The Chit Chat Chit Chat Thread

[MySmallWorldof4]

My kid!!!!!!!

@SteveBrickNJ and @ajrwdwgirl - Please advise!!!

Long, but bear with me please...
I picked up T and we got home a little bit ago... he has a huge school project coming up at end of month. “Wax Museum.” We have to read a biography, build a booth with props, he has to be in costume and character.. he also has to make a button for people to press, and at that point he tells about “himself” (memorized oral presentation in character)

Originallly he wanted to be Walt Disney, apparently a kid was also prepared and had a book ready. Then T said LeBron James then Nelson Mandela. I urged him (due to current social climate) to pick someone who has an easier costume.

He chose Henry Flagler. Ok, fine.
Then last night he says “No, I want to be Beethoven” Ok, fine too.

I emailed his Language Arts teacher and told her that I ordered a book online from B&N and would pick up in the store today, I was worried that the school library would not have a book on either subject. I also printed out both orders of each subject - marked “1st choice” and “2nd choice”.

All good, right?

Nooo!!

He came home with this!!

View attachment 354338

He already turned in the title as his project. (The subject/book was due today)

What should I do????

I don’t want T to end up on the internet as “white kid doing cultural appropriation”, especially not on the heels of CovCath.

This event is put on in the Auditorium during an evening for people to attend. Not just something in class.

I was Sacajawea for a similar project when I was kid..(not wax Museum, but in character).. that was fine back then.. but I don’t think it’s fine in today’s world. I’m so upset!!!! Should I email the teacher again??

It is sad that you have to worry about such things. How are people supposed to learn about great people from history unless they actually read, hear about it. History gets forgotten when it is not studied. It should not be based on politics.

 

[21stamps]

Not that it matters to me, but our district now is extending the school year by 3 days.

Oh wow. I hope too many families don’t have an impact on their vacations.

 

[MySmallWorldof4]

Thank you, I will do that right now.

I’m so upset, and now he’s upset. He thinks I’m forcing him to do a subject and doesn’t understand “why can’t you let me do what I want! It’s MY project!”

How do I explain this to an 8 year old?? This project has been giving me grief since it was announced, for exactly this reason. He keeps picking people who he shouldn’t be and I don’t want to tell him that. I just don’t want to have that conversation.

Worse, Iowa Testing starts tomorrow (a standardized test which takes up the bulk of the school day).. kids are supposed to be “stress free, plenty of sleep, good healthy breakfast”.

My kid is in bed crying after slamming his door.

I thought we had this sorted out!!

I. Am. Failing.

So sad. 8 year olds shouldn’t be told they cannot study someone because they don’t have the same background. Part of me says to let him do it.

 

[21stamps]

It is sad that you have to worry about such things. How are people supposed to learn about great people from history unless they actually read, hear about it. History gets forgotten when it is not studied. It should not be based on politics.

I don’t know if you saw all of the Covington Catholic mess, but I work with people who’s kids attend CovCath, and who are alumni themselves. I read in disgust horrible things written about the school and student body, by strangers from all over the world.
I don’t think any parents at our school would think badly of T, but all it takes is one social media happy older sibling, and an innocent situation could be manipulated to look like mocking.

I don’t want to take that chance.

 

[SteveBrickNJ]

@21stamps
Did you get a response from the teacher re. the Wax Museum situation?
Please update me when you do.

 

[Songbird76]

They are still a business. They have to pay their teachers, staff, building upkeep etc. The church offers a lot of programs as well, ie counseling, English classes, different groups.. so the money collected from donations isn’t solely for the school, we recently built a new church as the parish has grown. Most things though, including our landscaping, decorations, etc- these are donated services by specific parishioners. We only have one maintenance employee for the entire grounds. Parents in the athletic club volunteer to proving lawn service on our sports fields and we work the concession stands. But they do also pay someone to take care of the fields as far as lines, baseball diamonds etc.

I hope that makes sense? I don’t understand why the situation is so dire that we had to see such a drastic increase in one year, continuing for a total of 3 years.. and who knows what will happen after that. Our pastor is new-ish. He came to our church about 18 months ago. I guess the budget was a project of his, that’s the only thing I can think of.
He’s an amazing priest though... but i would think adding a mass would make more sense than an extreme hike in school tuition. I guess that wouldn’t make up enough.. I just don’t want to see the school tuition raise anywhere near a “10% parish contribution”... if that happens they will see a lot less donations at weekend mass, but maybe they’re thinking it will all even out or be better that way? I honestly don’t know. Times like this I’m glad that I only have one child, as much as my son hates being an only child. I feel bad for families who have 2 kids in high school and 2 kids in elementary school, they’re taking a huge hit.

