Really!!??? We have a couple of inches and still snowing and it’s 18! And DH has to drive home tonight from out of town. We will be lucky not to have 4 or 5! Not looking good @figmentfan423.
Oh, yes, that one. That one I'm lukewarm on. Whoever wants to marry me should yes, go talk to my parents (and both, not just dad) and ask for their blessing. But blessing, not permission. There is a difference. And the only reason I would say to do that is because I don't think my father would ever fully respect someone who didn't come talk to him before marrying me, and that's just not good. I don't want to start off like that. So we're going to have to do that one. Not thrilled, but okay.
Yup, I hear you, but we're way down the road on this so there's that too.
We had a full Celtic medieval wedding. No white for me. My dress was dark green with gold Celtic trim. Almost everyone that came dressed up too. Friends of ours had a full Goth wedding. I think it's different for everyone but definitely needs to be a partnership.Hee hee . . . even those of us who wore a veil (believe me, even a dawg can look pretty in a veil !!) don't consider ourselves owned by anyone.
It is still a partnership. For me, I enjoy the old traditions (white dress, veil) and went with them, but I'm still the crazy gal I always was!
Very well thought out insight here.@Songbird76 I'm going to give you a little background into my family because I think maybe it will give you some insight into yours...
When I was little, I was such a daddy's girl. My mom always tells the story about how we were staying at Coronado Springs, and she was checking in, and my dad took me into the gift shop, and in the ten minutes that it took her to check in, he and I came walking out, and I had a little 101 Dalmations purse in my hand. And my mom was like "Really? She's got you wrapped around her finger."
And then came the autism diagnosis with my brother.
I was 11 when he was diagnosed, and at first, nothing really changed. But then, the pressure to keep my grades up started coming on a lot harder, and it came on stronger and stronger in high school. Then came the pressure to be a lawyer, like him, and for a while, I was all for it, until I wasn't. I decided I was too emotional for a legal career, and the business side of it would bore me to tears. He was not happy about it. I later found out from my mom that his expectation was that I would join his firm. That was never happening, even if I did become a lawyer. Then, when I was applying for colleges, he wanted me to go to his alma mater. Well, his alma mater was not like it was 35 years ago. It was huge, basically a school where anyone could go, and I was not impressed. It was my safety school, and I told him that. I ended up picking a small, private school that he was not a fan of, but in the end, it was a perfect choice for me and I got an excellent education there, and I got a business degree, which made him happy, and me because it was a good choice. Then came more pressure for law school, and I was more firm that it wasn't happening.
But then I realized that I somehow stopped being daddy's girl and had become the son who was carrying on the family responsibility. And I thought, "When did this happen?"
And that's when it hit me: all of this started after the autism diagnosis. When he got a son, he had expectations for him. That he would be like him, that he would go to college, maybe to law school, carry on the family name. When my brother got the autism diagnosis, all of those hopes went out the window. Whether he realized it or not, he had lost his expectations for his son, and in doing so, he switched over those expectations to me. Which is a tricky position to be in. You're still the daughter who he feels like he has to protect, but you're suddenly the son carrying on the family responsibilities. I love my father and value his wisdom and advice. And I think because I'm not a daddy's girl, my mom and I are unusually close, which I wouldn't trade, but part of me misses being a daddy's girl.
Anyway, I thought this might give you some insight into what may be going on in your DH's mind, whether he realizes it or not. I know my dad doesn't realize it consciously. He might be reacting more to this recent diagnosis than you realize though.
My dress was off white because my pale skin did not go well with white. I had no veil that covered my face. I wasn't into that. We had a small wedding, just about 70 people on a small yacht that went around NY harbor. I refused the traditional throwing of the bouquet and the garter thing. Yuck in my opinion. I did have my name hyphenated on our marriage license but never actually even changed it on my drivers license or anything else. Now because we have been married for so long and have all these kidsHee hee . . . even those of us who wore a veil (believe me, even a dawg can look pretty in a veil !!
, I sometimes regret not changing it on my "legal documents". Seems like so much of a hassle at this point.Your dress must have been beautiful. Did your ex wear a kilt?
Sympathy like. Schools here just had a 2 hour delay probably to make sure the roads were nice and clean. I know that schools by where dh works that is 32 miles as the crow flies had closed schools today. We had about 5 inches in total start to finish. Luckily warm up starts tomorrow.
