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So, the duck walks into a bar...
- Thread starter mightyduck
- Start date
sillyspook13
Well-Known Member
Q: How many Disney Cast Members does it take to chance a light bulb?
A: Two, one to call maintenance and one to put up a sign apologizing for the inconvenience....
Q:How many Test Track Cast Members does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Only one, but it takes him an hour to do it, and the new bulb blows out five minutes later...
A: Two, one to call maintenance and one to put up a sign apologizing for the inconvenience....
Q:How many Test Track Cast Members does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Only one, but it takes him an hour to do it, and the new bulb blows out five minutes later...
DisneyFreak
Well-Known Member
A man walks into a bar, and puts three ducks down on the counter. The bartender, knowing never to ask people about the animals they bring into the bar, keeps quiet. After a while, the man has to go the bathroom, leaving the bartender and the ducks in an awkward silence. The bartender decides to start up a conversation. He goes the first duck and says, "So, what's your name?" The duck says, "I'm Huey." Surprised that the duck can talk, the bartender says, "So, Huey, how was your day?" Huey said, "Good, I spent most of the day in puddles." The bartender assumed that ducks must love puddles, so he went to the next duck and said, "So, what's your name?" The duck said, "My name is Duey." The bartender asked, "How was your day, Duey?" Duey said, "My day was good, I was in puddles all day." 'Wow' the bartender thought, ducks most love puddles! He went to the last duck and said, "Let me guess, your name is Luey, right?" The duck snarled and said, "No, my name is Puddles, and don't ask me how my day was."
DisneyFreak
Well-Known Member
What do physics ducks say?
Quark, quark quark.
Quark, quark quark.
Originally posted by DisneyFreak
What do physics ducks say?
Quark, quark quark.
LOL... Thanks, Freak.... I love this. I needed a laugh today.
You have a great sense of humor, and I appreciate it.
DisneyFreak
Well-Known Member
A man is driving a pick-up truck down the road with a bunch of ducks standing in the back. A police officer pulls over the driver and informs him that he is speeding and then asks him where does he think he's going with all those ducks. The driver says that he just doesn't know what to do anymore. The officer says, "Look, there's a zoo not far from there and that's where you should be taking them. That will take care of your problem." The man thanks the officer and drives off with his ducks.
The next day the officer again sees the pick-up truck once again speeding down the road. This time, though, all the ducks in the back are standing there with sunglasses. The officer pulls over the driver over and says, "I thought I told you to take them to the zoo!" "I did that," said the driver, "but now they want to go to the beach!"
Okay one more:
Why did the duck cross the road? Here are some answers from our panel:
PLATO: For the greater good.
ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of ducks to cross roads.
KARL MARX: It was a historical inevitability.
TIMOTHY LEARY: Because that's the only trip the establishment would let it take.
CAPTAIN JAMES T. KIRK: To boldly go where no duck has gone before.
MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR: I envision a world where all ducks will be free to cross roads without having their motives called into question.
MOSES: And God came down from the Heavens, and He said unto the duck: "Thou shalt cross the road." And the duck crossed the road, and there was much rejoicing.
FOX MULDER: You saw it cross the road with your own eyes. How many more ducks have to cross the road before you believe it?
RICHARD M. NIXON: The duck did not cross the road. I repeat, the duck did NOT cross the road.
MACHIAVELLI: The point is that the duck crossed the road. Who cares why? The end of crossing the road justifies whatever motive there was.
JERRY SEINFELD: Why does anyone cross a road? I mean, why doesn't anyone ever think to ask, "What the heck was this duck doing walking around all over the place, anyway?"
FREUD: The fact that you are at all concerned that the duck crossed the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.
BILL GATES: I have just released the new Duck 2000, which will not only cross the road, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook. It is not compatible, however, with Duck 1997. Or Macintosh.
OLIVER STONE: The question is not, "Why did the duck cross the road?" Rather, it is, "Who was crossing the road at the same time, whom we overlooked in our haste to observe the duck crossing? And what about the grassy knoll?"
DARWIN: Ducks, over great periods of time, have been naturally selected in such a way that they are now genetically predisposed to cross roads.
EINSTEIN: Whether the duck crossed the road or the road moved beneath the duck depends upon your frame of reference.
The next day the officer again sees the pick-up truck once again speeding down the road. This time, though, all the ducks in the back are standing there with sunglasses. The officer pulls over the driver over and says, "I thought I told you to take them to the zoo!" "I did that," said the driver, "but now they want to go to the beach!"
