To ban or not to ban....

[Kelsybelle]

Do any of you have certain family members that you have banned from joining you on your trips to WDW?
We are starting to plan our trip and I'm faced with just this. To ban or not to ban...and it's a pretty heavy, touchy subject because the people I'm banning are my IL's. But let me jump in and say they are great people, super good to us, I'm close to them and love them, I just don't think they travel well. The trip we took with them in 2009 was as close to a disaster as a Disney trip could get (makes my heart hurt). We had flooding rains (not their fault), the stomach bug for our trip home (also not their fault) and such a FIGHT in the middle of the MK on our last night there (their fault) that a Cast member at a kiosk near the Dumbo ride who saw the whole thing, hugged me when I went behind it to cry. Their goal was to get on the Dumbo ride with my DD. The line was 45 min long, so my DH went to get something to drink, I sat down to relax and wait. I decided to call my sister (also a complete Disney nut) so she could hear the music all around me and update her on our trip. During the phone call my DD wanted me, my IL's had a break down, not knowing what to do. They were next on the ride, and they left the line. (Instead of one staying in the line with my DD and one coming to get me). My MIL came running over to me, put her finger in my face and was SCREAMING at me because I was on the phone. "Why were you on the phone, you spoke with your family yesterday"! My sister on the other end "What??" Me...."I called my sister". DD "I want to ride Dumbo"! Happy Husband walking up to us with an ear to ear Disney hazed grin which turned into a look of panic as my MIL continued to SCREAM at me saying the most insanely horrible things. I had to get up and walk away from her and that's when I shielded myself behind the kiosk. The rest of that night got worse, I got sick, my DD got sick, my DH got sick....we had to fly home the next morning. Niether of my Il's were speaking to me...or would even look at me for that matter. We were stuck in the airport for almost 10 hrs because of storms and delays from weather from Boston (home) all the way to Orlando...it was pure hell. Once we were home, and my DH was back to work by MIL called me scream at me some more, and then wouldn't talk to me for a little over a month...and even then it was really forced. Time has healed this ill fated trip, but it has never been discussed and not even a picture is taken out to reminisce with them. So here I'am starting to plan our trip. I think it should be just the 3 of us...
This post will self destruct in fear that said IL's should happen to see it...

 

[Witchy Chick]

Some of these posts are scaring me since our upcoming trip includes us (DH, me, DD4, DS2), my parents, my in-laws, and my aunt and uncle.

I hope we will all be OK with each other. We do not have every meal/every park planned out for all ten of us every day. We have one or two meals (depending on which day) each day with the whole group. Some meals with just us and my parents, some meals with just us and the in-laws. I think a large part of the time, each sub-group will be "doing our own thing." And certainly when we head back to the resort for naps (for the kids), I can see the older generation "doing their own thing" (staying in the parks or also heading back for naps).

That being said, I do have my moments with my in-laws. I'm sure I will have to rein them in on buying out the park of souvenirs for my two precious darlings. haha Mom-Mom needs to realize the trip is a treat in and of itself. AND that we can't take a bunch of junk back on the airplane with us.

Oh -- and my in-laws are doing the 5K "with" me, so I'm sure I will be quite a joy with them at 5:30am (not to mention a lack of coffee at that time of morning). haha


Witchy

 

[Kelsybelle]

I see all of your points and love your comments! Thank you for sharing some of your stories. We all have people we can travel well with and some we can't. I've had the extreme of just going with my Husband, when we were dating, to bringing 31 family and friends all staying at the Polynesian for our Disney Wedding. That was so much easier because everyone was sort of doing their own things and on their best behavior. We've gone with my family and Sister's extended family, (12 of us I think) I was just married with no focus on making anyone else happy but us. But this last trip, I was the planner, booker, ect...so all of those expectations of having a great trip fell into my lap. My IL's wanted to be everywhere we were, eat every meal with us, not.one.second away from us until the door to our adjoining room closed for the night and we were sleeping. Ugh! Reading this back makes me want to join you with the water, shot, and beer (s) previously mentioned by some of you fine posters! It's 5:00 p.m. somewhere....

