The Chit Chat Chit Chat Thread

[21stamps]

I like how you broke down lease versus buy. We paid off 4 cars. Traded in 3 of those. Working on paying off another one. Own one outright which will be the one the kids learn on. I am not a fan of how interest rates are rising. It waa nice when you could get 0% financing.
Forgot to mention that we did lease a few as well. It was nice to get a new car after a few years. I will say that our issue is mileage. They want you to drive no more than 12k in those low mileage leases. That doesn’t work for us. I remember when leases offered 15k a year for a decent payment. @StarWarsGirl could also buy an off lease vehicle or a dealer car which would save a lot of money. Our Suburban was driven buy the dealership owner and had just under 6k on it. It waa already on sale for a few thousand and they gave us another 6k off for the mileage. It was still considered a new car because it had low mileage.

Oh, it definitely depends on what vehicle you’re looking at, and what you’re using it for. I oversimplified the decision a bit.
For example- once you get into a vehicle such as your particular family car, leasing is probably more expensive than the finance payment would be. Same with a sedan once you start adding all of the ‘top of the line’ options or a bunch of accessories- those do not translate well in resale value, which makes the depreciation greater, which makes the lease payment much higher.
I’ve paid more for a lease than what my payment would have been once, because of the risk factor, and I knew how fast that car would depreciate anyway.. plus, a higher payment for 3 years was more attractive than a 5 year commitment, knowing that I probably won’t keep the car 5 years. Then by the time I was ready to trade, I was driving way too many miles per year, so purchased a car.. and lost a ton of money when I traded it in. The actual vehicle makes a world of difference in the decision.

My post was mostly talking about Honda, Toyota, Chevy, and comparable- but for sedans, small, and mid sized suvs.. once you get into the Tahoe’s, Suburbans, Trucks- the numbers may not make sense. Especially when people tend to drive those vehicles more.
Same with luxury brands. Leasing an Audi A5 vs leasing an A8 would be vastly different. Lexus has great deals on their smaller sedans and smaller suvs, but for the big daddy vehicles you’d most likely be better off finding one with a few thousand miles on it already, but still new, and doing a purchase.

I always do a 15k Miles per year lease.. but I drive about 17k per year, this year I’ll probably drive 20k.


Hopefully this didn’t sound confusing.lol

 

[MySmallWorldof4]

Even with a small child the lease wasn't a problem? We bought our CRV because we figured with a baby and two dogs there wouldn't be a chance they'd take the car back if we leased, lol.

I've had one of my cars for 11.5 years. The thing is a clunker, for sure, but it still runs and gets us from A to Z. The hope was to keep it until the CRV is paid off, but I'm not entirely certain it'll make it another 20 months. But still, that's 6.5 years payment free.



We had 0% financing with our CRV, but at the end of the day, the interest percentage doesn't really matter. You're only getting 0% from the dealer, not a bank, and the dealer is rolling that money somewhere else.

So zero percent is not really zero percent? Never knew.

 

[MySmallWorldof4]

WINNER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
KOHLRABI

Never had that. Probably ignored it in the supermarket cause I have never seen that in the organic section. What does it taste like?

 

[Mr Ferret 75]

Never had that. Probably ignored it in the supermarket cause I have never seen that in the organic section. What does it taste like?

Chicken ...

 

[MySmallWorldof4]

Chicken ...

 

[21stamps]

So zero percent is not really zero percent? Never knew.

It depends.. if a dealer is offering 0%, all that means is that they’re buying the rate down from the bank.
If the manufacturer is offering 0%, it is a true 0%.

Typically, you will have the option of “$1500 (or whatever amount) Cash Back” or “0%” or 0.9 or 1.9apr, whatever the rate special is from the manufacturer. Depending on the price of the car, it may come out better to take the money as a discount, or take the finance rate. You can always compare which one ends up less. If you’re planning on paying your car off quickly , then it always makes sense to take the cash (not actual cash, apply it to the vehicle). A lot would depend on the interest rate if you aren’t paying it off quickly.

 

[Songbird76]

Thank you. I know it sounds like our life has been centered around sports the past several months (and it’s definitely the major percentage of our free time)., but he has never once complained about practices or games.. he truly does enjoy them. He’s doing something he loves with his friends.

