That is such an asinine policy, and I am so sorry that this is happening to your son.
I was bullied when I was in middle school. With girls, it's more verbal bullying and intimidation than physical abuse. If they were physical, they'd get in trouble, but it's more challenging when it was verbal. I reported it every time that it happened, and I always came home and told my parents (well, Mom anyway) what was happening. I have no idea why I was not the type of kid not to report something, but I always reported it and told my parents.
Anyway, the administration refused to do anything about it. It was clearly all on the other girl; I was basically just trying to ignore her. We were never friends; it was just that she decided, for whatever reason, that she wanted to pick on someone, and I became the target. I had a good group of friends that year, and she wouldn't come near me if one of my friends was around, especially my one friend. She was the kind of stereotypical big, Baltimore black girl who could be the nicest person on the planet, but you didn't dare mess with her or her friends because she could be downright scary. I know because I saw it come out one day when the bully came up to me. She didn't even get a chance to speak, and my friend had chased her off. I stuck to my friend like glue that year, but I couldn't always, and when my friends weren't around, the bully saw it as an opportunity, and she could be brutal. I remember one day in particular that she just randomly came up to me and said, "Missy, you're a b*tch." I replied, "That's okay; I don't like you either," and tried to walk around her, but she blocked my way and kept taunting me. I managed to escape, crying, into the nurse's office.
The administrator dealing with it kept trying to chalk it up to teenage girl issues. I got in trouble with him because I told her to shut up. Looking back on it, I'm like, good grief, THAT was reason to get in trouble? I've told my BROTHER to shut up before when he's really been getting on my nerves. Finally, after the administrator told us that he was going to sit us down to "talk and work it out," my dad called the administrator and said that the bullying had better stop, or else his next phone call would be to the police. He didn't take the BS from the administrator that I shouldn't have told the girl to shut up either, that it was self defense and he had no problem with it. Wouldn't you know that I had no more trouble with that girl after that phone call?
I sympathize with your son. It only went on with me for about a year and with one person; I can't imagine having multiple people bully you and not have the administration do anything. It's not just a coming-of-age thing, or a "boys will be boys" thing, nor does it "toughen them up" for the real world. If we allow children to behave like bullies, we just create adults who are bullies. I hope you're able to get everything straightened out and things become better for your son.
