Beetlejuice Manor
It's Halloween in Disneyland, and that of course means it's time for a brand new overlay of the classic Haunted Mansion attraction. However, Disney CEO Bob Iger wanted something new to replace the old and tired Nightmare Before Christmas overlay, and instead decided to replace it with not only the best Halloween film, but one of the top five best films of all time (unobjectively, do not try to dispute this) Beetlejuice, just in time for its 30th Anniversary in 2018.
The outside of the manor remains relatively the same, barring the entryway, which now has a large graveyard reading "Here lies Betlegeuse" sits. Once you enter the stretching room, that's when things begin to change...
[In Stretching Room]
Ghost Host: Where hinges When hinges creak in doorless chambers, and strange and frightening...
Disembodied Voice: *Afar* LAME
Ghost Host: *Under breath* Beetlejuice *Coughs* As I was saying, where hinges creak...
Disembodied Voice: *Afar* You already said that!
Ghost Host: *Annoyed and slightly louder* Beetlejuice... *Normal Voice* Where hinges...
Disembodied Voice: *Afar* Third time's the charm 'ey big boy?
Ghost Host: *Annoyed and yelling* BEETLEJUICE!
[Some magical noises take place as Beetlejuice springs to life. Smoke fills the stretching room, and a large projection of Beetlejuice appears on the walls, once again played fantastically by Michael Keaton.]
Beetlejuice: Boy oh boy did that take some time... (looks at one guest in particular and pseudo-whispers) Get a load of this ghost host thing, it's like he's new to the whole haunting thing. (Directs voice at the Ghost Host) Hey buddy, how's about you take the day off and I can show the meat bags around the old (in French accent) chateau (back to normal) huh?
Ghost Host: No, absolutely not, I will not leave helpless mortals with the likes of you. You're nothing but a menace to all things dead. Now, if we just flip through the handbook for the recently deceased, there has to be an easy way to be rid of you..
Beetlejuice: Awww come on Ghosty, you're always flying around, stretching paintings and what-not, don't you think you've earned a break? I mean, you've been doing this since what? '55?
Ghost Host: Our tour is incredibly sensitive, our 999 happy haunts will not be pleased to discover you've returned. In fact, I should go alert them all right now.
Beetlejuice: Alright, he's gone. So here's the plan meatbags, err, I mean, beloved guests. These doors are gonna open, you're gonna load into your Doom Buggies, and I'm gonna take you on the Wildest Ride in the Wilderness! Oh, wait, wrong ride, Tumbleweed isn't scheduled for a possession until that Star Wars thing wraps up. Anywho, we gotta get this show on the road before Ghosty gets back and takes over. Let's go!
The doors open to the loading queue where the changing portraits have been changed slightly. The were-cat lady, the headless horseman, the changing man, and Medusa have all been repainted as Betlegeuse taking over the poses (See exhibit A) As you're walking through the corridors, the Ghost Host's safety instructions are replaced with Beetlejuice saying the same instructions.
Guests then pass the busts that follow you as you walk. They remain very similar, but they now have moustaches and goattees drawn on with what appears to be Sharpie Markers. The Words "BEETLEJUICE WAZ HERE" Is also drawn into the wall with Red Sharpie.
Guests finally board the Doom Buggies where Beetlejuice takes over.
Beetlejuice: (as Cowboy Beetlejuice from the Bio-Exorcism commercials in the film) Alright ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, don't be pullin' on those there lap bars, nope, I'm gonna be doing that for you.
The lapbars then lower, much faster than usual, spooking, but not hurting, the guests.
Beetlejuice: *Whispering* Oh, was that too much for you? I didn't mean to frighten you prematurely. *Loudly* Oh wait, yes I did! Now, let's get going. We're about to be taking this one way train to the afterlife! Whoo Whoo!
The Doom Buggies then begin making their way through the manor, now playing the Beetlejuice theme as opposed to the original Haunted Mansion score. The rooms are less grim and Haunted Mansion-y, and more colorful, bright, and kooky, much like the color palate of the film. The Doom Buggies first pass by a scale model of Disneyland park (a lot like the one Alec Baldwin's character makes of their hometown in the film). As we get to the corridor with the Suit of Armor, the first major change appears.
Where the suit of Armor once stood is an animatronic Beetlejuice, holding a cryptic book, called "Handbook for the Recently Undead." Down the hall, the floating candlelabra is gone and instead, a door swings open to showcase the Sandworms from the original film.
Beetlejuice: Ugh, Sandworms. Boy do those guys know how to ruin a party. Speaking of Party, let's get this one started. In due time of course. Can't have Ghosty showing up and ruining it before we even get started. But, why not at least take a stop by the old Grave huh? Meet the misses? Oh wait, that's right, there is no Misses! Ladies, they say, once you go Ghost, you'll, eh forget it.
The Doom Buggies pass by what was once the coffin with the corpse trapped inside. Instead, there is a bar, mimicing an old Tiki Bar that reads "Betlegeuse's Beetle-Juice" with a menu that has one item: Impending Doom.
The doom buggies pass through the hallway with the self-knocking doors, but overall, the scene remains unchanged. You do here Beetlejuice whispering "which one am I behind? You gotta figure it out. Come on. Open one."
Passing through Madame Leota's Seance room, the scene is very similar, but Leota appears much more annoyed, as an animatronic Beetlejuice sits on a chair, legs dangling over the side, kicking while flirting with the disembodied head.
Leota: Serpents and Spiders, tail of a rat call in the spirits, wherever they're at.
Beetlejuice: Baby do you know how to get a boy excited. Serpents and Spiders?!
Leota: Rap on a table, it's time to respond,send us a message from somewhere beyond.
