the trip and say you wanted it to be a family get away.
 
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71dsp

Well-Known Member
I certainly wouldn't extend an invite, and I would make sure your husband is on board with that idea (I don't see why he wouln't be).

Have you and your husband discussed this? Did he ever let his parents know that this kind of behavior is unacceptable? I'm sorry, but if my mother behaved in such a manner, I would be the first to put an immediate stop to it. I love my mother immensely (God rest her soul), but when she had a disagreement with my wife early into our marriage, I had to tell my mother that I had a new responsibility to my wife and that I stood behind her 100%. I made it very clear that she was my mother and I loved her dearly; it's not like I dropped the hammer on my mother (but I needed to draw a line in the sand, so to speak). She completely understood, and there was never an issue between her and my mother again. That's not to say that they never had disagreements, but my mother knew that dragging me into things wasn't going to help.
 
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PolynesianPrincess

Well-Known Member
We used to take large trips with our family when my grandmother first bought her timeshare and we were in grade school. Our largest group was in 2001 for my cousins birthday. There were like 15 of us. No one could agree on what to do or where to go so we all eventually just went and did our own things. We won't travel with my grandmother anymore because she refuses to get a scooter or wheelchair. She had 2 brain tumors and walks with a limp. It doesn't hurt her or anything but she gets tired and it slows her down quite a bit and when we move faster than her she flips out and tells us to slow down. No one in our family will take her anymore until she gets a scooter.
 
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ShookieJones

We need time for things to happen.
Premium Member
Hmm. Wow. That's quite a story! Somebody mentioned needing a water. I need a shot and beer after reading that.
To me the answer on what to do about this is pretty clear cut. But doing things my way isn't always the best way. Just ask my wife she'll tell you. :rolleyes:

So as someone else mentioned or asked:
Have you tossed this banning or not inviting idea with in laws with your Hubby?

If he's onboard - then this is a done deal. You can't worry about hurting their feelings at this point.
It's sounds like they threw all those formalities out the window over by the Dumbo spinners.

If your Husband has quams about that then you've got a whole new story right? I hope that isn't the case and the truth is I think you've got a really good reason to not include them and the discussion should remain civil..
unlike the incident by the Dumbo spinners.

I don't go on long trips with my IL for this VERY reason. They don't travel well. My MIL wants to control every aspect of EVERYTHING. Although my wife loves her mother dearly she at least realizes this about her.
So we keep them out of our WDW vacations and kee any vacas with them...to long weekends and such.

I hope this works out easily for you. If it's worth anything - I got your back ;)
 
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disneygirl76

Carey Poppins - Nanny and Disney Enthusiest
Do any of you have certain family members that you have banned from joining you on your trips to WDW?
We are starting to plan our trip and I'm faced with just this. To ban or not to ban...and it's a pretty heavy, touchy subject because the people I'm banning are my IL's. But let me jump in and say they are great people, super good to us, I'm close to them and love them, I just don't think they travel well. The trip we took with them in 2009 was as close to a disaster as a Disney trip could get (makes my heart hurt). We had flooding rains (not their fault), the stomach bug for our trip home (also not their fault) and such a FIGHT in the middle of the MK on our last night there (their fault) that a Cast member at a kiosk near the Dumbo ride who saw the whole thing, hugged me when I went behind it to cry. Their goal was to get on the Dumbo ride with my DD. The line was 45 min long, so my DH went to get something to drink, I sat down to relax and wait. I decided to call my sister (also a complete Disney nut) so she could hear the music all around me and update her on our trip. During the phone call my DD wanted me, my IL's had a break down, not knowing what to do. They were next on the ride, and they left the line. (Instead of one staying in the line with my DD and one coming to get me). My MIL came running over to me, put her finger in my face and was SCREAMING at me because I was on the phone. "Why were you on the phone, you spoke with your family yesterday"! My sister on the other end "What??" Me...."I called my sister". DD "I want to ride Dumbo"! Happy Husband walking up to us with an ear to ear Disney hazed grin which turned into a look of panic as my MIL continued to SCREAM at me saying the most insanely horrible things. I had to get up and walk away from her and that's when I shielded myself behind the kiosk. The rest of that night got worse, I got sick, my DD got sick, my DH got sick....we had to fly home the next morning. Niether of my Il's were speaking to me...or would even look at me for that matter. We were stuck in the airport for almost 10 hrs because of storms and delays from weather from Boston (home) all the way to Orlando...it was pure hell. Once we were home, and my DH was back to work by MIL called me scream at me some more, and then wouldn't talk to me for a little over a month...and even then it was really forced. Time has healed this ill fated trip, but it has never been discussed and not even a picture is taken out to reminisce with them. So here I'am starting to plan our trip. I think it should be just the 3 of us...
This post will self destruct in fear that said IL's should happen to see it...:eek:

Family stress is so hard. I'm so sorry that this happened to you. I would not issue an invitation. I wouldn't say ban b.c you may want them to join you at a later date but since this last experience was so fresh in your memory, and the hurt is still there, then I just would not invite them to come along. This is your family vacation and I know that sometimes not issuing an invitation is like banning. But this is your family, your investment in a memory, and you deserve to have it come out the way you want. I think it should just be the 3 of you. Is your DH okay with that?
 
