The Chit Chat Chit Chat Thread

[Figgy1]

I appreciate honesty!

I do have to say, although it may not sound like it here.. he does hear the word “No” a lot.

“Mom, can I play hockey.”
“No.”
“Please mom! I love hockey.”
“That’s a hard no, T.”
“But Mommmmm! Hockey is my passion.”
“T, you have never played ice hockey. You’re not going to play ice hockey while you’re living here. I don’t have the time. Practice is too far away. Stop asking. The next time you think you want to ask, just answer yourself with a No.”

“You’re so mean. I’m the only kid who doesn’t play hockey!”

“No, you only know 2 kids who play hockey. Stop exaggerating. Don’t ask again.”

“Ok fine.”

“Mom?”

“Yes T?”

“Can I play lacrosse?”

“That depends, do you want to quit baseball or soccer?”

“Neither.”

“Then, Nope.”

“Mom? What about guitar lessons? I would be a good guitar player.”

“T. Stop. I can teach you piano, and if you want to quit something else then you can take guitar lessons.”

“The piano isn’t as cool as the guitar.”

“T, you’re dangerously close to getting on my nerves. Stop asking to add to your schedule.”

“Fine, I’ll quit everything and just sit home and play video games.”

“Sorry bud. You don’t have the passwords.”

“Ugh! Fine Mom. You win. Y-O-U W-I-N.”

****some version of this convo goes down every single week.

Is this just a “my kid” thing? Or does anyone else’s kids say “I’m the only kid who doesn’t..”

This year so far- he’s the only kid who didn’t go to Disney. He’s the only kid who doesn’t have a cell phone. He’s the only kid who doesn’t play lacrosse. He’s the only kid who doesn’t play hockey. He’s the only kid that didn’t go on the Cub Scout campout.

None of which is true.

No cell phones until 13, with everybody's schedule we're not going anywhere for a while, my boys aren't fans of camping.
At one point we instituted the don't ask or else rule. If they asked to add something they had to come with a plan to eliminate or miss something else. The rule stated if they asked without a plan we'd pick what they'd miss out on. It only works if you pick their favorite thing

 

[Figgy1]

The last of the jammies are done

 

[StarWarsGirl]

Sounds like she has yet to grow up.

And she's older than me.... *sigh*

 

[Goofyernmost]

No cell phones until 13, with everybody's schedule we're not going anywhere for a while, my boys aren't fans of camping.
At one point we instituted the don't ask or else rule. If they asked to add something they had to come with a plan to eliminate or miss something else. The rule stated if they asked without a plan we'd pick what they'd miss out on. It only works if you pick their favorite thing

My daughter has a tool on her cell phone that I wish I would have had. She can track where both my grandson and her husband are at any given time. From what I understand she doesn't really use it unless someone is expected home at a certain time and they haven't shown up yet. But, it is an amazing app. My grandson has been caught in a couple of lies recently because of it. I know it sounds a lot controlling, but, it was never intended for that, just something to be better able to gauge when they will get back home. The other stuff has just been a bonus.

Of course, when I was a kid, I believe my parents knew everyone in the state and even though we didn't have that electronic marvel, I don't care what I did, by the time I got home, my parents knew about it. From going to a movie I wasn't supposed too, to speeding. Their network of friends were on the job.

 

[StarWarsGirl]

@21stamps this made me think of T.

 

[21stamps]

No cell phones until 13, with everybody's schedule we're not going anywhere for a while, my boys aren't fans of camping.
At one point we instituted the don't ask or else rule. If they asked to add something they had to come with a plan to eliminate or miss something else. The rule stated if they asked without a plan we'd pick what they'd miss out on. It only works if you pick their favorite thing

Same rule for me on cell phones.. I may allow one at 11 with many conditions- Good grades. Responsible. Only allowed use when at practice or swim club. Put away all other times.
The swim club where most of his friends go allows single “youth” memberships at 11. I might do that.. we won’t join as a family. That could call for a phone.. but as something in his possession at all times- NOPE.

