Holy crap, this is worse than I could ever have imagined. You can almost smell the fear from the people who thought up this preachy killjoy ride replacement. So eager to please and so desperate not to offend, they've concocted a ride narrative that's complete and total cringe. AND those character sketches - all those people wearing little aprons with Tiana's Foods logos on them like they're all baristas from Starbucks. What emotion, exactly, are those characters supposed to inspire? Certainly not amusement or excitement. The Princess and The Frog is not a movie known for strong characters or a great plot anyway, and now the "Imagineers" have made the situation worse with new, even blander characters and that clunky PC storyline. No drama, no tension, and not even a villain - where the heck is Dr. Facilier? By far the most interesting character in the film and he's being left out? Why? I'd rather have a PatF ride that retells the movie story than this treacly follow-up. It's so boring and pandering that it's offensive in its own right. I nearly fell asleep reading the ride description.
Instead of a Laughing Place, we're getting an employee-owned co-op. Instead of rollicking music and classic talking animals, we're getting a Trader Joe's - with a log flume. Instead of the Briar Patch, we're getting Tiana's Foods - a dark ride in a grocery store! Wow, I've always wanted to get wet while shopping at the A&P!
Just appalling. This reboot reeks with astronomical suck. I bet the gang at Universal are laughing their butts off right now. Me...I feel more like crying. And maybe I would if I wasn't so ticked. Damn it, Imagineers, people want to have FUN on a ride. What's fun about that? What's fun about a dorky scavenger hunt for some missing ingredient? Why in Hades should we care?
God. Unbelievable. Just unbelievable. So lame it'd almost be laughable if it weren't so tragic.