I didn't cancel the repair, cause you know, fluke? In any case repair guy still not here. Was told he would be here between 8 and 5. Don't you love it? When I call I just get a voicemail box. Well I am out of here at 4:30 for cheer practice assuming they don't close for the night, so hopefully he will come before. Part of me is thinking he will not show up. Kind of annoyed because I wanted to make muffins and couldn't because the oven needs to be cool to be looked at. 
That is excellent advice, thank you! And I will certainly want those anti-meltdown spots!! DS was allowed to leave the room at the old school when it got to be overwhelming. He doesn't really need that now with the new school, because the whole place is a big anti-meltdown spot....dimmed lights, carpet to reduce noise on the floors, no artwork in the front of the room where it is distracting...it's fantastic. BUT, Disney is DEFINITELY not that place, so having a few escape hatches would be great.I don't blame you. My mom cooks when wecre in SC and Hawaii, but anywhere else, she's like, "Nope!" Even last time in Hilton Head, we ate out more than usual. And being on Disney property spoils you. I actually like that I can walk everywhere or just get on a bus and a bus will take me to the front of the park and drop me off at my resort and not have to deal with parking. Parking is the worst. AK and the WPs are the only exceptions. We're usually over at the Epcot resorts, so I'm spoiled by the ability to walk back to my room from Epcot or DHS and be at the hot tub in less than an hour after park closing.
And personally, having a sibling on the spectrum, I agree with travelling if you can. You'll figure out what works for you and him. For us, we've figured out what works. Sometimes that means getting a FP for a specific ride first even though it may not necesarily be the most convenient (looking at you, FoP). Sometimes that means stopping and taking a break and getting a snack. And most of all, it means clear communication with him. We tell him what the plans are. He's usually okay with them, but if therecs something he really wants to do, even if it's something silly to us like riding an elevator at Pizza Rizzo's, we do it even though we're like, "Yeah, why?" As long as it's feasible and not against the rules, we let him. It makes him happy and lets us all have a good vacation. And conversely, if there's something he really doesn't want to do, he doesn't have to. It's pretty rare at this point, but when he was younger, first he didn't want to go on TofT, then later on EE. My parents with me had a once per trip rule with me on every ride, but with him, he genuinely did not want to do either of those two, and they did not force him.
As for your DH, just know that he's normal. He really is. My dad stopped going to malls when my brother was younger because every time they would go to a mall, my brother, being a typical boy, hated shopping, and would melt down, and my father didn't feel like dealing with it. My dad loved going to malls and shopping. He still will drag you into every gift shop in WDW on the off chance that they might have something different in this one even though they usually have the same stuff in each one. But my dad really didn't do my brother any favors because now, every time we walk into a gift shop in WDW, my brother does not want to be there, and he gives my dad more grief in shops than he does my mom or me. Heck, in Hilton Head, my grandma and I went in a department store with him and I tried on clothes and shoes while having him hold my purse, and he was probably bored out of his mind, but he was an angel. And rewarded for it.
On a side note, in just dealing with your DS, have you talked to your DD about any of this? Coming from the perspective of being a big sis, I have sometimes had insights into my brother that my mom hasn't. She's said before that she'll talk to me about something going on with my brother, and she'll get anxious that it's a new behavior, and I'll say to her, "Mom, he's a teenager. Of course he's doing that." And then she calms down. Keeping me in the loop gave them insights, as well as gave them peace of mind knowing that there was someone around who knows him as well as they do. And it made me feel valued in m family knowing that my opinion and insight meant something, and I did two separate projects in college for autism advocacy. Just a thought, it might not work for your situation, but you might be surprised what kinds of insights your DD has. And you want to keep a check on her too to see how she feels about this, because she definitely has an opinion and feelings on this.
BTW, Seasons at non peak periods, excellent spot. You get a DAS for Soarin', get on Living with the Land, get a snack at Seasons, and then after 15-20 minutes, he's rarin' to go, and the DAS is good. There's also seating there that's away from noise and people, so if you start to sense that he's heading into meltdown territory, sometimes a sensory break is an excellent thing. It's my antimeltdown formula for when I have my brother and my parents aren't around, and he very rarely melts down. If you want my desensatize spots for when you go back to WDW, let me know. I know them partly becuase of my brother, sometimes because my migraine brain needs 30 minutes away from noise and people with some caffeine.