But just so it doesn’t sound like that’s all he does, in the past week he’s been to a swim party at a classmate’s house, mini golf, the zoo with his aunt and cousins, playing with kids in the neighborhood, and a few summer ice cream shop stops. I promise that he doesn’t eat, drink, and breathe sports though!

All that said, I could barely sleep last night. This is tough, and it’s going to take some time for him, I just hope I can help him thru it correctly.
I’ve questioned everything, from if I should have allowed it, if I should have realized that maybe he wasn’t mentally ready when he asked last year.. If this is going to have a bigger impact on his self esteem. If maybe he just can’t handle the pressure.

How do you explain to an 8 year old that Yes, your 4 classmates are still playing for the club, but just shrug it off? Or, your coach still thinks you’re a good soccer player even though he didn’t pick you. Or, you’re 1st on the wait list, not completely rejected, so that says something. I don’t know if I’ve said the right words to him.
I feel worse because 2 of his friends weren’t even thinking about select soccer, I mentioned it last year.. and then their parents decided to have them try out as well. They’re still on their respective teams.

It’s so crazy because last year he outplayed them consistently, but they’ve thrived in this high-pressure environment, they’ve improved so much.. T is just inconsistent. He still outshines almost everyone in technical training and practice, but it’s a coin flip as to weather or not he’s going to shine in a game. Sometimes he looks overwhelmed, other times he’s making moves and leading both teams in assists and goals. I need him to realize that his inconsistency is what’s hurting him. His Giving In To Pressure is harming him, his CONFIDENCE is his main problem... but it doesn’t take away from his skills.

Sorry, I’m rambling, but this has been a rough patch. He woke up crying in the middle of the night and came in my room. This morning he was up at 6am, I walked out to see what he was doing- he said “I’m putting all of my soccer stuff in the garage, and I threw away my uniforms and soccer ball.”
I took them out of the trash can, tears in my eyes, and sat him down and talked to him. About soccer, and about his uncalled for tears in baseball yesterday.

His response “You barely go to my baseball games. You didn’t even come to my soccer tryouts, if you would have been there I would have done better! You don’t even have time to practice with me like my friend’s dads do.”

Is that how he feels, or was he just lashing out? I don’t know, but I feel like I’ve failed on every level right now.

He has another baseball game Wednesday, and I’ll be there. We’re going to go the the Zoo or Kings Island that morning before the game.

Sorry again for the length of this post.

Stop. it. You don't need to justify anything to us. You don't have to prove to us that he loves the game. You know your kid. We don't. When someone gives advice like "maybe he needs a week off", it's not a judgment on your parenting. It's just that we can see it's really upsetting YOU to see HIM upset, and we want to help. But you don't have to answer to anyone. You are putting so much pressure on yourself like you're worried about what WE will think. But we aren't the ones who have to pick up the pieces and dust him off and fix it. So you don't need to put so much energy on whether or not we believe that it's HIS choice to play. Conserve your energy and use it to help him. I promise you, we're all big boys and girls and we can all pull up our big boy/girl pants and get on with our lives, even if you make a choice one of us wouldn't. You are doing your best and no one can expect more of you than that. So relax about that....we're here to cheer you on, not take your inventory.
You asked a very important question....is that how he feels, or was he just lashing out. Ask him. In a calm moment when you're just hanging out, not when he's already upset....ask him "Does it really bother you that I can't make it to every game?" See what he says. Because you are going to feel bad about it until you know...and so not knowing is probably worse. If it really is bothering him, can you change it? Because if not, that's a conversation you need to have with him. Because if he's feeling like it's because you don't care about it, that's something you don't want him to say to himself. "Mom's not here because she doesn't care." You want him to understand you'd be there if you could. But if it IS something where you can rearrange some things so you could be there, then you can apologize and work on it. Either way, you need to know if he really does feel that way, and you are going to beat yourself up over the fact that you weren't there until you know. If it doesn't really bother him and he was just lashing out, you can stop berating yourself. Do you realize you're doing exactly what he is? T: "I'm so stupid!! Why didn't I play better? Why did I mess up?" You " Why wasn't I there? Who doesn't go to their kid's tryouts? I've failed on every level". Words are so powerful...you are saying things to yourself that only make you feel worse. And no one expects you to be perfect. If you dropped the ball, pick it back up and learn from it. Let him see how you move on and learn from your mistakes. Don't keep beating yourself up over the same one. Let him see that making a mistake is just a bump in the road and you don't pack it all up and throw it away because you had a bad moment. You learn from it and let it drive you to do better next time. He really will live through it, and he needs you to show him how.

