The Chit Chat Chit Chat Thread

Goofyernmost

Goofyernmost

Well-Known Member
Songbird76 said:
Oh that's definitely not just a man thing. My mom treated me like a naughty 10 year old even when I was in college. One of the choirs I sang in in college went to Carnegie Hall, and some people gave my mom checks to give to me to help me pay for the trip. Mom decided to drive down to watch and comandeered the checks for her gas money. I almost didn't get to go. As it was, I didn't have the money for the airfare, so had to drive with mom and my brother. I had rehearsals during the day, but my mom was very controlling about my free time....she didn't like me meeting up with an internet friend, though we had stayed with one of my brother's internet friends on the way over in....Maryland? And my brother and I wanted to go shopping and she wouldn't hear of it, because it was NYC and we might get mugged, and everything is overpriced, and blah blah blah. She treated my brother like an adult....he convinced her that he could pick me up on the last day by himself, she didn't need to come. So we went shopping that day without her even knowing we went, and it was so nice not to have someone telling me how much money I could spend, which stores I could go into, etc.
And my MIL, when I moved here, insisted that I did my Dutch homework downstairs where she could "Correct me if I made a mistake". I was a married, college graduate, and she didn't even go to high school, but she thought I needed her to tell me how to do my homework and how to study. And she would turn burners up behind my back when I was cooking, so everything would burn, she'd change the settings on the washing machine when I was doing laundry....she convinced my husband to get a different paint color than we had agreed on, because her taste was better, even though it was OUR house...I made him take it back and get what we agreed on. But parents just always seem to think we are children, no matter how old we get.
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Yes, but, that is very extreme. Most are just petty little things that are easily ignored and forgotten. What you are describing? Not so much. Glad you had the strength to make it to where you are now. :)
 
21stamps

21stamps

Well-Known Member
Goofyernmost said:
I can't speak for others, but, that is why, when I got to be an adult, I left home and went out on my own and never looked back. The day after I graduated I was in Texas in Basic Training for the Air Force. I got married before I got out and set up my own home. I know I would have gone ballistic if I had adult children living at home while holding a job and saving their money while I spent mine on them. In fact, I did tell both of my girls it was time to be a grownup not just pretend they were. They could have stayed at home, but, they would be paying room and board. (probably nowhere near what it would have cost on the outside), but, there are no free rides in life except perhaps the first 18 to 21 years when parents have a responsibility to get them to some degree of education and ready to take care of themselves.

When I left home, it was tough sledding for awhile. I couldn't have a new car, I couldn't take vacations, I couldn't buy anything other then generic foods and discount store clothing. But, I was free to do and be whatever I wanted to do or be. It's a much different world now, but, my girls have become very independent and self sufficient and the only time they ever asked for help was when they were first married and asked for a loan to get something that was a necessity. And they paid me back as quickly as they could. Fortunately, they both married men that didn't want to be indebted to their Father in Law. :) Worked for me! :joyfull:
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This is why I choose a school 1000 miles away, as opposed to going to my father’s pick of schools for me. They cried.. I probably did too, but all I can remember is the excitement of leaving.lol.

My dad is and always has been a bit (a lot) controlling.. maybe “opinionated” is the better word. Why do dad’s always think they know what’s best for us.:mad:
However, my dad is also my rock.

Once when they were going on a cruise, stayed at my condo for 2 nights before.. I was in the middle of some light renovations. One of which was attempting to do wallpaper in the master bath, myself. It was horrible. Put the project on pause for their visit.. went into work for a few hours while on day 1.. come back- my dad was doing my wallpaper! Went to Home Depot got the supplies to remove the mess I had done.. took that off and hung the new paper correctly. On the first day of his vacation.

So, I can’t complain too much.. but even now he does say things or treat me as his little girl sometimes.

Oh, and before I was married I had brought 3 different guys home over the years.. the last my husband. We were engaged but my parents had us sleep in different bedrooms when we would visit. Their house, their rules- said them.lol
 
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Goofyernmost

Goofyernmost

Well-Known Member
21stamps said:
This is why I choose a school 1000 miles away, as opposed to going to my father’s pick of schools for me. They cried.. I probably did too, but all I can remember is the excitement of leaving.lol.

My dad is and always has been a bit (a lot) controlling.. maybe “opinionated” is the better word. Why do dad’s always think they know what’s best for us.:mad:
However, my dad is also my rock.

Once when they were going on a cruise, stayed at my condo for 2 nights before.. I was in the middle of some light renovations. One of which was attempting to do wallpaper in the master bath, myself. It was horrible. Put the project on pause for their visit.. went into work for a few hours while on day 1.. come back- my dad was doing my wallpaper! Went to Home Depot got the supplies to remove the mess I had done.. took that off and hung the new paper correctly. On the first day of his vacation.

So, I can’t complain too much.. but even now he does say things or treat me as his little girl sometimes.
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As a Dad, I can tell you that I never think of my little girls as anything other then my little girls. That is how I see them in my mind, that is how they always will be, however, I am able to express opinions, but, not in the form of demands, just more like suggestions. Sometimes they take my advice, sometimes they don't, but, they always know that I love them more then life itself and that, if pull came to shove, I would always be there for them. Unconditionally!

