The Chit Chat Chit Chat Thread

Songbird76

Songbird76

Well-Known Member
MySmallWorldof4 said:
How did you survive? I think anyone else would have required psychotherapy with that childhood.
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Ha! I probably could have used that! But my mom really was supportive when I needed her to be. She just had unreasonable expectations and rules. She was way more strict than she needed to be. I was a rule follower and never rebelled, so things like an early curfew were wasted on me. I wasn't Miss Popularity, so I wouldn't have been dating anyway....no one was asking me out. My brother and I had the same friends for the most part, so we always hung out together, and THEN I was allowed to be out later. And my social circle was in large part kids from other schools across the state that I had met at All-State choir, Speech and debate, or student council convention. I saw them at those events and that was it. So there was really no reason for my mom to be as strict as she was. She was TERRIFIED that something was going to happen to me, so she did everything short of wrapping me in bubble wrap to make sure I was never in a situation where I could be kidnapped, or worse. No leather jackets, because those were for prostitutes and would give people the wrong impression of me, same thing with makeup. No going to friends' houses if the parents weren't home. No going anywhere after dark unless I was with my brother or it was a school activity, and then I had to be home right after it ended. No hanging out with boys. It drove her nuts that one of my best friends was tall and beautiful and looked way older and was dating a boy 2 years older than us. She was LDS, but dressed really nicely....not provocatively at all, but nice things that were really in style and she was just....really mature looking for our age. So my mom didn't want me to hang out with her when she was with the boyfriend because she felt it was a bad influence on me the way they were "All over each other". (That was code for holding hands and she also didn't like that you could see clearly that my friend was well endowed. She didn't emphasize it but it's hard to hide when you are 14 and bigger than most 20 year olds.) But you can see why I'm a "choose your battles" type of mom and I don't want to be as strict with my kids because I want them to learn to think for themselves. I want them to feel free to be themselves. And I don't want them to constantly feel stressed out about what I am going to say/do if they bring home an A- or don't like a certain food. They are good kids....I don't need to worry about them breaking the rules all over the place. I don't expect them to be perfect and they know I'll still love them if they make a mistake. I knew my mom was there and I could ask her for help, but I wasn't allowed to make mistakes, and I was really stressed as a teen. I don't want my kids to have that anxiety that they have to be perfect.
 
Songbird76

Songbird76

Well-Known Member
21stamps said:
Oh my goodness. That must have been tough. You’re right, that’s beyond strict, it’s unreasonable.

Do you think you’ll be a lot more lenient on your kids when they’re teens?
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Oh my goodness, yes. I'm already way more lenient with my kids. I have rules and they know what they are, but they are more simple. Rules in our house are more like "Homework comes first, then you can play." "Let me know if you're going somewhere after school". "You can be angry, but we don't throw things or use physical violence." "If you don't ask, the answer is no." But I've very rarely had to dole out punishments. One time when DD was probably 7 or 8 and I let her walk by herself to her friend's house who lives on the next street over to ask if she could play. The rule was always "You can go to the school playground, to her house, or to the playground around the corner from the house, but you let me know where you are going to be." She went to her friend's and then they decided to go to the playground and didn't tell me, so I called her friend when it was time for her to come home and her mom told me the girls weren't there. I had to go looking for them, so she got grounded for the rest of that week. She never forgot to tell me where she was going again. And DS did that once, too...same punishment. That's pretty much it. I don't have to be a dictator. The kids are really good about following the rules, so I don't have to be on them all the time.
 
21stamps

21stamps

Well-Known Member
Songbird76 said:
No going to friends' houses if the parents weren't home.
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I think this is a normal rule. I had the same and my son will too.

For the rest of it, What about dances? Or football games? Did she allow you to go to those? Did she let you go on senior trip?

I didn’t wear makeup to school.. only the drill team wore makeup at our high school.lol. I did wear it when I went out though.. but I don’t really remember anyone wearing too much makeup. I had two black eyes for a boy’s junior prom one year., my mom did have to take me to a department store and we bought some kind of makeup that was supposed to cover up tattoos. She worked on my face for close to 45 minutes. So many layers of makeup.. but it worked! (Kind of) I still remember washing my face repeatedly trying to get all of that foundation off.
 
Cesar R M

Cesar R M

Well-Known Member
Mr Ferret 88 said:
View attachment 320630
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6bUth1G.gif
 
Songbird76

Songbird76

Well-Known Member
21stamps said:
I’m so glad to read this! I imagined you being confined indoors before dinner every night.
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Nah, I learned to join as many school activities I could fit in (minus sports because I am about the LEAST athletic person in the world and I need nothing more than air to trip over) because that was the ticket out of the house. I was involved in TONS of school things. By high school, I was almost never home for dinner. I'd take a baggie of crackers and some fruit with me to play practice or whatever job I was doing that night, etc. Both my brother and I were involved in pretty much everything academic. We were both HUGE nerds.
 
