My Spiels and Adlibs
One I heard on JC:
"...and, as you know, Disney recently decided that it wouldn't be appropriate for us to carry firearms on the Jungle Cruise...but the hippos don't know that! (points fingers like a gun at hippo) BANG! BANG! *gurgle*"
Mine:
Turnstiles:
"Please, no eating, drinking, use of smoking materials, flash photography or video recording equipment inside the convention center. Violators of convention center policy, along with any Auburn University fans, will be fed to the monster."
"Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you the ALL POWERFUL HEIGHT STICK OF DOOM!!! (*ooh, ah!*) The following presentation will contain bright flashing lights, periods of total darkness, and loud noises which may not be suitable for some guests...therefore, anyone not meeting the minumum height requirement of 44" as measured by the ALL POWERFUL HEIGHT STICK OF DOOM!!! (*ooh, ah!*) will not be allowed to participate in the demonstration today. Also, please no eating, drinking, smoking, flash photography or video recording inside the convention center. If any of you should violate these convention center policies, then I shall smite thee mightily with the awesome power of the ALL POWERFUL HEIGHT STICK OF DOOM!!! (*ooh, ah!*)!
Entering Alien Encounter Chamber:
"Right this way, folks, please follow me to the Demonstration Chamber. As you enter, please remember to hand your signed liability forms over to the attendant inside...oh, wait, never mind."
"Right this way, lucky victim...I mean, volunteers, please follow me to the demonstration chamber..."
"At this time, you have the right to exit early if you so choose. Repeat, you do have the right to exit early. You also have the right to remain silent. The right to an attorney. The right to bear arms, but not the right to arm bears...the last thing we need is Liverlips walkin' around with a thirty-ought-six. And don't forget, folks, you gotta fight for your right to party."
"Please move all the way down to the end of your row. Do not stop early and do not skip seats...this can cause a problem with the Tesla Coils that can release an energy wave from the Spectrogramic Cropusculator that will turn each and every one of you into a substance not unlike orange marmalade. I'm just a poor college student folks...I can't afford to keep buying toothbrushes to clean this thing with."
In the Dark, During the Show:
"IT'S GOT MY LEG! AAAAAAGGAHGGHH!" (you'd be surprised how effective this is)
Exiting chamber:
"Thanks for joining us, ladies and gentlemen. We apologize for any inconvenience these...uh...technical difficulties might have caused. Please make sure you have all personal belongings. Any severed limbs found inside the chamber will become the property of the Tomorrowland Biomedical Research and Pet Food Canning Division. Thanks for joining us, and have a pleasant day."
Outside, During Hella Bad Thunderstorm:
"Well, uh, folks...we hope you're enjoying this little demonstration by our Walt Disney World Special Weather Effects Team. Sadly, we've had a bit of a communications problem and we didn't know that this demo was scheduled today, but, uh...we hope you're enjoying it nonetheless. As for the length of the demonstration *LOUD thunder clap*, I'll have to ask my manager."
GUEST: "Excuse me, sir, but what can you do about getting the rain to stop (COMPLETELY serious!)?"
ME: "Well, ma'am...do you remember that big transparent dome you drove into this morning?"
