Maybe it's a standard parent thing. My mom was very controlling. I was pretty much an angel child in high school and figured I could wait till college to be independent. So I got good grades, got scholarships and went to university. My mom didn't like the guy I was dating and forbid me (I was 19) to be engaged to him. She wrote me 15 page letters telling me how disappointed she was in me and how she wished I had rebelled in high school instead of in college. I told her I wasn't rebelling...I was an adult and she was welcome to give me advice but I wasn't obligated to take it. And then she wrote a 9 page letter to my friend, asking her to "fix" me and get me to break up with my boyfriend (who she didn't like because he wasn't Missouri Synod Lutheran). I was getting straight A's and I paid for everything with scholarships and money from my job...she didn't have to pay a penny. I didn't party or get into any trouble, but you'd have thought I was Satan the way she talked. I'm guessing a lot of it was that she was a single parent and always had to be the bad guy, and she was used to me just doing what she told me to do and couldn't take it when I was independent. I think it's brilliant that you let your kids be themselves. I'm trying to do that with my kids. They are still young, though...it might be harder when they are teens, but so far DD is the easiest child on the planet! DS has some issues, but we're working on them and really he's a good kid and very smart, just has some developmental problems with his social and emotional side.