The pastor of my church, who married us, told us that we would be just as married without all the hoopla. If something goes wrong, it goes wrong...as long as you both say I do and sign the paper, you're just as married. In the end, that was great advice, because we got married just a couple of weeks after September 11th. We weren't even sure DH's parents would be able to make it because international flights were shut down for over a week. Everything we had ordered took longer to come in because of a reduction in transportation and an increase in security. Several of our guests, the guest book attendents, my maid of honor, the best man, all cancelled because they were scared to fly. My parents-in-law were lucky....flights opened up the day they were to fly, so they were on the first flight to the US from the Netherlands. DH's aunt and uncle weren't so lucky....they were going to fly in a week or so earlier and travel around before surprising us with their arrival. But international flights were down and so their flight was cancelled and they were on a waiting list, but didn't make it on a flight by the time we got married. So it ended up being a lot smaller than planned, and we had to shift around the wedding party, but in the end, I'm glad that we had to do that, because it ended up being so much more special the way it was, with people who really wanted to be there. My maid of honor had thrown a hissy fit about the dress that was chosen....she's the only one who didn't vote for that one, and insisted that she should get to pick her own dress and wear something different because she was the maid of honor and she didn't understand why I was being so selfish wanting them all to look the same and not wanting her to stand out. Now, of course, I realize I had made a very poor choice in my maid of honor...bad judgement. I thought she was like a sister, but really I made her feel loved, and that's what she liked about our friendship, not ME. So everything worked out the way it was supposed to, and September 11th was a huge eye opener and offered so much perspective about what was really important. What was important was that we both wanted each other, and we had a room full of people who loved us and supported us and were happy for us. And we had an AWESOME time.
My parents were married in 1970. But I'm pretty sure it was just a low key thing at a church, with just their witnesses and my dad's dad, as he was the only one of their parents still living. But my mom thought all the wedding traditions were really tacky and tried to get me to not do them, and our church was very strict anyway, so some traditions were banned. Like, I wasn't allowed to have the wedding march, or a flower girl and ring bearer. And I wasn't allowed to choose the organist. We held the reception at a hotel banquet hall so we weren't bound to the church's rules for that. But my mom did not approve of things like the chicken dance, or the dollar dance, bouquet throw, garter toss, though she did find the Dutch tradition (or maybe it's just my husband's family's tradition) of the toilet paper dance amusing. She actually liked that one, as did our DJ, who asked if we would mind him passing it on to other couples who wanted something unique and funny. But maybe it wasn't so much that music and dancing weren't in style for weddings when she got married as it was that she didn't like those traditions?
) Where I went crazy was the venue/menu/flowers/decor/dress code/music/gifts/alcohol, even the invites., joking, but it was an obnoxious amount of white roses and orchids everywhere.
Well it sounds beautiful anyway! Isn't it funny how what we THOUGHT would make us happy seems a bit...not silly exactly, but not necessary I guess, in hindsight? The thing with my "maid of honor" was that she was Canadian, and insisted that bridesmaids got to pick their own dresses. We had been friends for just a few years, she was someone I had met on an online game and we hit it off and visited each other a few times and I thought of her as a sister. It was actually her who was the catalyst for my calling off my first engagement. The guy was jealous, controlling, mentally abusive, and tied to his crazy mother's apron strings, but I thought he was the only person in the world who would ever settle for me, so I went with it, not thinking I could do any better. She had a friend who had married someone a lot like my boyfriend, and it had turned out horribly for her, and she told this friend about me and that friend sought me out and talked to me. And what she said still resonates with me today, and it's the reason I called off the wedding. She said, you think that when you get married, he'll get better, because he'll know you belong to him and you are committed to him. And it MIGHT....but, what if it doesn't get better? It doesn't get worse, but it doesn't get better either. Can you live with this, exactly this way, for the rest of your life if nothing changes except your last name? And the answer was no. So I called it off, and my now husband said he had had a crush on me but never said anything because I was taken, and now that I was single, he'd really like a chance with me. And my maid of honor actually got angry, because my husband had had a crush on her, too, but she wasn't interested in him, just liked the attention, which she then didn't get anymore because he transferred those attentions to me. She tried to get