But they are NOT businesses. They don't exist to make money. They are considered charities and are therefore tax exempt. The money they bring in is not supposed to be for profit, it's supposed to pay for the services and facilities.....part of that is to pay their teachers, Priest, staff, etc. And of course it pays for those programs like the counseling you mentioned, so no, not all of it goes to the school, but they aren't meant to make a profit. You pay what's needed for upkeep, salaries for the employees, etc, but there shouldn't be much beyond that. They should make enough to pay those bills so they can keep running, but that's not what this sounds like. This is like, we have enough to keep running, but we want extra, so pay up. Is that even legal with tax exempt status?

 

[Songbird76]

That's frustrating! You sound like you're reaching a breaking point with this and I would be too. Quality family time is the most important thing a family can do.

Yes, and I really do love that he's found something he enjoys and he does deserve the down time and to have a hobby. But not at the expense of me. I shouldn't have to give up my time so HE can have fun...I deserve some time, too. And I shouldn't have to be cleaning up his messes while he goes out and plays. But I also don't want to be the nagging wife who won't "let" him have any fun. I just want him to recognize that those little things...like saying "Oh, I'll clean that up later." and then he DOESN'T clean it up, means -I- have to do it. So now that's 15 minutes that I have to spend working instead of doing MY hobby, while he is playing and he's not spending time with the family. There has to be a balance.

 

[NateD1226]

Hi Nate,
Are you team snow or team no snow?

Team no snow! I live in Southern California, therefore, I don't get much snow. I wouldn't mind seeing some snow for a couple of days though! I am hoping I see a little bit when I go to NY in April.

 

[Figgy1]

Feel free to skip over this as it's long. I'm a bit disgruntled with DH. He's gone to play Ingress every weekend for like...the last 6-8 weeks. Last weekend (Feb. 23rd) , he didn't have anything planned and then asked if I minded him going out, because something came up that wasn't on the schedule. I told him ok, on one condition....the next weekend (this past weekend) was MY weekend, because we hadn't gotten to spend time together since New Years, and I've been stuck at the house every weekend because if he leaves, I have to stay with the kids and we can't go anywhere because we don't have a car. He's going to play every weekend, eating in restaurants, etc, while I'm left to make sure the grocery shopping is done, the kids are fed and do their homework, etc.

So he agreed, it was my turn. Then AFTER he put it in the schedule, he realized that there was something he had already signed up for and forgotten to put in the schedule for this past weekend that was supposed to be MY weekend. He didn't even offer to cancel the one that he was now breaking his promise to me to attend, but I figured, meh, we didn't have anything on the schedule and I don't mind being at home. It's only one more week. But it also feels like he's not listening when he's here. DD invited a friend over and I told her she had to clean her room and we needed to clean up our craft stuff downstairs so they could use the coffee table for their junk food while they watched the movies. Friday, I spent the day cleaning downstairs, putting craft stuff away, etc, and I had to work in the evening until 11. Saturday, DD got her room cleaned, but I cleaned all the stuff up downstairs. But in any case, DH then left dishes all over. I asked him to please remember to take them to the kitchen (Dishes are supposed to be his territory, which he has now decided the kids will start doing the dishes to get more allowance) so the coffee table was cleared for the girls. He nodded. I wake up Monday morning and the dishes are still sitting on the table exactly like they were the day before and he's gone to work for the day....so now I have to clean up his mess AND do the dishes before DD's friend gets here, even though I had JUST cleaned everything up Friday.

DD spent all day Saturday and Sunday cleaning her room while I spring cleaned the upstairs bathroom and helped her intermittently with her room, and there were several trash bags that wouldn't fit in the bin. He was off playing Ingress....I had filled the garbage can already, and set some of the bags in front of it because they wouldn't fit. So on Sunday he was home, just playing on his computer and playing boardgames with DS, there was one bag that was a bit heavy and I was afraid I'd lose my balance going down the stairs since my hip doesn't always work well on stairs. So I asked him to get it, which he did...but he set it in the kitchen in front of a cupboard. No biggie, I set a couple more there as it was pouring buckets and I didn't want to walk out to the shed with them in the rain. DD and I rewarded ourselves for our hard work by going to dinner so we didn't have to cook after spending the weekend cleaning. So I asked DH to please take out the trash bags (it had stopped raining) so DD and I could make a cheesecake when we got home....we'd need things out of the cupboard where those trash bags were stacked. And we come home, and DH goes and sits down to play chess with DS. So guess who had to carry all the trash bags out?

