Uncomfortable question about teen wanting to bring friend

[UPbeekeeper]

I have a bit of an uncomfortable question I would like to ask about when your teen wants to bring a friend, and I am interested in feedback from others that have done this, or if you have a child that has been invited to go with another family.

If you are the family doing the inviting, is it expected that you will pay for the friend's entire trip?

Without question, I think the inviting family should pay 100% of the friend's food costs and 100% of any necessities they may need while they are there and I think theother teen's family should pay 100% of their souvenir /spending money.

What about park tickets and flight? I estimate WDW tickets for a 5 day hopper pass to be about $300, 2 day Universal hopper about $140, and flight to be around $400. That's almost $900.

Do you offer to pay 100% of the costs because you are choosing to invite the friend for your teen? Do you ask the parents if the teen can come and tell them the cost to see if they choose to spend that kind of money? Do you offer to pay for everything if they can buy the airline ticket and spending $?

I guess if someone asked me if my teen could go on a trip but it would cost me $1000 I would more than likely say no. If they asked if I could pay the airline ticket and I had enough notice to save the money I would be more inclined to let my teen go. But the whole subject is kind of uncomfortable to me.

What has worked or not worked for you in the past?

 

[Master Yoda]

There is no one right answer. We are not talking about a trip to a movies or the local fair. A Disney trip can run into thousands of dollars per person. Just because a family is "OK" with a teens friend coming with them does not mean that they can afford to flip the bill. Most sane people will understand this. That being said, you must approach the other family with very clear motives. If you ask "Can your child come to Disney with us?" you better be prepared to flip the entire bill. However, if you approach it as " My son Johnny would like your son Timmy to come on vacation with us. I would be happy for Timmy to join us but we will need some help offsetting the cost of his travel." the family will know up front that this is not a free ride.

 

[mickeysshoes]

I have given lots of thought to my DD bringing friends along...has not happen has of yet. But when I as thinking about I figured we would do room, tickets and food. And ask the friends partents to do airfare and spending money. It sounds fair to me...and when you just adding kid to the room really how much does it really cost depending on the package you get. One with the dining plan is perferct for this as you can let kids go off and they not need money for food!!!!

 

[slappy magoo]

I think it is all in the approach. If you say to the parents "Hey, Johnny wants to bring Tommy to WDW" that kinda leads into you paying for things. But going in with a "Johnny has asked if Tommy can go to WDW with us. Is this something that we can talk about?" leads it into a talk about who will pay for what.

I was thinking along these lines. I think a big portion of this kind of decision is: WHOSE idea was it for your child to bring a friend? If it's something you and your spouse thought up for your child, then be prepared to pay for darn near everything and just be grateful and/or gracious if the friend's parents insist on paying for any part of it. But if the kids themselves concoct a plan (as some kids are prone to do, usually with subtle little hints like: "Gee, it sure would be great if my best friend could come on this trip with us."), then I can understand a greater desire to work things out with the other kid's parents.

Of course, depending on how close you are with the other kid's parents, you could also float the idea of them taking a vacation to WDW AT THE SAME TIME. Your kid gets his/her best friend around for the trip, each family may have a chance for some "alone time" while the other parents play baysitter for a night, and each family pays for its own.

 

[pcarathers]

We did this in 2009....my nephew invited his best friend so that he would have someone there his own age and they could ride rides together....WE invited him, so WE paid for everything EXCEPT his spending money. Of course, it would vary on the circumstances for sure, but since my nephew asked if he could go, we figured we would pay for everything EXCEPT his spending money. It worked out well and we had no major issues since we were used to his friend and kinda new his mannerisms and such. the only thing we had problems with was making sure he kept up with us, WHICH IN HIS DEFENSE--WAS OUR FAULT. he wanted to stop and look at certain things and we were not aware he had stopped....turn around and not see him...had to backtrack quite a few times....seeing as he was 16 years old, 6'2" and probably weighs 220 pounds.....not worried about something happening to him at all!!!! All in all, it was a fun trip and they both had a great time.

 

[pixiesteno]

I think that if we were to do this that we would probably figure on paying the majority of the bill. However, there are some interesting things to think of on this that came to my mind while reading other posts. With the way that airport security is, can you take someone else's minor child on a flight with relative ease these days? Something to think about.
I would probably handle the situation with talking with my spouse and then the parents of the child/teen before saying anything to the kids. I would not turn down any financial assistance from the parents and I would insist on the spending money for trinkets at the very least. this would also allow for an opportunity to meet with them to discuss any medical issues or allergies and to work out a plan for handling any emergency situations.
I know that when we were kids there were weekend get-aways where we took friends and my family paid for the meals, etc. But we also drove and had a camper and tents. We did a trip to WDW in 1980 and my brother took his girlfriend and her sister along on the trip. There were things that mom paid for and things that were paid for by the young adults. All of this was worked out ahead of time.
Our son as a teenager went to CA to visit with my brother and his family. We made the agreement that we would pay for his plane tickets there and back and spending money and they would take care of his other needs and they paid for his admission to Disneyland when they took him. They also braved the drive from Desert Palm Springs to LA to pick him up and take him back to the airport so that the plane ticket was a bit cheaper. So they combined picking him up with a overnight stay in LA and then to Disney before heading home.
This is a really thought provoking subject - thanks

 

[StAug WDW fan]

Only Child

We only have one kid (Daughter) and so we are used to bringing someone along for the trip ever since I can remember. We live about 1.5 hours away so we don't have expensive airfare tickets to worry about. Like most people we pay pretty much 100% of the costs unless it's souveniers. And to be honest it's worth every cent!!!! Now it's not me riding space mountain at 8am with my daughter You really can enjoy the parks in a different way when you are not running from ride to ride all day.

