Tapestry2000
New Member
What goes "kcauq kcauq"?
A duck flying backwards
A duck flying backwards
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So, the duck walks into a bar...
- Thread starter mightyduck
- Start date
LOL.... I told Harley the physics joke four times...she still hasn't laughed...
One of my favorites:
A string walks into a bar and orders a drink. "Sorry, we don't serve strings," says the bartender.
"What? That sucks," said the string.
So the string walks into the bathroom and ties himself in a knot and messes up his end. He comes back out and approaches the bar again and again orders a drink.
"Hey, aren't you that string?" asks the bartender.
"No. I'm a frayed knot."
DisneyFreak
Well-Known Member
A man walks into a bar with a paper bag. He sits down and places the bag on the counter. The bartender walks up and asks:
"So whaddaya got in the bag?"
The man responded by reaching into the bag and pulling out a little man, about one foot high, and he sets him on the counter. He reaches back into the bag and this time pulls out a small piano, setting it on the counter as well. He reaches into the bag once again and pulls out a tiny piano bench, which he placed in front of the piano. The little man sits down at the piano and starts playing a georgious piece by Mozart. Now the bartender is extremely curious about this odd sight, so he asks the man:
"Where the hell'd ya get that?"
The man responded by reaching into the paper bag, but this time he pulls out a magic lamp. He hands it to the bartender and says:
"Here. Rub it."
So the bartender rubs the lamp, and suddenly there's a gust of smoke, then a beautiful genie is standing before him.
"I will grant you one wish," she says.
The bartender gets excited by having a wish from a real genie. He had always dreamed about it, but now it's actually happening. So without even hesitating, he says:
"I want a million bucks."
So the genie nods her head and disappears in another gust of smoke. A few moments later, a duck walks into the bar. It is soon followed by another duck, then another. Pretty soon, the entire bar is filled with ducks. The bartender turns to the man and says:
"Y'know, I think your genie's a little deaf. I asked for a million BUCKS, not a million DUCKS."
To this the man responeded:
"No s***! Do you really think, for just one moment, that I would have ever wished for a TWELVE INCH PIANIST?!!"
"So whaddaya got in the bag?"
The man responded by reaching into the bag and pulling out a little man, about one foot high, and he sets him on the counter. He reaches back into the bag and this time pulls out a small piano, setting it on the counter as well. He reaches into the bag once again and pulls out a tiny piano bench, which he placed in front of the piano. The little man sits down at the piano and starts playing a georgious piece by Mozart. Now the bartender is extremely curious about this odd sight, so he asks the man:
"Where the hell'd ya get that?"
The man responded by reaching into the paper bag, but this time he pulls out a magic lamp. He hands it to the bartender and says:
"Here. Rub it."
So the bartender rubs the lamp, and suddenly there's a gust of smoke, then a beautiful genie is standing before him.
"I will grant you one wish," she says.
The bartender gets excited by having a wish from a real genie. He had always dreamed about it, but now it's actually happening. So without even hesitating, he says:
"I want a million bucks."
So the genie nods her head and disappears in another gust of smoke. A few moments later, a duck walks into the bar. It is soon followed by another duck, then another. Pretty soon, the entire bar is filled with ducks. The bartender turns to the man and says:
"Y'know, I think your genie's a little deaf. I asked for a million BUCKS, not a million DUCKS."
To this the man responeded:
"No s***! Do you really think, for just one moment, that I would have ever wished for a TWELVE INCH PIANIST?!!"
Tapestry2000
New Member
*groan* Oh man.....a frayed knot....that's bad
LOL!Didja hear about the guy who entered a pun contest that was advertised in the newspaper? He sent in 10 of his best jokes, and he was sure to win...unfortunately, no pun in ten did...
Originally posted by Tapestry2000
*groan* Oh man.....a frayed knot....that's bad
Didja hear about the guy who entered a pun contest that was advertised in the newspaper? He sent in 10 of his best jokes, and he was sure to win...unfortunately, no pun in ten did...
LOL... that's good...
you don't like the string joke?
*I* thought it was funny...
DisneyFreak
Well-Known Member
Two men walk into a bar, the third one ducks.
Tapestry2000
New Member
hey! i liked the string joke! it was funny! 
i'm sorry for saying it was bad...
i'm sorry for saying it was bad...
Originally posted by Tapestry2000
hey! i liked the string joke! it was funny!
Aw, it's okay. At least you were nice about it, not like MrP....
Late one night, a burglar broke into a house he thought was empty. He tiptoed through the living room but suddenly he froze in his tracks when he heard a loud voice say: "Jesus is watching you!"
Silence returned to the house, so the burglar crept forward again.
"Jesus is watching you," the voice boomed again.
The burglar stopped dead again. He was frightened. Frantically, he looked all around. In a dark corner, he spotted a bird cage and in the cage was a parrot.
He asked the parrot: "Was that you who said Jesus is watching me?"
"Yes," said the parrot.
The burglar breathed a sigh of relief, and asked the parrot: "What's your name?"
"Clarence," said the bird.
"That's a dumb name for a parrot," sneered the burglar. "What idiot named you Clarence?"
The parrot said, "The same idiot who named the Rottweiller Jesus."
Silence returned to the house, so the burglar crept forward again.