Beetlejuice: Sure, just give me your number. Oh come on, don't ignore me, you just asked for a message. C'mon baby.
Leota: Goblins and ghoulies from last Halloween awaken the spirits with your tambourine.
Beetlejuice: Tambourine? So you like a guy who plays tambourine? I can play a tambourine.
Leota: Creepies and crawlies, toads in a pond let there be music from regions beyond.
Beetlejuice: *Animatronic's head turns and just dead-pan stares at the guests passing by while chuckling.*
Leota: Wizards and witches wherever you dwell, give us a hint by ringing a bell...
Beetlejuice: Seriously, just give me your digets and I'll ring a bell whenever you want
The doom buggy then enters the room where the ghosts were once ballroom dancing to classical music, but the scene is replaced very classily by the best scene in the whole Beetlejuice film. You know which one I'm talking about.
Beetlejuice: Oh boy, looks like this dinner party DIED. Luckily, I have a good friend who can help us out. Yo Belafonte, hit it.
Music:
Day-o, day-o
Daylight come and me wan' go home
Day, me say day, me say day, me say day
Me say day, me say day-o
Daylight come and me wan' go home
Work all night on a drink of rum
Daylight come and me wan' go home
Stack banana 'til de mornin' come
Daylight come and me wan' go home
Come, mister tally man, tally me banana
Daylight come and me wan' go home
Come, mister tally man, tally me banana
Daylight come and me wan' go home
Lift six foot, seven foot, eight foot bunch
Daylight come and me wan' go home
Six foot, seven foot, eight foot bunch
Daylight come and me wan' go home
Day, me say day-o
Daylight come and me wan' go home
Day, me say day, me say day, me say day
Daylight come and me wan' go home
A beautiful bunch o' ripe banana
Daylight come and me wan' go home
Hide the deadly black tarantula
Daylight come and me wan' go home
The ghosts dance around the table, replicating the scene from the film. The music cuts out after the doom buggy passes by the scene and you just here screaming, implying the shrimp monsters came out and grabbed the guests.
Beetlejuice: Boy, I love that part.
The doom buggies then come through the attic scene, where Beetlejuice comments on how this attic isn't nearly as nice as the Maitland's.
Beetlejuice: Wow, I know this is a haunted mansion, but boy do they need some cleaners coming in here. Even the Maitland's didn't have this much of a mess, minus that miniature model thing. That was a disaster.
Beetlejuice: Woah, who are these guys? This chick has a serious knack for marrying men with exploding head syndrome. Trust me, it's gotta be one of the worst experiences. I've had it a few times. You never really get your mind back.
Finally, the buggies pass by Constance Hatchaway, of course, Beetlejuice is once again flirting.
Beetlejuice: Hey baby, is that a hatchet in your hand or are you just happy to see me?
Constance: In sickness, or in health...
Beetlejuice: Either way is good with me, you know. Sickness, health, we're dead, we've got our whole afterlives together. You're already in your wedding dress, let's do it.
Finally, the Doom Buggy begins winding down the staircase into the graveyard. This is the scene that becomes the most Beetlejuice-y of all of them. While Grim-Grinning Ghost still plays, it is playing to the tune of a Tim Burton/Danny Elfman rewrite.
Beetlejuice: Ladies and Gentlemen, Boys and Ghouls, welcome, to the most swinging wake of your whole afterlife!
An animatronic of Beetlejuice is seen popping up behind the gravekeeper and his dog, whispering in his ear. The animatronic backs up every time the gravekeeper turns its head.
The graveyard itself seems to be rethemed to the Beetlejuice Graveyard, featuring the faux-grass look, with large trees, lights, and, off in the distance, a very subtle, blink and you miss it, reference to Dante's Inferno Room.
The Doom Buggy passes by the singing busts, where Beetlejuice is hiding behind the posts, singing the song off key. Finally, the doom buggies pass through the archway to where the Ghost Host reclaims you.
Ghost Host: Ah there you are. We sincerely apologize if you were frightened to death by this menace. We here at Gracey Manor like to frighten you, not annoy you with antics such as Beetlejuice here.
Beetlejuice: *Ugh* Don't say that man, c'mon, these guys had a great tour.
Ghost Host: We will now be returning you to your corruptible mortal state, and will then be dealing with Beetlejuice in the harshest way possible.
Beetlejuice: Don't say it. Man, don't say it Ghosty. I'll do whatever you want. I'll clean up the attic. I'll pick up the cobwebs. I'll even take the bride and the head out for dinner. Just don't say that word one more time.
Ghost Host: Now, our friendly hitchhiking ghosts will direct you home. Now, it's time for you Beetlejuice.
Beetlejuice: *Voice fading away* C'mon man, I'll do anything. C'mon, guys, do something. We had a great tour. C'mon guys. C'mon.
The doom buggy then passes through where the hitchhiking ghosts point you towards the exit, guiding you instead of following you as you pass through the mirror hall. However, the hitchhiking ghosts no longer appear in the mirror, instead, it's a familiar face.
Beetlejuice: Alright, we had a great tour, now I need y'all to do me a flavour. Say my name three times, alright? Say Beetlejuice three times. We'll figure it out from there, but you gotta get me out of here. C'mon guys, three times! Just Three! Where are you going! Don't leave me here! You're traitors! Get back here and help me! Get back here!
You finally reach the exit platform. You then pass through the hall where Little Leota once stood. However, that hall now appears to be Purgatory where Beetlejuice is sitting in the waiting room, holding a ticket, just like at the end of the film. You then exit back into New Orleans Square, both confused and delighted by your experience.
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Edit: There will also be favorite Beetlejuice moments included, like Snake Beetlejuice, the weird faces made by the main characters, and other beloved scenes throughout the attraction.