 

[shuflemstr]

Every time I bring someone with us, we always pay for everything except for their souvenirs. I feel since we are asking them to go that we should. I have no problem with that, except on our last trip at the last minute the other person backed out which left us with some nonrefundable expenses and guess what..... we leave in three weeks and it has happened again with a different person. I don't think I will ask anyone to go with us ever again. That is twice I have been out money that I can't get back

 

[drp4video]

My daughter is grown now, but between the ages of 13 and 17, she always brought a friend with the two of us. (and pretty much everywhere else we went)

When we brought one of her friends with us I always discussed the issue of cost with the parents first. I approached it by indicating we were going to WDW and we would love it if their child would like to come, but I could not afford to pay for their ticket or plane fare. I indicated of course that there would be no cost regarding the room (it would not cost me any more as that would just make 3 of us), and also requested a contribution toward food expenses. For example, a 7 day stay maybe $150, and they would pay for their own souveneers. I always spent more than what they had for food because of the table service restaurants, and snacks as $20 a day doesn't go very far, but I felt that was up to me because it was my choice to do do table service a few times. Also, if we went to other places, I would pay, ie. Universal, travel to the beach, etc.

What I always found interesting was with some of the friend's parents, that when I told/asked that we would love their child to come with us to WDW, before I could even mention the cost, most people know it is expensive and the friend's parents would immediately state they would pay their child's way before I would bring up the issue.

Most of her friends parents jumped at the idea to give their child a trip to Disney without having to pay for a hotel room, or having to pay for a trip of their own with all their family members.

The last time we brought a friend was when my daughter was 17. She told me no more because I go on all the rides, except the tea cups (which she now no longer can do either, she is 24 lol) and that she has a better time there with the just the two of us. Mades me really happy.

 

[minnielaw]

Approaching the issue from the angle that I was the parent of the child invited (not the parent doing the inviting), I would immediately offer to pay! I cannot imagine someone inviting my child on a vacation to WDW and expecting the inviting family to foot the bill. But from the responses I have read thus far, I guess I am in the minority.

My boys are very close in age (11 and 13) and it works better for us not to invite any friends. I am of the opinion that vacations are family time for us and an opportunity for us to spend time together as a family. However, I totally understand others desire to take friends for their children, especially if they do not have siblings or the siblings are of differing ages or sexes.

I would also suggest that you ask your child NOT to tell the other child about the invite until you have spoken with the parents, received their blessing and settled money issues. Nothing worse for the invited child to think he's going to WDW and then mom and dad tell him that he can't go. Of course, this is assuming your child knows you plan to invite his friend.

Good luck and let us all know how it goes after you talk to the friend's parents!

 

[disneygirl76]

I have a bit of an uncomfortable question I would like to ask about when your teen wants to bring a friend, and I am interested in feedback from others that have done this, or if you have a child that has been invited to go with another family.

If you are the family doing the inviting, is it expected that you will pay for the friend's entire trip?

Without question, I think the inviting family should pay 100% of the friend's food costs and 100% of any necessities they may need while they are there and I think theother teen's family should pay 100% of their souvenir /spending money.

What about park tickets and flight? I estimate WDW tickets for a 5 day hopper pass to be about $300, 2 day Universal hopper about $140, and flight to be around $400. That's almost $900.

Do you offer to pay 100% of the costs because you are choosing to invite the friend for your teen? Do you ask the parents if the teen can come and tell them the cost to see if they choose to spend that kind of money? Do you offer to pay for everything if they can buy the airline ticket and spending $?

I guess if someone asked me if my teen could go on a trip but it would cost me $1000 I would more than likely say no. If they asked if I could pay the airline ticket and I had enough notice to save the money I would be more inclined to let my teen go. But the whole subject is kind of uncomfortable to me.

What has worked or not worked for you in the past?

My parents let me go on a trip for Spring Break with my friend when I was in High School. First it started as my friend asking me excitedly if I could come - of course not asking her parents first. So after all parents were made aware of our fantastic idea...my friends parents offered to pay for lodging and food and my parents had to pay for me to get there and "fun" money. When this happened with my brother, my parents would travel to the same place every year for Spring Break and my brother could always bring a friend. Because they drove to the destination, air fare didn't have to be considered. My parents would pay for everything, except the "fun" money. Of course, the friends family would always give their child some money to give to my parents for food and gas, but it was not necessary.