 

[21stamps]

View attachment 320463

@21stamps this made me think of T.

Oh my goodness.. I hope he would never think of this! I could see him doing it.

 

[King Panda 77]

Cage until after Thanksgiving!

Sorry but no ...
We don't celebrate your made up holidays here.

 

[21stamps]

My daughter has a tool on her cell phone that I wish I would have had. She can track where both my grandson and her husband are at any given time. From what I understand she doesn't really use it unless someone is expected home at a certain time and they haven't shown up yet. But, it is an amazing app. My grandson has been caught in a couple of lies recently because of it. I know it sounds a lot controlling, but, it was never intended for that, just something to be better able to gauge when they will get back home. The other stuff has just been a bonus.

Of course, when I was a kid, I believe my parents knew everyone in the state and even though we didn't have that electronic marvel, I don't care what I did, by the time I got home, my parents knew about it. From going to a movie I wasn't supposed too, to speeding. Their network of friends were on the job.

I’m so glad that cell phones weren’t around during my teen years. I broke curfew so many times.. my excuse was always “but I lost track of time!” I was grounded quite often over it. The stupid thing is- I was never doing anything bad, just sitting at a restaurant or bowling...but I hated that my curfew was so much earlier than my friends’!

I did two things which each resulted in a month’s grounding-

1. Age 15- Called parents from a pay phone after a football game.. said I was spending the night at my friend Christina’s house... that we were going for pizza right after the game, then getting dropped off at her house.
We did go for pizza.. then we went for a ride in one of our guy friend’s new car. It was a super sweet ride with an awesome stereo system. 4 of us just went driving around listening to loud music. (Lame when I think about it now, but we thought we were so cool back then). My mom must called Christina’s Mom to tell her what time she would get me in the morning. Her mom said “Ok, I’ll leave a note I’ll probably be sleeping when they get in.” My Mom inquired as to why we weren’t there and when would we be coming back. Other mom said she didn’t know.
So, at midnight Noah pulls into Christina’s driveway to drop us off. My dad was sitting in his car already there... waiting to sternly tell me to “get in the car right now”.
I wanted to die of embarrassment.

2. Age 17. July, a month before senior year was starting. I had my own car at this point. Some of our guy friends were leaving for college soon. They were 18. Invited us to go out of town for the weekend. This time I told my parents that I was spending the weekend at my friend Jenny’s.. she told her mom that she was staying at my house. We took my car on the 200 mile drive, with 2 other girlfriends. Stayed the weekend.. had a blast. I come home Sunday night and both of my parents immediately meet me when I walk in the door. My dad says “I need your keys, please.”
“What, why?” “I need your keys now.”
I hand them over and he comes back. “When did Jenny move 500 miles away?”
“Dad, what are you talking about.”
“You have one chance to tell me where you were. I know what the mileage was on your car before this weekend. (It was less than 1000).. and mom called Jenny’s mother to ask if you girls wanted to play sand volleyball on Saturday. Amazingly, Jenny was at our house. Although we couldn’t find her, or you.”


I got grounded from my car for 2 months and I got grounded from going anywhere without my parents for the rest of the summer, with the exception of my diving practice and volleyball- they picked me up and dropped me off for those. However, I did get ungrounded after 3 weeks of good behavior and lots of chores.. but not from the car.

 

[Songbird76]

She does. I love my friends, but good grief, most of them have any sense of how much things cost and how money works.

We had a massive argument over all of this. I was at least owed a phone call. And now she's mad at me because I told her no, I can't go anywhere else with her this winter or this summer (summer I might try for Hawaii, but definitely WDW) and I told her if she wants to go to WDW, she is welcome to come at the same time as me in the future, but she's on her own as far as getting a room. She was not happy about that and is mad at me now.