 

[21stamps]

Even with a small child the lease wasn't a problem? We bought our CRV because we figured with a baby and two dogs there wouldn't be a chance they'd take the car back if we leased, lol.

I've had one of my cars for 11.5 years. The thing is a clunker, for sure, but it still runs and gets us from A to Z. The hope was to keep it until the CRV is paid off, but I'm not entirely certain it'll make it another 20 months. But still, that's 6.5 years payment free.



We had 0% financing with our CRV, but at the end of the day, the interest percentage doesn't really matter. You're only getting 0% from the dealer, not a bank, and the dealer is rolling that money somewhere else.

Yes, because your trade is the same either way.. and you always have the option to buy. Unless the car is destroyed, then chances of lease penalties are slim if you choose to turn it in. Honda gives $500 or $1000 in “wear and tear”...don’t quote me on that exact amount, but most give something.. I think I had $500 when I leased an Accord.

That said, if you keep your cars 8-11years, then you are one of the smart people who actually get their money’s worth out of a car!

 

[Songbird76]

Serious hugs, mama.

You are not a failure. While he was trying out for soccer, you were working. While that does feel like a failure a lot (trust me, I get it) it's not one. You're providing for him and someday he will recognize that equation. Time = money, and we have to balance the time we spend making money with the time we spend using it. You will never be able to make every game, or every tryout. Especially since they reschedule them so often and he's in so many sports. So what I'm saying right now, is that it doesn't actually matter if he feels like that or he's just lashing out. You are not a failure. Being at work while he's trying out sure does suck, but you were spending that time earning the money necessary for the zoo and the soccer and the baseball and the private school and the vacations,.... and the food and shelter.

And just a word about self esteem.... nobody gains self esteem and confidence by being good and succeeding at everything. That's just a false sense of security. You gain self esteem and confidence by being kicked down, training hard, and getting right back in the action. So whether or not he gets on the team from the waiting list, this is likely better for his overall self esteem than if he straight made the team. So you don't get to feel like a failure there either

^^^This! You know, they did a study a few years ago. It was with academics, not sports, but it still applies. They took kids who were high achievers and they split them into 2 groups. They gave both groups a test. With one group, they praised the kids for how smart they were. "Gosh, you did so well on this test! You must be really smart!!" and with the 2nd group, they praised the kids for effort. "Wow, you did so well. You must have really concentrated and worked hard to do well!" Then they offered a 2nd test that was a bit harder. The kids who were praised for being smart, for the most part, opted not to take the test, whereas the kids who were praised for the work ethic, for the most part DID opt to take it, AND they did better on it. The way it was explained is that the kids who were praised for being smart were worried about what it meant if they DIDN'T do well on that test. People thought they were smart because they did well on one test...so they will think they are NOT smart if they DON'T do well....better not to even try. The kids who were told it was because they worked hard wanted to test themselves....and they knew that it was a harder test, so if they didn't do as well, it didn't mean that they weren't good at it or didn't work as hard, just that it was harder, so it was to be expected that they didn't do as well. Same thing with sports...if a kid defines himself as being good at it, a setback makes him think he's NOT good. But if a kid thinks of himself as a hard worker, a setback means he has more to learn. I read that and changed the way I was praising my kids...it was right around that time that DD came home with an " above average" test score and was in tears because it wasn't "Outstanding", just "Exceeds expectaions." I realized I had been telling her how proud I was of her for being smart. So I switched to " You've worked so hard! I'm proud of the effort you put in!" I won't lie...she's not "cured". She still has VERY high expectations of herself, and she still gets frustrated if she messes up. BUT, when she has those moments, she doesn't completely break down like she used to. She's come a long way and she's not as hard on herself because she knows that it's not an indication of what she's capable of, that she can't do it. She knows she just needs to study one more time, if she wants that grade, and that it's perfectly ok to not get an A+ on every piece of work. T is very good at soccer from the sounds of it...but he hasn't gotten where he is purely on natural talent...he's gotten there because he loves it and works hard at it. He just needs to keep training and he'll keep improving. He thinks this one performance means he's not as good as he thought he was, but that's so not true....he just needs to look at it as a learning experience....everyone has bad days. That wasn't his day. It doesn't mean he can't do it, just that he has more to learn.

