Hell 2, The Sequel - No more room in Hell

E

Erika

Moderator
tease.gif
 
garyhoov

garyhoov

Trophy Husband
Original Poster
Requirements to be President of USA:

1. Must be natural born citizen of U.S.
2. Must be at least 35 years old
3. Must have resided at least 14 years in U.S.
4. Must have a boatload of money
5. Must never, NEVER answer a question directly and honestly. Example:

Reporter: Senator, won't we have to eventually either raise taxes or cut services to bring this bloated deficit into line?

Candidate: Sam . . . may I call you Sam? *big fake smile* . . . (note Reporter's name is actually "Drew" but that doesn't really matter) . . . Sam, first let me thank you for inviting me to your fair city to discuss the issues that truly matter to the people of Moose Knuckle Indiana.

The People of Moose Knuckle are far too intelligent to be fooled by the harmful, devisive, outrageous allegations that my opponent has made over the past several weeks.

I want to elevate this debate . . . bring it out of the muck and mire of destructive, partisan politics and talk about the things that really matter to the brilliant and extremely attractive people of Moose Knuckle.

Sam, *candidate steps out from behind the podium and walks toward the audience* I remember when I was growing up in a small town, not unlike this one. I dreamt of an America in which everyone could get a get a good job at a decent wage. I remember dreaming of an America in which no one was judged by the color of their skin. I dreamed of an America where men and women could raise their children free from the fear of crime or terrorism.

That's my vision of America, and with your vote and God's blessing, I'll do everything within my ability to make those dreams reality. *steps back behind podium*


Why couldn't a woman do that?:lookaroun
 
speck76

speck76

Well-Known Member
garyhoov said:
Requirements to be President of USA:

1. Must be natural born citizen of U.S.
2. Must be at least 35 years old
3. Must have resided at least 14 years in U.S.
4. Must have a boatload of money
5. Must never, NEVER answer a question directly and honestly. Example:

Reporter: Senator, won't we have to eventually either raise taxes or cut services to bring this bloated deficit into line?
Click to expand...

Female: No!

Reporter: Would you like to go into specifics about your fiscal policy?

Female: *sigh* Because I said so.....isn't that a good enough reason?

Reporter: Ma'am?

Female: Do I look fat in this outfit?
 
M

MouseMadness

Well-Known Member
garyhoov said:
Requirements to be President of USA:

1. Must be natural born citizen of U.S.
2. Must be at least 35 years old
3. Must have resided at least 14 years in U.S.
4. Must have a boatload of money
5. Must never, NEVER answer a question directly and honestly. Example:

Reporter: Senator, won't we have to eventually either raise taxes or cut services to bring this bloated deficit into line?

Candidate: Sam . . . may I call you Sam? *big fake smile* . . . (note Reporter's name is actually "Drew" but that doesn't really matter) . . . Sam, first let me thank you for inviting me to your fair city to discuss the issues that truly matter to the people of Moose Knuckle Indiana.

The People of Moose Knuckle are far too intelligent to be fooled by the harmful, devisive, outrageous allegations that my opponent has made over the past several weeks.

I want to elevate this debate . . . bring it out of the muck and mire of destructive, partisan politics and talk about the things that really matter to the brilliant and extremely attractive people of Moose Knuckle.

Sam, *candidate steps out from behind the podium and walks toward the audience* I remember when I was growing up in a small town, not unlike this one. I dreamt of an America in which everyone could get a get a good job at a decent wage. I remember dreaming of an America in which no one was judged by the color of their skin. I dreamed of an America where men and women could raise their children free from the fear of crime or terrorism.

That's my vision of America, and with your vote and God's blessing, I'll do everything within my ability to make those dreams reality. *steps back behind podium*


Why couldn't a woman do that?:lookaroun
Click to expand...

Oh damn... I"m too young. :rolleyes:
 
M

MouseMadness

Well-Known Member
DisneyJill said:
Because she would lose interest in the tax talk unless it pertains to buying shoes? :veryconfu


:lookaroun
Click to expand...

*shrug*

Imelda-Marcos.jpg


I believe this is the 2nd wdwmagic Imelda Marcos appearance in less than a week. :veryconfu Sign of the apocalypse, no?
 
TAC

TAC

New Member
In the late 80's, she was the wife of the President of the Phillippines. The President of the Phillippines was almost tared and feathered because he stole much of the countries assets, and almost bankrupt the country. Imelda, his wife was quoted as saying she had over 1600 pairs of shoes.

DisneyJill said:
I was saying that, actually... :lol:


No idea. :lookaroun
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garyhoov

garyhoov

Trophy Husband
Original Poster
MouseMadness said:
Well, I think I firmly secured my seat in hell today... I actually, VOLUNTARILY, helped a lawyer! :eek: :dazzle: :fork:
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:eek: Ewwww!!! I've actually dined with lawyers in the past. I've found that tomato juice helps to get rid of the smell*.






*Note - This statement was intended as "satire" - (A literary work in which human vice or folly is attacked through irony, derision, or wit.) and therefore is not actionable as libelous.




. . . and besides you guys really do stink, so true statements aren't libelous either.:lookaroun
 
TAC

TAC

New Member
Lawyers should be forced to wear their wingtip shoes and polyester suit, and be made to break large rocks into small rocks...for all eternity.

MouseMadness said:
Well, I think I firmly secured my seat in hell today... I actually, VOLUNTARILY, helped a lawyer! :eek: :dazzle: :fork:
Click to expand...
 
garyhoov

garyhoov

Trophy Husband
Original Poster
The conversation went something like this:


Me: (at bakery counter) So I want it to say: "Happy Birthday George", but then I want the "George" to be crossed out, and put "Linda" beneath that.

Woman behind counter: (expressionless) And Linda is spelled: L-i-n-d-a, right.

Me: Right. . . and I don't care how you spell George. Ha, ha.

Woman: (No response)

Me: See, I want it to look like the cake was originally for George. . . I thought that would sort of be . . . you know . . . funny.

Woman: (walking away) Yeah, whatever.



Sheesh, everybody's a critic.:lookaroun






Anyway, Linda seemed to get a kick out of it. She was convinced I got it half off.



3456879523232%7Ffp336%3Enu%3D323%3A%3E8%3C%3B%3E673%3EWSNRCG%3D32333694%3C3737nu0mrj



She told Ryan: "Remember, Dad's birthday is in a few months."

To which he replied. Well if you plan to do anything evil or malicious . . . count me in.
 
M

MouseMadness

Well-Known Member
:lol: You'd think somebody who worked with cakes and cookies for a living would be more happy! :eek:

That is soooooooo funny :lol:

I've been hoping somebody would have a reason to bump Hell! :sohappy:
 

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