The Chit Chat Chit Chat Thread

[Figgy1]

Sounds like your mom was a narcissist. I can fully relate. I recently had to cut all contact with her and the rest of my family because how bad things have gotten. It was ruining my life and marriage. Totally sucks, but I am healing and things are getting better day by day.

Sympathy like, yup I have a few in my family I only see at weddings or funerals

 

[Songbird76]

As a Dad, I can tell you that I never think of my little girls as anything other then my little girls. That is how I see them in my mind, that is how they always will be, however, I am able to express opinions, but, not in the form of demands, just more like suggestions. Sometimes they take my advice, sometimes they don't, but, they always know that I love them more then life itself and that, if pull came to shove, I would always be there for them. Unconditionally!

In the long haul, they know that I respect their intelligence and ability, but, I do find myself as a sounding board quite often. I had to learn that sometimes all they wanted was a loving ear to listen to them and have their back, not to solve their problems for them. That does mean that on occasion you have to, as nicely as you can, tell them that you think they are wrong too. It still goes on even though they are both in their 40's now. They also provide an ear for me to speak to as well. Adult relationships with your children can be extremely rewarding. I loved them little, but, it is so much more rewarding now that we are all at adult levels. They also begin to appreciate just how difficult being a parent can be. I realize now that in many ways parenting doesn't stop when they move out. I also realize that there is a point when we go from care giver to being cared for. That's going to be the hardest part for me.

I love how much you love your family, and it sounds like you have a very close relationship with them. I think the key that you mentioned is that you respect their intelligence and ability. You know that you can give advice, but that's just what it is...advice...and you let them make the decisions for themselves and handle the consequences. That's some good parenting there, mister!! And that's probably why they feel comfortable to use you as a sounding board. They know it's safe to do that...that you will listen and give advice, but you won't try to impose your will on them. That's how I hope to be when my kids are older. I WANT them to be independent, and have good judgement, and I'm teaching them the skills to do that (I hope) and at a certain point, my role will be more to give advice or listen....they will have to do things themselves, and if I've done my job right, they'll be able to deal with life.

 

[Figgy1]

@MySmallWorldof4 another book to put on the wish list https://www.amazon.ca/All-New-Fabri...39740923&sr=8-1&keywords=all+new+fabric+savvy

 

[Figgy1]

I love how much you love your family, and it sounds like you have a very close relationship with them. I think the key that you mentioned is that you respect their intelligence and ability. You know that you can give advice, but that's just what it is...advice...and you let them make the decisions for themselves and handle the consequences. That's some good parenting there, mister!! And that's probably why they feel comfortable to use you as a sounding board. They know it's safe to do that...that you will listen and give advice, but you won't try to impose your will on them. That's how I hope to be when my kids are older. I WANT them to be independent, and have good judgement, and I'm teaching them the skills to do that (I hope) and at a certain point, my role will be more to give advice or listen....they will have to do things themselves, and if I've done my job right, they'll be able to deal with life.

^^^What she said X2
@Songbird76 I left you a reply in your TR about DAS and it's the same info for Disney and UNI except UNI still has a card

 

[21stamps]

“Mommy Wars” Rant-

(It’s all first names so I’m not even going to bother scratching them out-)


Cub Scout fundraiser next weekend. Apparently people aren’t volunteering to work. So one of the moms tagged all of us other moms in a post stating that they still need help. I have signed up to make two batches of from scratch pumpkin apple butter Cupcakes.

Anyway here’s some of the posts-

••••Mom A



••••Mom B


•••••Mom A





•••••Me.







First of all, I understand that it’s frustrating. Really I do. I wish I could help, and I realize that I don’t help the scouts-with time-often.


I refuse to feel guilty!!!!! I’m not. Every week I’m asked to volunteer for something.. I get it, private school means extra volunteer hours.. but let’s be realistic!!! There are some moms who do not have the ability to be Volunteer Junkee. My mom was.. I thought I would be.. but it’s not possible!! I do what I can. That’s all I can do.

This SAHM Mommy War thing is just exhausting some times. I do understand that stay at home moms are very busy.. but the reality is- I will never have the same availability as them. I just won’t. Period.

I’m baking for the bake sale. I bought $104 worth of candy bars to sell last month. I paid all of the dues. I have donated many items in the past (and we haven’t even been able to make it to a meeting or the camp out!! We’ve only been to 1 event this year).. I can’t give my Saturday mornings to them. Or weekday mornings. They have to realize that we’re all doing what we can. This post may have a Scout subject, but it’s so much bigger than Scouts..it’s school in general.

 

[Figgy1]

OMG it's way tooo cold outside. I need some antifreeze. Is it 5 yet?

 

[93boomer]

Thank goodness no but now I never know what day or days he will have off and his start time can go from 5am to 7am without notice

Well that's no fun. Yay for no nights.

 

[93boomer]

Woohoo!!! That's great news! So...when can we expect another trip report to Disney?

Thanks! Have no idea!

 

[King Panda 77]

@93boomer Is the best ever.

