The Chit Chat Chit Chat Thread

21stamps

21stamps

Well-Known Member
Songbird76 said:
I relate to that as well...and I think it's not exclusive to sports. My mom was overbearing when it came to grades. I got in trouble for bringing home an A- once. And when I won my school speech competition, I moved on to districts, where I placed 2nd, and my mom said "Well, it's not first." People push their kids in all sorts of ways, usually trying to look good themselves. "Look at what my kid is achieving...I must be such a great parent!" They don't stop to think about the pressure they are putting on the kid, and what it does when they can't live up to that. I was always terrified on report card day, because even though I knew I was doing my best, one mistake could mean me getting grounded, or having to give up an activity I loved. I'm very very grateful that my kids do really well in school and don't seem to have the problems I did with reading, but I've been very careful not to praise the result so much as the effort. E used to put SO much pressure on herself. In 2nd grade, she came out of school in tears because she had gotten "above average" instead of "outsanding" in spelling on the national testing they had to do each year. She had outstanding in everything else, but she was upset about the lower score in spelling. And when her teacher said she wanted to give her a bit more challenging work for Math, she drew a cartoon of Sponge Bob saying he wasn't ready, he didn't think he could do it. She was so scared of failing. The teacher showed her the work she wanted her to do, and when she realized she really COULD do it, it wasn't that hard, she was fine and really enjoyed it. But we always told her the only thing we expected from her was her best, whether that was an A or a D. She still gets straight As and she's at the top of her class, but she's much more relaxed about it. She was bummed last year when she got all 9s and 10s on her report card, but was 0.1 point away from a 9 in history...she had an 8.4 and they round up to the nearest number, so an 8.5 would have rounded up to a 9. Most of her classmates averaged a 6 or 7. So she did REALLY well, and at least she wasn't in tears this time...it was more an annoyance to her than that she felt like she had failed. But he had to work SO hard to get her to see that she doesn't have to be perfect. And I think the problem a lot of kids face is that their parents don't necessarily feel how hard they are pushing...they may not mean to be so harsh and just want their kid to have opportunities, which is great. But some kids are very sensitive to the criticism and internalize it in a way that they feel like a failure if they make a mistake. It's so harmful to their self esteem. I think you have to be very careful to encourage without sending the message that you EXPECT top results. I hope that makes sense.
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There was a morning last week where I decided to go into work later, I had a horrible cold and chest congestion, just needed a morning to soak in a bath and have some resting alone time.

I cried after T went to school, something just hit me that morning. T gets up to his own alarm via his Echo every morning at 6:15am. He then takes a uniform out of his closet, gets dressed, makes his bed, brushes his teeth, fixes his hair, and then comes in the kitchen to make himself breakfast- usually a waffle or cereal. I’m getting ready at the same time and try to talk to him while he’s eating. Then he exercises or reviews whatever a test is on that day. Then, he goes and stands on the porch to wait for his ride. (We carpool this year)

It hit me that when I was 9 years old, I didn’t do any of that. My mom had my uniform hanging on my door. She woke me up. I didn’t make my bed. I definitely didn’t make my own breakfast. She always had a hot breakfast waiting for me. I don’t even think I had used a toaster myself at that time. If I had to study she would be there with a guide waiting to review with me... not leaving me alone or asking questions as she was putting on makeup in the mirror. She gave me her full attention.

He is so independent and responsible (most of the time) for his age, out of necessity, because he doesn’t have another option.

It just hit me that morning, guilt over the differences in our childhoods and the different pressures he has on him. All I can do is hope that he doesn’t ever look back on it with regret.. or feel too burdened now.
I do have strict rules about grades (which my parents had as well when I was a child), and will continue those rules.. but there’s a difference in my mind between having a B in a class because you studied hard and just didn’t grasp the subject matter well enough, and getting a B when you could have had an A if just applied yourself more.
 
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StarWarsGirl

StarWarsGirl

Well-Known Member
In the Parks
No
Rista1313 said:
CBS we let slide with commercials because we only watch 2-3 shows on it... but we pay for commercial free on hulu.
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I have Hulu through my Spotify, but it's the one with commercials. I pretty much watch Golden Girls on it, and I've figured out how to skip some of the commercials, so not a big deal.