In the long haul, they know that I respect their intelligence and ability, but, I do find myself as a sounding board quite often. I had to learn that sometimes all they wanted was a loving ear to listen to them and have their back, not to solve their problems for them. That does mean that on occasion you have to, as nicely as you can, tell them that you think they are wrong too. It still goes on even though they are both in their 40's now. They also provide an ear for me to speak to as well. Adult relationships with your children can be extremely rewarding. I loved them little, but, it is so much more rewarding now that we are all at adult levels. They also begin to appreciate just how difficult being a parent can be. I realize now that in many ways parenting doesn't stop when they move out. I also realize that there is a point when we go from care giver to being cared for. That's going to be the hardest part for me.
 
StarWarsGirl

StarWarsGirl

Well-Known Member
In the Parks
No
MinnieM123 said:
Hard to say, as I haven't heard her side. Sorry she changed her mind on you.

Your situation reminds me a little of years ago when I worked in the hotel industry. A friend of mine who worked there, wanted to go to our hotel in Egypt, and I was game. We planned for a few months, and then she bailed. Why? Because her teenage daughter also wanted to go, but only wanted to go with mommy. :facepalm: What could I say? I was disappointed, but sometimes things happen. :(
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Yeah. I'm more mad at her because she cancelled everything several days ago and then told me yesterday via text. And she thinks I shouldn't be upset about that for some reason...and then here's the kicker. She wants to go on a skiing trip instead. Um...I'm sorry, have you met me? And if you have, are you trying to kill me?

Anyway, I already bought my AP and paid for my flight, but because she did this, I just don't feel like going anymore. Flight can be cancelled and go towards future travel. AP...er, more challenging.
 
21stamps

21stamps

Well-Known Member
Goofyernmost said:
As a Dad, I can tell you that I never think of my little girls as anything other then my little girls. That is how I see them in my mind, that is how they always will be, however, I am able to express opinions, but, not in the form of demands, just more like suggestions. Sometimes they take my advice, sometimes they don't, but, they always know that I love them more then life itself and that, if pull came to shove, I would always be there for them. Unconditionally!

In the long haul, they know that I respect their intelligence and ability, but, I do find myself as a sounding board quite often. I had to learn that sometimes all they wanted was a loving ear to listen to them and have their back, not to solve their problems for them. That does mean that on occasion you have to, as nicely as you can, tell them that you think they are wrong too. It still goes on even though they are both in their 40's now. They also provide an ear for me to speak to as well. Adult relationships with your children can be extremely rewarding. I loved them little, but, it is so much more rewarding now that we are all at adult levels. They also begin to appreciate just how difficult being a parent can be. I realize now that in many ways parenting doesn't stop when they move out. I also realize that there is a point when we go from care giver to being cared for. That's going to be the hardest part for me.
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I can definitely say that as much love and respect as I had for my parents before, I gained an entirely new appreciation once I had a child.

I’ve always known they want the best for me, as all parents do. Just sometimes I wish my dad would just let me vent and not try to solve my problems or give advice. Sometimes a child does just need a sounding board, no matter what age. Good that you recognize that!
I say this, but I still remember one time when I called my dad at 2:30am. He answered the phone sounding alarmed and immediately asked “What’s wrong?”
“Dad, I’m out (Miami) and we’ve been drinking. Drea (my best friend) slipped and fell. She hurt her knee.. what kind of medicine should we buy? Does she need to elevate it?”
At 2:30am.. from the restroom in a nightclub.:hilarious:

He laughed, said he was glad I was ok.. and then asked questions about the state of her knee and gave us advice. I’ll never live that down. 😂
 
21stamps

21stamps

Well-Known Member
StarWarsGirl said:
Yeah. I'm more mad at her because she cancelled everything several days ago and then told me yesterday via text. And she thinks I shouldn't be upset about that for some reason...and then here's the kicker. She wants to go on a skiing trip instead. Um...I'm sorry, have you met me? And if you have, are you trying to kill me?

Anyway, I already bought my AP and paid for my flight, but because she did this, I just don't feel like going anymore. Flight can be cancelled and go towards future travel. AP...er, more challenging.
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Go on the ski trip!!! It will be fun and different! Stick to a bunny hill for a bit until you’re over it, then just hang out in the lodge. The scenery and ambiance will be incredible!
 
Goofyernmost

Goofyernmost

Well-Known Member
21stamps said:
I can definitely say that as much love and respect as I had for my parents before, I gained an entirely new appreciation once I had a child.

I’ve always known they want the best for me, as all parents do. Just sometimes I wish my dad would just let me vent and not try to solve my problems or give advice. Sometimes a child does just need a sounding board, no matter what age. Good that you recognize that!
I say this, but I still remember one time when I called my dad at 2:30am. He answered the phone sounding alarmed and immediately asked “What’s wrong?”
“Dad, I’m out (Miami) and we’ve been drinking. Drea (my best friend) slipped and fell. She hurt her knee.. what kind of medicine should we buy? Does she need to elevate it?”
At 2:30am.. from the restroom in a nightclub.:hilarious:

He laughed, said he was glad I was ok.. and then asked questions about the state of her knee and gave us advice. I’ll never live that down. 😂
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That's part of the job. Whenever one of my daughters calls me at an odd time, my first question is "What's going on?" Same as what's wrong!. When my youngest was away at college in her first year, she would call me in the middle of the night because she was anxious about something and couldn't get to sleep. She just wanted someone to talk too. I'd listen, tell her not to worry, things will be alright. Now she is the one telling me that kind of stuff, but, it still does work in reverse quite often. Now I start my response to her with... As much as I know how much you love to worry about stuff, wait until it happens before you get all upset over a thought instead of a reality. It'll be alright!
 

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