I'm with you...it depends on the situation, but in DD's case, it was that she wasn't taking ANY responsibility for herself...she was content to let mommy handle everything. Like, if they were going on a school trip and it didn't sound fun, she wanted ME to ask if she had to go, rather than talking to the teacher about it and telling her what her concerns were. Or if she had a disagreement with a friend, instead of talking it out with the friend, she wanted me to talk to the teacher. At the beginning of the year, there was a group project with 3 other kids and the other kids weren't doing their share. They were wanting DD to do the research for them and tell them what to type, and they would just type it. They were each supposed to do certain sections and they were responsible for researching, summarizing, and typing their own sections. 2 of the kids didn't do ANY of their work and then at the last minute, they announced that they would just take over DD's sections that she had done and present them. Obviously that's not what was meant to happen and DD had worked REALLY hard, so she said no. They kept insisting and she kept saying no. Rather than going to the teacher, she wanted ME to do it. That's when the teacher told me I wasn't doing her any favors, because those are skills she needed to learn herself...how to say no, and how to communicate with a supervisor when there's a problem, etc. So I backed off and had her do it herself...and now she's so much better for it. She's communicated a LOT with her teacher on things going on at recess or in the classroom...like, other kids getting bullied, etc. So she's gotten better at it. With DS, that doesn't work...he's communicated with the teachers and stood up for himself and it doesn't work...so THEN I go in mama bear mode. But he does TRY to handle it himself, where DD didn't.
As for that "gifted" program...wow....how worthless! Our school doesn't have a gifted program, but they have advanced groups for math, language, and reading...but you can be gifted in one area and not the others. DD and one other girl are the only kids who are in ALL the advanced groups. There are several kids who are only in the Math, or ONLY in the language one...and DD and this other girl are the only ones in the advanced reading. I like that better than just saying you have to be gifted in all areas to be in the gifted program. I was always GREAT with language, but poor in reading. I never made it into a gifted program because the tests involved a lot of reading. When I got to junior high, I got into advanced math. No reading necessary....I did well in math classes, so they put me in the program where we skipped the 2nd year of basic math and moved us to algebra instead, so we took each class a year early, which made room for calculus our senior year. That was the only thing I ever did that was close to a "gifted" program. My kids are both in the advanced groups, but there's no set "gifted" program and I like that. Any kid can be in an advanced group for something they are good at. They aren't left out because they aren't good at EVERYTHING.
(hey, it's been a few years 
). Poltergeist only has one corkscrew turn near the end, and is a bit short, but, no less intense.
They figured they could have moved her immediately to 2nd or 3rd grade and I'd have none of that 'cause there were social issues with that. In high school or college that would have to be awful.
I guess I just A$$umed 
I've skipped so many posts, ooops. What is the congratulations for??? 
