I think with my mom it was fear. She didn't want me to make her mistakes. She just went about it the completely wrong way, trying to micromanage everything. If she didn't like the way I handled something at work, she'd call my boss and try to rearrange things. She wouldn't let me date or wear makeup or rat my hair, or peg my jeans. And when I was 19, she came to visit at college and she snooped in my drawers and found my checkbook and lectured me about how I was spending my money. Then when I got engaged, she told me I WASN'T engaged, because I didn't have permission to be. I told her that the law said I didn't need her permission, I could go to the courthouse and get a license and get married without her having any say over it, but that I wouldn't do that because I felt she needed to have the opportunity to see her daughter get married and I'd LIKE her blessing, but I didn't need permission. She all but disowned me for about 4 years over that, and then when I broke up with the guy and called off the wedding, she tried to keep me from dating. She told me I was too young (23) to date and that I should do everything in life I wanted to do before I started dating....I should be at least 30. I reminded her there's no magic age at which you are suddenly able to pick the right partner and waiting until her 30s had not worked for her as she was around 35 when she got married to my dad and they had a horrible marriage and got divorced after 13 years. Once she met my husband (before we were married, obviously) she loved him and had no problem with me marrying him. Our relationship started to heal...but she passed away less than a year after I got married, so unfortunately we never really got back the relationship we had when I was younger. Strict and controlling as she was, she was always there for me to support me with my music, or help with the theater productions I was in, or to talk to a teacher who was unfair, or to supervise the building of a homecoming float, or to take over my brownie troop when there was no leader....she did so much for us when we were younger. Just those 4 years of college when I broke away to make my own decisions, she couldn't handle it. And like you said, it wasn't that I got into any trouble or anything....on the contrary, I got mostly straight A's in college, graduated with honors, worked the whole time, payed my own bills...she just didn't like that I wouldn't let her call the shots anymore, and she never quite got over it before she was gone.