A Joke a Day...

[Kingdom WDW]

Let's face it: many our lives are dull, gray and boring. Let's put a little spring into our step, so let's all post a joke a day, even though it doesn't have to be limited to one joke...or one day.

Only rules are: keep it clean, and somewhat kid friendly. No racist or sexual humor, or anything you would think twice about telling to a child.

 

[EPCOT.nut]

It's hard to think of clean jokes that are funny, but OK.

This is from my Mickey Mouse's Joke Book from when I was a kid:

Jiminy Cricket: Mickey, suppose you found ten cents in one pants pocket and twenty cents in the other. What would you have?

Mickey: Somebody else's pants on.

:lol:...:lookaroun

 

[primetime52]

Let's face it: many our lives are dull, gray and boring. Let's put a little spring into our step, so let's all post a joke a day, even though it doesn't have to be limited to one joke...or one day.

Only rules are: keep it clean, and somewhat kid friendly. No racist or sexual humor, or anything you would think twice about telling to a child.

In that case..... I got nuthin'

 

[WDW Monorail]

It's difficult to get this joke in to words, let alone translate from Italian to English...

A man from Italy visiting family in Brooklyn goes to a pharmacy. The pharmacist asks if he needs help.

Pharmacist: Good morning sir. Do you need any help?
Italian man: Yes, I would like some aspirin please.
[Pharmacist produces a rather large bottle of aspirin]
Pharmacist: Here you go sir.
Italian man: Wow, that is huge!
Pharmacist: Well, you must realize sir that here in America, everything is big. Do you need anything else?
Italian man: Well, you see, everything in Italy is rather small so I'm not used to the size here. Anyway, I could use some cough medicine too.
[Pharmacist produces a large bottle of medicine]
Pharmacist: Here you go sir.
Italian man: Wow! Even the cough medicine is big!
Pharmacist: Yes, as I said, everything is bigger here in America. Would you like something else?
Italian man: Well, I could use some suppositories, but I'd rather get those back in Italy...

 

[dandaman]

^ :lol:

From either Jimmy Carr or Tim Vine:

I went down to the butcher shop yesterday and bet him 20 quid he couldn't get the meat down from the top shelf.

He said, "No, the steaks are too high."

Oh, gosh, I think I'll like this thread a lot.

 

[WDWFREAK53]

A priest, a rabbi, and a minister walk into a bar.
The bartender says, "What is this...some kind of joke?"

:lookaroun

A priest, a rabbi, and a minister walk into a bar...
(You would've thought at least ONE of them would've seen it)

A polar bear walks into a bar.
The bartender says, "What can I get you?"
The polar bear says, "I'll take a..........................beer."
The bartender says, "Ok, but why the long pause?"
The polar bear says, "Oh these? They're great for catching fish."

A sandwich walks into a bar.
The bartender says, "Sorry,we don't serve food here."

 

[Captain Hank]

Well, you see, there was this sea cucumber and a mollusk....

 

[Panhead]

Ooohh! I have a good one!

"Army Intelligence!":sohappy::lol:




-Chris-

 

[dandaman]

^Or "tasty broccoli". Or "painless dentistry".

 

[Captain Hank]

^Or "tasty broccoli". Or "painless dentistry".

or Some Assembly Required *shudder*

 

[Mouser365]

I have one! There was a little mole family. On the first day of Spring, DAddy mole popped his head out of the mole head and sniffed the air. "MMMM I smell Maple Syrup!" he said. So Mommy mole popped up right next to him and she stuck her head out of the mole hole and sniffed the air and said "MMMM I smell HONEY!" and then little baby mole tried as hard as he could to get above his parents to smell the air but he couldn't get past them. "I smell Molasses!" he cried.

 

[Pongo]

A polar bear walks into a bar.
The bartender says, "What can I get you?"
The polar bear says, "I'll take a..........................beer."
The bartender says, "Ok, but why the long pause?"
The polar bear says, "Oh these? They're great for catching fish."

BAHAHAHAHAH :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

Wow, I think I found that funnier than it was supposed to be...

 

[bayoumoon]

Since I love all the Hundred Acre Woods gang here is my bad joke......


Why did Tigger look in the toilet?


He was looking for Pooh?


(I know its bad)

 

[EPCOT.nut]

There was a bank robbery and on the way out one of the robbers asked a bystander, "Did you see me rob the bank?"
The bystander said "Yes." and the robber shot him.
Another bystander quickly said, "I didn't see you rob the bank, but my wife did."

 

[palmage]

There was once a man from Nantucket.............

 

[karl46]

What goes ha ha ha ha thump?


A man laughing his head off.

 

[WDWFREAK53]

How do you catch a unique rabbit?
You 'neak up on it.


A termite walks into a bar...and asks, "Is your bartender...."

 

[Uponastar]

How do you catch a unique rabbit?
You 'neak up on it.

How do you catch a tame rabbit?
Tame way.

 

[dandaman]

A termite walks into a bar...and asks, "Is your bartender...."

My computer beat me at chess once... but I beat it at kickboxing.

 

[Captain Hank]

A horse walks into a bar.

The bartender asks "why the long face?"