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Beholder

Well-Known Member
It's your vacation, and I honestly believe you are under no obligation to ask anyone to go. Only you know the detailed nature of the actual family dynamics involved here, but based on how you described her actions, sounds like other issues (not yours, hers maybe) are at play here. It may be best to avoid another meltdown by just having a nice, 3 person family vacation.
 
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Kelsybelle

Active Member
Original Poster
Thank you everyone! You've made me feel better with some of your stories. Funny thing about my Husband....he didn't really want to invite them on that trip in the first place...I now know why. And he has no problem not including them on this next one, it was actually his suggestion. Although he loves his parents, he feels we work too hard to have good intentions blow up in our faces. It's me, I have such a soft spot for family memories. I want my DH to have the kind of memories I had growing up Disney.
 
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acrab3t

Active Member
You have every right not to invite your in laws. After all, this is your vacation. I have been with a large group before. Of course there was some fighting which was not enjoyable. The best trips are just me, my DH and my DS. No arguing, no waiting, just the three of us having the time of our lives. It is bonding time, away from work and school. It is important for your family of three to just be together to go at your pace.
 
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bmarkelon

Well-Known Member
Yup, agree with all the above responses. A ban sounds a little more aggressive, just do not extend the invite. I'm sure that they won't be too surprised based on the way the last one went down. That totally sucks and I'm so sorry that even has to be a MK memory for you...especially by Dumbo!! :(
I had a similar terrible experience with a family member on our last trip and had a total emotional breakdown in the Contemporary lobby and was also consoled by a CM. She actually helped me keep it together in front of my kiddos. This family member was my brother who last trip had a problem with alcohol; he has since become sober so I'm not sure if he's been banned or not. But he was not invited on our upcoming trip, in 17 days!!
Good luck and happy planning!
 
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71dsp

Well-Known Member
I totally understand the family thing. I'm the same way, but if that's the way your in-laws behave, what kind of memories are you creating? If you want him to have fond memories of WDW, and he's suggesting to leave the in-laws at home, could be wise to heed his advice.

Good luck whatever you decide. Family drama is always difficult. Thankfully I get along really well with my in-laws and my wife got along great with my mom. We're always here to bounce ideas around. :)
 
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flipadeeflop

Active Member
Wow..I needed water half way through that..

Touchy subject...guess the question is how does your DH feel ...is he ok excluding them...that's question # 1

2. Was this a one off incident...or are they the type that this thing is likely to happen again..

I wouldn't hesitate to plan a trip without relatives if I knew in my heart it was going to blow up onto a fight..after all the Magic Kingdom...should be..well Magic

I would basically say this ^^^

As for an extension on #2.- if this was a very isolated incident, maybe it is worth giving them another chance. It made me sad to think of the fact that you can't even reminisce the trip with them. Maybe trying again with them might help make some special memories, then you can remember THAT trip instead of the negative one. You might regret not inviting them, but at the same time, it's tough if you think it might happen again. Even though IMO it doesn't sound like you were in the wrong AT ALL, maybe it would be worth it to ask your MIL what exactly made her so upset, then you could make sure you tended to her irritable mood, even though it doesn't sound like you could have done something wrong to begin with! Everyone has needs, even if they aren't always reasonable.
I'm sure it was frustrating for them to hear your daughter so unhappy after waiting in line for so long, but it's unfortunate she reacted in such an attacking manner. She probably continued yelling at you once you returned home because she knew she was in the wrong, but wanted to justify why she thought she was right. It's good that it can be put in the past.
Maybe this trip you could go without inviting them, but if they ask to go, take them. Maybe the next trip you have after this one could be one where you invite them.
 
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NemoRocks78

Seized
Premium Member
We had a pretty frustrating trip last November with my girlfriend's family (mom, dad, sister, BIL, 2 year old nephew, and 5 year old niece). I was very excited to take her nephew and niece (who were extremely excited to be there) around the parks on their first trip to WDW. But any time the kids acted up for a millisecond her mother and/or sister would whisk them back to the hotel and it would make things extremely difficult in regards to meeting up for meals, going on rides the kids would want to go on, and such. One night her mother took them back to Pop Century when we were all planning on dinner at Beaches & Cream and it was a gigantic ordeal for her to get there with them (and we didn't even wind up eating there). Everything was going well on another day at Epcot until her sister got mad out of the blue for no reason and then stormed off to go back to Ft. Wilderness with her husband and kids. And another day my girlfriend and I were going to use their car to drive to Universal, but all of a sudden her mother decided they needed to get groceries with it and told us we couldn't go. That made my girlfriend pretty upset for the rest of the day. There were other heated times as well (and like your experience, a stomach bug got passed around to many of us - thankfully I didn't catch it), but I try to only remember the good, heh. I probably won't want to agree to another big family trip like that for a while, though I'd love to be able to take her nephew and niece by ourselves sometime.

Your story is crazy, though. I sure would've been pretty upset if something as serious as that went down during our trip. You have every right to not invite them. Keep it with your DH and DD. I'd say if things cool down more then it might be worth a shot again in the future, but not right now.
 
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Pooh Lover

Well-Known Member
Honestly, after what you went through on your last vacation with your IL's, I don't think you husband would even have the nerve to begin the sentence "Well, what about......" If families can and do travel well together, that is great and more power to them. But if not, vacations (especially ones at WDW) are precious AND expensive. You should never feel obligated to invite anyone. That is why it is called a vacation and not a family reunion.
 
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