The Chit Chat Chit Chat Thread

Songbird76

Songbird76

Well-Known Member
ajrwdwgirl said:
Ok, time for a bad teacher comment.....
I have a student this year who is VERY E.B.D & O.D.D (emotionally & behaviorally disturbed and oppositional defiant disorder). I mean we are talking about the student barking in class, scooting on his butt around the room, basically any bad behavior you can think of he has probably done it. And it isn't just in my class it is in all his classes. Anyway, I gave a quiz today and because he is in Special Ed he doesn't take quizzes or tests in the regular classroom. So it was so peaceful in class today I told the Special Ed teacher that I'm going to give a quiz every day so this kid isn't in there. She didn't think that was funny, mostly because she is at her wits end with this kids too.
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Wow....why is this kid in a regular school? That sounds pretty serious and it can't be good for the learning environment of everyone else! Isn't there an alternative that would be a better fit for him, without disturbing the whole class?
 
Songbird76

Songbird76

Well-Known Member
StarWarsGirl said:
It's more that the firm's owner, who normally is either on appointments or in the other office, was in the office today. It's much calmer when he's not there. I like him well enough, and when you talk with him personally and when he's not stressed, he's one of the nicest people you'll ever meet, but good grief, he comes in the office and it's chaos. He tends to be too much of a micro-manager when he's in the office.

For instance, today, we found out one of our phone lines wasn't working, and we only have two in the office. When I figured this out, and figured out that the problem was that the phone connected to that line is old and not working, I called his wife, who is our HR manager and my supervisor. She gave some instructions on what to do, and then when we figured out we couldn't do anything, she said she'd take care of the problem tomorrow. The other manager and I decided that we would each make calls, and the other would handle other stuff that needs doing (checking the email, updating the appointment tracker, etc.) The owner was in the middle of doing sales calls, so I couldn't exactly tell him what was going on with the phone lines. Then he wants to know why we're only using one line and why we didn't tell him. Um...because I handled it? You hired me to be a manager; that entails handling stuff that comes up, right? Not to come crying to you every time something like that comes up? So you can focus on doing sales, which is what you're good at? Which, fyi, if I had told him, he would have told me to call his wife. But I didn't say that. I told him we had already talked to his wife and the phone was getting replaced tomorrow.

At least he didn't have me send his texts or emails. He'll sometimes do that. He really needs to learn to use a computer.
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I hate the micro-managing carp. My manager told me I'm supposed to wait until I'm TOLD to put carts in the elevator to take them downstairs, even though I know they need to go downstairs and they are all backed up upstairs. Because one of the "seniors" is supposed to be in charge of making sure things run smoothly, so it's their job to make sure the carts get downstairs. If it gets backed up, I am supposed to walk all the way downstairs, across the work floor, and tell the senior on duty that that carts are backed up, at which time the senior can tell me to bring them down, and then I can go back up and do that. But I am not allowed to do it of my own accord because I notice it's getting backed up. It would be SOOOO much more time efficient, not to mention saving a LOT of walking, if I could just do it when it needs to be done. Do they think I'm so stupid that I can't count to 6? (That's how many carts fit in the elevator)
 
Songbird76

Songbird76

Well-Known Member
ajrwdwgirl said:
I know I've thought of that too...(about the parents). In this case I think that is where some of his problems stem from unfortunately. His parents aren't in the picture and he lives with grandma. According to Grandma she rarely sees him as he is "doing what boys do outside" all the time. So I don't think there is a lot of supervision or love at home.:(
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Well that's heartbreaking. I think I'd have issues, too. There was a boy in my class who was kind of like that...not quite as bad, but he would do things to disrupt the class and he had a huge problem with authority. I remember in 6th grade, first day of class, we went in and he couldn't find his desk. We had a new teacher, fresh out of college, and she says "Oh...I've heard about you. I have a special desk over here for you, against the wall and away from the rest of the class so you can't disrupt everyone!" which, of course made him angry and he immediately picked up a chair and threw it across the room. So she sent him to the little side room where the teachers in that wing did their planning and got supplies, and he completely trashed it. His home life was terrible and he was neglected and abused. He's doing really well now. He went to an alternative school our senior year...I went to prom with him. When we graduated, he joined the military and now he's married and has 2 little girls and he's a fire chief I think. He really straightened himself out. There's hope, but someone has to give him a break and get him in an environment that's more healthy for him! I hope they can get him what he needs.
 
Songbird76

Songbird76

Well-Known Member
StarWarsGirl said:
That's sad. It probably contributes to problems he would already have.

There was one girl in my brother's class who had both her parents, though, and she was oppositional like that. Highly verbal. Yelled a good bit, especially at other students. My brother had a crush on her, and because he's not as verbal and sometimes says silly stuff just to get you to respond, she would get angry with him and yell things at him like, "What is your problem!" or "Shut up!"