CBS I watch Star Trek, Young Sheldon, Blue Bloods, NCIS LA, plus the older Treks, so I want commercial free.

Trying to.explain to my parents that they can use the All Access account and then they don't have to go through the commercials with DVRing shows has been quite a headache.
 
MySmallWorldof4

MySmallWorldof4

Well-Known Member
Rista1313 said:
Hulu Live offers sports.. regular hulu does not.. which is what I understand is offered with Disney Plus.... I was excited because I thought I would be able to get disney plus and hulu... but they are not offering hulu without commercials with it.. and that's a deal breaker for me!
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Maybe they will offer an upgrade to the hulu?
 
Songbird76

Songbird76

Well-Known Member
21stamps said:
There was a morning last week where I decided to go into work later, I had a horrible cold and chest congestion, just needed a morning to soak in a bath and have some resting alone time.

I cried after T went to school, something just hit me that morning. T gets up to his own alarm via his Echo every morning at 6:15am. He then takes a uniform out of his closet, gets dressed, makes his bed, brushes his teeth, fixes his hair, and then comes in the kitchen to make himself breakfast- usually a waffle or cereal. I’m getting ready at the same time and try to talk to him while he’s eating. Then he exercises or reviews whatever a test is on that day. Then, he goes and stands on the porch to wait for his ride. (We carpool this year)

It hit me that when I was 9 years old, I didn’t do any of that. My mom had my uniform hanging on my door. She woke me up. I didn’t make my bed. I definitely didn’t make my own breakfast. She always had a hot breakfast waiting for me. I don’t even think I had used a toaster myself at that time. If I had to study she would be there with a guide waiting to review with me... not leaving me alone or asking questions as she was putting on makeup in the mirror. She gave me her full attention.

He is so independent and responsible (most of the time) for his age, out of necessity, because he doesn’t have another option.

It just hit me that morning, guilt over the differences in our childhoods and the different pressures he has on him.
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But see, that's not pressure...you're not standing over him telling him to get a move on, hurry up, don't do your hair like that, you can't wear that, you look ridiculous, etc. You just expect him to pull his weight. You're not raising a child...you're raising an adult. Someday, he will need to know how to get his clothes on, make his breakfast, etc. You won't always be there to do it for him, and why should you if he's capable of it? You're teaching him to do what he CAN do. Our Autism help person....(the English word is escaping me, sorry) said something that I thought was really helpful. She said, if my boss called me every morning to say "Ok, it's time to get up and get ready so you can get to work on time!" why would I ever set an alarm? If everyone did everything for me, why would I be motivated to learn to do it myself?
And if he never had to do anything, he would deprived of seeing himself succeed. Of seeing "Oh hey, I CAN do this"...tackling something difficult will help him grow confidence. He can be proud that he did it. It's when you are constantly telling him that he didn't isn't good enough because he burned his waffle, or his zipper is down, or his hair isn't the style you prefer that it's a negative message...that's the pressure. The constant criticism where nothing is good enough and he can never get a "Great job, T!"....but it doesn't sound like that's what you're doing. You tell him you're proud of him, don't you? You let him know when he does a great job, and thank him when he does something to help out? That's what's important.
 
21stamps

21stamps

Well-Known Member
I remember a math test once where T got an A- , he did get in a bit of trouble, nothing too serious, but he wasn’t allowed to play with the neighborhood kids that day.

Here’s why-
They had to round to the 10th position, 100th position, etc etc. The number something like 5,867,254. His answers were all correct in their rounding.. but he didn’t write the full number out! He only wrote the portion that was rounded. As a result he got 6 questions wrong on the test, preventing him from getting a 100 due to a careless mistake.

That kind of stuff really drives me crazy. You KNOW it. Just pay attention and don’t take shortcuts.
 