me to break up with him, saying he had flirted with so many other women before I came along. Well, yeah....but none of them showed him any interest and he moved on. I had boyfriends before, too! So then when it came time to pick the dresses, she had been in a friend's wedding 2 years before, and she had been the only bridesmaid in that wedding, and there was no party or anything, just the bride and groom and one attendant each, so she had let my friend pick her own dress, just saying it needed to be Royal blue. So she had this Royal blue bridesmaids dress from that wedding, and she wanted to wear it again because it was an expensive dress. Only our colors were Navy and light blue, not Royal blue. She ONLY wanted to wear that dress....no other dress would do. I sent her links to websites that had HUNDREDS of dresses and told her to pick ANYTHING that came in navy blue. She only wrote back that every single dress on every single website was hideous and she wouldn't be caught dead in anything but the Royal blue dress. Finally, after going through thousands of dresses and her rejecting every one of them, even ones that looked almost identical to her royal blue dress, but for the darker color, I asked one of my other bridesmaids, who lived in town, to come over and we went through all the catalogs and such, picked out 4 dresses that met all the demands of the other girls. One has CP and is on crutches and has muscular arms...she feels self conscious in cap sleeves, and obviously tight fitting wouldn't be conducive to mobility. One wanted something flattering for full-figures, which all of my girls had. So we picked four, and let them vote. They all voted for the same one, except the maid of honor, who hated every one of them, her boyfriend would break up with her if she ever put that on, and anyway, she was the maid of honor, she should get to wear something different and she should get to pick it herself, and she picked her royal blue dress. I said no, sorry, I wanted my girls to match. I kind of think her not coming was more about that dress than being afraid to fly. I think she just latched on to the excuse not to have to come and wear that dress. She was given several options and in the end, nothing was going to make her happy...she wasn't doing it for me out of love. She wanted her way and she was shocked that for once I stood up to her about what -I- wanted.Wow. I’m so glad that it turned out great! That must have been a scary time for a bit.
Full disclosure- I was mad at my sister for my dress I ended up with at her wedding.. extremely annoyed by it actually. I didn’t come right out and say it, but I told her at the store that it looked horrible on me. But, she was the bride, so I just had to grin and bear it. One of her bridesmaids would be far along in her pregnancy for the wedding, it happened after the wedding date was announced and after my sister had chosen the bridesmaid style, which then had to be changed. Originally we were supposed to have long form fitting gowns.. but to accommodate her pregnant girlfriend she decided to switch to a knee length bell style dress (I think that’s what they’re called) strapless, with an empire waist and the fabric just hangs to the bottom of the knees and then folds under. It made me look like a pencil.lol. I don’t have the body for that style dress at all.
It’s not my day though, it was her day. Your friend should have realized the same, no matter how she felt about the dress.
With my own wedding, I was into every tiny detail. My dress was made for me... it was fairly simple though. Almost a replica of what Madonna wore in Evita during the dream scene.. I had always wanted that to be my dress. I had the front changed just a little bit, but the back was spot on. My bridesmaids all wore black gowns, my maid of honor wore a slightly different black gown. My wedding attendee number wasn’t too huge, we kept it to 200. Where I went crazy was the venue/menu/flowers/decor/dress code/music/gifts/alcohol, even the invites.
I had to have a pianist and harpist for the ceremony, the harpist again for dinner, and a band for after dinner, with a DJ on hand for the “extended hours” when it would widdle down to mostly our friends. We had so many flowers that I don’t think any were left in existence afterwards
The venue was easily decided, I knew that I “must” be married at a Flagler (I love all things Henry Flagler) hotel called The Breakers, and it would be total Florida renaissance affair. Tuxedoed cocktail waiters walking around with glasses of champagne. Oh I was a nightmare to my wedding planner, I’m sure. I probably didn’t even need her.lol.
It was everything that I imagined. But when it was over, it was almost like “all of that time spent, and it went by with a blink of the eye”. Like I said, I wouldn’t do it again..especially not with the rift I had with my parents.
YUP a few left but not for a couple of weeks
Not necessary, and almost a feeling of let down after it’s all over with. At least that’s how I felt afterwards.. not let down by the event itself, but more of ‘this is so strange not to be planning a wedding now.”
Order pizza!I'm now insideToday was nice enough to go walking and do some hand sewing outside. Do I really need to feed the boys?
HA! I wish. Not any good local gluten/dairy free
I’m not gluten free, but one of my favorite pizza places is called Pizza Fusion. Sadly I don’t have one where I live now.