Songbird76

Songbird76

Well-Known Member
21stamps said:
I think this is a normal rule. I had the same and my son will too.

For the rest of it, What about dances? Or football games? Did she allow you to go to those? Did she let you go on senior trip?

I didn’t wear makeup to school.. only the drill team wore makeup at our high school.lol. I did wear it when I went out though.. but I don’t really remember anyone wearing too much makeup. I had two black eyes for a boy’s junior prom one year., my mom did have to take me to a department store and we bought some kind of makeup that was supposed to cover up tattoos. She worked on my face for close to 45 minutes. So many layers of makeup.. but it worked! (Kind of) I still remember washing my face repeatedly trying to get all of that foundation off.
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I could go to dances, but not with a date, and I had to call my mom to come pick me up....that was completely normal. And I HAD to go to football games and basketball games because I was a cheerleader freshman year, and then later I worked at the games. So yes, I could go to those, but again, my mom could see the parking lot so she knew when it was over. And honestly, my mom came to most of the games herself anyway. What do you mean by senior trip? Like....I was allowed to go on the school field trip for the seniors, but it was required to graduate. I was NOT allowed to go with the other seniors on the school trip to Denver to do volunteer work in the projects there. And I was not allowed to participate in Senior Skip day when all the seniors skipped school. There were 2 of us in school that day. I was allowed to go to the after-graduation party in the next town over, but I was NOT allowed to go to breakfast in that town after Prom with the rest of the kids. But there was no such thing as a ski trip or something like that. The required field trip was camping for 3 days, but we did educational things like tree identification, visit a cave and a state park, learn about conservation, survival skills....it wasn't like a trip just for fun. It was all educational stuff.
 
StarWarsGirl

StarWarsGirl

Well-Known Member
In the Parks
No
Songbird76 said:
Ha! I probably could have used that! But my mom really was supportive when I needed her to be. She just had unreasonable expectations and rules. She was way more strict than she needed to be. I was a rule follower and never rebelled, so things like an early curfew were wasted on me. I wasn't Miss Popularity, so I wouldn't have been dating anyway....no one was asking me out. My brother and I had the same friends for the most part, so we always hung out together, and THEN I was allowed to be out later. And my social circle was in large part kids from other schools across the state that I had met at All-State choir, Speech and debate, or student council convention. I saw them at those events and that was it. So there was really no reason for my mom to be as strict as she was. She was TERRIFIED that something was going to happen to me, so she did everything short of wrapping me in bubble wrap to make sure I was never in a situation where I could be kidnapped, or worse. No leather jackets, because those were for prostitutes and would give people the wrong impression of me, same thing with makeup. No going to friends' houses if the parents weren't home. No going anywhere after dark unless I was with my brother or it was a school activity, and then I had to be home right after it ended. No hanging out with boys. It drove her nuts that one of my best friends was tall and beautiful and looked way older and was dating a boy 2 years older than us. She was LDS, but dressed really nicely....not provocatively at all, but nice things that were really in style and she was just....really mature looking for our age. So my mom didn't want me to hang out with her when she was with the boyfriend because she felt it was a bad influence on me the way they were "All over each other". (That was code for holding hands and she also didn't like that you could see clearly that my friend was well endowed. She didn't emphasize it but it's hard to hide when you are 14 and bigger than most 20 year olds.) But you can see why I'm a "choose your battles" type of mom and I don't want to be as strict with my kids because I want them to learn to think for themselves. I want them to feel free to be themselves. And I don't want them to constantly feel stressed out about what I am going to say/do if they bring home an A- or don't like a certain food. They are good kids....I don't need to worry about them breaking the rules all over the place. I don't expect them to be perfect and they know I'll still love them if they make a mistake. I knew my mom was there and I could ask her for help, but I wasn't allowed to make mistakes, and I was really stressed as a teen. I don't want my kids to have that anxiety that they have to be perfect.
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Why do I feel like this was your mother?
 
CoreNovawarAMM

CoreNovawarAMM

Well-Known Member
21stamps said:
Sometimes I still miss Blackberry. I remember when they first came out and how excited I was.. then years later I remember camping out (at the mall) for the first iPhone. I couldn’t part with my blackberry due to work.. so for a few years I had both.. then eventually Apple took over corporate world and RIM never recovered, so I parted with a Blackberry.. iPhone has never had something as cool as BBM and Brickbreaker though!

Wow, I’m old.
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My mom had a Blackberry Torch for awhile; Brickbreaker was so much fun! WordMole was the other game that was on it, that one was fun too.
 