Then DD ran out of her cherry yogurt, which the store by our house does not carry. We have to go to the Jumbo to get it. So, yesterday, DD has her friend over to spend the night, and I ask her what she normally eats for breakfast, she says yogurt. So I asked DH to go get some of the cherry yogurt at Jumbo while I'm at choir so they have it in the morning. I get home from choir, and he says the Albert Heijn didn't have the cherry, so he got strawberry. I said No....JUMBO....I told you to go to Jumbo because Albert Heijn doesn't have it! He says "Oh....I missed that. I went to the other Albert Heijn." So we both work all week, and he goes out to play every weekend and leaves me to do all the work at home. I get things cleaned up, and he promptly leaves trash and dishes all over my cleaned up space and ignores me when I remind him to clean up after himself, and when he DOES do something, he doesn't listen to what I asked him to do. And then he complains about the way I handled the garbage, and the dishes, etc. Well then get your nose out of your phone and HELP me instead of leaving everything up to me while you run off to play!

Sorry...I just needed to vent.

Do you want the loaner again?

 

[Figgy1]

Team no snow! I live in Southern California, therefore, I don't get much snow. I wouldn't mind seeing some snow for a couple of days though! I am hoping I see a little bit when I go to NY in April.

It's not likely at all if you're flying into the city. Yea team normal

 

[Figgy1]

James has some nerve. He just asked me to make him a few things for spring and summer. @Mr Ferret 88 I need to borrow your spare cage!

 

[Cesar R M]

I really think the world has gone insane

Every year we got another "viral" thing that is beyond stupid.
I still remember the "planking" BS.. that got people killed by trying to outdo what others did (like planking right in a rock right in the middle of that giant US canyon) or that one who actually planked in the top of one of the tallest skyscrapers in the world.

 

[Cesar R M]

I'm torn, because on the one hand, I feel like we shouldn't shy away from honoring the history of other cultures just because it isn't OUR history. I think there are noteworthy historical figures of every race and culture that people SHOULD learn about, and I think it's great that T sees something that he wants to represent. We wouldn't tell a child from a Native American family that he can't be Abraham Lincoln because he isn't white. So why should we do it the other way around if a child sees that figure as a role model.

On the other hand, I am not Native American, so I can't say how someone SHOULD feel about this situation. It would have to be done with respect, telling the real story and not using stereotypes or offensive language, and focus on the positives of the figure. What characteristics did he have that made T choose him? Bravery, leadership, was he known for being honest and fair? Do you know any Native Americans who you could talk to about it and see what they think? Would they see it as T honoring their culture, or would they see it as cultural appropriation? And how do you approach it authentically, with costuming that is representative of the traditions of the people he is portraying?

In any case, if you don't feel like you can do it authentically and respectfully, THAT'S what you need to explain to T. Explain how important it is to handle with respect and why it is so important, and that you don't know how to do it with the props and costumes available to you. It's a hard conversation, but one you need to have. Maybe you could try to relate it to something in his own life....like, how do you feel when you did something that makes you feel special, and someone either copies you or makes fun of you for it? Like they don't want you to feel special/important. That we don't want to make someone feel like we are stealing their thunder. Or that sometimes it's not your story to tell. How would you feel if you experienced something and you couldn't wait to tell your friends about it, but when you tried, someone had already told them, but told it all wrong? It's one thing to tell the story of something you feel connected to/involved in....you've always been a fan of Flagler, etc, or you listen to Beethoven's music. But to tell the story of someone who you have no connection to, nothing in common with, can be seen as disrespectful or come across as though you feel superior, or you might just not get it right because you weren't there. I'd ask him what made him choose this person? What qualities did he have that T admires and finds worth sharing? And then try to find a figure that has those characteristics, but that it wouldn't be considered offensive for him to portray.

Good luck!

Can't you ask a local native american what their opinion is?
You could tell your kid to add a disclaimer before and AFTER the work is finished. To prevent issues.

 

[Cesar R M]

Well then, technically, you are up to date on all required vaccinations!

That reminds me of that hilarious fallout of a famous "antivaxxer mommy".
She was insisting her kid wouldn't need vaccination because her "genes" were "strong" and how she never needed any help from "corrupt science".
It became an hilarious meme because her mother outright posted a counter and insulting her directly "YOU WERE VACCINATED AS A KID YOU MORON, THAT IS WHY YOU AREN'T SICK!!" clearly the grandmah was furious at her daughter believing that myth AND risking the health of the kid(and of other people).