Well, that sounds like her problem. Is she used to getting her way? It sounds like most people maybe don't hold her accountable for her actions, so she's not used to considering other people and how her actions will affect them. Maybe she doesn't understand how her canceling everything affected you...that you had spent a lot of time arranging that for her and were really looking forward to it. It's not just that she canceled, but that she basically threw your time in the garbage, without even really having a good reason for it. Maybe you could explain to her that it's not worth it for you to spend that amount of time in arranging it if she just calls it off on a whim. That's time you could have devoted to something else, and you didn't mind doing it, but that it's kind of a waste now.

 

[Songbird76]

I wish he would! He loves it. Which is so strange because we barely go to any events. Last year he did attend most meetings.. but this year they’re at 4:15 on a Sunday as opposed to 6:45 as they’ve been prior years. We’ve had soccer conflicts every weekend so far this year.

I took off last Saturday for his tournament.. I can’t take off again for the fundraiser. I miss my kid’s sports every Saturday.. the only time I take off IS for a major tournament.

This coming on the heels of the school play just made me want to scream.
I had checked with T’s Soccer and basketball director about conflicts with practice.. they both said it would be fine, and we do not have any tournaments that weekend in March. HOWEVER, I was worried about the parental commitment.. so I emailed the committee. About 25 hours per parent with 15 of those being the last week/play weekend. I can’t do that. I asked if there was anything else I could do, or maybe just work 1 or 2 of the 3 high commitment days., “We really need kids who’s families have the time to volunteer. This is a group effort. Maybe you’ll have more time next year?”



So, T isn’t in the play. I know, he’ll get over it.. it’s just frustrating.

They are doing a real disservice to the kids whose parents work weekends. It's kind of discriminatory, really. You are a single parent and you have to work....T shouldn't have to be excluded from things because of that. That's not fair to him. (I know, it's not YOUR fault. It's the school's) Everyone should have equal opportunity, even if they don't have the same situation as the other kids.

As for scouts, I'm betting the ranting is more about those parents who COULD help, but don't. When I was on the parent board at the kids' school, there were a couple who were always complaining about how it's always the same people who help and bla bla bla, and someone said "Well, sure, but most parents work during the day...they can't take time off every time there's an activity at school". And then it was made clear that they were talking about those parents who were sitting at home, who didn't have outside jobs or other kids to take care of, but just didn't feel like helping. Now, I will say there was one mom who was just a witch with a capital B, and she complained about EVERYONE. No one was ever doing enough to satisfy her or as much as she was. She complained about me signing my kids up to stay at school for lunch when there was something for one of the kids where they needed to be at different places at the same time. I didn't have access to a car, so if DD needed to be at the theater in town at the same time DS needed to be at the school, I signed them both up to stay for lunch because those kids were brought to the theater by the teachers. She overheard me talking to a teacher about it, and then complained loudly to the other parents about "moms who were too lazy to take their kids to the field trips so they signed them up for lunch at school just so they didn't have to do it."(She only has one child, and she has a motorbike thing to drive him places) But she was the ONLY one who was like that about it and it's only because she's extremely spoiled and has a lot of luxuries the rest don't, so she doesn't realize how hard it is for parents without those luxuries. Everyone else understood why I couldn't be in two places at once, and that I didn't have transportation to get DD to the theater. She just liked to feel like she was a better mom because SHE volunteered at school, and SHE drove her kid wherever he needed to go, etc. (Her kid was also one of DS's bullies)
Don't let these moms make you feel guilty. If you explain that you work on Saturdays and have very limited days off, they can't argue that you aren't doing your part. It would create a hardship for you that they don't have to deal with. They have the luxury of being flexible enough to be there on Saturdays....you don't.

