Alright, let me give the ODL version of TBA an overhaul.
Introducing
Splash Mountain': The Muppet Ride
The ride is based upon the main storyline of 1979’s The Muppet Movie, wherein Kermit first leaves the swamp and pursues Hollywood due to a fateful offer from the outside world, adapting it to a thrilling water ride. To establish it as Critter Country’s E-Ticket attraction/centerpiece, the queue is as fuzzy as it is glamorous, as felt as it is heartfelt. Rather than a Hollywood gala, it’s themed to a smaller-scale commemorative showing down in Critter Country, doubling as an opportunity to find new talent and bring new merchandise about. Statler and Waldorf are still in attendance though, showing up not only in the queue, but also on the ride. A shadow of Sam the Eagle, similar to how the WDW SM did it with Br’er Frog, shows up being reminded that yes this ride has social value. The seating demonstration is shown using Fozzie as the one seating himself, and offering a seat to Annie Sue, via a queue video. Once you’re seated in a log adorned with carvings of the heads of several possible Muppets (Kermit, Rizzo, Robin, Miss Piggy, Fozzie, Gonzo, Clifford, Uncle Deadly), you’ll pass your way under the rainbow and into the past. The lift hill has Robin hum “The Rainbow Connection” as Kermit tells him that this ride is the accurate depiction of how they all got together. Once you reach the top of the first lift hill, look around to see Fozzie’s car, parked to look at the riders from the front, and one can also see the Fork in the Road shortly before the first dip, as “Moving Right Along” starts up in instrumental. Statler and Waldorf also appear, heckling audiences by saying “Kermit should turn back by now. He can’t! The track’s a straight line!” The first indoor room begins the lyrics to that song, sung by a bevy of critters, beasties, n’ whatevers in unison, alongside Kermit and Fozzie. Sweetums is also ready to go to Hollywood, holding his bag. One may also notice Goofy and Max driving by, in a nod to the Big Bird role in the original film, the two of them on the way to Powerline’s concert (my other idea for the retheme).
Things become more ominous when we see a billboard for Doc Hopper’s Frog Legs up ahead, a sign of the danger Doc Hopper has in store. “I’ve done my best with that Frog, now it’s time for me to do my worst.” Shortly after this is another drop into the next section of the ride as the track “Can You Picture That” begins, courtesy of the Electric Mayhem, occupying the Laughing Place scenes. Additionally, the Prince of Plungers is also present, flying with balloons, ready to follow the dream as well. Miss Piggy herself can also be seen, as can Rowlf, Bunsen, and Beaker, as part of an effort to concentrate the narrative of the film to fit the ride’s paw print. The water effects are tinted to appear like paint, in recognition of the painting of the vehicle. After the “Slippin Falls” sequence, things take a dark turn; poor Kermit and pals are tied up, cornered by Doc Hopper and his enforcers. We then proceed to the final lift hill of the attraction. In the place of the concerned families, we see Bunsen and Beaker return, showing off their growth pills, Animal taking interest in them. Statler and Waldorf appear again, this time more sinister, in place of the Boot Hill Boys. “What did you expect in one of these rides, a happy ending? I never expected a happy ending here at all! Not happy for us, that is, nothing’s ever happy… DOHOHOHOHO!” At the top of the lift hill, Kermit has been tied down, while Piggy fights back against the thugs. It seems that Kermit has accepted his demise and chooses to sacrifice himself for the safety of his many friends, then the ceiling bursts into rubble and reveals the enlarged Animal, in a homage to the Jurassic Park rides, who scares away the villains and leads us into the final plunge and photo shoot.
Now that we’re all wet, get ready for the final number; none other than “The Rainbow Connection”, sung by dozens of muppets in harmony, surrounding riders on all sides as we see some of them belt off from the “Steamboat Jimmy”, the former “Zip-a-Dee Belle”, while others are on marble platforms nearby.
(To be continued)