Okay one more:
Why did the duck cross the road? Here are some answers from our panel:
PLATO: For the greater good.
ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of ducks to cross roads.
KARL MARX: It was a historical inevitability.
TIMOTHY LEARY: Because that's the only trip the establishment would let it take.
CAPTAIN JAMES T. KIRK: To boldly go where no duck has gone before.
MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR: I envision a world where all ducks will be free to cross roads without having their motives called into question.
MOSES: And God came down from the Heavens, and He said unto the duck: "Thou shalt cross the road." And the duck crossed the road, and there was much rejoicing.
FOX MULDER: You saw it cross the road with your own eyes. How many more ducks have to cross the road before you believe it?
RICHARD M. NIXON: The duck did not cross the road. I repeat, the duck did NOT cross the road.
MACHIAVELLI: The point is that the duck crossed the road. Who cares why? The end of crossing the road justifies whatever motive there was.
JERRY SEINFELD: Why does anyone cross a road? I mean, why doesn't anyone ever think to ask, "What the heck was this duck doing walking around all over the place, anyway?"
FREUD: The fact that you are at all concerned that the duck crossed the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.
BILL GATES: I have just released the new Duck 2000, which will not only cross the road, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook. It is not compatible, however, with Duck 1997. Or Macintosh.
OLIVER STONE: The question is not, "Why did the duck cross the road?" Rather, it is, "Who was crossing the road at the same time, whom we overlooked in our haste to observe the duck crossing? And what about the grassy knoll?"
DARWIN: Ducks, over great periods of time, have been naturally selected in such a way that they are now genetically predisposed to cross roads.
EINSTEIN: Whether the duck crossed the road or the road moved beneath the duck depends upon your frame of reference.
LOL....
Great duck jokes, Freak.
Thanks.
Great duck jokes, Freak.
Thanks.
Why, thanks, Disneynut....and the fact that you are laughing at me and not with me doesn't even matter.
Tapestry2000
New Member
LOL - i needed a laugh after the day I had today - keep the jokes coming (good, bad, or otherwise) 
Tapestry2000
New Member
Originally posted by sillyspook13
Q: How many Disney Cast Members does it take to chance a light bulb?
A: Two, one to call maintenance and one to put up a sign apologizing for the inconvenience....
Q:How many Test Track Cast Members does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Only one, but it takes him an hour to do it, and the new bulb blows out five minutes later...
Heeheeeheeeheee!!!
Tapestry2000
New Member
Originally posted by DisneyFreak
What do physics ducks say?
Quark, quark quark.
LOL! Cute!
Anyway, don't get your feathers ruffled! These jokes are just ducky, and they really fit the bill. They quack me up!
Originally posted by Tapestry2000
LOL! Cute!
Anyway, don't get your feathers ruffled! These jokes are just ducky, and they really fit the bill.
Thanks. Two penguins walk into a bar...a third penguin says "You'd have thought the second one would have seen it."
A guy walks into a bar with a giraffe and says, "A beer for me, and one for the giraffe, please." So they proceed to drink. Then: "...a shot for me and one for the giraffe, too." And they keep drinking all evening.
Finally the giraffe passes out on the floor of the bar. The guy pays the tab and gets up to leave. The bartender shouts out, "Hey! You're not going to leave that lying on the floor, are you?"
"That's not a lion... it's a giraffe."
Finally the giraffe passes out on the floor of the bar. The guy pays the tab and gets up to leave. The bartender shouts out, "Hey! You're not going to leave that lying on the floor, are you?"
"That's not a lion... it's a giraffe."
A duck walks into a bar.
The bartender says, "We don't serve poultry!"
The duck says, "That's OK, I just want a drink."
(I know, these are bad...)
(they make me laugh, if that gives you any indication of my state of mind...)
The bartender says, "We don't serve poultry!"
The duck says, "That's OK, I just want a drink."
(I know, these are bad...)
(they make me laugh, if that gives you any indication of my state of mind...)
Tapestry2000
New Member
LOL!!! and that joke about the duck going into the bar is good too
Tapestry2000
New Member
What do you call 100 rabbits jumping backward?
A receding "hare"line
A receding "hare"line
Wagner92, I am not responsible for the others spamming you for encouraging me.
The duck walks into a bar and orders a raspberry tea. Bartender serves her and says, "That'll be $20."
The bartender watches the duck sipping tea and says, "You know, we don't get too many ducks in here."
"At $20 a drink, that's not a surprise."