He didn't., he wore a hunter green archer outfit with cloak. We had planned to wear these to the local RenFairs (which we did) and wanted something that matched. My mom made my dress and his outfit.My dress was off white because my pale skin did not go well with white. I had no veil that covered my face. I wasn't into that. We had a small wedding, just about 70 people on a small yacht that went around NY harbor. I refused the traditional throwing of the bouquet and the garter thing. Yuck in my opinion. I did have my name hyphenated on our marriage license but never actually even changed it on my drivers license or anything else. Now because we have been married for so long and have all these kids
Your dress must have been beautiful. Did your ex wear a kilt?
The thing is, he seemed to love it on our honeymoon, and he seemed fine the first time we took the kids to Disney. I really think it's more that he doesn't know how to deal with the meltdowns. Like StarWarsGirl said, he doesn't want to deal with it. The thing is, he didn't even really register that there was a problem until DS was about 7. I had been trying to get help since DS was 2, but DH was at work all day and wasn't experiencing 16 meltdowns a day because we walked a different way to the grocery store, or because he didn't get to step on every single stripe in the parking lot, or because he couldn't get the zipper on his pants down and he had to go potty. I would deal with all of them and when the kids went to bed at 7, I followed closely behind and CRASHED. But it would build up for weeks until finally, I'd need a break and DH would get home from work, and I'd just tell him he was on kid duty until bedtime. But if DS had a meltdown because there wasn't enough meat in his taco and he wanted a new one, DH just attributed it to him being tired from playing all day. So when I asked him to help me fill out the questionnaire we got because I asked the school doctor for some support, he didn't understand why I had asked for help. He wasn't seeing all the behavior that I was seeing, and he wasn't good at handling the meltdowns because he just thought it was him being tired and he was only seeing it once a day. He finally gets it now, but he hasn't learned yet to deal with the meltdowns and he can't remain calm. He gets frustrated and starts yelling instead of listening to WHY DS is having a problem. If you can keep calm and talk to him, you can usually figure out a way to fix whatever it is. But he's just not there yet. And DS is going to have meltdowns...it's going to happen, no matter where we are. I think we just kind of need practice, if that makes sense? I've thought for YEARS that DS had Autism...no one believed me because it's so different from my nephew's behaviors and because he really is high functioning. But this is a very new thing for DH and I think he just needs time to learn. Hopefully, by the time we go to Disney next time, he'll have developed his own way of dealing with it, just like DS will do. If it doesn't go well, then I guess I'll just have to wait until the kids are older and we'll go without Daddy, or Daddy can sit in the resort pool while we have fun on rides. Maybe we will have to give it up, but I want to try one more time.
I never thought of it that way, but it's so true. It wouldn't be NEARLY as big of a deal if we lived in the US where I could just go for a few days every now and then.
Maybe you passed it on over here....when I picked up DD to take her to Musical Theater, it was hailing so hard. I ended up having to wrap my head in my scarf because it stung so much with little pellets hitting my face.Heavy flurries stopped about noon today. Didn't leave the office at noon. Left about 4:40. Even though the temp never got above 28, there's nothin' left of the stuff from the sky except a few remnants, and the roads were mostly dry and clear on the way home. The ground is still too warm, thankfully.
Predicted low of 15 for us tonight. Now, that's just gettin' crazy...for us, anyway...!!!
I need to move firewood. Any volunteers?
That was actually a major consideration. I certainly thought about that. That's what we did the first time we went with the kids and we were staying off site, but I really want to get DS used to eating at restaurants...there's not always a McDonald's available. And to be honest, he did fine at WDW with just a couple of exceptions. I really really really love staying in the bubble. There may come a time when we go back to off-site vacations, but I think DH actually LIKES the bubble part. When we stayed with friends, it was pretty bad, and I think it was a relief for him that I do not want to stay with them again. Thinking about it, I really think it has less to do with Disney and more to do with not knowing how to handle the Autism. He knows now that DS can't help it, and therefore, he shouldn't get mad, but he is still learning. You all have had some great suggestions, and I think it will work out. I think we're just going to have to adjust, and maybe practice with things like amusement parks, museums, different venues, and then maybe some slightly longer trips, and just figure out how to cope as a family before we go back to Disney.