21stamps

21stamps

Well-Known Member
Songbird76 said:
I could go to dances, but not with a date, and I had to call my mom to come pick me up....that was completely normal. And I HAD to go to football games and basketball games because I was a cheerleader freshman year, and then later I worked at the games. So yes, I could go to those, but again, my mom could see the parking lot so she knew when it was over. And honestly, my mom came to most of the games herself anyway. What do you mean by senior trip? Like....I was allowed to go on the school field trip for the seniors, but it was required to graduate. I was NOT allowed to go with the other seniors on the school trip to Denver to do volunteer work in the projects there. And I was not allowed to participate in Senior Skip day when all the seniors skipped school. There were 2 of us in school that day. I was allowed to go to the after-graduation party in the next town over, but I was NOT allowed to go to breakfast in that town after Prom with the rest of the kids. But there was no such thing as a ski trip or something like that. The required field trip was camping for 3 days, but we did educational things like tree identification, visit a cave and a state park, learn about conservation, survival skills....it wasn't like a trip just for fun. It was all educational stuff.
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Oh good on the game and dance stuff! This is sounding so much better than the impression I got from your first post. Sounds like you had a fun teen/high school experience!

Senior trip is soon after graduation.. everyone goes on one last “Big Trip” together.. but this time NO ADULTS! There’s enough 18 year olds to make reservations.. the tricky part was finding resorts that allowed under 21. Our school and a few others took over the greater part of a resort for a week.lol Some groups stayed a few hotels up. We went to Panama City Beach.. but I think the destination depends on what’s common for your area.

Basically a week of celebrating the end of high school (and the past 12 years) before everyone starts moving around the country for college.
Spring break on steroids. ;)
 
MinnieM123

MinnieM123

Premium Member
Songbird76 said:
Oh, no....your parents weren't that strict then. My curfew was "when it starts to get dark, you need to be home." Which, in the winter was 5:00pm. I was allowed to be at school activities like play practice, or a basketball game, but I had to be home as soon as it was over. My mom could see the parking lot of the school from home, so once the cars started leaving the parking lot, I had about 5 minutes to call her to pick me up, and once I could drive, I had to be home within 10 minutes. I was allowed to go out with my brother to the movies, but I wasn't allowed to go anywhere by myself. When I was 16 or 17, my best friend and I used to meet in the middle of our street and go for a walk. My brother's best friend called him and asked him to come over...it was like 7 and it would get dark around 9. So my brother walks out the door to go to his friend's house. As he's walking out the door, my best friend calls to ask if I want to go for a walk. I go to get my jacket and my mom says "Where do you think you're going? It's going to start getting dark soon. You can call her back and tell her you're not going anywhere.
The summer after my sophomore year of high school, I was selected to go to an academic program for 3 weeks at the University of Wyoming. The first night there, they were going over the rules and we had to be back inside at 10pm....I had never been out that late before, so I stayed out till 10 just because I could. It was more freedom than I had ever had.
When I was 17, she told me I was allowed to go out in groups that included boys, as long as it wasn't the same boys every time." My junior prom, we went dress shopping and the lady at the store was asking about my "boyfriend" and my mom made it very clear there was NO boyfriend...or there'd BETTER not be. Anytime anyone ever asked me if I had a boyfriend, my mom would say "She better not have!" before I could answer.
When I was a senior in high school (18) there was a dance and I asked if I could PLEASE wear makeup to the dance...I normally wasn't allowed to wear makeup. Mom said I could wear a little bit. So I put on some eyeliner....that was it. JUST eyeliner. I go to leave and my mom says "Don't you think you're wearing a bit too much makeup?" I said "nope!" and I walked out the door before she could make me go take it off.
When I got an A- in History, my mom told me I had to quit all my extra-curriculars until my grade was "back up where it belonged". I did manage to talk her into waiting until the next quarter since that would be the next time she'd see the grade anyway....to let me try to get it back up while I was still doing speech and debate, student council, etc..and if I COULDN'T then I would have to quit everything. I got it back up to an A, so I didn't have to quit, but most parents would never have been upset about an A-.

My mom was even more strict than my LDS friends' parents and they were known for having high expectations for their children. My mom was unreasonably strict.
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:jawdrop: Yikes. It's amazing that you turned out to be such a nice woman, with a healthy balanced perpective on life, after all that.
 
MinnieM123

MinnieM123

Premium Member
figmentfan423 said:
Security cameras;)
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Hee hee. Cameras might help.

I just thought of another way he could get around the GPS thing. He could tell you he's at home (or someone else's home) with his pals, and they're hanging out for a few hours. But what if he left his watch on the table and they all took off someplace else--you'd think they'd still be at (wherever) he said he was going to be for a few hours. ;)
 
Wrangler-Rick

Wrangler-Rick

Just Horsing Around…
Premium Member
MinnieM123 said:
Hee hee. Cameras might help.

I just thought of another way he could get around the GPS thing. He could tell you he's at home (or someone else's home) with his pals, and they're hanging out for a few hours. But what if he left his watch on the table and they all took off someplace else--you'd think they'd still be at (wherever) he said he was going to be for a few hours. ;)
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Ankle Bracelet?
 

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