 

[Funfy]

It's funny. My IL's and my family travel well together. It's my family I won't travel with. My mother-now too old to really travel is crazy-not certifiable, just "I drive my family up the wall with my paranoid, practically schizophrenic, in denial behavior"..crazy. One sister can't ever commit to a vacation down the road (We are DVC)-I always get....I don't know what I am doing tomorrow, how could possibly make plans that far in advance-except of course we she wants to plan something that far in advance. And the other two siblings are way too cynical to ever enjoy themselves there.

So, do not feel the least bit guilty about not including your IL's. Your husband sounds like he knows his family. He knows they are dysfunctional-you were probably raised with normal, nice people. You have to trust the rest of us that weren't -not to include these people in your plans.

People do not change!

 

[SuprDav]

Yes, ban them. Immediate fam only. When it's you and yours, differences can be reasoned out and there's a chain of command in place.

 

[tracyandalex]

We rarely go anywhere with anyone else. We work hard planning our trips and hate to have them ruined by others (I won't discuss the ones we have ruined ourselves!). My parents love Disney, but I won't bring my mom, she's so slooooow. She has trouble walking so she gets a scooter and then she goes too fast and loses us! Then when she shops she literally looks at ever item in the store and almost never actually buys anything. She eats really slow too. We know we will have to go with her again eventually because of DD but . . . aaahhhhhh

 

[JIMINYCR]

I can't even imagine going to WDW with my ILs. I can't wait for them to leave when they come for the holidays.. Then talking with my wife the other day discussing going to WDW with friends and she said... I think we should just go by ourselves. Then she reminded me of the 2 times we went with friends intending to have enjoyable trips and both times they made the times in the parks horrible. She said, Let's just stick with having a good time together. I can't think of a reason now to include anyone else in our trip.

 

[Witchy Chick]

My IL's wanted to be everywhere we were, eat every meal with us, not.one.second away from us until the door to our adjoining room closed for the night and we were sleeping. Ugh! Reading this back makes me want to join you with the water, shot, and beer (s) previously mentioned by some of you fine posters! It's 5:00 p.m. somewhere....

My ILs are somewhat the opposite. They mostly want to "do their own thing." However, they have not been to WDW in 25 years!! It is going to be total culture shock for them. AND, they are in the mindset of three sitdown meals a day. They will be spending 4.5 - 7 hours per day on food!! MIL also mentioned just "hanging out" at the resort pool some days. I'm of the mindset that a Disney trip is a lot of $$$$$ and my priority is time in the parks/on rides. I can hang out by the pool at the ILs beach house. LOL

But, I am trying to rein myself in (already) with them. If my ILs want to spend valuable time in WDW doing something they do allllllll summer long at their beach house, that's their choice. Just don't drive me nutso that you weren't there the first time my kiddos rode Dumbo.


Witchy

 

[bethymouse]

Ban them. Our family trip used to be to Myrtle Beach ( 30 of us- extended cousins, etc...). Way too many fights! We had a caravan of cars, and that was a mess!

I wouldn't go to WDW or any trip w/ my sister-in-laws because they fight and complain too much!
When I went w/ my Mom&Dad ( 6 of us), we still fought a bit, so I can't imagine a large family group.

 

[Hannah1284]

