A Joke a Day...

[Pongo]

Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar. One says to the other, "I think I lost an electron."
The other asks, "Are you sure?"
The first replies, "I'm positive."

GOOOO CHEMISTRY! :lookaroun




Two strings walk into a bar. The bartender immediately says, "We don't serve strings here," and one walks out while the other stays.
The bartender looks at the remaining string and asks, "Didn't you hear what I said?"
The string replies, "Yes."
The bartender asks, "Well, are you a string?"
The string replies, "I'm a frayed knot."

 

[karl46]

A lady walks into a bar with a duck under her arm.

The bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve pigs here."

The lady says, "It's not a pig...it's a duck."

The bartender says, "I was talking to the duck."

Classic.
How about:
A white horse walks into the bar and the barkeep says hey we named this pub after you and the horse said what rex?

 

[FootballFigment]

Bret Farve, Tom Brady, Tony Romo and ELi Manning all meet each other for an offseason dinner at a steakhouse outside of New York. They place their orders, each of them ordering the same thing, the biggest T-bone steak on the menu. The waiter returns a few minutes later with the a steak for Eli and three bowls of soup for the others. Bret, Tom and Tony are all baffled as they look at their bowls of soup and each of them complain to the waiter asking why they didn't get the steaks they ordered. The waiter apologizes, "I'm sorry gentlemen, but before you sat down, Mr. Manning came to the kitchen and told us that no matter what meals you ordered, to bring you soup." They all look at Eli and ask him why he did such a thing. Manning replies, "Sorry guys but, I just wanted to make sure you all didn't choke."

- some guy on a giants forum

 

[Tiggerfanatic]

How do you catch a unique rabbit?
You 'neak up on it.

How do you catch a tame rabbit?
Tame way.

I thought I was the only person in the world who knew these......:lol:

Here's mine.....

How do you top a car?
'tep on the brake, 'tupid!

 

[bayoumoon]

What do you call a short psychic who escaped from jail?


A small medium at large....

 

[WDWFREAK53]

What do you call a story that begins with a man running up a set of steps and throwing his arms in the air at the top?

A rocky start.

 

[bayoumoon]

What weighs 6 tons and wears glass slippers??


Cinder-Elephant

 

[minnie2000]

The boss of a big company needed to call one of his employees about an urgent problem with one of the main computers.
He dialed the employee's home phone number and was greeted with a child's whisper: "Hello."

"Is your daddy home?" he asked.

"Yes," whispered the small voice.

"May I talk with him?"

The child whispered, "No."

Surprised, and wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, "Is your Mummy there?"

"Yes."

"May I talk with her?"

Again the small voice whispered, "No."

Hoping there was somebody with whom he could leave a message, the boss asked, "Is anybody else there?"

"Yes," whispered the child, "a policeman."

Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee'shome, the boss asked, "May I speak with the policeman?"

"No, he's busy", whispered the child.

"Busy doing what?"

"Talking to Daddy and Mommy and the Fireman," came the whispered answer.

Growing concerned and even very worried as he heard what sounded like a helicopter through the earpiece on the phone the boss asked, "What is that noise?"

"A hello-copper" answered the whispering voice.

"What is going on there?" asked the boss, now truly alarmed.

In a whispering voice the child answered, "The search team just landed the hello-copper."

Alarmed, concerned, and even more then just a little frustrated the Boss asked, "What are they searching for?"

Still whispering, the young voice replied along with a muffled giggle: "ME."

 

[Dukeblue1016]

Bret Farve, Tom Brady, Tony Romo and ELi Manning all meet each other for an offseason dinner at a steakhouse outside of New York. They place their orders, each of them ordering the same thing, the biggest T-bone steak on the menu. The waiter returns a few minutes later with the a steak for Eli and three bowls of soup for the others. Bret, Tom and Tony are all baffled as they look at their bowls of soup and each of them complain to the waiter asking why they didn't get the steaks they ordered. The waiter apologizes, "I'm sorry gentlemen, but before you sat down, Mr. Manning came to the kitchen and told us that no matter what meals you ordered, to bring you soup." They all look at Eli and ask him why he did such a thing. Manning replies, "Sorry guys but, I just wanted to make sure you all didn't choke."

- some guy on a giants forum

As a Diehard Pats fan............

oh my god :ROFLOL: :ROFLOL: :ROFLOL:

that's a riot...


okay here's mine, I'm a little iffy about it; it's by no means dirty, at all... but the topic is somewhat... but it's definitely not dirty



Three guys show up at the gates to heaven and they meet god. God tells them that heaven is a very big place and they will need transportation to get around up here. They will be given their form of transportation by answering one question.

So God asked the first man, "during your time on earth, how many times were you unfaithful to your wife?" and the first man replies "eh, three seperate ocassionals I had an affair..."

So God replies "three times huh, okay well that is better than most, here you are, keys to a Toyota of your choice."

God asked the second guy the same question to which he replies "Two different occassions with my Secretary" to which God replies "fair enough, here are your keys to a brand new Lexus"

So then when God asked the third guy he replies "Not once, never did I" and so God says "wow that is very honest and faithful of you... here you are, keys to a brand new Cadillac"

So the next day the three men decide to all meet up for coffee and when they show up, the first two men are quite happy with their forms of transportation and enjoying their time in heaven; but the third man is very very upset.

so they ask the third man "what's wrong? You have a gorgeous car, and we're living life up here?"

To which he replies:

"yeah I know, but I just saw my wife up here going around in rollerblades"


:lookaroun

 

[justgoofy56]

I have one...it's a blond joke so...beware . It's actually not too bad.

Here goes:

Three women were stranded on an island for months. A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead. Finally after exploring the whole island they come upon a magic lamp! They rub it and a genie appears.

The genie looks at them and says, "You each have one wish."

So the redhead goes first, "I wish I was home with my family!"

The genie nods, and she dissapears.

He turns to the brunette and she says, "I wish I was home with my boyfriend!"

The genie nods and she dissapears.

At this point the blond bursts into tears. The genie raises an eyebrow and asks, "And what is your wish?"

Through tear filled eyes the blond wails, "I wish my friends were with me!"

 

[bayoumoon]

Why did Captian Hook cross the street?



To get to the second-hand shop:shrug:

 

[davidpw97]

What do you get when you drop a piano down a mine shaft?















A Flat Minor