Coming soon to your nearest nondescript location comes a love letter to two beloved, but unfortunately overlooked, cartoon characters. Two characters who shaped not only modern cartoons, but modern television as a whole. Two characters who...ok I'll stop. This is a project thematically similar to one that I did years and years ago with our beloved
@monkey92514 for SYWTBAI Season 12(?), but I had a really stupid punchline that I really wanted to do and the Rocky and Bullwinkle IP was one of the few IPs where I thought it made sense. Thus, please indulge me as I spend multiple paragraphs set up a punch-line that probably won’t land in:
"Rocky and Bullwinkle in 'Minecart Mishap,' or 'This Ore of Mine'" finally brings these sadly forgotten characters back to the spotlight in an all new attraction combining family thrills with the groan-inducing humor that the show was known for. But, since this project is all about the elevator, I’ll focus on that, but I’d like to quickly get you all up to speed primarily for context:
“When we last left our gallant guests, they had just arrived in scenic Frostbite Falls, Minnesota, a quaint town of 48 nestled in the mountains of the great white midwest. After passing through the town’s movie house, tourist board, and overpriced gift shops, our intrepid itinerants find themselves at the base of the Mt. Flatten Mine, home not only to the world’s only source of the valuable anti-gravity mineral Upsidaisium, but also to none other than Frostbite Fall’s most famous residents, and amateur prospectors, Rocket the Flying Squirrel and Bullwinkle J. Moose. Passing through the explosive-encumbered entrance, and twisting through musty mineshafts, our tenacious tourists soon come to a dead end. Before them stand two large wooden doors, appropriately labeled Stockrooms A and B. Will these steadfast sightseers be brave enough to enter the Presentation Room? Will they finally find out why the mine is rigged to blow? Will the cast member attending finally stop accepting fastpasses? Find out next time in Tourist Trapped, or The Fastpass and the Furious.”
Good. You’re up to speed. Now here’s something we hope you’ll really like
The Preshow
Passing through one of two sets doors, guests will find that the stockroom seems to have been haphazardly converted into a presentation room. The entire room looks quickly made of cartoonish wood. On the far wall, three small windows can be seen, looking out only into the hollowed rock face of the mine-shaft. A set of doors are also on this wall. Boxes are clumsily stacked, a few of which, labeled ‘Upsidaisium,’ are weighted down with a variety of heavy objects. On one of the boxes, the words “Build Your Own Theater: Impress Your Investors” can be seen. To the front of the room is a small stage with a red curtain. A medium-sized television hangs from the ceiling, displaying only a
test pattern. Most apparently, standing behind the stage’s podium is an obviously robotic version of Bullwinkle, shaking slightly and audibly whirring. Soon the doors to the presentation room close, and a short fanfare plays as a spotlight falls upon “Bullwinkle,” who begins to disinterestedly speak in a thick, Russian-sounding accent.
“Yes it is I, world-famous moose. I will be welcoming you to Mt. Flatten, home to world’s only source of very valuable mineral Upsidaisium, but do not be worry about that. Soon elevator will take you to peak of mountain, where you will be giving view of terrible snow-capped desolation. Don’t be -”
“WAIT!” a familiar voice announces.
“Folks, this isn’t Bullwinkle.It’s an impostor.” Suddenly,
Rocky the Flying Squirrel appears on the television screen.
“What you saying?” “Bullwinkle” retorts.
“Of course I am moose. Watch me pull rabbit out of sleeve.”
“Mmph.” A muffled yell can be heard, accompanied by a small shake of the stage’s curtain.
“Bullwinkle, is that you?” says Rocky.
“Hang on a minute, folks. I’ll get to the bottom of this.”
In a flash, Rocky zips from the television (with a plume of smoke bursting from the side of it) and can be seen rustling behind the curtain.
“Aha!” says Rocky as the curtain is torn open, revealing
Bullwinkle J. Moose, now ungagged, but still in the process of being untied from a chair (this effect is achieved through use of an effect similar to the hologram effects found in the various Harry Potter rides. The chair is real, but Rocky and Bullwinkle are projections.)
“Thanks, Rock.” says Bullwinkle, as he stands from the chair.
“If you hadn’t gotten me out of there, I would’ve thought I’d been kidnapped.”
“But you were kidnapped, Bullwinkle. What happened?” Asks Rocky.
“Well I was walkin’ around when someone told me to put a blindfold on so they could give me a surprise.” says Bullwinkle.
“But it was a trick, wasn’t it?” asks Rocky.
“Well, I was surprised.” retorts Bullwinkle.
“Who would have done such a horrible thing to you?” asks Rocky.
“I don’t know.” says Bullwinkle
Suddenly, the robotic Bullwinkle erupts in evil laughter as its’ chest opens, revealing
Natasha Fatale stuffed inside.