Do any of you have certain family members that you have banned from joining you on your trips to WDW?
We are starting to plan our trip and I'm faced with just this. To ban or not to ban...and it's a pretty heavy, touchy subject because the people I'm banning are my IL's. But let me jump in and say they are great people, super good to us, I'm close to them and love them, I just don't think they travel well. The trip we took with them in 2009 was as close to a disaster as a Disney trip could get (makes my heart hurt). We had flooding rains (not their fault), the stomach bug for our trip home (also not their fault) and such a FIGHT in the middle of the MK on our last night there (their fault) that a Cast member at a kiosk near the Dumbo ride who saw the whole thing, hugged me when I went behind it to cry. Their goal was to get on the Dumbo ride with my DD. The line was 45 min long, so my DH went to get something to drink, I sat down to relax and wait. I decided to call my sister (also a complete Disney nut) so she could hear the music all around me and update her on our trip. During the phone call my DD wanted me, my IL's had a break down, not knowing what to do. They were next on the ride, and they left the line. (Instead of one staying in the line with my DD and one coming to get me). My MIL came running over to me, put her finger in my face and was SCREAMING at me because I was on the phone. "Why were you on the phone, you spoke with your family yesterday"! My sister on the other end "What??" Me...."I called my sister". DD "I want to ride Dumbo"! Happy Husband walking up to us with an ear to ear Disney hazed grin which turned into a look of panic as my MIL continued to SCREAM at me saying the most insanely horrible things. I had to get up and walk away from her and that's when I shielded myself behind the kiosk. The rest of that night got worse, I got sick, my DD got sick, my DH got sick....we had to fly home the next morning. Niether of my Il's were speaking to me...or would even look at me for that matter. We were stuck in the airport for almost 10 hrs because of storms and delays from weather from Boston (home) all the way to Orlando...it was pure hell. Once we were home, and my DH was back to work by MIL called me scream at me some more, and then wouldn't talk to me for a little over a month...and even then it was really forced. Time has healed this ill fated trip, but it has never been discussed and not even a picture is taken out to reminisce with them. So here I'am starting to plan our trip. I think it should be just the 3 of us...
This post will self destruct in fear that said IL's should happen to see it...

I wouldn't necessarily "ban" them, but perhaps you can not plan the trip together with them. I would either use the "we really want to keep it a close family trip, just the husband and our kids kind of thing" or make sure in the planning that you set up time apart for just your immediate family with that same reasoning. That way you aren't all over each other the entire time. If you go with the first one and don't have them on the trip at all, and have a future trip with other family members I'd say you were invited by them, rather then you planning it together in order to avoid hurt feelings. We faced a similar situation where my ILs were considering going with us and started to almost take over our entire planning and I just pulled a "we are fine if you go at the same time, but we'd like to plan for ourselves and if we can meet up that's great." Just my two cents!

 

[rufio]

No need to ban them. But I sure wouldn't issue an invitation.

This. No way I would invite anyone who acted like a crazy person in the past. It doesn't matter what the relation is.

 

[rufio]

Oh my god. This thread is really freaking me out! lol! My family and my in-laws are coming for a couple days during our wedding/honeymoon trip, and we have a trip planned with both our families in 2014. I do NOT get along with my FMIL. I can see this not going well...

 

[minnielaw]

This thread has me laughing and cringing!

To the OP Kelseybelle....do NOT invite your in-laws! As most other posters have said, this is your vacation and it should not be ruined by complainers or high maintenance hangers-on! As the trip planner in our family, I understand the added stress of planning everything and feeling a sense of failure/guilt if something doesn't go exactly right. Do not need to add to this stress a set of b*tchy in-laws.

My dad and step-mother met us at WDW on our last trip and are meeting us again in late September. I find this so hysterical because my dad absolutely hated WDW when we were children and swore WDW was h*ll on earth! I jokingly invited him on our 2010 trip and his wife really wanted to go...so they did! We drove down separately and had separate rooms (not adjoining, but close). They only stayed for three nights and we stayed for seven, so we had time alone as a family. I planned the entire trip and made all the ADR's. I just told my dad to sit back and enjoy himself....just go wherever I said to and not complain. My dad rode all the rides with my husband and sons and his wife and I went shopping or hit the TTA when the rides were too wild for us....worked out perfectly! We are all vacationing together again in 54 days and I cannot wait...what memories for my boys with their grandparents! I know that soon enough it will totally "uncool" to be with their grandparents.

So, Kelseybelle, just go on a wonderful WDW trip with your DH and DD and create your own magical memories to erase the trip wit the IL's.