21stamps

21stamps

Well-Known Member
Songbird76 said:
But see, that's not pressure...you're not standing over him telling him to get a move on, hurry up, don't do your hair like that, you can't wear that, you look ridiculous, etc. You just expect him to pull his weight. You're not raising a child...you're raising an adult. Someday, he will need to know how to get his clothes on, make his breakfast, etc. You won't always be there to do it for him, and why should you if he's capable of it? You're teaching him to do what he CAN do. Our Autism help person....(the English word is escaping me, sorry) said something that I thought was really helpful. She said, if my boss called me every morning to say "Ok, it's time to get up and get ready so you can get to work on time!" why would I ever set an alarm? If everyone did everything for me, why would I be motivated to learn to do it myself?
And if he never had to do anything, he would deprived of seeing himself succeed. Of seeing "Oh hey, I CAN do this"...tackling something difficult will help him grow confidence. He can be proud that he did it. It's when you are constantly telling him that he didn't isn't good enough because he burned his waffle, or his zipper is down, or his hair isn't the style you prefer that it's a negative message...that's the pressure. The constant criticism where nothing is good enough and he can never get a "Great job, T!"....but it doesn't sound like that's what you're doing. You tell him you're proud of him, don't you? You let him know when he does a great job, and thank him when he does something to help out? That's what's important.
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I took him out for ice cream that night and told him how proud I was and how lucky I am that he’s my son. He said “Oh my gosh. Look at my face mom.” and then proceeded to dramatically roll his eyes. Lol But I think he knows and realizes that I was serious and giving him a compliment, I did get a surprise hug later on, which is a rarity these days.

Actually, I think he may have said “Cool story, bro” prior to the dramatic eye roll.. not “oh my gosh, mom.” I hear both quite often.🙄 My little boy turned into a tween overnight. He refuses to say he’s a “kid”, he’s a “half man” 🤦‍♀️
 
MinnieM123

MinnieM123

Premium Member
Tony the Tigger said:
They refunded yesterday, woo hoo!

Turns out they added two months of bills together.

First they tried, “Hey, you’re ahead of the game for next month!”

🤨
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Thank goodness!!!! So glad this got straightened out. :)

You're busy enough as it is without the added aggravation of an incorrect large amount charged to your account. Whew! (Their comment was a smidge strange, but if that's the worst fallout from all of this, I'd say you're in good shape!) Yea! Now, go for a "happy" walk with Kylie! :joyfull:
 
MinnieM123

MinnieM123

Premium Member
21stamps said:
There was a morning last week where I decided to go into work later, I had a horrible cold and chest congestion, just needed a morning to soak in a bath and have some resting alone time.

I cried after T went to school, something just hit me that morning. T gets up to his own alarm via his Echo every morning at 6:15am. He then takes a uniform out of his closet, gets dressed, makes his bed, brushes his teeth, fixes his hair, and then comes in the kitchen to make himself breakfast- usually a waffle or cereal. I’m getting ready at the same time and try to talk to him while he’s eating. Then he exercises or reviews whatever a test is on that day. Then, he goes and stands on the porch to wait for his ride. (We carpool this year)

It hit me that when I was 9 years old, I didn’t do any of that. My mom had my uniform hanging on my door. She woke me up. I didn’t make my bed. I definitely didn’t make my own breakfast. She always had a hot breakfast waiting for me. I don’t even think I had used a toaster myself at that time. If I had to study she would be there with a guide waiting to review with me... not leaving me alone or asking questions as she was putting on makeup in the mirror. She gave me her full attention.

He is so independent and responsible (most of the time) for his age, out of necessity, because he doesn’t have another option.

It just hit me that morning, guilt over the differences in our childhoods and the different pressures he has on him. All I can do is hope that he doesn’t ever look back on it with regret.. or feel too burdened now.
I do have strict rules about grades (which my parents had as well when I was a child), and will continue those rules.. but there’s a difference in my mind between having a B in a class because you studied hard and just didn’t grasp the subject matter well enough, and getting a B when you could have had an A if just applied yourself more.
Click to expand...

Heck, I think T is doing very well by taking care of his own weekday morning routine! He's far better off for it, too. Resentment from him down the road? Nah, he thinks it's normal what he's doing -- and you know something, it is. :) Good for him!
 

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