"Jesus is watching you," the voice boomed again.
The burglar stopped dead again. He was frightened. Frantically, he looked all around. In a dark corner, he spotted a bird cage and in the cage was a parrot.
He asked the parrot: "Was that you who said Jesus is watching me?"
"Yes," said the parrot.
The burglar breathed a sigh of relief, and asked the parrot: "What's your name?"
"Clarence," said the bird.
"That's a dumb name for a parrot," sneered the burglar. "What idiot named you Clarence?"
The parrot said, "The same idiot who named the Rottweiller Jesus."
Originally posted by MrPromey
(you know, I told my parents the bricklayer joke and they looked at each other and said, "Wow, she's gotten better." Then I told them the penguin joke, and they knew it was a passing thing...)
OK, MrP, this one's for you:
While sports fishing off the Florida coast, a tourist capsized his boat. He could swim, but his fear of alligators kept him clinging to the
overturned craft. Spotting an old beachcomber standing on the shore, the tourist shouted, "Are there any gators around here?!"
"Naw," the man hollered back, "They ain't been around for years!"
Feeling safe, the tourist started swimming leisurely toward the shore. About halfway there he asked the guy, "How'd you get rid of the gators?"
"We didn't do nothin,'" the beachcomber said.
"Wow," said the tourist.
The beachcomber added, "The sharks got 'em."
MrPromey
Well-Known Member
Originally posted by mightyduck
(you know, I told my parents the bricklayer joke and they looked at each other and said, "Wow, she's gotten better." Then I told them the penguin joke, and they knew it was a passing thing...)
OK, MrP, this one's for you:
While sports fishing off the Florida coast, a tourist capsized his boat. He could swim, but his fear of alligators kept him clinging to the
overturned craft. Spotting an old beachcomber standing on the shore, the tourist shouted, "Are there any gators around here?!"
"Naw," the man hollered back, "They ain't been around for years!"
Feeling safe, the tourist started swimming leisurely toward the shore. About halfway there he asked the guy, "How'd you get rid of the gators?"
"We didn't do nothin,'" the beachcomber said.
"Wow," said the tourist.
The beachcomber added, "The sharks got 'em."
That there might almost be a funny sept for one lil thing: Dem gators don't go for dat salt water too keenly. On sum occasion ya might find one floatn' round that brackish water but dada be about it. I'll cut ya a line or two o slack, though since you one of them yanks from up yonder.. At least dem jokes are startn' to get a little more rich!
DisneyFreak
Well-Known Member
You okay MrP? You sound funny.
Originally posted by MrPromey
Don't you worry your heart, none. I's just fine
You are a wacko.
MrP, this one's for you (please, please--it's a joke--no lectures, ok?):
A helicopter was flying around above Seattle when an electrical malfunction disabled all of the aircraft's electronic navigation and communications equipment. Due to the clouds and haze, the pilot could not determine the helicopter's position and course to steer to the
airport.
The pilot saw a tall building, flew toward it, circled, drew a handwritten sign, and held it in the helicopter's window. The pilot's sign said,
"WHERE AM I?" in large letters.
People in the tall building quickly responded to the aircraft, drew a large sign, and held it in a building window. Their sign said, "YOU ARE IN A HELICOPTER OVER SEATTLE."
The pilot smiled, waved, looked at his map, determined the course to steer to SEATAC airport, and landed safely.
After they were on the ground, the co-pilot asked the pilot how the "YOU ARE IN A HELICOPTER" sign helped determine their position.
The pilot responded, "I knew that had to be the MICROSOFT building because, similar to their help-lines, they gave me a technically correct but completely useless answer."
A helicopter was flying around above Seattle when an electrical malfunction disabled all of the aircraft's electronic navigation and communications equipment. Due to the clouds and haze, the pilot could not determine the helicopter's position and course to steer to the
airport.
The pilot saw a tall building, flew toward it, circled, drew a handwritten sign, and held it in the helicopter's window. The pilot's sign said,
"WHERE AM I?" in large letters.
People in the tall building quickly responded to the aircraft, drew a large sign, and held it in a building window. Their sign said, "YOU ARE IN A HELICOPTER OVER SEATTLE."
The pilot smiled, waved, looked at his map, determined the course to steer to SEATAC airport, and landed safely.
After they were on the ground, the co-pilot asked the pilot how the "YOU ARE IN A HELICOPTER" sign helped determine their position.
The pilot responded, "I knew that had to be the MICROSOFT building because, similar to their help-lines, they gave me a technically correct but completely useless answer."
DisneyFreak
Well-Known Member
clap, clap, clap, clap....Bravo....clap, clap, clap, clap
Good one Duckie, LOL!!
Good one Duckie, LOL!!
Tapestry2000
New Member
LOL! Nice one Duck
What kind of car does Luke Skywalker drive?
.......................
A Toy Yoda
LOL okay I admit my joke was bad.. ^_^()
What kind of car does Luke Skywalker drive?
.......................
A Toy Yoda
LOL okay I admit my joke was bad.. ^_^()
Originally posted by Tapestry2000
LOL! Nice one Duck
What kind of car does Luke Skywalker drive?
.......................
A Toy Yoda
LOL okay I admit my joke was bad.. ^_^()
LOL...no, I like it...