“It is me.” laughs Natasha.
“I disguise self as moose and none is the wiser.”
“Hokey smoke it’s Natasha Fatale!” yells Rocky.
“Identity theft is serious business, you villain.”
“Rocky!” chastises Bullwinkle. “I am disappointed in you. That’s no way to talk to the intern.”
“Intern?” asks Rocky.
“Why would you need an intern in a mine?”
“The state made me stop using canaries.” replies Bullwinkle.
Natasha turns to the guests. “So what?” she says. “Moose have good healthcare.”
She then turns back to Rocky and Bullwinkle. “Now I have stolen very valuable Upsidaisium.” With a slide whistle, a sack labeled ‘Upsidaisium’ floats up from behind Natasha. “Once out of mine, I can escape and sell for tidy profit.”
“Bullwinkle,” says Rocky worriedly. “We have to keep her from getting to the elevator!”
“Uhh, Rock.” says Bullwinkle.
Natasha laughs. “Is too late, moose and squirrel.”
A ka-chunk can be heard as the floor of the presentation room shakes. Through the windows, guests can see the rock moving. The room is rising.
“This is the elevator.” says Bullwinkle.
“Why did you turn your stock room into an elevator?” asks Rocky, surprised.
“How else was I going to get this company’s stocks up?” retorts Bullwinkle.
“Yes.” cries Natasha. “Soon I will be at peak of mountain and then will be home free.” A variety of beeps followed can be heard. The television alights once more with focusing static. “Oh, darling. Come in. Are you finishing with preparation?”
The television screen changes once again, revealing
Boris Badenov.
“Yes, my love. Helicopter is ready, and I have being prepared for phase two of fiendish plan.” says Boris.
“Wonderful, darling.” says Natasha.
“What is phase two?”
“Yes,” begins Boris.
“Upsidaisium has being stolen. Now elevator door is welded shut, and mine entrance is exploded. Now moose and squirrel are trapped inside.” Boris begins to laugh
“You imbecile!” screams Natasha.
“We are inside mine too. You have trapped us both with moose and squirrel.”
“Ehh.” sighs Boris.
“I may been getting ahead of myself.”
“Now’s our chance, Bullwinkle.” says Rocky.
“We have to get that stolen Upsidaisium back and get these folks out of here.”
“Not so fast, moose and squirrel” says Natasha. “You will be-”
A creak is heard.
“What is this?” asks Natasha.
The elevator shakes. A larger creak is heard as Natasha drops slightly.
“Your robotic suit must be too heavy for the elevator.” says Rocky.
“Oh yeah. I knew I forgot to put some signs up.” replies Bullwinkle.
“You will not be stopping me.” says Natasha.
“I still ha-”
One final crack can be heard as smoke shoots up around Natasha. She can be heard falling as she screams “Curse you moose and squirrel.” As the smoke clears, the floating bag of Upsidaisium can be seen gently falling below the podium, no doubt still held on to by Natasha.
“Hokey smoke I hope she isn’t hurt.” says Rocky, optimistically.
“Of course not,” Bullwinkle proudly replies.
“We moose are strong creatures.”
“You know she’s not a moose, right, Bullwinkle?” asks Rocky. Bullwinkle doesn’t seem to hear him.
“Anyway, we have to get everyone out of here. Hey, maybe we can use the minecarts. The tracks have gotta lead out somewhere.”
“I don’t know, Rock.” replies Bullwinkle.
“The last time I let people use the minecarts they started a union.”
“Oh come one, Bullwinkle.” replies Rocky.
“It may be the only way to get us all out of here.”
“Well ok.” says Bullwinkle.
The doors on the windowed wall swing open revealing three flights of concrete stairs, surrounded by a protective fence which looks out into the ride’s loading area.
“Oh, Bullwinkle,” says Rocky, disappointedly.
“You’re not going to make these people take the stairs down, are you?”
“I have to.” Bullwinkle retorts.
“This elevator only goes up."
"Only goes up?" asks Rocky.
Well of course, Rock." replies Bullwinkle. "We spent too much of our budget on in-theater effects.”
As guests exit the presentation room, the ethereal voice of the narrator can be heard.
“And so our plucky partners have briefly thwarted evil, but the day is not yet saved. Will Rocky and Bullwinkle recover the stolen mineral? Will Boris and Natasha escape the mines of Mt. Flatten? Will Bullwinkle learn to stop blindfoldedly trusting strangers? Find out next time in “Nowhere to Go But Up” or “The 390 Steps.”
At the far end of the top of the staircase is a handicapped elevator. Crudely painted on a wooden sign above the elevators door are the words “Down Elevator.”
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Thanks for reading. If anyone would like to see some of the source material, I'd strongly advise you to click
here.