 

[Songbird76]

Announcement: new car is happening. This month.

Congrats!! What have you decided to go with?

 

[21stamps]

Stop. it. You don't need to justify anything to us. You don't have to prove to us that he loves the game. You know your kid. We don't. When someone gives advice like "maybe he needs a week off", it's not a judgment on your parenting. It's just that we can see it's really upsetting YOU to see HIM upset, and we want to help. But you don't have to answer to anyone. You are putting so much pressure on yourself like you're worried about what WE will think. But we aren't the ones who have to pick up the pieces and dust him off and fix it. So you don't need to put so much energy on whether or not we believe that it's HIS choice to play. Conserve your energy and use it to help him. I promise you, we're all big boys and girls and we can all pull up our big boy/girl pants and get on with our lives, even if you make a choice one of us wouldn't. You are doing your best and no one can expect more of you than that. So relax about that....we're here to cheer you on, not take your inventory.
You asked a very important question....is that how he feels, or was he just lashing out. Ask him. In a calm moment when you're just hanging out, not when he's already upset....ask him "Does it really bother you that I can't make it to every game?" See what he says. Because you are going to feel bad about it until you know...and so not knowing is probably worse. If it really is bothering him, can you change it? Because if not, that's a conversation you need to have with him. Because if he's feeling like it's because you don't care about it, that's something you don't want him to say to himself. "Mom's not here because she doesn't care." You want him to understand you'd be there if you could. But if it IS something where you can rearrange some things so you could be there, then you can apologize and work on it. Either way, you need to know if he really does feel that way, and you are going to beat yourself up over the fact that you weren't there until you know. If it doesn't really bother him and he was just lashing out, you can stop berating yourself. Do you realize you're doing exactly what he is? T: "I'm so stupid!! Why didn't I play better? Why did I mess up?" You " Why wasn't I there? Who doesn't go to their kid's tryouts? I've failed on every level". Words are so powerful...you are saying things to yourself that only make you feel worse. And no one expects you to be perfect. If you dropped the ball, pick it back up and learn from it. Let him see how you move on and learn from your mistakes. Don't keep beating yourself up over the same one. Let him see that making a mistake is just a bump in the road and you don't pack it all up and throw it away because you had a bad moment. You learn from it and let it drive you to do better next time. He really will live through it, and he needs you to show him how.

Wow. I needed to hear this, even though I didn’t know it. Thank you.
I’m guilty as charged. It’s been a rough few days, I’ve stayed awake late, I’ve questioned if my career is worth missing so many important moments in his life. We have had talks about this before, I missed his Christmas Play this year, and 2 years ago we missed a hockey game that he was super excited for, all from me being stuck at work. Those times were rough for him, he didn’t understand, and all I can do is explain why Mom is at work so often.
It is what it is though, this our life, for better or worse.. and we just get past things like that when they happen. I’m home today, he’s finishing his math work and then we’re going to an amusement park before his baseball game- which I will be at. I hope that there is enough of these moments, including our moments at home during the other days, to outweigh the “but you missed “x”!”

He does appear to be doing better today and yesterday, he asked if I’d heard about the wait list this morning, but that was at 7am.. he hasn’t brought it up since. I know he’ll be ok in the end, regardless of what we hear. It’s almost like the Wait-List is dragging it out even more though. Luckily he’s not in school so doesn’t have to see the other 4 kids right now., that may sound like I’m avoiding instead of facing, but I honestly do this that it’s better for him to not have that in his face. If he doesn’t get called up, then he’ll have to deal with it once he goes back to school, and the Fall season is in full swing.

Thanks again, I appreciate your words.

 

[StarWarsGirl]

Congrats!! What have you decided to go with?

Test driving the Honda Civic on Friday. Most likely that.

 

[93boomer]

WINNER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
KOHLRABI

Yayyy!! The strange veggies I don’t eat but still know!

 

[Songbird76]

What am I missing? We understood all of her other jokes. T and I were both stumped here.