 

[Cesar R M]

DD spent all day Saturday and Sunday cleaning her room while I spring cleaned the upstairs bathroom and helped her intermittently with her room, and there were several trash bags that wouldn't fit in the bin. He was off playing Ingress....I had filled the garbage can already, and set some of the bags in front of it because they wouldn't fit. So on Sunday he was home, just playing on his computer and playing boardgames with DS, there was one bag that was a bit heavy and I was afraid I'd lose my balance going down the stairs since my hip doesn't always work well on stairs. So I asked him to get it, which he did...but he set it in the kitchen in front of a cupboard. No biggie, I set a couple more there as it was pouring buckets and I didn't want to walk out to the shed with them in the rain. DD and I rewarded ourselves for our hard work by going to dinner so we didn't have to cook after spending the weekend cleaning. So I asked DH to please take out the trash bags (it had stopped raining) so DD and I could make a cheesecake when we got home....we'd need things out of the cupboard where those trash bags were stacked. And we come home, and DH goes and sits down to play chess with DS. So guess who had to carry all the trash bags out?

Time to reduce her privileges for everytime she says "yes" and then does nothing?

 

[21stamps]

But they are NOT businesses. They don't exist to make money. They are considered charities and are therefore tax exempt. The money they bring in is not supposed to be for profit, it's supposed to pay for the services and facilities.....part of that is to pay their teachers, Priest, staff, etc. And of course it pays for those programs like the counseling you mentioned, so no, not all of it goes to the school, but they aren't meant to make a profit. You pay what's needed for upkeep, salaries for the employees, etc, but there shouldn't be much beyond that. They should make enough to pay those bills so they can keep running, but that's not what this sounds like. This is like, we have enough to keep running, but we want extra, so pay up. Is that even legal with tax exempt status?

That was my fault for poor wording, you’re correct they’re a not for profit organization.. I meant that they still have run like a business when it comes to planning and staff.

I don’t know the inner workings of a church, @ajrwdwgirl may have more insight or clarity, but I don’t think it would be illegal to have reserves. I wouldn’t like for our school to have the bare bones minimum to offer an education, it would defeat the purpose of sending kids there. It’s a really good school, I love that we have things like Spanish offered from Kindergarten up.. geography and science starting in kindergarten etc. We also have a high school scholarship program, 2 7th graders receive it per year - 1 male 1 female, not a full ride, but some amount, this comes from parish donations as well. I think if the parish didn’t contribute to the school then we wouldn’t have received the emails or had the audit. They have tried to keep our tuition from having big hikes, and they have extended seriously substantial discounts to families with multiple children in the school, this ended up backfiring on us current families apparently.

 

[12in12]

That's really cool! Was there something particular going on for this to happen?

I don't know why they were parading through the street but it sure was a fun way to start my day.

 

[MySmallWorldof4]

Yes, I feel like they could have made it easier for me. I think it's hard for them to put themselves in my position...it's hard to imagine what it's like to immigrate if you have never done it. I had just lost my mom only a couple of months before, and I had put EVERYTHING into storage except for my clothes in 2 suitcases....I had 2 suitcases of my own possessions, lived in a house that wasn't mine, with furniture that wasn't mine and that I didn't get to choose, and I wasn't allowed to change anything to suit me. It's kind of like house arrest in someone else's house. Having never experienced that, I don't think they could really empathize. I think they viewed it like....they have a nice home, and are happy, so why should I feel any differently?

But now, my FIL probably has parkinsons and he has problems with mobility, but also cognitive function. They sat us down and told us we have to speak Dutch there now because my FIL feels left out when we're speaking English to each other and he doesn't know what were saying. I kept my mouth shut, but I was like really??? Gee....can't imagine what that's like. I don't think they made the connection that that's what they did to me when I first got here. When we lived with them, we used to go up to our room after dinner, and they didn't like it that we went up there and spoke English to each other, so they made a rule that we had to sit downstairs with them and watch whatever they were watching on TV. DH would translate for me, but then they put the kabosh on that because it was distracting to have him talking throughout. So I had to just sit there every evening. It was not very welcoming. I felt like a very unwanted house guest.

That just plain sucks.

 

[21stamps]

I find this to be the most important thing in parenting. The why. Why this is not allowed and that is. Why I'm saying to think about this some more. Why it's okay to eat ice cream for breakfast today and not other days. Without the why, are they really learning any lesson here? I want her to know the way I'm thinking about things so she can counter and negotiate and learn to reach these conclusions herself.



That's frustrating! You sound like you're reaching a breaking point with this and I would be too. Quality family time is the most important thing a family can do.

I don’t know how to explain the “why” here. Not in a way that won’t impact interests or views moving forward.. I dont think it’s the correct time.

 

[21stamps]

@21stamps
Did you get a response from the teacher re. the Wax Museum situation?
Please update me when you do.

Not yet.