For my DH and I, we would feel comfortable paying for tickets to the parks, lodging and meals. But if airfare was involved, then the friends family should pay for that and of course "fun" money.

 

[Powerline]

I would never invite someone on a trip to WDW (or any place incredibly expensive for that matter) if they were expecting a free ride, or if I knew they couldn't afford it.

If the person wanted to tag along for instance then they'd best bring their wallet. I'm sure they'd realize how expensive the trip could be and pay for airfare, ground transportation and at least split a hotel room. I'm sure dining would be a split deal.

 

[lbrad]

We have made multiple trips to Disney where we have allowed our children to bring a friend (in their teen years). We drive (so no airfare expense). We pay for travel, lodging and food for all. Their friend (s) would purchase their park ticket (always a Base ticket) and bring souvenir/snack $$$. We ALWAYS made this clear to everyone involved. We never had any problems .. only magical memories :wave:

 

[EvilQueen-T]

On the occasions for disney vacations where we allowed someone else to come with us we usually ended up footing the bill. I didn't do the little extras but did cover room, tickets, and meals but with that said we also drive not fly. Honestly it was just easier. I just approached it like I had one more child. I could make dining reservations where ever I wanted and did not have to worry will they have enough money with them or will we have an uncomfortable meal knowing a growing teen just ordered a side salad with water for dinner kind of thing. Hopefully you're not taking a child on vacation that you don't have at least enough of a history with that you can't talk to their parents honestly about those kinds of expectations.

 

[drp4video]

Only problem we did have one year was that when my daughter was about 15, one of the friends she brought decided she didn't want to do the things we had planned. She actually said that her parents paid for her to go so she didn't have to go where we wanted to go. Now yes her parents paid for airfare and park tickets, plus some money for food, but it did not cover all of her food, extra's that we did like table service dining, photo purchases, snacks, etc, hotel room, rental car so we could go to Universal...which I also paid for...etc. Needless to say, we never took her anywhere with us again.

 

[rentayenta]

Hi, first post. :wave:


Here's my thinking: we'd never invite a child that we weren't close enough to the family to have an open discussion about who pays for what. That being said, in 2010 we brought my oldest DD's friend on a trip to Disneyland with us. We paid for everything except her souvenirs and park hopper. We drove from UT to CA and stayed in the GCV with our DVC points and bought all of her meals and snacks/treats.


This year our middle DD is bringing her BFF on our trip to WDW in October. The trip is her bag mitzvah gift. We're paying for park hoppers, using our DVC (THV and AKV SV), and her food. Her folks are paying for her flight and souvenirs. The girls are taking a YES class, we don't homeschool- its the individual series, and we discussed it with the girls prior.


Fortunately both girls are very sweet and we've spent a ton of time with them so they know our family dynamics really well.


Good luck!

 

[NeedDisneyNow]

Things I have learned about this topic:

> Make sure you are well acquainted/close friends with the invited child and also the family of the invited child. Family vacations are precious, so you want to be sure to choose the right friend to be a part of your family memories.

> Have a sit-down discussion/meeting/dinner with the other parents and discuss who is paying for what. The friend's family may have strong feelings about the topic, so it's best to come to an agreement beforehand.

> If you are paying for airfare, make it clear that if the friend cancels the trip, you are to be reimbursed for the airfare cancellation fees. If you book on Southwest, it's easier because you can just keep the credits and this part of the discusson does not even need to happen.

 

[radev104]

When I had a friend come with us she paid for her tickets (WDW and US) half of the extra hotel room, souvenirs and snacks. Since we drove my parents took care of the gas money. My parents paid for dinner (we eat breakfast in the room and take stuff to the park for lunch). Right now my fiance and I are paying for our room, souvenirs and some dinners. We probably will chip in for gas a little since the price is going up.

We did have an issue with my sister's friend when we went to South Carolina once. The friend thought we were paying for everything. My parents pair for the room and food but the girls thought she could get them to pay for her souvenirs and anything she wanted plus she acted rude towards my parents and didn't respect them. My mom was mad so whenever a friend is going to come or invited to come my mom will list out everything that the other family is expected to pay and talk to them. If they don't like it then its one less person we have to worry about on vacation.

 

[SuprDav]

Our daughter has a friend going with us in December. We're paying for room (2 rooms at Pop) & food (quick service meal plan). The friend can bring money for souvineers if she likes. We drive, so no extra cost there. I wouldn't feel right about asking someone on a trip with us & expecting them to pay. That's just me though. :wave:

 

[sublimesting]

I can't see how anyone would expect the host family to pay for anything except the room.

When you said it was an uncomfortable question I thought more along the lines of: My daughter wants to bring her college freshman cheerleading squad with us. What do I do?

 

[DVCOwner]

We are DVC members so we always invited quest while the kids where teens. We also sat with the family and told them what we would pay and what the family would pay for. We provide all meals in the villa and so the only thing the kids family paid for was the tickets and spending money. No family ever had a problem with this. We always drove so they guest rode with us.

Today our two kids alternate inviting friends along and we pay the room (DVC) and meals in the villa and they purchase tickets and meals in the park.