Of course, sometimes parents, even good parents, make mistakes with punishing their kids. With my brother, he tends to hit when he's upset. It was getting really bad for a while when I first started college, to the point that I told my mom that if it didn't stop, I was going to have to figure out another living arrangement because I didn't feel safe in my own home. I probably would have explained the situation to school and taken out a loan to get on-campus housing, which I didn't really want to do because I didn't want to have debt upon graduation, but I wasn't sure what else to do. It took finally going to my mom's friend, who runs a daycare and knows more about young kids than anyone I know, after she saw my brother whack me one time for my parents to take it seriously (her friend talked to her about the situation after it happened). My parents started more heavily enforcing rules for when he hit, and the behavior stopped..for a while.

They started to lapse when enforcing the policy, and my dad could be especially bad (If I got hit and told him, he asked me what I was doing to deserve it). I talked to my mom again and was very straightforward and serious with her: he's 15 and bigger than me, I get migraines and have a budging disc in my neck, he cannot hit me, especially since he goes for the head. I also told her what my dad kept saying, and she agreed with me: the hitting needed to be addressed first, and then how to handle the situation better on my end could be discussed. They implemented a policy with my brother that if he hits, he loses his iPod, and unlike other punishments where the punishment can be reversed with good behavior, the lost iPod stands. He's only hit a few times since that policy went into effect, and even then, it was a mild bonk that didn't really hurt. But the punishment is the same regardless.

It's very hard for these parents to understand the difference between "Well, he has (autism, down syndrome, etc.) so he's going to behave this way" to "Yes, he has (autism, etc.) but that does not mean it is okay for him to act this way". It's a very fine line to walk.
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Well, at least your mom takes it seriously NOW. It's so much easier to just use that excuse like...he CAN'T behave because he has this disorder. My Nephew has PPD-NOS? I think that's what it's called. It's basically a light form of autism. He's high functioning, but when he was little, he would hit and he was particularly mean to my son. My son is 2 years younger, so he was small and an easy target. He would walk behind my son and trip him, or do things to make him cry because MY son has some emotional issues and cries a lot. My FIL can't handle the crying, so my son would start crying and Opa would yell at him and stick him in time out. (time out is what we use at home, so that's what they did, too) It was great entertainment for my Nephew, who figured out really quickly that he could wait until no one was watching and do something to my son to make him cry and get him in trouble. Meanwhile, my nephew's mother said she never said "no" to her son because she believed it was too negative. She never punished him for anything. He'd throw things and break them, he'd hit, he'd kick, he'd say bad words, he'd get into things he wasn't supposed to have and there was never any consequence. So he'd do something to my son and there'd be no punishment for him, but my son would be shoved in the corner for crying. We finally had to tell them we wouldn't be coming over anymore if it didn't stop because it wasn't fair to my son and it wasn't a safe environment for him, having things thrown at his head, or having him pushed down, etc. and that if my BIL and his wife wouldn't discipline their son, we would not allow him to be around ours. Then BIL got a divorce and started actually setting some boundaries and it's much better. We still have to watch him..he's almost 11 and he still does things if he thinks he can get away with it. But it's not as bad as it used to be.
 
betty rose

betty rose

Well-Known Member
StarWarsGirl said:
Thankfully I haven't had to have that type of exam. Yet. The joys of being young.

I do need to find another doctor for those types of visits though. Mine was great when I was first seeing her, but now it's nearly impossible trying to get in to see her. Just trying to get in for a check up takes three months. For my allergist, who was the top in the state, it only took a month for me to get a check up, and that was only because I have limited times when I can go see him. Heck, when I had to have my hand surgery, it wasn't that long in between being told I needed surgery and the actual surgery. If you're not feeling well, it still takes them several days before they can see you. I know for my allergist if I'm sick, he'll see me that day. And her staff is extremely rude. She was a really nice doctor and especially good for a teenager who was going for those visits for the first time, but not so fantastic that I tolerate waiting three months for a check up.
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Sympathy, that's a long time to wait. The longest we have waited is just a little over a week.
 
betty rose

betty rose

Well-Known Member
Songbird76 said:
Well, at least your mom takes it seriously NOW. It's so much easier to just use that excuse like...he CAN'T behave because he has this disorder. My Nephew has PPD-NOS? I think that's what it's called. It's basically a light form of autism. He's high functioning, but when he was little, he would hit and he was particularly mean to my son. My son is 2 years younger, so he was small and an easy target. He would walk behind my son and trip him, or do things to make him cry because MY son has some emotional issues and cries a lot. My FIL can't handle the crying, so my son would start crying and Opa would yell at him and stick him in time out. (time out is what we use at home, so that's what they did, too) It was great entertainment for my Nephew, who figured out really quickly that he could wait until no one was watching and do something to my son to make him cry and get him in trouble. Meanwhile, my nephew's mother said she never said "no" to her son because she believed it was too negative. She never punished him for anything. He'd throw things and break them, he'd hit, he'd kick, he'd say bad words, he'd get into things he wasn't supposed to have and there was never any consequence. So he'd do something to my son and there'd be no punishment for him, but my son would be shoved in the corner for crying. We finally had to tell them we wouldn't be coming over anymore if it didn't stop because it wasn't fair to my son and it wasn't a safe environment for him, having things thrown at his head, or having him pushed down, etc. and that if my BIL and his wife wouldn't discipline their son, we would not allow him to be around ours. Then BIL got a divorce and started actually setting some boundaries and it's much better. We still have to watch him..he's almost 11 and he still does things if he thinks he can get away with it. But it's not as bad as it used to be.
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That's really sad. I wonder if he bullies at school.
 