 

[Sammy5150]

BAN! BAN! BAN! and don't look back! you look forward to this trip, don't let anybody even have an option of ruining it for you.

My sister lives in Florida and i can't even post anything on my Facebook to say we're going in November so she dosen't just show up. Long story but she is a P-I-T-A! She has caused major and minor issues on Disney trips in the past, no more...

Ban them and have a great time!

 

[rsoxguy]

Actually, as I think about it, I think that I'm the one who has been banned. They all told me that they were going to Pizza Hut for Thanksgiving...

 

[Lisalyn]

Are you sure your MIL and my mother aren't related? long story short - we haven't spoke in 7 years LOL I sooo feel your pain!! I go solo or with my daughter or my DBFF. That's it. Anyone who doesn't understand or appreciate all that is Disney will usually have a blow out LOL

 

[bamillerpa]

I would never invite them again! We made two trips with other relatives so as not to exclude them but that's it. One trip with my mother and one with my father. They are divorced and each wanted to take the kids to Disney. The trip with my father wasn't that bad since he is more easy going but since he had emergency heart surgery a few weeks before we left we had to be careful what we did. Totally not his fault but I felt bad every time he sat out on a bench waiting for us. He's also the type to get up at six a.m. and think you wasted the day if you didn't do the same. Of course, he's also in bed by 9:30. We like to sleep in and go the bed later which works fine since we always go during the slower times at Disney.

My mother on the other hand......what a disaster! We drove down from PA with our camper and stayed at Fort Wilderness to save some money. My mother slept on the couch the folds down to a bed. I know it's not the more comfortable place to sleep but nothing in a camper is really that great. The kids each had one bunk and my husband and I had the main bed. She would toss and turn all night sighing loudly and mumbling about her back hurt. Keep in mind that it was her idea to camp. The first night we arrived it was about 3:30 in the afternoon and she insisted that we should go straight to the MK and hook up the camper later. The MK was open to midnight that night and knowing my mother I knew we would be the last one back on the ferry and there was no way my husband would want to hook up the camper then (and I'm sure I neighbors also would not like it). It only took about 1/2 hour to get everything set up but she complained the entire time. We went to the MK where she decided that she wanted to shop at every store instead of going on any rides. My kids were 5 and 9 at the time and after two long days in the car I thought they needed some fun so we argued about that but she refused to let us split up. To top of this horrible first day my mother decided that we wouldn't take any time out of the day eating so we could accomplish more at the park since we got there so late after wasting all that time setting up the camper. I get very cranky when hungry which results in horrible headaches. My husband bought me a drink but she refused to stop for any of us to actually eat. She said we could eat back at the campground and of course everything was closed by the time we got back which was closer to 1 a.m. While we did have a few good moments most of it was a disaster since we don't tour the parks the same or agree on how long to spend there. I just got worse each day. My husband is so easy going and even he was snapping at her by 1/2 way through the trip. Never again. She always acts so hurt that we don't invite her along anywhere but she gets too manipulative and catty and is way to hard to deal with.

Go with your husband and daughter and don't give it a second thought. You will have a great time. Our best trip was the one we took all alone with our daughter after the trips with my parents. We got up when we wanted, spent a few hours in the parks, went swimming and relaxed, went back to a park, ate whenever we wanted and returned whenever we wanted. It was peaceful and it was the first time my daughter asked to go back. That's saying more that anything else. We are going again (my husband and daughter and I since my son is now in college) next month. We are staying the Poly and we are expecting to have a magical time. I'm sure you will too.

 

[G00fyDad]

I wouldn't dare go with any other family members. As a matter of fact, my daughter will be 18 on our next trip and has asked to bring her boyfriend with us. NO. I don't think so. We have a great time without some other person yelling about not being able to spend the entire trip in the water parks (my brother-in-law does that). The ONLY ones I would consider taking with us are my parents. My wife was the one who suggested them. They are very easy going and think like we do. I have no doubt that they'd enjoy the same things we do.

 

[Weather_Lady]

Some of these posts are scaring me since our upcoming trip includes us (DH, me, DD4, DS2), my parents, my in-laws, and my aunt and uncle.

