Sounds like that is kind of what it is. I know that my skills and thought processes have changed over the years. I catch myself either on the verge of doing something stupid or after the fact, quite often. I'm only 68 years old. Old age and loneliness is an awful feeling. The need to feel like you are useful is strong and without it we kind of give up and decide that there really is no reason to live. Someone that she relied on died and left her alone to find a way to continue on and perhaps she isn't finding it easy. Instead of being a care giver, she has just found herself in the position of being dependent. Perhaps she wants to prove to herself that she can still be independent and do things that she once might have been able to do when she was younger. When depressed and feeling helpless we don't always think rationally. I cannot speak for her, but, I would probably drive myself to the hospital if I were bleeding from an artery, that is how bent I am on not being a burden and not getting "to old" to take care of myself.
Twenty one years ago my Father, at 74 years old, decided that he needed to fix a leak on his roof. He had angina and rheumatoid arthritis for many years. He could barely walk 100 yards without having to sit down and ease the pain. Yet, he dragged out his ladder and went up on the roof. He did it and fixed the damaged area and spent the rest of the evening bragging about how he was still able to do stuff for himself. Well, he bragged about that and also spent the rest of the time complaining about how he had awful heartburn that he could feel in his throat. If you hadn't guessed already he had just had the first of two heart attacks that week. The second one was his last. He hadn't lost his mind, he was sharp as a tack, but, the compulsion to feel like he was still useful was overpowering and it cost him his life. Why do we do something like that to ourselves, I wish I knew the answer because there is a better then even chance I will follow in his footsteps although I do not have a roof to climb onto, but, I'm sure I can be creative.
What I am seeing from your description is a woman that is lost. She is scared and she is trying to cope with her grief, anger and overwhelming anxiety about her future and what is next to come. I know it is easy to get angry at someone that seem to be doing things just to get attention, but, that is only part of it. She needs comfort, she needs to feel secure. You cannot give her that by just telling her... she has to be able to identify it on her own. If you love her just be as patient as you can be. Believe me, someday you might very well find yourself in exactly the same place and you will really need someone to realize just how much you are hurting.