betty rose

betty rose

Well-Known Member
ajrwdwgirl said:
We haven't had a kid like this in a long time. The special ed teachers are trying their best but this kid just doesn't follow anything but his own agenda. But long story short he wasn't in public school last year and they are "trying it" this year. There is a meeting scheduled soon to see how it is going. So hopefully we can get this kid in the right setting, because right now it isn't the regular ed classroom. The rest of the students are doing their best to ignore him but even they can take so much, and for that matter they shouldn't have to put up with it. I can actually see the rest of the students tense up and relax based on if this other kid is in the room or not.
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He needs to be out of the regular classroom, so the other kids have a good learning environment. Not fair to punish the whole class with this one kids behavior.
 
StarWarsGirl

StarWarsGirl

Well-Known Member
In the Parks
No
Songbird76 said:
Well, at least your mom takes it seriously NOW. It's so much easier to just use that excuse like...he CAN'T behave because he has this disorder. My Nephew has PPD-NOS? I think that's what it's called. It's basically a light form of autism. He's high functioning, but when he was little, he would hit and he was particularly mean to my son. My son is 2 years younger, so he was small and an easy target. He would walk behind my son and trip him, or do things to make him cry because MY son has some emotional issues and cries a lot. My FIL can't handle the crying, so my son would start crying and Opa would yell at him and stick him in time out. (time out is what we use at home, so that's what they did, too) It was great entertainment for my Nephew, who figured out really quickly that he could wait until no one was watching and do something to my son to make him cry and get him in trouble. Meanwhile, my nephew's mother said she never said "no" to her son because she believed it was too negative. She never punished him for anything. He'd throw things and break them, he'd hit, he'd kick, he'd say bad words, he'd get into things he wasn't supposed to have and there was never any consequence. So he'd do something to my son and there'd be no punishment for him, but my son would be shoved in the corner for crying. We finally had to tell them we wouldn't be coming over anymore if it didn't stop because it wasn't fair to my son and it wasn't a safe environment for him, having things thrown at his head, or having him pushed down, etc. and that if my BIL and his wife wouldn't discipline their son, we would not allow him to be around ours. Then BIL got a divorce and started actually setting some boundaries and it's much better. We still have to watch him..he's almost 11 and he still does things if he thinks he can get away with it. But it's not as bad as it used to be.
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Pervasive Developmental Disorder Not Otherwise Specified. That was my brother's diagnosis initially too. Autism used to just be the classic autism you'll see where the person doesn't function at all. They changed Autism several years ago to Autism Spectrum Disorder, which basically puts many different conditions, like Asperger's, PDD-NOS, and classic autism under the same "umbrella", so to speak.

My parents are normally pretty good about not letting his behavior slide. It seemed to be the hitting thing that they were letting slide. But if one of them got whacked, you could bet he'd be in trouble.

I've always been the target for when he gets angry. Ever since we were kids. There was one time he got mad because he didn't want to be in a store, so he kicked me in the shin. Even though I was not doing anything. I think he was four and I was 10. Then when he could reach my head, it got worse, and of course being the shortest person in my family, I was getting whacked long before he tried it with my parents. My dad especially would just tell me, "Oh, he's being a typical little brother." No, typical little brother behavior is when he comes to me and starts tormenting, and I tell him to knock it off and go away. Annoying, but harmless, and pretty typical. The hitting was not harmless.

I don't really place the blame at my brother's door for that one; I love my brother. My parents, although they've been good parents overall, made the mistake of not stopping that behavior is its tracks when it started.

There should have been severe consequences when that behavior started when he was three or four. Because for a while in elementary school, he was hitting there as well. If they had nipped that behavior at home when it started (or better yet, had consulted with a behavior specialist when all this started), it probably wouldn't have taken until middle school for his behavior to be better at school. And now he's one of the better behaved kids at school.

It's one of those things where you look at your parents and go, "Ya know what, if I have kids, I'm going to do that differently."
 
betty rose

betty rose

Well-Known Member
ajrwdwgirl said:
I know I've thought of that too...(about the parents). In this case I think that is where some of his problems stem from unfortunately. His parents aren't in the picture and he lives with grandma. According to Grandma she rarely sees him as he is "doing what boys do outside" all the time. So I don't think there is a lot of supervision or love at home.:(
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That is truly sad.
 

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