 

[Songbird76]

My parents don't call often, so when they call.. I'm in a bit of a panic... it's usually my mom, and she has figured out to say, "Hi, everything is alright, I was just calling to...." (Last time it's was something wrong with the computer)

At least I have her trained!

Ha! Too funny. My dad had zero concept of time, so he'd call me at 6am because he was awake and had time. It was kind of funny in a sad way when he died. The phone rang at 2:00 am and I thought nothing of it...I was like....oh, just my dad probably. My husband just handed me the phone, assuming it was my dad.

 

[93boomer]

@93boomer Is the best ever.

Awwww

 

[21stamps]

Just to expand on that a bit.. I like all of these moms, they’re my friends. They do so many great things for the school.. time wise, Pinterest inspired wise..etc. I appreciate them. I just wish they could understand that some of us are doing all that we can logistically do.
Sometimes I realize how different our lives really are. I think Women understanding Women could go a long way...understanding that not all of us can sign up for everything.

 

[Songbird76]

Sounds like your mom was a narcissist. I can fully relate. I recently had to cut all contact with her and the rest of my family because how bad things have gotten. It was ruining my life and marriage. Totally sucks, but I am healing and things are getting better day by day.

That's rough. I wouldn't say my mom was a narcissist in that it wasn't all about her. She didn't try to get attention onto her or anything. It was just that she was very controlling. She didn't see me as being capable of being independent and was always worried that if she didn't do things for me, it wouldn't be done her way, and she couldn't stand things not being done her way.

 

[Goofyernmost]

Yikes! What will they do when it gets cold?

I see a lot of hotels in their future. Since we have been talking about parental influence, when they told me the original plan to stay in a tent out back, my first reaction (to myself) was "are you out of your freaking minds". Rent an apartment for the duration. They didn't listen because they will save a lot of money doing it this way. Now panic is setting in because a hotel room for five of them is much more expensive then an apartment would have been. There sometimes is a benefit to listening to the old man. Neither myself or her sister have enough room in our places for a family of five so, they would have to be split up, which they don't want and frankly it creates quite a burden for us as well. They have the money to spend 100K on a house do over, they can rent someplace to stay. The respective schools they attend now are 20 to 30 miles away from us as well. Fortunately, not to rub it in or anything, but, it doesn't get all that cold down here. It will get cooler through November, but, even a space heater would probably get them through. Believe me, five people in that tent requires very little extra heat. I don't know how they made it through the summer.

 

[Songbird76]

^^^What she said X2
@Songbird76 I left you a reply in your TR about DAS and it's the same info for Disney and UNI except UNI still has a card

Thank you! I'll look tonight when the kids go to bed and I have some time.

 

[Goofyernmost]

I love how much you love your family, and it sounds like you have a very close relationship with them. I think the key that you mentioned is that you respect their intelligence and ability. You know that you can give advice, but that's just what it is...advice...and you let them make the decisions for themselves and handle the consequences. That's some good parenting there, mister!! And that's probably why they feel comfortable to use you as a sounding board. They know it's safe to do that...that you will listen and give advice, but you won't try to impose your will on them. That's how I hope to be when my kids are older. I WANT them to be independent, and have good judgement, and I'm teaching them the skills to do that (I hope) and at a certain point, my role will be more to give advice or listen....they will have to do things themselves, and if I've done my job right, they'll be able to deal with life.

In a nutshell, that last sentence is the exact definition of the sole responsibility of parenthood.

 

[Songbird76]

In a nutshell, that last sentence is the exact definition of the sole responsibility of parenthood.

That's exactly it. My job is to prepare them for adulthood. I'm not raising children....I'm raising adults. I won't be here forever to make their decisions for them, so I'd better teach them how to make those decisions, both big and small, themselves. And I've got to trust that what I say is getting through to them and I know they are smart kids...I have to trust them to think before they act. And I have to trust in myself that I'm giving them those skills and being a good role model for them.

 

[93boomer]

That's exactly it. My job is to prepare them for adulthood. I'm not raising children....I'm raising adults. I won't be here forever to make their decisions for them, so I'd better teach them how to make those decisions, both big and small, themselves. And I've got to trust that what I say is getting through to them and I know they are smart kids...I have to trust them to think before they act. And I have to trust in myself that I'm giving them those skills and being a good role model for them.

Well said!!

 

[StarWarsGirl]

I don't know your friend, but what she did was kind of self-centered, especially if she is going to go somewhere else. You went out of your way with the reservations if I remember correctly. If it was a financial thing, I can understand that. But, she should have told you in person before she even cancelled. But how can it be financial if she is going to go skiing? Skiing is pretty darn expensive as well. She owes you a massive apology.

She does. I love my friends, but good grief, most of them have any sense of how much things cost and how money works.

We had a massive argument over all of this. I was at least owed a phone call. And now she's mad at me because I told her no, I can't go anywhere else with her this winter or this summer (summer I might try for Hawaii, but definitely WDW) and I told her if she wants to go to WDW, she is welcome to come at the same time as me in the future, but she's on her own as far as getting a room. She was not happy about that and is mad at me now.

 

[KBLovedDisney]

Does anybody else have family members that have joined the social media world, specifically vlogging on YouTube?