I hope we will all be OK with each other. We do not have every meal/every park planned out for all ten of us every day. We have one or two meals (depending on which day) each day with the whole group. Some meals with just us and my parents, some meals with just us and the in-laws. I think a large part of the time, each sub-group will be "doing our own thing." And certainly when we head back to the resort for naps (for the kids), I can see the older generation "doing their own thing" (staying in the parks or also heading back for naps).

That being said, I do have my moments with my in-laws. I'm sure I will have to rein them in on buying out the park of souvenirs for my two precious darlings. haha Mom-Mom needs to realize the trip is a treat in and of itself. AND that we can't take a bunch of junk back on the airplane with us.

Oh -- and my in-laws are doing the 5K "with" me, so I'm sure I will be quite a joy with them at 5:30am (not to mention a lack of coffee at that time of morning). haha


Witchy

Please don't be nervous! You'll all have a fabulous time, so long as nobody is expecting that you spend every single second together. When I went with DH, my sister and BIL, and parents, we got adjoining rooms and pre-planned one meal per day that we would eat together and had ADRs set up for them. The rest of the time, we were all on our own. In the morning, we'd share our plans, and if they coincided, great - we'd do some things together. If not, we'd say "see you at dinner," and go our separate ways. We all had a great time, got to do what we wanted and see one another, but it was totally casual and stress-free. As far as the souvenirs -- just tell your in-laws they can buy what they want, but THEY will be in charge of lugging it back home.

 

[Witchy Chick]

Please don't be nervous! You'll all have a fabulous time, so long as nobody is expecting that you spend every single second together. When I went with DH, my sister and BIL, and parents, we got adjoining rooms and pre-planned one meal per day that we would eat together and had ADRs set up for them. The rest of the time, we were all on our own. In the morning, we'd share our plans, and if they coincided, great - we'd do some things together. If not, we'd say "see you at dinner," and go our separate ways. We all had a great time, got to do what we wanted and see one another, but it was totally casual and stress-free. As far as the souvenirs -- just tell your in-laws they can buy what they want, but THEY will be in charge of lugging it back home.

No worries. I think it is highly likely that our large party will be splitting up throughout the day. I could see us starting out with all ten of us, then my parents/aunt/uncle splitting off to go do something else, then the ILs splitting off at some point, etc..... I'm not even sure we will all be in the same parks at the same times.

We do have most breakfasts and a couple dinners scheduled with all ten of us. Lunches, and a few dinners -- participants are more random. Dinner one night with my just parents, lunch one day with just my in-laws, etc.

MIL tends to go overboard with gifts for bdays and Christmas. Despite my best efforts, I have not been able to rein her in (and she outdoes herself from year-to-year). I'm sure Disney will be no different.


Witchy

 

[twinnstar]

I wouldnt "ban" someone, but I am picky about who I go to Disney with. Generally, I only like to go with my closest and dearest....cause I totally geek out, and if they cant have a good time and geek out with me, it would seriously ruin my trip and nostalgia! I almost always go with my sister. We keep people in line haha. 2 years ago I broke the mold and went alone with my husband and he was the best! In a few years, we're doing a sisters & husbands trip and its going to hopefully be awesome A lot of friends ask to go to WDW with me, and sometimes I gently decline. You have to be a certain mindset to go to Disney and not be a stick in the mud. Its not hard at all, but some people just cant get over themselves and have a good time

If I were you I would just lay down the law. This is what my sister and I do! We say to the "guest" - now listen, you! Disney means a lot to me, and if you start a fight or even put on a slight grimace in WDW, i will walk away from you. If you cant handle that then dont come!" On a trip to DL with my Mom & Sister I actually put this into play and walked away from my mom when she started to yell at me for something silly. I just walked away no big deal and got a Mickey Waffle lol ! My sister explained to her that I would keep doing that, unless she stopped. That was like within the first 30 mins of our trip, the rest was smooth sailing Try that maybe?