View attachment 287813

I'm really late, so someone probably answered, but Yoda always says things backwards...."A good day, you must have" instead of " You must have a good day." So it's missing a comma, but if you say it out loud, " Because Six, seven eight" it sounds like "because six, seven ate" in Yoda style means "Because Seven ate six." I heard the joke "Why are all the numbers afraid of 7? Because 7,8,9." (because 7 ate 9)

 

[DryerLintFan]

Stop. it. You don't need to justify anything to us. You don't have to prove to us that he loves the game. You know your kid. We don't. When someone gives advice like "maybe he needs a week off", it's not a judgment on your parenting. It's just that we can see it's really upsetting YOU to see HIM upset, and we want to help. But you don't have to answer to anyone. You are putting so much pressure on yourself like you're worried about what WE will think. But we aren't the ones who have to pick up the pieces and dust him off and fix it. So you don't need to put so much energy on whether or not we believe that it's HIS choice to play. Conserve your energy and use it to help him. I promise you, we're all big boys and girls and we can all pull up our big boy/girl pants and get on with our lives, even if you make a choice one of us wouldn't. You are doing your best and no one can expect more of you than that. So relax about that....we're here to cheer you on, not take your inventory.
You asked a very important question....is that how he feels, or was he just lashing out. Ask him. In a calm moment when you're just hanging out, not when he's already upset....ask him "Does it really bother you that I can't make it to every game?" See what he says. Because you are going to feel bad about it until you know...and so not knowing is probably worse. If it really is bothering him, can you change it? Because if not, that's a conversation you need to have with him. Because if he's feeling like it's because you don't care about it, that's something you don't want him to say to himself. "Mom's not here because she doesn't care." You want him to understand you'd be there if you could. But if it IS something where you can rearrange some things so you could be there, then you can apologize and work on it. Either way, you need to know if he really does feel that way, and you are going to beat yourself up over the fact that you weren't there until you know. If it doesn't really bother him and he was just lashing out, you can stop berating yourself. Do you realize you're doing exactly what he is? T: "I'm so stupid!! Why didn't I play better? Why did I mess up?" You " Why wasn't I there? Who doesn't go to their kid's tryouts? I've failed on every level". Words are so powerful...you are saying things to yourself that only make you feel worse. And no one expects you to be perfect. If you dropped the ball, pick it back up and learn from it. Let him see how you move on and learn from your mistakes. Don't keep beating yourself up over the same one. Let him see that making a mistake is just a bump in the road and you don't pack it all up and throw it away because you had a bad moment. You learn from it and let it drive you to do better next time. He really will live through it, and he needs you to show him how.

This. Is. Amazing.

Really insightful. I didn't catch that at all but you're totally right!

 

[Songbird76]

I always thought leasing was good if you own a business because then you can write it off in your taxes. I can see why you would want to lease because the monthly payments are cheaper. I would think though that if you own, then at least you would have trade in value, where leasing gets you nothing and you sort of threw away your money.

Not necessarily....our lease offers us the choice to buy the car at the end of the lease agreement, with the money we paid each month going towards the total cost of the car. We also aren't responsible for maintenance. It has to be serviced at the dealership, but the lease company pays for it. And if we get into an accident, it's insured, so the damages are paid for through insurance, just like any car. The nice thing about the lease is that you don't have to worry if the car turns out to be a lemon. We had one car that was just AWFUL. So many things went wrong with it, and we put so much money into it...it just wasn't worth it. We didn't want to put money into another car to have it in the shop all the time. The lease works well...yes, we're paying for a car all the time, but we also always have a NEW car...we get to choose a new one every few years. So it's always in good working condition and anything that goes wrong is not our responsibility.

 

[Songbird76]

Yeah, but it's yoda. It's just missing a comma.

Why is Yoda afraid of 7?

Because six, seven ate (because it's yoda)

Can I just say I love that you noticed the missing comma!! I love grammar.

 

[Songbird76]

Okay, has anyone seen the sun lately because it has surely been missing from my parts.

It's here! Please take it! We've had too much of it!

 

[Songbird76]

FTFY

Finds you hilarious, my husband does!

 

[Mr Ferret 75]

Finds you hilarious, my husband does!

Your husband, great humour has.