Post your jokes here!

General Grizz

New Member
LOL!!! :lol: :lol: :lol:




Here's one!

What did the grizzly bear say to the Nimajneb?






















Give up? Blearch! :lol: :lol: :lol:

Get it? No? It's probably funnier that way!
 

General Grizz

New Member
AH!!! It's Maelstromro...I mean... a troll from Maelstrom... :lookaroun

Here's a joke...that OLS taught me...(*LITTLE SPARK*)

An old man was driving on a major highway. His son was watching the TV at home and noticed that a crazy driver was on the same highway.

The son quickly called the father on the old man's cell phone. The old man picks it up.

Old Man: Yes?
Son: Father! Be careful? There is a crazy driver on the highway you're on!
Old Man: Yeah - - There are hundreds of 'em.
 

SirNim

Well-Known Member
HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

I've got a joke... well, er-, actually, it's a pun...


It was a stormy day... I had to go out to do some shopping... It was raining bad...
It was raining cats and dogs...
As I was walking to the car, my late show sidekick who was accompanying me to the shopping center and who was very eccentric said,
"Watch out... you're about to step in a poodle!!"








Cha-cha-ching! :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: (does the drum thingy that TV shows do after a joke)...


Guffaw! guffaw guffaw guffaw guffaw guffaw guffaw guffaw guffaw!!!!
 

Buford

New Member
Guffaw? You guffaw too? Don't you like how that is spelled? Guffaw?

Here's one!




It was a rainy night and Mr. Smith was driving carelessly. By accident, he ran over Miss Pross's pet cat!

Mr. Smith went to Miss Pross's door, ringed the bell, and Miss Pross came out.

Mr. Smith said, "Miss Pross, I am very sorry, but I accidentally ran over your cat. I would like to replace it for you."

Miss Pross, giving a sigh, replied, "That's fine with me. But how are you at catching mice?"
 

Scooter

Well-Known Member
::Covering my eyes and screaming::

MARIA!!!!!! YOU started this thread!! Can't you make it STOP and make these bad jokes go away????

:dazzle: :p :hammer: :hurl: :cry: :cry: :cry:
 

SirNim

Well-Known Member
Originally posted by Scooter
::Covering my eyes and screaming::

MARIA!!!!!! YOU started this thread!! Can't you make it STOP and make these bad jokes go away????

:dazzle: :p :hammer: :hurl: :cry: :cry: :cry:
:lol: :lol: :lol:

You especially enjoyed MINE!!!

ArRgh argh argh argh argh!!!!!!!!!!!
 

SpongeScott

Well-Known Member
Having a bad day?

THINK YOU'RE HAVING A BAD DAY?
...check out these actual cases.

A man was working on his motorcycle on the patio, his wife nearby in the kitchen. While sitting on the bike and racing the engine, the motorcycle accidentally slipped into gear. The man, still holding onto the handlebars, was dragged along as it burst through the glass patio doors. His wife, hearing the crash, ran in the room to find her husband cut and bleeding, the motorcycle, and the shattered patio door. She called for an ambulance and, because the house sat on a fairly large hill, went down the several flights of stairs to meet the paramedics and escort them to her husband. While the attendants were loading her husband, the wife managed to right the motorcycle and push it outside. She also quickly blotted up the spilled gasoline with some paper towels and tossed them into the toilet. After being treated and released, the man returned home, looked at the shattered patio door and the damage done to his motorcycle. He went into the bathroom and consoled himself with a cigarette while attending to his business. About to stand, he flipped the butt between his legs. The wife, who was in the kitchen, heard a loud explosion and her husband screaming. Finding him lying on the bathroom floor with his trousers blown away and burns on his buttocks, legs and groin, she once again phoned for an ambulance. The same paramedic crew was dispatched. As the paramedics carried the man down the stairs to the ambulance they asked the wife how he had come to burn himself. She told them. They started laughing so hard, one slipped, tipping the stretcher and dumping the husband out. He fell down the remaining stairs, breaking his arm.

Still having a bad day? Just remember, it could be worse...

The average cost of rehabilitating a seal after the Exxon Valdez oil
spill in Alaska was $80,000. At a special ceremony, two of the most expensively saved animals were being released back into the wild amid cheers and applause from onlookers. A minute later, in full view, a killer whale ate them both.

Still think you are having a bad day?

