I think an activity can be a good way to teach kids about discipline, teamwork and sportsmanship....all important lessons, but the key is to balance it with everything else. My son plays chess...he started with soccer, but he wasn't very good at it and the coaches were so focused on winning that DS never got to play and he was constantly the scapegoat during practices....the coaches would literally set him up for failure to make him run, probably in the hope of motivating him to improve. But the kid just doesn't have the motorskills and coordination for sports that involve a ball. (we're starting physical therapy again in a couple of weeks to work on the motorskills) He came home in tears every time. So we switched to chess.
DD does musical theater. She doesn't have an athletic bone in her body and gets extra help in PE because it's her weakest subject. So sports aren't her forte and she'd rather do musical theater. She still gets the lessons of teamwork and discipline.
But it's just that for both of them...a hobby. Sometimes they have to miss a lesson because of something at school, or whatever...there's nothing riding on it. Actually, DD took a whole year off because she was so incredibly stressed just with school that she would burst into tears, feeling like she had too much to do...at 10. So she took a year off, realized how much she loved it and missed it, and went back the next year.
That being said, some kids just LOVE everything sports. DS would have done everything if we had let him, but we just didn't have the time to devote to that many sports. He LOVES basketball, and baseball, and soccer, and he did every kids run there was...he's not GOOD at sports, but he enjoys them. (Well, he hates kickboxing, but so far that's the first one we've encountered that he didn't like) But the emphasis here, by his age (10) is on winning...if you're not good, you won't get to play. I'm thinking about the G team for soccer....it's for kids with special needs. It's all kids with Autism, downs syndrome, my neighbor boy played on the G team because he has some bone growth issue. So I've thought about that for DS to get some exercise and such, and I've thought about Judo to learn some self confidence. But some kids just want to do it all and as long as they are keeping up with school and other responsibilities, great. I just don't like it being so cut-throat at elementary school level. Let them be kids and have fun, you know?
That’s great that your kids enjoy activities! I love so much about your post.
I think the thing about “let them be kids” is sometimes misunderstood, especially by adults... on all spectrums of non competitive or competitive.. I’ll say something that relates to Rista’s post, so I’ll continue below...
Yes... agreed... I think it's when the parents get all tangled up in it that it seems like it's over the line. And when schools demand kids be there for games over the Holiday break... come on now! No one should be stressed at 10! I wasn't a sports person, I was in band however.. that was demanding enough! Just enough to keep me out of trouble.
The one positive thing about the drama of the last week, is that the kids haven’t been involved.. of course the decisions do affect them, but the stress has mostly been on the parents.
I have some different thoughts on the ‘let them be kids’ thing, or ‘they’re giving up too much free time’.. here’s an example..
In first grade, T was on his school’s soccer team. Consisting of 1st and 2nd graders.. they had a great coach and a lot of talented kids... the talented 2nd graders inadvertently pushed the 1st graders to do better.. the team went undefeated in their league, and we went to the City tournament.. made it to the final.. and then lost in QUADRUPLE OVERTIME!! At that age they don’t do shoot outs, they take players off the field.. so by the 4th overtime- it was down to 2v2, no goalkeepers.
It was a cold morning, raining, muddy, tons of fog.. but these little boys played their hearts out. One tripped in a puddle when dribbling up the field.. the other player on opposing team got the ball.. and without a goalie.. that was it. He scored. We lost.
The boy knelt of the field crying.. the whole team ran up and comforted him and each other, lots of tears.. then they got up and shook hands with the team who won.
That was T’s first experience with a huge sports disappointment. It was my first experience with it as a mother. I knew how bad he wanted to win.
That same day we had our first indoor game.. went undefeated that season.. and then several parents decided to put their kids in technical training with a club, and tryout in June. They asked me if I was going to do it.. my reply “No, not at this age. I don’t want 8am Sunday training sessions.”
So, months go by, then we go to the next year for school.. now T is a 2nd grader, excited for the soccer season, proud and confident as one of the older leadership roles now.
So what happens? He gets put on a team with a coach who’s main motto was “they’re kids. It’s just about fun, please tell your sons that I don’t care about winning, just fun.” That very first email was odd.. but I tried to think positive. But here’s what happened-
They didn’t learn anything.. she cancelled practice on a regular basis for the most stupid reasons.. there were only 3 players on the team who actually cared about being there.
All kids don’t need to be the best.. but a coach should demand effort- and you can do that while having fun!!
T cried after almost every game.
Kids would be on the field playing in dirt, or shirts over their heads, or a goal keeper turning his back every time someone took a shot. We lost continuously, horribly. It was painful to watch.. NOT because we lost, but because most of the boys didn’t care, and the coach didn’t discourage that.
Another parent recommended that T tryout for a club now, and I know one of the club coaches from my childhood. T attended one of his practices just for an evaluation (T didn’t know that, thought he was just going to a practice)... after it was over -
T ran to car and said “Oh my gosh Mom.. that was so much FUN! Those kids love soccer as much as I do!! Am I on this team now?”
I explained the commitment to him, that we would have to give up a lot of outings, and that he would have to attend tryouts.. his response-
“Yes! I want to tryout. I want to be on this team!”
So obviously he tried out and made the team.,
When these kids get to practice they aren’t playing in the dirt or throwing water at each other. They immediately start passing or playing ‘monkey in the middle’ or 1v1s, etc. without a parent or coach telling them to do that.. and they’re having FUN the whole time. They love a sport and they enjoy having kids around who also love it... so while it may appear that these kids are giving up their free time, they’re actually having a good time. When he’s at home he has a soccer ball and is shooting or juggling or setting up cones and trying drills.. it’s something he loves.. a hobby. If it it ever stopped being something he loved, then there wouldn’t be any reason to play in a competitive league.. but a lot of kids do love the competition.
I think as adults.. there’s a fine line.. and that’s what’s been lost. Some adults forget about the “fun”, some adults forget about the “competition”... but it’s entirely possible to have both. Unfortunately, there’s a lot of coaches and parents who go to one extreme or the other.
. The last time we went though, something horrible happened.. my son wanted to jump with his friends and not me. 
A few of them try and out creative themselves trying to get there
I'm seriously comsidering giving up on today hiding under a piles of blankets popping in a Potterthon or the 10th Kingdom and hugging a large bottle of wine