I'm in the woods so no sending the kids. No biggie I chopped some veggies tossed them in the pressure cooked so they can have that with quinoa(already in the fridge) and left over hummus. I always make a triple batch of both quinoa and hummusI’m not gluten free, but one of my favorite pizza places is called Pizza Fusion. Sadly I don’t have one where I live now.
They’re a total eco friendly company.. down to their delivery vehicles and boxes. I’m not even a huge fan of brownies, but LOVE their gluten free brownie dessert. Pizza is all organic and completely delicious.
I can’t remember what state you live in, but look to see if they have any locations relatively nearby. Or- send one of the kids to Whole Foods to pick up a pizza or pre seasoned non- meat, then just stick on the grill or oven and enjoy relaxing outside!
That sounds delicious!I'm in the woods so no sending the kids. No biggie I chopped some veggies tossed them in the pressure cooked so they can have that with quinoa(already in the fridge) and left over hummus. I always make a triple batch of both quinoa and hummus
Well, it wasn't HER that gave me the good advice...it was her friend. She told the friend about me and the friend sought me out to talk to me and give me advice. No, looking back there was always a jealousy there. She was always trying to get attention from guys and was very upset if they paid attention to me instead of her. And I think part of the reason she liked being my friend was that I was no competition. I was taken, so I wasn't receptive to the attention, which meant that she could have it all. And when I called off the one engagement, I told my husband when he asked that I didn't want a serious relationship right away...that I was interested in him, but that I couldn't commit right then, and I'd like to date a bit first and I'd let him know when I wanted something more. I went to visit my friend in Canada and there was a guy I was interested in. We hung out the three of us, but I kept being left out, so I figured he wasn't into me, and she seemed to like him, so I told her if she was interested, to go for it as she lived there and had way more chance of it working out than I did. She said no, she wasn't attracted to him, had no interest in him whatsoever, but they continued to leave me out and flirt with each other...and then she slept with him. That should have told me all I needed to know. But I was 22 at the time, and very naive and....inexperienced, having resolved to wait until marriage. So now I realize that my judgement in my early twenties was TERRIBLE when it came to relationships...I chose all the wrong people. I still have her on my facebook and I'm friendly with her, but we're certainly not close. I don't wish her ill or anything...we had some great fun together, laughing...she was the person who got me drunk at 22 because I'd never had alcohol and she thought I should experience it at least once. And I love her dad...he is the kindest, sweetest guy and kind of "adopted" me as a daughter because at the time, I didn't get along well with my own dad. He treated me like I was his 2nd daughter, and I went to Canadian Thanksgiving at his parents' house one trip. So I still have love for them, and my wedding turned out to be exactly the way it was supposed to be, so I don't regret any of what happened. I think I probably needed the wake-up call. I can appreciate everything I learned from that, and love the good that came from it. I still love her, and I think in her own way, she loves me....she just wasn't the best friend and I should never have asked her to be my maid of honor and she should never have agreed to do it. We're better as casual friends...I don't think of her as a sister anymore, but I still love her.Not necessary, and almost a feeling of let down after it’s all over with. At least that’s how I felt afterwards.. not let down by the event itself, but more of ‘this is so strange not to be planning a wedding now.”
I can’t believe your friend was the same person who gave such great advice! It really was a great thing to say to you.. how could she turn into such a hateful jealous person?!
I hope she is not in your life in any capacity now.
I’ve never heard of bridesmaids choosing their own dresses!!! That would be a “HE## NO!” from me.
I took into account all of my bridesmaids body types and complexions, and I did give my maid of honor a couple of choices, I wanted them all to be happy..but they also had to fit into my vision of that day. Luckily they all loved their gowns, but I would have kicked one out of my wedding and my life if they asked to go in a completely different direction. Mind boggling that anyone would have the audacity to do such a thing.
I’m so sorry that you had to deal with that during one of the should-be happiest stages of your life. Sounds like you were better off in the end though.
Funny thing about people, they appear perfect and loving, until one specific day -they’re not. One offense can ruin a relationship if that offense is bad enough. I’ve handed out a Red Card to a few people (now formerly) in my life. Sometimes you have no other choice, no matter how “important” that person is.
What??? But....but....you're in Joisey! Isn't that where the GOOD pizza is supposed to be? You'd think they'd have perfected the art of gluten free/dairy free there, too...I'm sure there's demand!