 

[StarWarsGirl]

Well, that sounds like her problem. Is she used to getting her way? It sounds like most people maybe don't hold her accountable for her actions, so she's not used to considering other people and how her actions will affect them. Maybe she doesn't understand how her canceling everything affected you...that you had spent a lot of time arranging that for her and were really looking forward to it. It's not just that she canceled, but that she basically threw your time in the garbage, without even really having a good reason for it. Maybe you could explain to her that it's not worth it for you to spend that amount of time in arranging it if she just calls it off on a whim. That's time you could have devoted to something else, and you didn't mind doing it, but that it's kind of a waste now.

She's from Africa, and so sometimes she comes across as rude. Usually, we just let it slide as a cultural thing because we know she usually doesn't mean it. But one thing that drives me crazy is that you tell her to be someplace at a certain time, and she gives you another time when she'll tell you she's going to be there. So if you say "Hey, get there at 2" she'll say "Okay, I'll be there at 3." Not, "Oh, sorry, I can't get there until 3." Just, "I'll be there at 3." We call it Africa time. Well, we took the train to DC a few months ago. We told her to meet us at 8. Train was leaving at 8:45 from the airport. She told us she'd be there at 8:30. We told her no, when we said 8, we mean 8. 8:15 came. She wasn't there. We left. She didn't make it that day. Called her on that behavior. She wasn't mad, surprisingly.

 

[Cesar R M]

She does. I love my friends, but good grief, most of them have any sense of how much things cost and how money works.

We had a massive argument over all of this. I was at least owed a phone call. And now she's mad at me because I told her no, I can't go anywhere else with her this winter or this summer (summer I might try for Hawaii, but definitely WDW) and I told her if she wants to go to WDW, she is welcome to come at the same time as me in the future, but she's on her own as far as getting a room. She was not happy about that and is mad at me now.

Hu, well she can suck it. Its not your responsibility.

 

[Cesar R M]

She's from Africa, and so sometimes she comes across as rude. Usually, we just let it slide as a cultural thing because we know she usually doesn't mean it. But one thing that drives me crazy is that you tell her to be someplace at a certain time, and she gives you another time when she'll tell you she's going to be there. So if you say "Hey, get there at 2" she'll say "Okay, I'll be there at 3." Not, "Oh, sorry, I can't get there until 3." Just, "I'll be there at 3." We call it Africa time. Well, we took the train to DC a few months ago. We told her to meet us at 8. Train was leaving at 8:45 from the airport. She told us she'd be there at 8:30. We told her no, when we said 8, we mean 8. 8:15 came. She wasn't there. We left. She didn't make it that day. Called her on that behavior. She wasn't mad, surprisingly.

You will pull your hair if you lived in Mexico. Most people I know are like that. You tell them 2:00 pm, and they will always come at least 45 minutes late.
Mexico city guys are even worse.. with an average 2 hours and half late. And this is by pure bad planning and sometimes laziness. Not exactly the crowds.

 

[21stamps]

You will pull your hair if you lived in Mexico. Most people I know are like that. You tell them 2:00 pm, and they will always come at least 45 minutes late.
Mexico city guys are even worse.. with an average 2 hours and half late. And this is by pure bad planning and sometimes laziness. Not exactly the crowds.

What’s my excuse?

 

[Songbird76]

Is this just a “my kid” thing? Or does anyone else’s kids say “I’m the only kid who doesn’t..”

This year so far- he’s the only kid who didn’t go to Disney. He’s the only kid who doesn’t have a cell phone. He’s the only kid who doesn’t play lacrosse. He’s the only kid who doesn’t play hockey. He’s the only kid that didn’t go on the Cub Scout campout.

None of which is true.

