The Chit Chat Chit Chat Thread

Songbird76

Songbird76

Well-Known Member
Goofyernmost said:
I'm sorry for the confusion here. I might have misread the post, but I don't remember anyplace where he mentioned that the person causing the problem owns the business. Being the boss doesn't necessarily mean top of the company chain. Anyway, it seems to me when you say Drink the Milk that people don't have a choice. They do have a choice and I think he mentioned that he was looking for a new job. However, to think that for one minute that employees have any influence on the behavior over someone they work for without that chain of command, I don't believe is realistic. Putting up with it does not make for a pleasant work place, and not knowing why this guy just seems to pick on one person is also something that needs to be known in order to know the proper action one should take. Let me tell you that life is way to short to put up with abuse on any level. My example was just my experience. I do not claim to know how to fix it. I was her alleged partner in life and she wouldn't listen to me when I begged her to get the "proper care". She did seek help but only if the person she was talking to agreed with everything she said. She didn't want to be wrong and she spent the remainder of her life convinced that she was correct and the world was out to get her, so she had to show her anger. That, however, didn't mean that she didn't know that her actions were wrong and needed to not be shown to her kids. The fact that she could be come sugary sweet in nano seconds when the kids walked in made me know that not only could she control it, but she also knew what she was doing was not the correct behavior. Later when her mind took over completely then she was more likely to show herself even to her kids. Even than not as harshly as she did to everyone else. I can forgive her because I know she had an illness, but it wasn't going to be fixed until she realized that it needed real help. She last year of her life she was alone. She couldn't make friends and if she could she would drive them off quickly. She probably would have passed much sooner if our girls hadn't gotten together and moved her here to NC. I flew up with my son in law to Vermont to move her stuff down here and I couldn't get over the filthy mess she was living in. Dirt, dust, clutter, rotting food, unwashed dishes in the sink and on the stove. It was awful, but no matter how hard we all tried to help her, none of it took. The help she got from her family was an act of trying to do the right thing for a stranger that none of us knew anymore. I don't wish that on anyone especially someone that you once loved enough to marry and raise a family with. None of us could convince her that she needed much stronger help then she was willing to accept. And to put this all in perspective this was a highly intelligent woman that held a Masters Degree in Nursing, a Masters Degree in Gerontology and was within months of her Doctorate in Gerontology that she was unable to finish because of her illness. She had it written but was not well enough to defend it.
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Oh I completely agree with you that you shouldn't put up with abuse of any kind. Unfortunately, one must have an income to survive, and who knows how long the job search will take for something different. Until there's a new job, you kind of need coping strategies and while I agree that changing the boss' behavior probably isn't going to happen in this case because it's NOT a legitimate case of a mental illness, I do think that if it was, some behaviors can be manipulated with the way you handle them. If you think about, for example, a person with a complaint about service or a product they are unhappy with...you can call the customer service and explain why you are upset and ask what they can do for you. That's one option. Another option is to call and scream at the customer service person and call them names and demand they do x,y, or z. Personally, I'd be more willing to help the person who is calm and respectful and just wants a resolution. So how you engage with a person really can make a difference. And that's even without a mental illness. No, a person doesn't have authority over a boss to make him be respectful, but if you start yelling back you might get one end result, if you walk away you might get another, if you burst into tears you'll get yet another, if you try to negotiate there might be another outcome....That's what I mean when I say everyone in the situation has a role...how they act or react will determine what happens. It's not a defined set of behaviors...you don't know how a person will react until it happens. Then you take notes and try something else until you find the way that works.

I'm so sorry for what your family went through....all of you, even your wife. And you have always spoken of her with respect, even though she made things hard for you.

I assumed the boss was "the" boss, because I figured otherwise he wouldn't be there anymore. I had a very verbally abusive boss at Walmart when I worked there. I was working for the Pharmacy department, stocking the shelves, so there was my boss who was directly above me (the department manager), then there was the store Assistant manager, and then the store manager. I ended up having to file a complaint about the department manager and they moved me out of her department, but it wasn't long before she was a cashier instead of in a mangagement position. I had been warned that she could be difficult, but I'm generally able to get along with most people. But this was when my mother was sick and I took 2 days off to go be with her when she was in the hospital. When I came back, the dept. manager yelled at me and told me that I left her with all my work, and that it wasn't fair to her, etc. I explained that my mother was in the hospital and that I had permission from the store manager to have those days off. She told me SHE was my boss, SHE hadn't given me permission, and my mom "had cancer and was going to die anyway" and I "couldn't do anything about it" so why did I have to make her job harder. If she had been the big boss, I couldn't have complained about it...I wouldn't have been able to do anything. But because she WASN'T, I complained, and there were enough strikes against her that she was relieved of her role eventually.
In my current job, several of the supervisors have been let go because of complaints that they weren't easy to work for. There comes a point at which the big bosses are tired of losing valuable employees and having a huge turnover because the people above them are jerks, and they let the jerk go and bring in someone new and hope to stop the hemmorage of workers. In my situation now, old employees were even asked to come back once a particular manager was gone.
 

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