The Chit Chat Chit Chat Thread

Goofyernmost

Goofyernmost

Well-Known Member
Songbird76 said:
Well, I'm a really picky eater, but I have nothing on my son. When I was growing up, food was a battleground and I refuse to make it that way for my kids. It only did harm for me. There was no option to just not eat that meal. You ate what my mother put in front of you, and you ate as much of it as she wanted you to eat, and don't you dare make faces or say you don't like it. Dinner time became a huge anxiety trigger for me and to this day, I get apprehensive about eating at someone's home, because it was so ingrained in my head that I wasn't allowed to not like something....it was rude. Someone took the time and energy to make a meal for you, and you'd better show your appreciation. And I do get that, but I also think it's a bad idea to pretend to like something when you don't. You shouldn't have to exclaim how great something is when you can barely choke it down. It's ok not to like everything and it's ok to say "No, thank you". And my mom would get angry if we went to a fast food place (pre-chicken nugget days) when I would order my burger plain and they forgot and put mustard and ketchup on it anyway and I would want her to take it back. She wouldn't do it. I still had to eat it. I'm a firm believer in if I ordered it and paid for it, it better be what I ordered. If it's not, you are making me a new one the way I ordered it. My mother would just get angry with me for not liking it and force me to eat it so she didn't have to go to the trouble of getting a new one. I won't do that to my kids. I know that anxiety and the fear of trying new things because I wasn't allowed to say I didn't like it, and I was going to have to eat it regardless. I'm in my 40s and just now getting to the point where I can try something new, knowing no one is going to be mad at me or force me to eat it if I don't like it. I can't expect more out of my kids than I'm willing to expect of myself, so I treat them like I wish I had been treated. And my mom was so hypocritical! She wouldn't eat things she didn't like, wouldn't try something new if it contained something she didn't like. My husband made a traditional Dutch meal for her and first she ridiculed him, then refused to take even a bite of it. If I'd have done that, she'd have tanned my hide!

My daughter has mostly grown out of her pickiness and she's willing to try new things. She knows it's safe. A hasn't really gotten that far, but I hope he will eventually.
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When I was a kid and when my kids were small, there was never a hassle about it, it was just something that we heard them say once and that was the end of it. They never said anything if we decided to not eat something. Everyone just finished up, the table was cleared and that was that. We were allowed to make something for ourselves, but mom and dad were not going to run a restaurant for us kids. With the one exception of the peas that I mentioned there was never a confrontation. You ate it or you didn't. If you wanted something else you would find something in the Fridge or cabinet that didn't require cookware or any assistance and the only blocked items were those with high sugar content. Of course, because of that we all ended up with never ending requirements for diets because we literally got to the point where we ate everything we came in contact with. ;) :happy:
 
Songbird76

Songbird76

Well-Known Member
figmentfan423 said:
Does the school have to file internal incident reports?
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I have no idea. I don't think so. When I came up on 2 boys slamming A against a brick wall repeatedly, I pulled them off of him and I went directly to A's teacher. She made the boys apologize and that was it. Then when another mom saw one of the same boys following him around the playground jabbing him in the ribs and taunting him, she reported it to a different teacher, who also made the boy apologize and that was it. The mom talked to me and I went and asked the teacher about it and she said since it was a first incident, school policy was just to make him apologize. I told her it was NOT the first incident, but she said there was no record of any previous incidents. So either they are not required to keep a record, OR they are just not following the rules. When we moved him out of that school, the school tried to deny the bullying. We had to fill out paperwork justifying why we thought he needed to go to a special education school rather than moving him to another regular school, and we wrote down all the incidents of bullying we could think of and what was done about them. The school didn't mention bullying at all in their report and tried to say that he'd be fine in another school. I would think if there were incident reports, the school wouldn't have been able to hide that. But the school said they were so shocked to find out they had a bullying problem in their school. Really? I come in 2-3 times a week to report new incidences, and those are only the ones I heard about with MY kid....and you didn't realize there was a problem? My husband was on the board and that was one of his big issues from the beginning, fixing that problem. And they tried to say they didn't know it was a problem. We told them when we pulled A to be careful....the bullies would find a new victim. A few weeks later, a mom of a girl from the same class said that one of the boys was bullied so badly he was ready to jump out a window and the teachers had to talk him down. My husband contacted the school and they denied it was as serious as that and that the kid had other issues at home, bla bla. There was nothing ever in a newspaper and nothing about police being called or anything like that.
The incident where he broke his wrist was at the new school. He was waiting for his turn next to the four square game and a kid wasn't paying attention and ran into him. He told the kid to watch out and the kid got mad and pushed him down. It wasn't necessarily bullying, just a kid with aggression issues and the school handled it. I don't know if there was an incident report or not...we certainly never had to sign anything that I remember. Though we may have had to get the school's signature to get him the taxi transportation from school every day because he couldn't bike with his cast on. I don't remember.

But who would they report to? There's a regional school inspection team, and every school is observed and evaluated every 4 years I think, but I don't know if the school has to actually report those things to them. That was going to be our next step before we pulled him out. We were going to report the school for negligence because they didn't do anything to stop the bullying once it was reported. Then it just got so bad we couldn't wait and had to just pull him out of there altogether rather than report it and wait for an investigation. But that would have been on OUR instigation, not on incident reports via the school. As far as I know, they were never investigated about claims of bullying. The inspection team observes all the teachers and checks their curriculums, statistics of reaching benchmarks, etc, and overal safety, but I don't know if incidents are supposed to be reported directly to them, and even if they were, it would be up to the school to turn over that information. If they have a big problem, they don't want to face sanctions, so they might not be very forthcoming with that information.
 
Songbird76

Songbird76

Well-Known Member
Goofyernmost said:
When I was a kid and when my kids were small, there was never a hassle about it, it was just something that we heard them say once and that was the end of it. They never said anything if we decided to not eat something. Everyone just finished up, the table was cleared and that was that. We were allowed to make something for ourselves, but mom and dad were not going to run a restaurant for us kids. With the one exception of the peas that I mentioned there was never a confrontation. You ate it or you didn't. If you wanted something else you would find something in the Fridge or cabinet that didn't require cookware or any assistance and the only blocked items were those with high sugar content. Of course, because of that we all ended up with never ending requirements for diets because we literally got to the point where we ate everything we came in contact with. ;) :happy:
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Nope, not allowed in my house. You ate whatever my mom dished up. Period. There was no "I'm not hungry, may I be excused?" option. And certainly no making a sandwich or something later, even after you had eaten whatever dinner was. We were not allowed to get foot without permission. If you were hungry, you asked for a snack, but usually the answer was "No, you'll spoil your dinner." or "No, you should have eaten more at dinner." Every once in a while, if it wasn't too late in the afternoon, I was allowed a small handful of chips or a piece of fruit.
 
Goofyernmost

Goofyernmost

Well-Known Member
Songbird76 said:
Nope, not allowed in my house. You ate whatever my mom dished up. Period. There was no "I'm not hungry, may I be excused?" option. And certainly no making a sandwich or something later, even after you had eaten whatever dinner was. We were not allowed to get foot without permission. If you were hungry, you asked for a snack, but usually the answer was "No, you'll spoil your dinner." or "No, you should have eaten more at dinner." Every once in a while, if it wasn't too late in the afternoon, I was allowed a small handful of chips or a piece of fruit.
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I should have added, we weren't allowed to leave the table until everyone else was finished and if we didn't eat our dinner and we happened to have a dessert (which wasn't often) we couldn't get any of it. That was part of the no healthy food = no sugar approach.
 
MySmallWorldof4

MySmallWorldof4

Well-Known Member

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