Well, the campout...was he the only one from his pack who didn't go? That could explain why he said he's the only one. I've heard the cell phone thing, but not because the kids WANTED cell phones....it just struck them that everyone was walking around school with phones and there were very few kids who didn't have one. DD bought her own this year, and she loves it, but even she didn't think she NEEDED one....until she did. That's how they get their schedules and such here...everything is posted on an app. Homework, class schedule, exam results...so they really do NEED one for high school. And I don't know if it's the same where you are, but literally everyone but DD and her best friend had cellphones already by at least 5th grade. They all had whatsapp and would talk after school. Apparently DD was the subject sometimes. There are 6 year olds here with their own phones. So that, he might be pretty close to telling the truth about.
But that doesn't help you. If I were to guess, it's more just his perception. His world is very small...the kids in his class and his sports teams....the people he knows. So of course if he knows a few kids who play hockey, he sees that as a majority. If he doesn't know anyone else who didn't go to the campout, he's the only one who was left out. And some of it is probably to guilt you into giving in. He knows that he's not the ONLY one, but he also knows you love him and want him to be happy....he's going to use that. I would say if you know someone else who doesn't have a cellphone, or who doesn't play hockey, call his bluff. Just tell him "Jacob doesn't play hockey....Sam doesn't play hockey...Andy doesn't play hockey. So that's not true that you're the only one who doesn't." It's really good that you've pointed out the other things he does and have told him he can choose to drop one of those to do something else.

 

[Songbird76]

The last of the jammies are done

When should I expect mine? Jammies are my favorite clothing ever!!

 

[Cesar R M]

What’s my excuse?

Your son's manic attempts to get as many classes even if its already past unreasonable levels of time management?

 

[21stamps]

They are doing a real disservice to the kids whose parents work weekends. It's kind of discriminatory, really. You are a single parent and you have to work....T shouldn't have to be excluded from things because of that. That's not fair to him. (I know, it's not YOUR fault. It's the school's) Everyone should have equal opportunity, even if they don't have the same situation as the other kids.

As for scouts, I'm betting the ranting is more about those parents who COULD help, but don't. When I was on the parent board at the kids' school, there were a couple who were always complaining about how it's always the same people who help and bla bla bla, and someone said "Well, sure, but most parents work during the day...they can't take time off every time there's an activity at school". And then it was made clear that they were talking about those parents who were sitting at home, who didn't have outside jobs or other kids to take care of, but just didn't feel like helping. Now, I will say there was one mom who was just a witch with a capital B, and she complained about EVERYONE. No one was ever doing enough to satisfy her or as much as she was. She complained about me signing my kids up to stay at school for lunch when there was something for one of the kids where they needed to be at different places at the same time. I didn't have access to a car, so if DD needed to be at the theater in town at the same time DS needed to be at the school, I signed them both up to stay for lunch because those kids were brought to the theater by the teachers. She overheard me talking to a teacher about it, and then complained loudly to the other parents about "moms who were too lazy to take their kids to the field trips so they signed them up for lunch at school just so they didn't have to do it."(She only has one child, and she has a motorbike thing to drive him places) But she was the ONLY one who was like that about it and it's only because she's extremely spoiled and has a lot of luxuries the rest don't, so she doesn't realize how hard it is for parents without those luxuries. Everyone else understood why I couldn't be in two places at once, and that I didn't have transportation to get DD to the theater. She just liked to feel like she was a better mom because SHE volunteered at school, and SHE drove her kid wherever he needed to go, etc. (Her kid was also one of DS's bullies)
Don't let these moms make you feel guilty. If you explain that you work on Saturdays and have very limited days off, they can't argue that you aren't doing your part. It would create a hardship for you that they don't have to deal with. They have the luxury of being flexible enough to be there on Saturdays....you don't.

Thanks. I do everything I can to refute the “single mom” stigma. I don’t ever want to use that as an excuse... but the reality is I just do not have the time to do it all.
I work 50 hours per week minimum on a normal week. I was at work til after 11pm last night, and I’m here now on my day off, so this will be close to a 60hour week. I have to be all caught up because I’m taking a lot of time off next week.
When T was 3 years old I applied to an au pair service at the recommendation of 2 friends who use the company. The company denied me based on my work hours.
Apparently not even an au pair can watch my kid as much as I needed at that time. I had to do early learning and a part time nanny for a few years...an au pair would have been much cheaper.