A woman came home to find her husband in the kitchen shaking
frantically, almost in a dancing frenzy, with some kind of wire running from his waist towards the electric kettle. Intending to jolt him away from the deadly current, she whacked him with a handy plank of wood, breaking his arm in two places. Up to that moment, he had been happily listening to his Walkman.

STILL think you're having a bad day?

Two animal rights protesters were protesting at the cruelty of sending pigs to a slaughterhouse in Bonn, Germany. Suddenly, all two thousand pigs broke loose and escaped through a broken fence, stampeding madly. The two hopeless protesters were trampled to death.

What? STILL having a bad day??

An Iraqi terrorist Khay Rahnajet didn't pay enough postage on a letter bomb. It came back with "return to sender" stamped on it. Forgetting it was the bomb, he opened it and was blown to bits.

There now, feeling better?
 

SpongeScott

Well-Known Member
Are you ready for some football?? (feel free to substitute teams in your area)

1) What does the average Mississippi State player get on his SATs?

............Drool.



2) What do you get when you put 32 Arkansas cheerleaders in one room?

............A full set of teeth



(3) How do you get an Auburn cheerleader into your dorm room?

..........Grease her hips and push.



4) How do you get a Georgia graduate off your porch?

..........Pay him for the pizza.



5) Why do the South Carolina cheerleaders wear bibs?

..........To keep the tobacco juice off their uniforms.



6) Why is the Baylor football team like a possum?

..........Because they play dead at home and get killed on the road.



7) What are the longest three years of an Ole Miss football player's life?

..........His freshman year.



8) How many University of Florida freshmen does it take to change a light bulb?

..........None. ..........That's a sophomore course.



9) Where was O. J. headed in the white Bronco?

..........Tuscaloosa. He knew that the police would never look there for a Heisman Trophy winner.



AND FINALLY (drum roll and cymbal crash.....)



10) Why did Tennessee choose orange as their team color?

........You can wear it for the game on Saturday, hunting on Sunday and picking up trash along the highways the rest of the week.
 

SpongeScott

Well-Known Member
710

A few days ago I was having some work done at my local garage. A blonde came in and asked for a seven-hundred-ten. We all looked at each other,and another customer asked, "What is a seven-hundred-ten?" She replied, "You know, the little piece in the middle of the engine, I lost it and need a new one. It had always been there." The mechanic gave the blonde a piece of paper and a pen and asked her to draw what the piece looked like. She drew a circle and in the middle of it wrote 710. He then took her over to another car which had the hood up and asked, "is there a 710 on this car?" She pointed and said, "Of course, its right there." Ready? Here it is....
 

SpongeScott

Well-Known Member
From the Northwest Florida Daily News comes this story of a Crestview couple that drove their car to Wal-Mart only to have their car break down in the parking lot. The man told his wife to carry on with the shopping while he fixed the car there in the lot. The wife returned later to see a small group of people near the car. On closer inspection she saw a pair of male legs protruding from under the chassis.

Although the man was in shorts, his lack of underpants turned private parts into glaringly public ones. Unable to stand the embarrassment she dutifully stepped forward, quickly put her hand UP his shorts and tucked everything back into place. On regaining her feet she looked across the hood and found herself staring at her husband who was standing idly by.

The mechanic, however, had to have three stitches in his head.
 

Maria

New Member
Original Poster
Re: 710

Originally posted by sandjhooker
A few days ago I was having some work done at my local garage. A blonde came in and asked for a seven-hundred-ten. We all looked at each other,and another customer asked, "What is a seven-hundred-ten?" She replied, "You know, the little piece in the middle of the engine, I lost it and need a new one. It had always been there." The mechanic gave the blonde a piece of paper and a pen and asked her to draw what the piece looked like. She drew a circle and in the middle of it wrote 710. He then took her over to another car which had the hood up and asked, "is there a 710 on this car?" She pointed and said, "Of course, its right there." Ready? Here it is....

Classic! :lol: :lol:
 

SpongeScott

Well-Known Member
And I'm done for the night.....

SUCCESS:
At age 4 success is . . . not peeing in your pants.
At age 12 success is . . . having friends.
At age 16 success is . . . having a drivers license.
At age 20 success is . . . having s e x.
At age 35 success is . . . having money.
At age 50 success is . . . having money.
At age 60 success is . . . having s e x.
At age 70 success is . . . having a drivers license.
At age 75 success is . . . having friends.
At age 80 success is . . . not peeing in your pants.
 

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