Songbird76
Well-Known Member
That's so sweet that your mom wanted to make your dress a gift from her. My mom did come dress shopping with me. That was really the only thing I stressed about and only because, living in a small town in Wyoming, there was only one bridal dress shop in the area, so there wasn't much choice. And they didn't have bigger sizes, so I had to try on size 8 dresses even though I was a size 20. There was one that I couldn't get past my cleavage...it all bunched up around my neck with a poofy skirt down to my waist. So that was stressful, but it all worked out ok. And of course the bridesmaids dresses, since the girl who was supposed to be my maid of honor was being a bridesmaidzilla, trying to make everything about her and what SHE liked, rather than trying to make my day special, and she ended up not coming.We paid for most of our own wedding ourselves as well. When I was in college my parents gave me a choice of $2000 for college or $2000 for a wedding down the road. I wanted to get married someday but that is never a guarantee so I took the money for college. I figured by the time I got married I and my intended would have a decent job to be able to pay for what we wanted. The gamble paid off, I came out of college with only a couple thousands in loans (with a great summer job & scholarships) that I paid off within 2 years of graduating. So when the wedding did come around I had the means to pay for my share of the wedding. My husband's mom did give us some money for the wedding and paid for the rehearsal dinner. And my mom ended up paying for my dress, she wanted it to be a gift just from her.
I too felt I didn't have to bend to anyone else's wishes besides my soon-to-be husband's and the only request he had was that the ceremony be in a church and that we have a dance. Otherwise he didn't care. His mom had already gone through 2 weddings with her daughters and she lived 7 hours away so the money came without any strings. I think that if I had asked her to be involved she would have. I did most of my planning with my mom, and really the only dislike she voiced was with my flowers. I wanted peonies and she thought they would be over-run with ants. I reminded her that they were coming from a professional greenhouse, not our garden so there wouldn't be ants. On my wedding day she thought my flowers were beautiful.
But I always get confused about how stressed people get with planning weddings. I booked our church, photographer, reception place, florist, and cake lady all in one day. I actually did it during my prep time at work one day. Hubs took care of renting the stereo system we used for our dance, and making the cd's with the music we wanted. It was just a matter of meeting with the florist & cake lady, and then the fun shopping of the dresses and favors. I'm just low key though, definitely no bridezilla that I've seen on TV!
My mom freaked out about the rehearsal dinner. We wanted to keep it low-key, so we just had a BBQ in my brother's back yard. My mom was freaking out about there not being chairs....we need to rent chairs and tables. I was like....no we don't. It's not that many people, we've got a few folding chairs, we can borrow some from friends. It's a BBQ.....we can eat off of paper plates in our laps. "WHO is going to make the potato salad???" "Walmart, mom. Walmart will make the potato salad. We need one table to put the condiments, chips, and potato salad on, and that's it....we grill some hamburgers and hotdogs and call it good." The morning of the wedding, my mom just suddenly announced "I'm not doing another THING for this wedding"....ok mom. There's nothing left to do except stand for pictures, but you go ahead and strike.
It was kind of comical, just because she hadn't even had to DO anything except help decorate the reception hall and take me grocery shopping for the BBQ. That's it. I made a sugar free cake (my mom was diabetic) and decorated it myself so she could have cake at the wedding, I put together all the centerpieces and I hauled all of the decorations to the hall myself. My bridesmaids helped me get dressed, I drove myself to my hair appointment, which I had done by a high school classmate/friend. My FIL had done the grilling at the BBQ because he doesn't speak English and couldn't really chat with everyone anyway. We bought everything at Sams Club/Walmart, so she didn't have to MAKE anything, and the only thing she had to go along for was the dress fittings. So she hadn't had to do anything really, or pay for anything, but she completely freaked out about it. I guess everyone was a bit keyed up because we got married less than 2 weeks after September 11th, and half our guests didn't dare travel, including half the wedding party. But it was my MOM who flipped out. I have very good memories of it though....even my mom's rants were more a source of laughter for me than they were stress.
My pastor gave me some great advice, though...I mentioned that I was worried that my mom and dad would be in the same room together for an extended period of time. And he told me the thing to remember is that no matter what happens, you'll still be just as married. No matter what goes wrong, and something WILL go wrong....nothing is perfect...you will still be just as married. The wedding is only one day...focus on the MARRIAGE. You will have lots of days to share your love, and the wedding is only one of them, and it's not going to define your marriage. So if the rings get lost, or dad is late for pictures (which he was), or the cake falls over, you will still be just as married.