It just stinks because I do like that my kid wants to be involved in a lot, within reason. It’s better than him staying with a sitter without other kids around. The biggest downside is the that each activity requires volunteer time from me as well.. some of it I can do, some I can’t. I don’t want special treatment, and I don’t want to complain.. but I wish they could all realize that I really do try to give as much as possible. It won’t ever be as much as they do, I hate that T paid the price for it.

 

[Songbird76]

I’m so glad that cell phones weren’t around during my teen years. I broke curfew so many times.. my excuse was always “but I lost track of time!” I was grounded quite often over it. The stupid thing is- I was never doing anything bad, just sitting at a restaurant or bowling...but I hated that my curfew was so much earlier than my friends’!

I did two things which each resulted in a month’s grounding-

1. Age 15- Called parents from a pay phone after a football game.. said I was spending the night at my friend Christina’s house... that we were going for pizza right after the game, then getting dropped off at her house.
We did go for pizza.. then we went for a ride in one of our guy friend’s new car. It was a super sweet ride with an awesome stereo system. 4 of us just went driving around listening to loud music. (Lame when I think about it now, but we thought we were so cool back then). My mom must called Christina’s Mom to tell her what time she would get me in the morning. Her mom said “Ok, I’ll leave a note I’ll probably be sleeping when they get in.” My Mom inquired as to why we weren’t there and when would we be coming back. Other mom said she didn’t know.
So, at midnight Noah pulls into Christina’s driveway to drop us off. My dad was sitting in his car already there... waiting to sternly tell me to “get in the car right now”.
I wanted to die of embarrassment.

2. Age 17. July, a month before senior year was starting. I had my own car at this point. Some of our guy friends were leaving for college soon. They were 18. Invited us to go out of town for the weekend. This time I told my parents that I was spending the weekend at my friend Jenny’s.. she told her mom that she was staying at my house. We took my car on the 200 mile drive, with 2 other girlfriends. Stayed the weekend.. had a blast. I come home Sunday night and both of my parents immediately meet me when I walk in the door. My dad says “I need your keys, please.”
“What, why?” “I need your keys now.”
I hand them over and he comes back. “When did Jenny move 500 miles away?”
“Dad, what are you talking about.”
“You have one chance to tell me where you were. I know what the mileage was on your car before this weekend. (It was less than 1000).. and mom called Jenny’s mother to ask if you girls wanted to play sand volleyball on Saturday. Amazingly, Jenny was at our house. Although we couldn’t find her, or you.”


I got grounded from my car for 2 months and I got grounded from going anywhere without my parents for the rest of the summer, with the exception of my diving practice and volleyball- they picked me up and dropped me off for those. However, I did get ungrounded after 3 weeks of good behavior and lots of chores.. but not from the car.

Oh my!!! I hope that weekend was worth it. How did you have the guts to do that? I would have been terrified to even try it. I spent the night at my friend Shonna's house when we were probably 16? And it was the ONLY time my mom ever let me stay at a friend's house when the parents weren't home, with a promise that we would not leave the house. We were watching movies and Shonna said "Let's go out and do something!" and it was like 2 am....I said "What would we do at 2 am? Nothing is open and it's cold outside." Plus, I seriously thought my mom was going to call in the middle of the night just to make sure we answered the phone. And if she had done that and I wasn't there, I would have been grounded for the rest of high school. (And no, that's not an exaggeration. I got grounded for 3 weeks just for being 15 minutes later than usual one night when I was helping a friend exercise her sheep for fair, because we had to stop and go to the bathroom and had to go out of our usual route to get to a bathroom. And that wasn't a set curfew thing. I was 17 and it was 10:15 on a non-school night. Hardly a huge infraction....so if I got 3 weeks for that, imagine what it would have been at 15 or 16, being out in the middle of the night after I promised we wouldn't leave the house! My mother's punishments were HARSH) Just out of curiosity, what was your curfew that was earlier than all your friends?