Earlier this week I finally went to Splitsville. And I lived to tell about it. Here is my review...
As I had feared, Splitsville is like a TGIFridays on a good day. With bowling. And higher prices. Their goodwill ambassador Guy was nowhere to be found.
My doctor says I'm not overweight but I need to walk more. So now I walk, and this day I decided to walk around Disneyland and Downtown Disney. On my walk back to the car I had an early dinner at 4:00pm at Splitsville. You walk in and a perky hostess asks how many, I say "one, please" and after determining I'd like to sit outside on this balmy 74 degree February afternoon in Southern California, she tells me I can sit anywhere I want out on the bar patio. I grab a table near the bar and settle in. An even perkier waitress stops by within moments for my drink order, and I ask for a Coke Zero and an ice water. She brings me a menu.
As I look at the menu, it's apparent they have an eclectic palate that can best be described as 21st century bar food. Lots of sliders and sandwiches and an entire page devoted to what they call "sushi". I take the plunge and order an Ahi tuna avocado appetizer, and a "California Crunch Roll". I settle in and notice the place is lightly populated with youngsters of the clearly SoCal AP variety; with Rose Gold mouse ears and trendy hair and hip date outfits all over the place. Not many tourists, mostly locals. I am dismayed to see they only have low sodium soy sauce and French's ketchup on the table. Plus some cheap chopsticks like you'd get at a grocery story sushi bar and a very sad napkin rolled tightly around a fork and knife. Really? Those are your chosen condiments for this crowd? Uh-oh.
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I watch the Olypmics on the many TV's above the bar, and notice their liquor selection is skimpy and noticeably low brow and seems to be very dependent on high fructose corn syrup and chemical colorings to make what they think are "cocktails". Like something a 20 year old sorority girl would drink, but that no adult who doesn't hang out at TGIFridays would ever be caught dead having. Then the food arrives, and it looks.... suspicious.
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It looks okay I guess, but something about it looks faux. They have no shame in labeling their sushi menu with Krab with a K, but the sauces and orange sriracha stuff oozed on top somehow makes it look fake. Or sugary. Or cheap. I begin to dig in with my very cheap set of chopsticks I was provided. The Ahi avocado thing was 21 bucks, and the California Crunch Roll was 17 bucks. The wasabi served with it is dry as a bone and crumbles into dust when you touch it. The ginger is limp and hasn't been fresh for days. The plates are plastic and very lightweight, which doesn't help establish trust, nor does it help maintain a chilled temperature on an outdoor patio.
And then I make the mistake of trying to eat these items. And they literally fall apart as you touch them. The roll is rolled so poorly, and with such lack of skill and artistry, that the interior literally crumbles apart and falls out with each light touch of a chopstick to it. The rice is gummy instead of sticky. There is a difference, and apparently Splitsville doesn't know that. The Ahi's avocado halves were bruised and browned, which at the height of avocado season in February isn't a good sign.
Seriously, nearly every piece of this roll fell apart like this every time you touched it. Someone clearly doesn't know how to roll sushi, or why.
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And the taste? It ranged somewhere above bad airport sushi but not surpassing decent supermarket sushi. But at a price point slightly higher than truly good and fresh sushi you get at a real sushi restaurant. The rice was gummy. The seaweed was tasteless. The ingredients were refrigerated but not fresh.
I have no idea who they have back behind the bowling alley making the sushi, but they apparently don't know Japan is a real country. This type of thing could seriously damage the important diplomatic relationship between Japan and the United States.
In short, I won't be back. The staff was perky and reasonably efficient. The interior design was pleasant if uninspired. The patio was nicely shaded and yet removed so much that you couldn't really people watch Downtown Disney's passing scene. No one was bowling on any of the lanes. But the food, at least the sushi, was an abomination at that price point.
God only knows what they are thinking at Splitsville corporate headquarters. Maybe the state of sushi and food preparation really is this abysmal in the Sunshine State of Florida? I won't need to return to find out if they learn a lesson here, but I don't think they judged the SoCal marketplace correctly.
Oh well. Another missed opportunity for DLR. Thanks for your report!
